Back to the Drawing Board on Getting Baby to Sleep Through the Night

Hi C.,

Like some other posters, we've had good luck sleeping on the floor next to my son's crib. We keep a pillow and blanket tucked under the crib and pull it out when needed. We are right there with him and say very few words "Time to sleep, lay down, nite nite", etc. I found that standing by the crib to rub his back just made him stand up and want to be picked up, so laying down causes him to lay down to be close to us, anyway. At the beginning we also would keep our hand in the crib through the rails and he would lay on it. We gradually weaned him off that. Once asleep, we leave the room and go back to our bed. When necessary, we go back in the room and lay on the floor again. There is some crying, but we are right there with him, as I could not do CIO leaving him all alone. At first he was confused why we were there but would not pick him up, but he eventually figured out that we weren't leaving but that it was time to sleep for everyone. Bingo, that is what we wanted!

Good luck! This too shall pass!
L.

Hello C.. I actually am a co-sleeping mom and just weened my little man off me. Remember that everything changes at some point in there life and it won't be like this forever. I'm NOT a cry out mom and couldn't do it to my little man. However what we did was put a mattress on the floor in his room and I slept with him for a while in his room until he got use to it. Than lately I have been in the last month leaving him in there after he falls asleep. Only when he calls for me at night I go and cuddle with him and then I get out of the bed again once he was back to sleep. The first couple of weeks were rough but I knew in my heart that only time would make it better. I'm happy to say that he sleep mostly though the nights now except he does wake up once around 4 and I go in and cuddle within seconds he's back to sleep and I'm out of there and back in my own bed. I also when I was doing the this I would not sleep with him in his bed but I would sleep on the floor. Away from his bed. Just recently I have made it to my own bed. So it is possible but you have got to be consistent and patient. I let my husband do it a couple of nights and then I had to start all over again - becuase my husband would stay in there all night. But it really does work. And I also read the No Cry Sleep Solution and it is great - with great ideas and I just chose one that worked for me. Also my little guy is 26 months old.

Just thought I would share with you my expereience becuase you really don't have to do the cry out method. Good luck and please let me know if you have any other questions. I'm happy to help.

Have a great day!
S.

Are you unhappy with her in your bed other than the fact that Daddy is elsewhere? Is having him in there with the two of you an option? What if you were to get a bigger bed? Would that be an option? There's nothing wrong with cosleeping if it works for everyone. I'm not saying that you _should_ do any of these things, but just wanted to point out options that you may not have thought of. My husband, baby, and I all sleep together in our king sized bed, and there's plenty of room for everyone, even when our 4 year old and/or eight year old join us (okay, it gets a big crowded with all 5 of us, but that doesn't happen often, except for weekend mornings, and that's more everyone snuggling rather than sleeping :-)

Also, if the bed in the spare room is hurting your husband's back, then you might want to think about replacing the mattress.

Hi C.,

I feel for you!! You have trained her so well!! Now you have to undo what she knows. It will only take a few nights, but the crying out method is the only way I see you braking this habit. Take your hubby back to his own bed with you. Put the other little one in the bed hubby slept in so she doesnt wake up. And you will probably lose a few more nights sleep, but it will be worth it! Why do you need the TV or radio?? She will also get used to daddy if given the chance. If you take some mommy time and let her be with daddy...she will go to daddy. I would make sure she and daddy get time together every night. You sound like a very loving Mom!! Good luck!

D.

Hi C., As a mom of 7, I've experienced a lot of different sleep issues with my kids at different times. Every single one of those issues has been resolved by the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. He does use the CIO method, but also offers a toned down approach to it. I understand why some people have concerns about this method, but I will let you know that my experience with it has been positive, and with a couple of my children, it's the only thing that worked. As far as the noise bothering my other kids, the first two or three nights were painful, but after that there was no more crying. I removed my light sleepers from the area for a few nights, and the rest slept right through it. Also, I will say that despite being trained with this method, my children are all well-adjusted, happy kids who don't seem to have any abandonment or attachment issues. I have no problem with co-sleeping as long as everyone is happy with the arrangement. I personally can never sleep well when my kids are in bed with me, so it didn't work for me. Also, my husband is a sound sleeper who would roll on the baby, and I wasn't going to kick him out of the bed, as he's my first priority unless the kids are sick. My kids are all great sleepers now, so I have no regrets, only that I should have tried it sooner with some of them. But. . . live and learn!

Hi C.,
I was about to post a similar request. I have a 16 month old who is a wonderful napper and goes down easily at night but is most often dependent on me (and not dad) to get back to sleep at night. Sometimes it is once per night, sometimes I need to go in several times, occasionally I don't need to go in at all (very rare). Also sometimes he goes right back to sleep and sometimes I need to bring him in to our bed. I don't sleep well when he is in with us-he is a real cuddler as well. I love the cuddles but we have a 2 month old as well that I am nursing-he is a loud nurser and I am always worried he will wake Cody. I feel bad for Cody as well not getting a solid nights sleep. I have tried crying it out (usually when my husband is not around because he can't take it). It sucks but it has been effective until something new comes up or my husband brings him to our bed. That would be my other point (not that I really have any at the moment because this is something I am struggling with as well) but work out a plan that you and your husband are both comfortable implementing. We did get a king size bed which is great for my husband-since Cody is a snuggler he is usually up against me and somehow I manage to be on the edge of the bed. Cody also has a rare anemia and has struggled to gain weight (although this by no means has slowed him down) which is one of the reasons we are resistant to the CIO method. We were about him burning the calories. Although lately I am more concerned about him getting a solid nights sleep. Sometimes when we bring him in to our be he will be up and wired for an hour. Crazy. He was a dream sleeper early on until he began to roll then I think we trained him to be reliant on us/me to help go back to sleep at night. We are going to try this turtle night light thing that puts constellations on the ceiling and see what happens. I will let you know. Sorry for the long babble. More of a commiseration than anything. Good luck. People have offered some great advice.

My son has slept with me since birth....he is now 3. He sleeps nestled in my arms all night...I've never once had a "roll over" scare...motherly instincts won't allow for it.

It allows us both to get a full night of uninterrupted sleep. I say..if she sleeps better with you...then why fight it? She'll go in her own bed when she's ready. Mommies arms are much more tender than an empty bed.

As for hubby...will be fit in the bed with you two? If so...then keep her on your side so hubby won't roll over on her.

http://www.daniellewrites.webs.com

I've been in your shoes.... You won't like this but you have raised a co-sleeper and that said, you can either choose to ignore her nighttime requests (I never could) or work out an arrangement where you sleep with her. I recommend sleeping with her in her room if you can and maybe gradually breaking away. There is no easy answer here because she has been conditioned for this (like two of my three kids). Here's the good news.... You can and will get her to sleep on her own without waking (provided she is healthy). It might just take a while longer (maybe a much longer time so be prepared). In the meanwhile, go easy on yourself and take short-cuts with anything you can like housework, social obligations. You will figure this out! God bless!

Check out the no cry sleep solution from your library. I am finding it very helpful. We have gone from 15 minute naps to 1 hr +. The night time is getting better, though at the moment she is still ending up in our bed. It will take some time, but I am willing to spend a few weeks working on it, as I am sure you are. It won't happen overnight. But if you are patient and follow her suggestions, I think you will end up with a baby who sleep in her crib :-) Good luck!

Hi C.,
I havent slept throught the night since my daughter was born and shes eight now :)
I personaly do not like the C.I.O method thus the reason i havent slet in eight years, but a friend of mine who has two children went through a similar situation. One night she ,her husband and her oldest took sleeping bags down stairs and sleep downstairs for a couple days whille her son cyed it out. She said the first night was agony but everynight got better. Now he is 4years old and he still naps and sleeps through the night.
Hope this helps

We have a small mattress next to our bed on the floor. My 5-year old is using it several times per week, and that is fine. Maybe this would work?

However, if you WANT her to sleep in her room, her own bed, it completely looks different. I think you daughter needs to learn that dad is not a piece of furniture (my husband felt like that with my daughter), but that he is a caretaker instead. Make yourself rare, maybe you could go away for a weekend with a girlfriend? You'd be surprised how well they will manage.
Some advice on the husband part (painfully learned): there are many different ways to deal with situations, and "our" way is not the only and the best one. Sometimes husbands take a step back because they feel that there is no way they can do it right. I learned to bite my tongue and let my kids and husband figure out what works for them. But that might not be an issue for you at all.

...sorry this got off the track a bit, but essentially I think if your husband can be more involved, he might be able to help her stay in her room, if that's what you are looking for.

As a note to crying it out.... my 2 kids shared a room for about 3 years, and I had the same concerns as you about noise and waking the other sibling up. Even though crying it out did not work for my daughter, the crying never seemed to bother my son. He really didn't wake up. Unless your daughter is a very light sleeper, she could do okay with increased noise.

Try the fisher price aquarium in her crib. If my son (14 Months) wakes up he turns it on and watches as he falls back to sleep. There is a remote so even you can sneak up to the door to put it on for her until she gets used to working it on her own.

I always say take them in with you- a little soothing to get her and you and everyone else back to sleep might be the best option. Itwas the best answer for my husband and I. We have a beautiful bond with our kids and they slept with us for years! We knew that it wouldn't be forever, and I value sleep bigimte, so that is what I did! It works for our family. I know that feeling of the five hours interrupted sleep and being miserable during the day- by cuddling and going back to sleep, that might be a good option for you and your child- and yoru family as a whole.

Hope this helps.

J.
www.jillsylvester.com

Try The No Cry Sleep Solution. I used it with my baby, and the author has a lot of good advice to offer. Good luck!