'Babywise' Questions

I, also have never read the book. I have a friend who used it and swears that that is why her oldest was hospitalized for failure to thrive. My sister uses it and swears by it. Infants need to eat on demand. They do not manipulate, and I believe the real way kids learn to manipulate is by example or if they're shown that is the only way to get their parents attention. I have breastfed, co-slept and baby-worn both my girls. I feel that this is such a short time, sleeping through the night is not my goal, my goal is well-adjusted good people. I think I teach them respect by respecting them. I do not think that the household should be run by the children, but I also do not think it should be run by the parents. Our house is run by the family and during different times different people have more pressing things that make the others bend to their needs to some extent. It's just a part of being a family.

I guess that isn't really related. I haven't read the book (and have no desire to), but I like the LLL philosophy to treat meetings like a buffet, take what you want and leave the rest. I feel that way about parenting books, but I have come away more full from books like How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, Dr. Sears books, Playful Parenting, No Cry Sleep Solution, etc. You might check out the local AP group http://www.kcapfamilies.com/ or http://www.attachmentparenting.org/ ...

I too am concerned about these responses and how much some moms miss out on..

K.

One thing that bothers me is how so many people "credit" that book for their children sleeping, but with many other books people seem to take the credit for themselves. A sign of a good parenting book (to me) is giving power to the parents and family, not having people credit their wonderful children to it...

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I burned that book after my milk dried up. I had plenty in the beginning. I struggled to follow that book and I really believe I sabataged my breast feeding. I also got some advice regarding baby brain wiring and and baby stress. Leaving them to cry when they are very small leads to stress. they don't know you are coming back. If they are crying because they want you and you don't come, they become stressed. Following the advise of the book and trying to get my 2 month old to take a nap in her bed, I let her cry for several minutes at a time. The book suggested that after a few days of this your problem is solved. I tried a week and she never fell asleep after crying in a very stressful way. I regret that more than I can tell you. I wish someone had told me that everything comes in good time - even naps in the bed by themselves. Do what comes natural and don't obsess over that book.

A little about me: I am a stay home mother of a six year old daughter. I had her at 41 after trying for six years. I have learned some things since being a mom.

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I read in another book Baby411 that Babywise was not recommend by the American Academy of Pediatrics due to the scheduling of breastfed babies ane the malnutirtuion risk. There are so many books out there it is hard to know which theory is "right" but in Baby411 they rate several books and tell you what the theory says. Also, Babycenter is a good website that gives diffrent articles and feedback to questions for these type of concerns. Most of what I have read basically says routines and consistency are great to establish but also be flexible to baby's needs too. Hope this helps!

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Some people swear by BabyWise. Myself, I'm like you, I completely agree. I don't believe that any book has all the answers... you might be able to get some tips from books like BabyWise or Dr. Sears, but they certainly do not apply to most babies. I say, take what you can realistically use, and toss the rest. I've known people to use this book and have it not work. They end up questioning themselves and their ability to be a good parent. I completely agree with trying to have a routine to create a sense of stability and security. I didn't use any special technique and my daughter is a very well-adjusted and intelligent 15 mo old, who has been sleeping through the night since around 6 weeks.

Parents, women specifically, should learn to trust themselves and their own parenting styles. They should get advice from a variety of sources, their parents, pediatrician, friends, books, websites like this one, etc, but in the end they need to trust that only THEY know what's best for their little ones.

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I have not read the book, but I definitely agree with you. But, since I have not read the book, I don't know what the book suggests and what it doesn't. My opinions reflect my views on these topics, but I can't say that the book is advocating these ideas or not. I have a bachelor's degree in Biology and a master's in Early Childhood Education so my opinions stem from how children develop from both the scientific, physical aspect and the child development aspect.

The only verbal way babies have to communicate is through crying. When they cry and some one responds, they learn that their way of communicating is effective. If they cry and no one responds, they learn that it is not effective. In a baby's brain, neurons are making connections all the time as they mentally make connections between different things in their environment. For example, in an older baby, if they kick a toy with their feet and it makes noise each time they kick it, their brain forms a neural connection and this behavior is "learned." If they kick the toy and sometimes it makes noise and sometimes it doesn't, a connection is not likely to be made.

This also applies to babies' communication. When some one consistently responds, they learn that they can effectively communicate and a neural connection in their brain is made.

There is a difference in responding to your baby's cry and overacting to every little peep they make. Responding is not the same as spoiling. Overreacting to each little whimper can teach your child that they are not ok by themselves and that they need an adult to help them be calm. The goal is to help your child learn that you are there for them, but that they also have skills to help calm themselves down as they get older. You can teach them this by soothing your baby but not overreacting to every little thing. This requires a balance.

I am not a fan of rocking babies to sleep. I would rather see them learn how to soothe themselves to sleep in order to develop good sleeping habits. However, some babies need more help learning how to do this than others. I don't think that letting them cry and cry helps them learn, except that maybe that you are not there for them. Things like gently patting them or stroking their hair until they have calmed down, but are still barely awake seems to help them learn more then letting them cry until they are exhausted.

I also agree that infants don't have the ability to manipulate you. This is not what is going on in their little heads. They are just trying to get their needs met.

I understand (from what I have heard from friends that are using the book, and again I have not read it) that the Baby Wise book follows a strict schedule with babies. There is a difference between routines and schedules. Babies DO need routines, like a bedtime routine, routines throughout the day, etc. This creates predictability and they know what comes next. Schedules, however, are meant for older children. Babies change so quickly and so do their needs. If you are on a strict schedule, you are not adapting to their needs. When babies are going through a growth spurt, they me be hungrier more often and need longer or more frequent naps. Sometimes your baby may need more awake time if they need more stimulation. A strict schedule does not allow for this. A routine does. I'm not saying that your baby should go down to sleep at 7 pm one night and 9 pm the next, but a little flexibility in the time of day that things occur in necessary.

As you said, I also don't want to judge other people who are using Baby Wise advice. But, I think parents should evaluate what it means when something "works." If parents think that a strict schedule "works" by meaning that their baby goes to sleep at exactly the same time each night, and eats the same amount at the same time each day, then yes it does "work." But if you think about meeting your baby's changing needs, does it really "work?"

I think books can be great for advice, but in every book you read, you have to decide which things will work for your baby and your family, and disregard the things that you don't agree with. A single book cannot describe what each individual child needs and is not written specifically for your child. Each book requires a little adapting.

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I have heard that you should always respond to a newborn. I firmly believe it as well. I have 3 beautiful children. I was told by my doc when I was pregnant with my 1st that a baby will cry when it wants something- sometimes hungry, sometimes needs a clean diaper, etc- but that sometimes it just wants to be held. He said that a baby develops inside of it's mother and that when it comes out, it's scared. The only thing it's ever known is basically being held constantly. So, you can never hold your baby too much. I totally believe this is true. I held my babies TONS and sometimes wondered if it was too much. But now they only want me to hold them when they're sick or hurt or scared or something. I haven't read the 'Babywise' book so I don't know what else it says. But, there are tons of great books out there. Some good and some bad and some with a little of both. This book may contain some good, too. You really just have to read all materials and stick with what you believe and what you feel is best for you and your precious little one! Trust your motherly instincts!!

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I have read Babywise and definitely did not feel good about implementing the suggestions in it. It makes me a little sad that, in our society, we tend to treat our babies like appliances that need to be figured out (where is that sleep button?). We go find a book with an "a + b = good sleeper" formula and try to plug it in to our new little robot. Babies are people with personalities just like ours (have you ever had a "weepy" day for no particular reason?). They need to feel loved and cared for, not put on a strict schedule for our own convenience. I love the Sears' approach (attachment parenting), but even with that, I've taken bits that I liked and left out stuff I didn't. You have to follow your heart and head and ask for wisdom from the Lord. My 2 1/2 year old gave us fits with sleeping, but hey, she's only small once! Sure, it was annoying to sleep with a toddler kicking me in the back, but I'm going to blink my eyes and she's going to be married with kids of her own! I'm willing to say this is a phase of our lives where I sacrifice some sleep so that my little ones know that Mommy (and Daddy) are always there for them. I've lived in other parts of the world where "Babywise" would horrify Moms & Dads! Anyway, that's my 2 cents, realizing I probably stepped on some toes. :)

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I definitely would NOT use Babywise! There is a lot of dangerous information in this book! For instance, a nursing mother especially should never put her baby on her schedule. There are babies that have come malnourised because of the Ezzos' philosphy. Please also do not fall into the ideas of Growing Kids God's Way, if you believe at all that your kids need to make choices on their own. I prefer ideas like Love and Logic and positive parenting. I am attaching a website that gives some of the dangers of the Ezzos' philosophies of child-rearing. You can check the Ezzos' website and find it is in agreement with the criticisms. http://www.ezzo.info/
You can also find more information by doing a Yahoo or Google search on Gary Ezzo.

K.

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I cannnot say enough bad things about this book. Keep in mind that is was written not by a pediatrician, nurse practicioneer,lactation consultant, nutritionist or any one else with a medical or nutrtion background. It was written by a minister. In 2001, after its origingal publishers investigated medical issues connected to the book's advice such as failure to thrive and dehydration and character concerns around its author, they dropped it.

It always cracks me up when I'd hear new moms say they "had to get their baby on a schedule." Babies can't tell time! What do they care about keeping a schedule?!

Over a decade ago when I went to my first childbirth class, the teacher said pretty much the same thing about this book. She also said that little ones just don't have the gray matter to manipulate. If what you're doing is working, keep doing it.

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