Babywise Book

Hi M.,
I should preference this with two sidelines...I have not read the book--even though it was recommended to me, and two, neither one of my children slept 8+ hours until they turned 12 months (not sure why, but both did the month they each turned a year); with that said.....my girls are both great sleepers now (ever since turned one). Both sleep 11-12 hours at night and take one nap mid day. Dr. Sears was on a show a few months ago, and was stating that neurological damage can occur due to excessive crying...it cuts off the new oxygen from the brain. I am not sure what 'excessive' crying is, but he was advocating to tend to the child, not allow him to cry it out.
I taught a child once that was Mentally Retarded and there was NO apparent cause for it after lots of testing. One night the mom and dad were bragging how once their child turned four weeks old, they put him to sleep and did not tend to him until morning. I honestly got the sickest feeling in my stomach----I am not saying that caused the retardation, however I know babies have needs and we as their parents were given the opportunity to tend to them and allow them to trust us. I pray that was not the cause, but wanted to share just in case.

Parenting is tough and sleep is essential, I understand (remember I was deprived for almost two years due to having our girls close together); but I would not change how we handled our sleep issues---something went right, since now they both do great.

Find what is right for you and that settles well in your gut....your instincts tell you what to do...we just have to listen.

Good luck and congrats on the baby.
K.

1 mom found this helpful

so now that you opened the controversy around this book let me add my 2 pennies worth. Baby wise is not my first choice even for formula fed babies. Lactation consultants everywhere got together to never use this book for breastfeeding because of the limitations. Dr Karp, and many others recommend not letting your baby cry in the first 3 months because they are not neurologically capable of self soothing. Read the Happiest Baby on the Block and then try to use the methods he describes by watching your baby and responding to your child. That way you are tailoring the program to your child, not trying to make your child fit a program. In the first year your child is learning to trust you. That is her job emotionally as she develops. That trust is earned by always being there and soothing her when needed. As a lactation consultant I sometimes use frequent feedings during the day by waking the baby to teach sleeping at night. That is somewhat scheduling. Helps you tremendously. We often have babies sleeping in 4-5 hour groups at night by 2 weeks combining The Happiest Baby with feedings, and baby is happy and satisfied.
There 2 cents worth,
good luck,
K.

1 mom found this helpful

I used babywise and loved it. My son has slept all night from week 2. A lot of people say negative things about the book, but when I ask them, they say they've never read it. Anyone who I've talked to that has read it loved it. You know your child, and you can just use the book as a guide but not an ultimate decision for you (if that makes sense). It really helped me with scheduling and the wake, eat, play, sleep method is wonderful. Good luck with it!!

My baby was breastfed until he was 12 months old (to the day). I agree that I let him dictate when he wanted to eat at first, and we kept a record of times. Using that, we started with Babywise. For those who have not read the book and are arguing against it, let me say that NO it does not say to let your baby cry for an ungodly amount of time and NO it does not say that you shouldn't feed your baby when they are hungry. What it does say is that according to what your baby has started as far as eating habits, you use that to make out a schedule. The reason is so that they don't start at an early age to want food to soothe them or to get them to go to sleep or to eat just to be eating. It's creating a healthy eating style for your child, which is what most people already do. It also says that you shouldn't immediately go get your baby and hold him/her when he/she cries at bedtime. It says to let them cry for 5 to 10 minutes before going in to reassure them. This is what most Drs already tell you to do.

I did try the Happiest Baby on the Block stuff (every one of those suggestions and at different times). never once did any of that work for my child. It may work for others, but it definitely didn't in our case. Hope this helps a little.

I used babywise with my first and it did not work as far as sleeping through the night goes. He started sleeping through at 6-7 months. He did have a predictable hunger pattern though.
I regret making him fall asleep on his own at such a young age though. He grew out of the newborn stage so quick and I wished I would have let him nap on my chest or held him more often.
However I did not do it at all with my second and wish now I would have put her on a scrister schedule. She is 14 months and Iam still working on our night routine.
I think it is an ok concept. I would modify it to fit your family.

Also I must add my sister did babywise and both of her children slept through the night early.

I thought the Baby Wise was a little too textbook, I preferred the Baby Wisperer. I think you will find that the clock-watching strict schedules do not go well with breastfeeding. I breastfed on demnd to ensure I wouldn't dry up, but I also realize if your child will be in daycare, you owe it to him/her to keep some consistancy with the care givers. (Not so much on a schedule, but rather a rythm or order of events.) I stuck to EASY method in the Baby Wisperer and rarely had to look at the clock. (Eat, Activity, Sleep, You)
All the best, Liz

I just read Babyise. I have a 6 month old and turned up pregnant again when I was 4 months. My 6 month old woke up all night long...Well, 3-4 times a night. I knew I neeeded sleep so I decided to implement Babywise into the mix. We started doing it and it says it takes 3-5 days to train them to sleep through the night, but it only took my son 1 night of crying and the next night he started sleeping through the night. It is awesome. I definitely recommend it. You have to train their stomaches to take a 7-8 hour stretch between nursings or feedings. Now he nurses at 10-10:30 goes to sleep, wakes up and nurses at 6-6:30, then goes back to sleep for 2-3 hours. Its scheduling. I've always nursed during the day every 3 hours, but I was still doing that at night. So, I had to take the nursings out and retrain his stomach. Now if for some reason he wakes up at night and cries, we just pop the pacifier back in his mouth and he just goes right back to sleep.

Hi M.,
Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I feel your pain on this topic...I was in a similar situation a few years back. We tried Babywise because we knew multiple couples who used the methods successfully. While we agree with many concepts taught in the book, the "cry themselves to sleep" part was an absolute failure with our kids and felt painfully unnatural for us as parents. It worked well for these couples we know who recommended it, and we would say they are wonderful parents. But we just decided it was not for us. I think the bottom line with parenting techniques is that you have to do what works best for your children and feels right and healthy for your family. Contrary to what many of these books would lead us to believe, every family is in fact unique and not one particular method is going to work for every single family. So we resisted the temptation to feel pressured to parenting our kids the way our friends do and just found what worked for us. I think that's what we're all supposed to do because we're all different. As long as mom, dad, and the children are happy and healthy, that's what's most important. Not following some rigid set of directions because it seems like it works for someone else. Hey, and those baby years fly by so quickly...I'll bet you're like me and look at your 3 year old "baby" and wonder how 3 years have passed already...then they're 8...then 11...then 18...and so on, or so I hear...At least while they're keeping us up at 2am, they look oh so cute, huh? And you don't have to worry about them wrecking the family car, right? Haha.

Hope this helps!
Take care,
K.

Babies utterly thrive on a strict, routine schedule -- that is what Babywises stresses to no end. I read it and used their method and was very happy with it. My dd was sleeping 6 hrs a night at 6 wks, and 8 hrs a night at 8 wks. Apparently, the Babywise method is not for everyone so you'll have to read and decide for yourself. I do think a routine is very important - it helps the little one know what to expect when. Oh, and Babywise says babies in the parents room is a no no. We've never had our kids in bed with us and have never regretted it, either. They know how to put themselves to sleep in their own cribs, and we get a full night's rest. Good luck!

I LOVE Babywise! I started using it the day we got home from the hospital (and, yes, it tells you what to do for that time). The actually "routine" part doesn't start until the child is about 2-3 weeks old. My daughter was sleeping about 7 hours/night at 7 weeks old. The good thing about it is that it lays the foundation for sleeping. She is almost 2 now and sleeps 10-12 hours a night. We've NEVER had problems putting her to bed at night. She will lay in her crib and talk to herself until she falls asleep. (Of course, we never let her sleep with us either.)
I have done plenty of research on the authors and controversy. Before the revised edition of the book, parents were taking the "routine" very literally and weren't feeding their babies until certain times of the day. Thus, causing malnutrition. The revised edition stressing using your judgement along with the routine - if your child is crying b/c they are hungry, go ahead and feed them even though it may not be time yet.
As with any program you use, it can't be the end all, be all of your parenting. You have to use your judgement, but I thought Babywise was awesome as a guideline.
We also swaddled my daughter for every sleep time, and I believed that helped as well.

Hi M.,

I did BabyWise with my daughter, Shayna, HOWEVER, I didn't follow the book to a "T". If you choose to do it, you need to make it work for your needs. We did let her cry it out and I think she slept through the night and is a very well-behaved child because of it (I think it REALLY helps with obedience and self-discipline). I didn't follow the feed/wake/sleep pattern, because she was always falling asleep while she was breastfeeding. But, you can't beat it when it comes to being able to lay your children down in their cribs wide awake, knowing that they know how to put themselves to sleep. We traveled a lot as well. We just moved here from CA and all of our friends/family are still there.

I am now pregnant with twin girls and due in the next 3 weeks. My husband and I are going through the class "along the infant way" (which is the same thing as Growing Kids God's Way AND BabyWise... BabyWise is the secular version of Along the infant way - but it's written by the same authors). I don't know your religious affiliation, and I don't think it really matters... you can take a class that will give you a more in-depth look at the BabyWise methods and have an interactive experience with other parents who are going through it as well. We're taking the class at the Church of Christ on NE Loop 820. It's 6-weeks long and childcare is provided free. Our class is almost over (Sunday is the last day), but if you get on their website, you can look up when the next one starts. Just a suggestion.

I would HIGHLY recommend BabyWise... but it's not for everyone and you don't have to follow it exactly as it says. Be flexible and find what works for you.

Best of luck,
K.

The main thing I got from the Babywise book was the eat, play, sleep pattern. My daughter slept better during naps and at night using this than when we tried play, eat, sleep (in that order). For the first 6-7 weeks though, all planned schedules "go out the window" because you are in survival mode and the baby sleeps so much that "play time" may only be 30 minutes or so. Or at least everyone I know who's tried a schedule has had this experience. Also from babycenter.com I learned that the amount of sleep they get during the day directly affects how much they sleep at night. If they don't get enough naps in during the day they will always have trouble sleeping at night. This was so true with my daughter.

I am a firm believer in Babywise. It is a wonderful schedule and my child has been a happier baby because of the schedule that I have her on! I work full time and breastfeed/pump still and the schedule has really worked for us! This is a book that I recommend to every new mom. My daughter is almost 11 months old and I just got finished reading Babywise II. I would highly recommend it!!!

I used the Babywise book strategies just as a guide for both my kids. I did not follow word for word. Keeping the basic concept of the scheduling strategies, I adjusted the strategies to fit my children’s individual personalities. I had one child that went longer between feedings before getting hungry and one that was shorter time. Once I got their individual need times worked out, they were pretty consistent with their feeding times. They were also pretty consistent with their sleep patterns as well. Periodically the schedule had to be adjusted here and there, as the kids went through growth spurts and got older; but using the strategies set the kids up on there own internal schedule. It really helped me know just how much time I had to run errands/get things done before the next feedings.

For the leting the kids cry themselves to sleep, I did not follow this part. When my children cried, it was usually for a reason. They both had acid reflux. If there was not a reason they rarely cried. So when they cried I knew something was going on, And I would not just let them cry themselves to sleep. You will know your child the best.

Read the book, but just adjust the stratigies to fit your family needs.

I used Baby Wise with all three of my children. I also had the priviledge of knowing Dr. Robert Bucknam, one of the authors. I taught one of his children many years ago in Colorado and he was also our pediatrician until we moved here to Texas. I didn't realize how much either people loved or hated the method until I moved to Texas. I am a Bradley Method childbirth teacher and I learned very quickly how the majority of the Bradley teachers and lactation consultants I knew were totally against the book. I guess for me after getting a chance to know one of the authors and his family I saw things from a different perspective. My dh and I very closely followed the book, granted we would have to adjust things when our little ones were sick, teething, growing spurts...basically, adjust to your needs. As far as breastfeeding, with the first I did follow it closely only because I was going back to teaching and wanted to be able to nurse my baby when I had breaks...it worked out perfectly. With the other two I was sahm and would be within 30 minutes of the schedule. When we would travel I would do my best to stay as close to the schedule as I could...as far as napping and breastfeeding went. Which for us really made traveling go well. Babysitters loved how they knew what to expect from my little ones...since they were "scheduled babies" if they cried it was either because they were hungry or had a dirty diaper. For nursing through the night, all three were different...my first started out nursing every 2 and a half to 3 hours, my second every 3 hours and my third every 1 and half hours. We just worked together on a schedule. My first started sleeping through the night around 8 weeks (would go 5-6 hours) my second at 10 weeks (10 hours a night)and my third between 10-12 weeks(5-6 hours). Just trust your instincts and do what you think is best. For me, this worked great! My children have always been very happy, adjusted, and well-behaved (we also did a little sign language when they were little)...not saying they are perfect though :) It's just nice that even at 10, 8 and 5yrs. old no matter where we go, we are always getting compliments on the behavior of our children and I believe it all started with the consistency we had when they were little.

Also, I wanted to add about birth control drying up your milk...this started to happen with my 2nd, so after a lot of complaining to my dr. I got a low dose of estrogen pills and that made a difference. (my dr. kept telling me it was my imagination) With my third I found POP (progesterone only pills) and they were awesome, didn't even feel like I was on the pill.

Congrats on your preganancy!!

First of all, NONE of the methods anywhere will work until a child is around 12 weeks old. The babywise ROUTINE is the part that helps establish healthy sleeping habits. However, it doesn't take into account some things like "cluster feeding." But the basic idea about sleeping is that the baby can learn to fall asleep on his own if you let him. If you let him get used to being in bed with you, rocking, nursing, etc., then that's what you're signing up to do at bed time for the next year or two. As far as the wonderful moment when you go to sleep at 10 and don't wake up til 6 -- it can happen at 8 weeks for some, but maybe not until 15 weeks for others. A newborn is simply programmed to cry and eat often. They have a lot of growing to do and that's how they get it done. Also, note that 6 hours is considered "sleeping all night" for a baby. For the first month of a baby's life, all they need is food, diaper changes and sleep. Do what you need to do to survive. My first child was the perfect "babywise" baby. We'd put her in her bassinet when she was drowsy and she'd peacefully drift off into a lengthy nap. Baby #2 was a different story. He was only quiet if he was touching me. He needed to eat every 2 hours for 2 weeks. The only sleep any of us got for 2 weeks or more was when he was tucked in next to me in the rocker/recliner. However, I persisted with the routine of sleep, eat, wake/play. And we prepared ourselves for some crying once we recovered from the initial shock of having a newborn in our house again. When you have other munchkins running around the house, it is simply not practical to need to sit with a baby for half an hour or hold a baby to get him to sleep. So, I had to let my second child cry. A lot. It was probably not an extraordinary amount of crying, but compared to that peaceful first baby, it was more noise than we'd imagined. By the time he was around 8 weeks old, we'd learned some things about him. One was that he need to cry exactly 18 minutes before falling asleep. I swear it was true. We timed it. The sitter timed it. Eighteen minutes, one last loud holler, then out like a light. We only learned this because I was always going to check on him every 10 minutes and it would go on and on and I was tired, so one day I just turned off the baby monitor for 20 minutes just to get some peace. Later, he used a pacifier and would dive into his crib and get to sleep on his own with hardly a peep (just like his big sister had done). Babywise says don't use them, but we have only ever used it for sleeping. He will be 2 in a week and we just weaned him from the paci 2 weks ago. It's been a rough 2 weeks, but he's finally learned how to go to sleep totally on his own again. So, each baby needs something different in order to get themselves to sleep. A blankie, a special CD, a stuffed toy, a paci, a thumb, whatever. The point is to make sure it's not YOU, or you will continue to be exhausted for years.
Oh, and I have to add that my second child is the most independent as well as the most loving and cuddly of the two, so those 18-minute cries for a few weeks obviously did him no harm :-)

I read sooo many books while I was pregnant. Babywise was loved by some of the women that I worked with so I gave it a try. If ever there should have been a babywise baby it should have been mine. I tried from day one what the book said. But it did not work for us. I was not willing to let him cry at all, and the "resettling" did not work. When I read it at first it sounded easy enough and made perfect sense. But in reality it just didn't work for me and my son.

However, I have two girlfriends that swear by it and both of their daughters have slept through the night practically from birth. I don't know if it is because of babywise or if they are some of the lucky few who have a baby that sleeps.

My advice is this. STOP reading books. I read so many books about so many theories and methods that I think I made it harder on myself. Ultimately I used these as guidelines went with my gut feelings. And in the end that (my instincts) is what has worked best for me and my son. I still find myself sometimes thinking, "but the book says...". Forget it! If you are happy, your baby is happy, and your partner is happy then you are doing fine. Good luck!

We used a loosely based version of the Babywise techniques for our twins. A good friend gave me a set of VHS tapes by the authors as well. What I gained from the book & tapes is that routine is extremely important. When it is time to sleep (nap or bedtime), put the baby down in the crib. Don't wait for the baby to get upset & cry before putting them down. Follow the general routine of eat, play, sleep. When babies are very young they may only be able to stay awake for a little while after eating and that is o.k. When started with the techniques when the twins were about 8 weeks old. Before that we had to feed them every 3 hours, 24 hours a day (on doctor's orders). They started sleeping 6 hour stretches when they were about 4 or 5 months old. By the time they were 6-7 months old, they were sleep about 8 hours a night. I would recommend getting the book. However, always be aware of what your baby is 'telling' you. If your baby wakes up hungry before it is 'time' to eat, then feed him. Don't beat yourself up if the baby doesn't sleep through the night by 10 weeks or so (as the book says). We also loosely followed the techniques for our 3rd and he didn't sleep through the night until he was 11 months old. He was always truly hungry in the middle of the night! Some babies are just wired differently but keeping to a routine will help them learn the difference between night and day. Good Luck!

D.
http://deanaorear.themomteam.com

I've read and applied the babywise methods for both of my children. They both have very different needs, especially in the area of sleep. And I had my 2 dds very close together. If it hadn't been for this book, I don't think I could have handled the first 2-3 years. It not only helps you with sleeping issues, it helps you with your whole day. And even though both my kids don't need the same amount of sleep each day and never have, the method worked with both of them just fine. One of the keys is to not let them get overtired, do the same routine every day without exception and they will get on board. It's not always easy, especially if you have an older child with activities and can't stay home to implement the routine. But it is so worth it.

Like most who have responded to you, I was flexible with it to a certain extent. And in how I got them to sleep I was very flexible. I let my first child cry it out for a couple of months before I stopped. I just wasn't comfortable with it. I started rocking her to sleep and then after she turned one, I transitioned from putting her to bed completely asleep to putting her down almost asleep and then not at all asleep. I didn't have any problems with the transition and it made me feel better. It worked with both my dds. Another area I would be very flexible with is eating. If your child is hungry, you should feed him. But getting on the eating schedule is so helpful, especially when you have more than 1 child.

Two things that weren't flexible for me -- I never let anything get in the way of their scheduled naps, even my friends making fun of me. And I have never let my kids sleep in my bed. If they were sick and I wanted to keep a close watch on them, I would sleep on their floor, but I don't let them in my bed.

Now that my kids are a little older, I'm not much tied to a schedule at all. But I can see how a consistent schedule when they were young and good sleeping habits has been very beneficial to them and me. You just have to apply your own common sense and comfort level.

Good luck.

You have no idea how controvertial this book is...

I am a mother of a 20 months old a beleive in the Attached parenting/Dr sears style of parenting.
Given that I did read Babywise because it is considered the opposite of attached parenting.

I did not love the book i did not do everything the book tell you to do.
BUT i think to read that book is valuable.
It does have som greta ideas that can work on kids and make life a little simpler for the parents.

FRANKLy i think 2 weeks is too early for a baby to sleep through the night without a feed.( of course i am assuming that it is BF baby)

I used a modified version of Babywise when my DD was 10 month old .She was eating well and milk was not her main source of nutirtion.

Thats my 2 cents worth
Good luck
S.

I read it after my son was born. Basically what I got from ot was schedule and not to wait until they are asleep to put them down. We started it at about 1 1/2 months. By two my son slept from 9:00 pm sharp every night to 6:30 am in the morning. He does not wake during the night. If he does we wait about 15 minutes to see if he settles himself back down.

i used the babywise book for the scheduling because keeping a schedule is not my strength. it really helped me to get them on a schedule and it was very easy to plan my day according to it. everyone seems to comment on the part about children taking up to 45 min to fall asleep and crying. they do not in any way suggest you leave your child to cry for that long. i would let my children cry for about 3 min and if they were just whimpering/whining then i'd leave them alone and they would usually fall asleep 2 min later. my second daughter would scream her head off for a bout 5min then go to the whimper cry for 1-2 min. then go to sleep. there were the nights where she had really bad gas and screamed for 3 hours off and on, of course at that time my husband and i just would take turns holding her rocking her doing anything to console her!
every book you read you have to remember it is written by a human! we're not perfect so there will be things you agree with and disagree with. just go with your instincts.
i can't tell you enough about the scheduling part and how great it helped me and my children because there has been research done that if you are on a sleep schedule your metabolism will be balanced.
hope this helps!!! God bless!!!

I agree a bit with Danna...I never let them in my bed and I never let ANYTHING come in the way of her naps.

About Babywise...I did not start implementing the techniques until my baby was 3 months old because she is a BF baby I let her dictate when she was going to eat. So for the first three months, she was 'the boss'. After she was 3 months old, I was 'the boss' And I began to implement the Babywise method and I do not regret it for one second. My baby, now almost 6 months old has slept through the night since she was about 3.5 months old and she goes to bed wide awake and soothes herself to sleep. (8pm-8am)You definitely need to read the book for yourself and decide what is best for you and your baby. But for long term, I believe babywise is the way to go.

Babywise worked for us, as well as Happiest Baby on the Block. Babywise especially gave us a good framework to use to help establish a schedule and routine. Most people, including our pediatrician, don't like the book at all. The way I felt was that if it helped us, gave us advice and a starting point than I was doing ok. We didn't take it as 'bible' and just used as reference and guide while modifying to what works for our family. The Happiest Baby on the Block gave us techniques that would calm our daughter and the swaddling did help her sleep through the night.