Back to work...Going Crazy!

Does it really bother you to leave your baby? Then don't do it. You said your husband wants you to stay at home. Do you have to purchase a house rght now at this time in your life? This season of your families life is very short. It may not seem like that right now, but it is. If your husband is man enough to want you to be at home with his children and he is willing to let you do it, count your blessings. You can work later if you find the right time to let some one else spend their days with you children. Remember you only have these precious children for a little while and then they are gone. Unfourtunately sometimes all too soon too. God gave them to you to raise, he must think you are the best choice to spend the day with them. He gave you a mother's heart for a reason and now he is tugging at it to make you feel uncomfortable. Live your life with no regrets. Bills will always be there your babies won't. Do not give your all to those who won't remember your name in ten minutes, when ten minutes could mean it all to those who mean the most to you.

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I think what you feel is normal. I felt it with mine, it was gut wrenching but we survived and you will too. Think about the time you do spend with your daughter will better and more quality time because you will appreciate it more, and your husband can relax somethen when he's off work. Try it for 1 month, if you don't feel better then re-evaluate, but don't give up the first week, all babies will sleep even when mama is not holding them, she'll adjust. Good Luck

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Wow, that is sucha difficult transition when your baby is so "fragile". It is so normal to need adult time and really just time for you. We get lost in the maze of feeding, diapering and needs somehow. To have a conversation that starts with what did you see on TV last night instead of did you pick up the diapers, or where is that clean blanket, or what did you do with your shoes. Give yourself a pat on the back, and then do what you need to knowing your kids will be better adjusted with a mom that is all there, when there.

As for the sleeping issue, have you tried really tight swaddling to help her? She may have an oversensitive moro reflex and not enough deep sleep time that is waking her too frequently. Many parents think that because a baby pushes her hands out that they don't like the swaddle, but it can be your best friend with a very sensitive baby. It sets the tone of your safe, tucked in and it is nap time.So when you hold her, she has that tucked in warm feeling as well as movement that she is missing when you put her in crib or swing unswaddled. Tight swaddling with hands down instead of up, as in the Miracle Blanket or Dr Karps dudu wrap (the miracle blanket is easier to use for longer and for swaddling when buckled in swings also).
I hope this is helpful,
warmly, K. @ The Nestingplace

What is your peace of mind worth? A few bills and saving for a house, or knowing your daughter is in good hands? I was faced with a similar situation and I chose not to go back to work, and I haven't gone back to "work" at a 9-5 job since (probably never will). Tracy is right, there are ways to work from home and cut back on expenses. I admit, we mangled our credit in the process, but it hasn't really kept us from doing what we want to do. In fact, it's helped us not get further into debt. Don't let the "system" dictate what your life should be and stay true to your heart and instincts.

Just know that what ever you decide, your daughter will be fine. Children are resilient. It's the guilt that you hold that won't do any good. Make your decision and throw away the guilt.

Have you considered working from home? I just seen an ad in the sunday paper to be a custumer service representative for 1-800 flowers working from home. Anyways the reason I say that is maybe there are more options like that out there that might be worth looking for. I just got my issue of redbook magazine and in there there is a article all about saving money, stretching every dollar. There is also a lady who started a business, she is in spring, who connects employers with SAHM to do freelance work, via her website. If you are interested let me know and I'll look through the mag for you to find the website address. You just have to decide if you really want to stay home if you do you can find a way, if you want(need) to go back to work there is nothing wrong with that and your daughter will adjust just fine, however, it will take some time for her to get used to it.

See if your sitter would be willing to wear the baby in a sling or carrier if you bought it. That would make it easier for her to hold baby while caring for older kids and I'm sure that would help with your daughters transition. then the two of you could wean baby slowly out of the sling. :) Hope all goes well. It is the pits when you have to work.....could you go back just part-time for awhile?

Well...I didn't go back to work. My oldest was an especially high needs child. She was also born two months prematurely. There was NO WAY a caregiver could care for her the way I could. She wasn't spoiled, but I learned later she was autistic. I would have felt very badly if I had left her in the care of someone else when I found out she had special needs and I was the best person for the job! Mommy is ALWAYS the best person for the job and they are little for such a small amount of time.

Thankfully my husband was very supportive. We couldn't afford an apartment on one income...so we lived with his parents! We had been married just a year and were living with his parents. But that's what we needed to do for me to care for our little one.

Also, we put her on GERD (reflux) medicines and that helped, and Gripe water (found it at Kroger in the baby section) helped with my newest baby.

Some encouragement- when we had been there only three months someone offered their mobile home for us to rent at a reduced rate. My husband had to commute but it got us out of his parents house. We grew to enjoy living there and in less then a year we found a repo double wide mobile home (VERY VERY NICE, jakuzi tub and everything) on 4 acres of land (lots of trees and a long private road) for $65,000. By that time my husband had a raise and we could afford that. Not everyone can buy their dream home as their first home, but you know what? I really like this house and if it was just bigger (it's 1800 sq ft) it would be perfect!

I used to work in daycare- I worked in the infant room and the preschool room mostly- at several different daycares. I can tell you that as much as the worker may care for the children, they are not her own and her attention is widely divided among the other children. There is no substitute for mommy and child care should be used sparingly. I had babies in my care for 9-12 hours a day 5 days a week. When the git home they had dinner, a bath and bed. Some of those had nannies on the weekends too. Such a pitty.

IF you want some alone time, find a mommy you can swap babysitting with (that's free!) or 'mother's day out' programs or even a drop in day care.

My alone time- After the children are in bed I drink tea (my fav is chocolate hazlenut decaf) and read or watch TV.

S., mom to four girls ages four and under!

I have two small children and share the work load with my husband. We swap work hours and it is soooo hard but we are doing it for our children. They might go in to a daycare one morning of the week but otherwise they are with us and they are happy.

Your intuition is telling you something. Listen and you will be blessed! You can stay at home and join a mommy's day out group--- maybe WORK for one! Work weekends...

Trade out time with a friend that also has children so YOU can have DOWNTIME.

I don't have the answers but I can tell you that bigger house you want to buy WONT MAKE YOU HAPPY.The bills will still be there.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN --- your girls will grow up! You can't get this precious time back.

If I would do it all over again and had a choice I would stay home. My girls are teenagers now and the time goes by so fast.

Dear D.,

This may seem way out in left field, but take a look at this:

http://www.getoutnow.com/schoolbusdriver/wendy.htm

and then take it from me, a mother of eight who did some of my motherhood years out working but most of it staying at home, that, by far, the most regret I could have right now (if I let myself) is when my babies were being cared for by anyone else but me.
God will provide a way for you and your husband to meet your financial goals (it is so cool that you have some! Lots of young couples don't think that far ahead...I know we sure didn't)
But you don't need to get there at the expense of your baby's peace and health and your sanity (you said you were going crazy, and rightfully so!) Not to mention, harmony in your marriage, since your wise and brave hubby doesn't want you to work...so many guys are more than happy to send the little woman off to earn money for their "toys", or just to take some of the pressure off of their shoulders (where it should be)

If you would like to talk with me, it would be my pleasure. I think my mission now (my youngest is 4) is to encourage parents with young children. So, here is my encouragement to you: trust what God is saying thru your maternal instincts (your heart) and honor your husband's wishes and leave the rest to God.
My number is ###-###-#### (I can call you back if it is long distance...ours is free all the time)

God bless you and your family,
Laura

My daughter is the same way - just now almost completely grown out of it at 3 years old.

We gave our sitter a Baby Bjorn to wear. It helped, but she still had difficult days where she wouldn't nap very well. We switched to a day care when my daughter was 5 or 6 months old. She would often struggle at nap time, but would sleep in the swing in the afternoon. By about 9-12 months (now in a different daycare) she seemed to do just fine taking naps with the other kids.

I too like the idea of staying at home, but the times I've done it for more than a few weeks, I've been very much overwhelmed, frustrated, bored, and resentful. There are a lot of good Mom's groups and other resources out there - but it is very hard to get out with such a high need baby.

In terms of dealing with the frustration and resentment, I read a really great book this summer that finally put things in a bit more perspective as well. I think it was called, "I was really good Mom - before I had kids." It's light and funny, and down to earth about the real world of being a Mom (including the constant struggle between being you and being Mom).

Hi Deidra!! I know what you're going through...I had such a hard time putting my little girls into daycare. First of all, your little one will adjust, probably better and faster than you! Second, just talk to your husband and let him know you need a few minutes (1/2 hr or so, by yourself to recoup)...he should be okay with this. And if you know you're goign to get that 1/2 hr or so, you'll be better.

Have you ever thought of working from home to make some extra money adn eventually make a replacement income? If so, let me know and we can talk.

Also, why don't you call the daycare the first few days around midday and check onyour little one...you'll feel better and they shouldn't mind at all...

Good luck and try not to let this ruin your weekend...it'll be easier than you are expecting!

I'll pray for you and your family!

T.

I am having the same trouble. My boy is 12 weeks old and I am having a difficult time deciding what to do. My mom can watch him Mondays and Wed's and I am willing to pay soemone to watch him Tues, Thursday and possibly Fridays, but I don't know who to trust and I need them to be somewhat close by. Are you in Arlington?

Also, your child may have REFLUX. We have been takig medicine for that and the naps are getting much better and almost no crying now. You may want to read up on it. It's called "GERD". Also, we tried "GRIPE water". It was a miracle. We are weening of the prescription medicine now.

H.

Hi D.!

Do you belong to any mommy groups? There are some in the Dallas area, and they meet at least 1x/week. Since you have 2 kids, you'd probably be able to go 2x/week (infant and toddler). That'll get you out of the house and interacting with adults on a regular basis. Working from home, of course, would be great - but finding the right thing is the challange. Talk to your friends/family/etc - they may know someone who needs help - things you can do at home, or in a baby-friendly situation. Good luck!

First of All just breath.
Baby Girl will get use to her surroundings and the schedule that the baby sitter has. And then give yourself a goal about how long you are going to work
It sounds like you need to get some lady friends and go do something.
Good luck. It will be ok.

I know that we all feel differently about working mama vs. stay at home mama, but I have been on both ends of the spectrum, and it is my belief that if your husband wants you to stay home and is willing to do whatever it takes to provide for you, be it working 18 hours per day, then by all means, you should stay home. It will be better and healthier for you and your children. My husband also works long hours, but when I was working, nobody in the household was happy, including him. Bills are always going to plague you, whether you go to work or not, and you will be adding one more big bill to the collection, which is daycare. I have had my kids in daycare, and it was not good for either one of them, not because the daycare workers weren't nice, but because they had to share them with so many other children. I paid more for this service than I was paying on my apartment rent and car payment altogether! If you need to get out and do some things or have some mommy time, it will save you a lot more money to pay a babysitter once in awhile than it will be for you to pay for a full time daycare service. Take advantage of stuff that goes on in your community, or in your church. Any church, for that matter, can keep you busy, and keep you in contact with other ladies. It is important to get out of the house alone sometimes, even if it's just to the grocery store. Try and pencil in some time for you and your husband as well. Hire a babysitter so that you can go out to dinner or go shopping or something. It doesn't have to cost a lot, but just get out and have a nice time. If you go back to work, you will never have time for each other, whereas if only one of you works, the other one can work at home, getting things ready so that there is more time to be had together. I hope I'm not on my soapbox here, but I will say that the end of my working was really due to a mysterious stress related illness that four doctors could not figure out, or help. It took me several months after I quit my job to get my health back. During that time, I felt like I was in a nightmare, because it was like one of those "This is Your Life!" gameshows. There were so many things that I had missed out on, was not aware of, etc. Not to mention that the sickness itself was physically painful, but the mental anguish was far worse. Nobody should ever have to get to that point. Good luck in whatever you and your husband decide, but I really hope that you can find out how rewarding it is to be a mother. Without mothers, there would be no life.

Have a Great Day!
L. Santiago

I was in your place once and it wasn't that long ago. My husband and I decided it was best for our children for me to raise them instead of the day care. we had to sacrifice alot. We had a food budget of $60.00 per month. we barely drove anywhere. It was so worth it. the bills just had to wait.
We figured that by me going to work, I would only be making enough to pay the babysitter. I did, however babysit other children so that we could have a little extra. my youngest is now 4 an my oldest is seven. I now get thursdays and fridays to myself and sometimes my husband doesn't work fridays. And that means alone time with my husband too. It may be tough if you choose not to go back to work but you will have peace of mind.
A mom who understands,
S. Jett