Bad Dreams at Night

you are not being mean... you are being firm. It does feel 'mean' , I know. Just because you love her so much..

Now, try this : I call it the 'dreamcatcher defense'.
I talked to my daughter about dreamcatchers ( and showed her mine) then I chose a certain stuffed animal from her collection and made it her personal 'bad dream catcher'.
This particular stuffed animal was a stuffed cat with wings that had jewels attached to them, so it made it easy to say the bad dreams would go through the wings and get caught on the jewels instead of going in her head. In the morning the sunlight would destroy the dream and the jewels would be re-set again. I look at this like telling her Santa is real.... just something to help her get trough the rough spot.
She was 6 when we started this. It works for the most part.
You might also want to talk to her about her 'growing brain power' and how she can control what her brain thinks , especially when it is thinking bad things. It's a sign of her growning up! She is in control of her brain!
Think of happy things when she goes to bed. It will bring happy dreams.
Other than that , you just keep being firm and putting her back in bed. I'm not saying don't give her a hug and kiss and some love, but tough love is the hardest to give.
It will pass.
Good luck to you.
I can only hope this works as well for you as it did for me.
I can't wait to read what other moms have written to you.
Have a great rest of the summer!

I went through the same thing with my son. I think it is a faze. I would lay with him and just whisper "good" thoughts, trying to push out all the bad ones. Maybe give her something to be excited for in the morning, if she sleeps through the night. I know how hard it is!! I would try everything, some nights are better than others. Good luck, I hope it ends soon!!! Maybe if nothing helps the doc. may have some suggestions. Good luck!

I disagree with the mom who said she may be doing this for attention! My son at that age had 'night terrors'. He did not have the problem at his friend's house when he would spend the night. This is a real stage according to his dr. He would appear to be awake and cry and fight to get away from whatever he was scared of. The dr said he would outgrow it and he did. This was 12 years ago. Perhaps your dr has some suggestions. For us it was very scary! We had never seen anything like it before or since! Does she remember everything in the morning? Good Luck!

What we have done is put a sleeping bag on the floor by our bed. If my daughter gets scared or has a bad dream, she may crawl into it. She does this once in a while, but she has also discovered her own bed is more comfortable.

I heard this from a friend of mine whose seven year old daughter still has some bad dreams. She said she sleeps much better since she doesn't have to go get her daughter.

Good luck!

Ok...that's a man thing...they can be so insensitive!!! I really don't know what to do about the bad dreams, but what I'm wondering is....is she doing this for attention or is she really having these bad dreams? If they are not happening at your mom's house, then why are they happening at yours. Maybe she just likes the attention she gets from mommy when mommy see's her little girl in fear. Just a thought...I could be way off here.

How do you know they are bad dreams? Kids have a sixth sense that us as adults do not. I feel if she is holding onto you for dear life, then she is terrified of something and think how you would feel at that age. I would do the dream catcher or place a bible in her room and let her know that she is in control and can chase them away herself. Hope this helps......

Are there any other changes going on in her life? Night time is when all our thoughts that we've pushed aside all day come and rest in our conscious. If there is any turmoil -- parents or grandparents fighting, new school, friends being mean -- that can really affect her sleep. Unless it is disrupting your sleep so much you can't function, I'd just lay with her or even sleep with her until she feels safe again -- not just that night, but for as many nights as it takes until she feels safe. She isn't manipulating, she is needing. At 5, she's still little, and even if you feel she IS manipulating -- why? What is she needing that she feels she has to manipulate to get? Sounds like she's feeling a little insecure and just needs reassurance. Just my .02 worth!

Edited to add: I just saw the babysitting part of your siggy. Is that new? Even if it's not, she may feel like you love the other kids more than her since they are your 'job' and of course you need to make sure they're getting your attention. She may just need some extra Mommy time when the babysat kids are gone.

Get a dreamcatcher and hang it on the window. I had one that was blessed by a native american and it took my nightmares away for about a year.

J.,

I'd say the first thing would have to be find a way to get you both more sleep. Maybe a night light, an animal buddy or blanket to snuggle with, maybe a sleeping area on the floor in your room or her sisters room (you might be able to move her there in the weaning process from your room). Have her try something before she wakes you up.
I know that a lady at church gave my girls a lamp to put in the corner of their room that had a night light mode and she told them that when they woke up in the night and saw the light that it was a reminder that God was watching over them and would protect them. That worked really well for my 6 year old that was terrified her father would get killed in the war zone.
After you have her (and you) sleeping more, you need to try to find out where these thoughts come from or what's triggering them. It might be watching things too close to bed time, it might be something that she eats, it might be the way some kids talk or play around her-or many other things. I would ask her why whe was afraid of the subject of the her nightmare that night. And then give her many reasons that she doesn't have to be afraid of that.

I found that my girls always fell asleep again faster if they were warm, snuggled, and had something else to think about. The nightmare put a l ot of adrenaline in her system and we had to wait that out. We would quietly talk about things they liked or wanted to do, always in my mind not to let her get excited or to tell stories. My girls are very good story tellers and I found that they got excited and animated while creating a story to tell me. That would help her stay awake longer! The purpose of our talking was to get her mind off the nightmare and to slow down the spped her mind was thinking at so she could get to sleep again. she couldn[t get to sleep if her mind was racing or if she was still very scared.

My prayers are with you!
M.-mom to 4 girls ages 5 to 10 and their dad

PS-if she really likes this time with you, you might try giving her a bit of alone time with you before bed and also try having a calming bed routine. Sometimes you never kow what will help.

Hi J., I was one of those kids who had night terrors quite a lot and I even get really bad dreams as an adult if I don't follow my own rules about getting quality sleep. Make sure your daughter is going to bed at a time that is appropriate for her age. This varies depending on your child but the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child is a great resource for determining what time is best for Sophia. Also, no sweets after dinner or within a few hours of bedtime. NO TV BEFORE BEDTIME EITHER. And, get your daughter a nightlight she can hold, like the TykeLight by Moby. It is an unbreakable little doll shaped light that comes in a variety of colors. It is rechargeable and once it is fully charged it will last the whole night through. (I've found it on babycenter for $13 but some places charge up to $25 for it so you may want to shop around.) I think this will help a ton. Putting the light on at night always helped me get through some scary dreams. Above all, try very hard to have patience and be understanding . . . I know it is extremely difficult especially when you are sleep deprived, but your daughter will go back to bed much more willingly and sleep better if she feels comforted and soothed by you.

Good luck,
J.

When I was little (around 5 yrs. old) my grandparents came to visit. My grandfather played a joke and put a rubber aligator in our sink with water. My sisters and I were like "ewww". I was fine for 6 months. Then all of a sudden i started waking up in the middle of the night saying that there was an aligator in my bed. This went on for two weeks. I shared a room with my sister and my mom asked her if there were aligators in her bed. She said no and my mom told her to switch beds with me. I didn't have another nightmare after that.

So, if they share a room, that is one option to try. Good luck!

Would it be possible for your daughters to share a room for a little while -- at least until she is out of this "phase" (if that's what it is)? If it works at Grandma's, maybe it would work at home too. Maybe one daughters room could be the "dorm"/sleeping room, and the other room could be a study/playroom? Maybe your older daughter won't be crazy about giving up her space, but it's only temporary, and this is what families do for each other -- make sacrifices, and it's a great lesson for both kids. Just a thought....

hi jac. it sounds to me like your daugher is very insecure about something,scared for some reason, scarie movies, mommy and daddy having unpleasent words,or maybe some other close friend is haveing trouble at home and telling her about it ,kids are funny they take everything very seriously ,even silly movies.maybe even sister told her about monsters who know s,she just needs love ,maybe if you let her sleep with you to see you are not going anywhere she will be happy then break away , maybe you could lay down with her to show her you are there with her until she opens up and tells you what is wrong,remember kids act out for a reason ,there is always a reason, and you have to gain her trust to get to the reason.it could be more serious than you think.and so sad but parents are the last to know that reason

Honestly, If it were me, I would stay and sleep with my daughter till things got better. Bad dreams are very scary and real-like and for little kids, sleeping alone is really hard when they are afraid. Maybe just committ a week or two to sleeping with her to help her thru this phase (hoping its a phase). I really feel that bad dreams should be taken seriously because not only is it affecting your sleep, it is no doubt affecting your daughters sleep and health. A dream catcher is a good idea. I have my own beliefs on nightmares, especially recurring ones, and while some are just due to stress or anxiety ridden thoughts, there must be some negative energy that is upsetting your daughter. Maybe talking about things with her during the day can help? I really don't know but i would just try to be as patient with her as possible. Disruptive sleep is very h*** o* everyone! Good luck and i hope things get better!

HI,
I think I might go through the room with her during the day and look at all the places the scary things live and tell them to get out. Have her help you,let her say get out, take a broom or what ever and sweep them away. Fears are a normal thing. If you have to to do it daily or every other day until they stop I'd do it. You could also have her draw a picture of them and then rip the picture up and tell them to get out. Anything to 1. validate her feelings and 2. make her feel you are getting rid of them.
L.

Hi J. my name is R. I had a similar problem years ago when my daughter was young boys are different anyway I tried the whole laying down with her to comfort her back in her own bed letting her come in my bed for a while talking about bad dreams before bedtime the whole works anyway what finally worked for us was to tell her to try and make friends with the bad people in her dreams and also I gave my daughter a spray bottle of (special mist)which we called bad dreams do not come tonight spray it was (water) she did not realize that I would let her spray this around her room at night before I tucked her in and it worked for her of course she still has a bad dream from time to time we all do and if she feels she needs the bottle again we do it again for a while it works for us try it good luck!!

I'm going through the same thing now with my 3 year old, my hubby also thinks the solution is just to yell at her to get back to bed, maybe they have never had a bad dream...He even threatens to shut her door.