Babysitting Teens at the mall...who Does This?

I, too, think that requiring an adult to follow along with them is being over protective. Being at the mall and in touch with them by phone from time to time is enough.

I agree that you should've told the mother that you weren't going to do that but I'd stop feeling anxious about it. You know to tell her next time.

I would not follow my teen around at the mall. I let her go with her friends, and once she had a driver's license (age 16), she often went alone.
While I realize that anything CAN happen, even to a grown woman, I certainly don't hire a body guard every time I go shopping. From the time she could walk and talk, I taught my daughter how to be cautious without being paranoid.

Just Google "teen raped at a mall" or "woman raped at the mall".....
It happens, there are lots of creepy/crazy people out there, and you never know what could happen...
Its unfortunate, but that's how the world today is.....You can never be too careful. I would rather be "THAT MOM" that is overprotective, then the mom, who's kid got raped, drugged or killed....

I never understood how dangerous a mall was until I worked in one. I absolutely get where this Mom is coming from. At the age these girls are I would be comfortable giving them some freedom as long as I was in the same area or wing of the mall they were in and they stayed together. No solo going to the bathroom. But a parent should be close by at all times. Extremely creepy people hang out at malls.
The mall I worked at had an employee followed home from work and disappear, never to be seen again.
And a young woman walked out of the store she worked at and someone grabbed her and tried to put her in the trunk of a car, in broad daylight.
We had a guy who hung around the store I worked at and kept hitting on the female employees. He invaded personal space by leaning way over the counter at them, scared quite a few women badly. I talked to a manager about it and she said call security if you see him again. He acted like the store was his special speed dating spot.
A strong adult male can easily pick up a teen girl and carry her to the door, or entice her outside then push her into a car. Malls also have a lot of hallways and other areas that a teen girl or woman can be dragged into, attacked and raped and no one would see it.

Think about this:
If you saw a man or woman kinda dragging a small child or teen out of a store/mall and the child or teen was screaming --- most of us would think 'bratty kid didn't get his/her way and dad or mom is taking him/her home' -- how many would stop them and ask what is going on?

Could be a parent could be a predator --- you never know.

It may have been a bit much, for sure.
I'm wondering how this mom is going to react when she learns that you didn't do as agreed, though.

Wait, you told the mother you WOULD watch the kids, and then you didn't?

We have a mall near here that started a policy of no unaccompanied teens under the age of 18.
They were having problems with teens ganging up and mocking, stalking, pushing, harassing shoppers.
It's a place of business - not a play ground or a day care center or a boys/girls club or the YMCA.
The mall cops are not baby sitters.
People will do things in mobs that no sane individual would ever think of doing and some young people are really lacking in good judgement.
Some people complained when the mall put the policy in place.
But it's had a very positive effect on business.
They've had a dramatic drop in shop lifting, drug activity, gang activity, vandalism in the public restrooms, etc.
Adults (and families) flock to that mall now, and it's a much safer place to be than it used to be.
Other area malls are thinking about doing the same thing.
If you want the kids to 'hang out' and interact feel free to have them at your home all you want.
They are your kids - you had them - you entertain them - instead of dumping them into some public area to get them out of your house.
Just dropping off kids/teens at the mall contributes to a lot of problems and crimes.

Some people seem to forget they are RAISING kids to become adults. In just a few short years, girls this age will be legal adults, likely living on their own.

How will they learn to be successful adults if they cannot be trusted to keep themselves safe and act like good citizens while shopping in their teen years?

I'm raising my daughters to be responsible and self sufficient, I have no worries letting my 14 year old spend a few hours at the mall. If they don't have real world experience how will they thrive in the real world?

ADDED: Our mall would go out of business without unaccompanied teens. Between movies, shopping and dining local teens spend a lot of money at our mall. I have never witnessed a single incident of teens acting badly or in a manner that was not safe and respectable.

The malls in our area have a rule (it may even be a law), kids under the age of 18 must be accompanied by an adult after 4 pm.

The packs of rotten kids who steal, cause disruption, and generally behave badly brought this about.

Of course, teenagers CAN and DO go to the mall in groups successfully. But really, the reputation groups of kids have gotten for this reason is pretty awful.

When I was a kid, we had no mall. In a small town, the kids "hung around" downstreet. On the steps of the coffee shop. A few businesses in a row. It was absolutely forbidden that my sisters and I be caught anywhere near "downstreet" for the same reason. These were the "bad kids" who had gotten a rap of being disruptive, rude, etc. Same as today's "mall rats".

My boys had zero interest in going to the mall. But my daughter goes occassionally with a few friends. The "friends" I know very well, like for YEARS, and I know they have money, and a PURPOSE of going shopping, and after 4 pm, I make sure I'm there. Not following them around, but in the mall myself somewhere, usually at the bar at Ruby Tuesdays. ;)

:)

well, not really crazy. & I'm surprised that the mall didn't have Parent Supervision signs up. Many, many malls do not allow unsupervised children, even in teen years.

I think my only issue here is that you agreed to the mom's terms, & then didn't follow through. I really don't agree with her needs, but you did commit. :)

& here's something to think about: there was a 16yo in the group. I'm surprised she's not the one driving them all to the mall!

I feel kinda bad for her daughter, you have to know when to let go a little. I would have been super embarrassed if my mom followed me an my friends from store to store. In 8th - 9th grade, I was taking the city bus and going not only shopping but to and from the mall by myself. That was way too much to ask, you should have just said no and she coukd have chose to keep her dd from going.
Crazy things, like getting purse snatched can happen anywhere and can happen even to adults. Having you with them would not prevent something like that from happening.

Two points: 1. "I know she's somewhat of an over protective mom, but I am not able to watch her child in that same way and she should not expect that."

But you *did* lead her to expect it. In fact, you agreed to it. Why? To me, that's more puzzling than her original request. I would never have agreed to a level of supervision if I wasn't willing to honor it. Ridiculous or not, it may likely be the case that this girl might not be able to go with your daughter in the future because of your actions--or she's in the position of NOT telling her mom, because she doesn't want to get both herself and you in trouble for something she then had no control over.

That mom might have had other reasons to have her daughter supervised (such as previous shoplifting) which she did not make known to you out of discretion for her kid. She is not obligated to share that with you, IMO, if it was previously resolved. No parent wants to tell another parent "Oh, we had some trouble with sticky fingers a year or so ago..." IF you agreed to that level of supervision, she wasn't obligated to expand on her reasons.

2. THAT said, I think the level of supervision at the mall would really have to depend on the level of maturity of the kids and how prepared they are to deal with unwanted situations. I now know 14 year old girls who are regularly hit on by older guys these days, invited to go back to their cars, out of the mall, etc.. We didn't really have that problem back in the 80s, where I grew up. I went to the mall with siblings starting at 13(I was the eldest or second-eldest on these trips) and our mom just dropped us off with about $5 each for lunch. NO Problems! Never had to call mom. However, in my later teens, I had a couple friends who shoplifted on mall trips. I was forewarned and more or less ditched my friends while they were doing this (best way I knew to handle it at 16 and 17, aside from discouraging the friends). This stuff happens with teens.

I worked at the mall, too, and before that, at a pizza place that was held up at gunpoint. That's neither here nor there.Once again, it's the level of maturity and how each kid conducts themselves....

So, overprotective? Maybe. It really depends on each parent's perspectives and experience.

But no matter how justified or weird I feel another parent's request is, if I'm not up front with that parent, there is no way that the validation of others that the request was strange would lessen my breach of trust with that other parent. Sorry.

(if it was true, too, that she had heard her son had been robbed, can you understand why that would resonate with her? no, you might not be able to stop something like this from happening, but you would be present to help the girls emotionally afterward-- maybe this was what she was hoping for?)

Well, I walk at a mall that scares me sometimes and I'm an adult. A brave adult I might add. Some of the people are rather scary and it's not too crowded in the day time. They have had women abducted and raped in the parking lot and this is not a bad area of a big city. I don't think it's a matter of trusting the kids but just do you trust the other people out there. If something had happened and you had said you'd keep an eye on the girls and didn't I would think the mother would be very upset. It's a shame it's come to this.

While I agree your child may not need supervision at a mall, you don't know what you are in for with the other girls. Kids do some crazy things and you could have been caught right in the middle of it. I am assuming you mean she was not robbed or kidnapped when you say nothing happened, but don't forget, that kids that come from perfectly good homes, with good upbringing, and money in their pocket like to steal. It is a good brow raising attention getter.

I remember in Junior High a lot of my girlfriends stole from the mall. This was when Polo/Izod shirts were so popular. They had glad trash bags full of them. I could go to their house and pick whatever color I wanted. I never went with them because I was too afraid, but they did it ALL the time.

At that age, I allowed my oldest to go to the mall with her friend. I asked a few questions and let her go. When she didn't return at 9:45 and the mall closed at 9:00, I panicked and called the mother. As it turned out, she didn't speak english. I was able to get out of her that they walked and the bus. Oh boy, my daughter had never ridden a bus. The mall was right down the street, so they should have been home by this time. I decided to go look for them and drove circles around the mall. I alerted the mall police there were two girls missing and was starting to alert the police by phone after 10:00. I had her young and raised her on my own and YES I was very over protective of her. My then boyfriend, now husband, raced to the house to help me find her. Finally she called and I was able to go pick her up. It is now 16 years later that I learned they did ride the bus. They went to visit a guy and took the wrong bus and ended up on the West side when they should have been on the East. The route shut down and the driver was kind enough to return them back to a bus route. While I thought they went to one mall, they went to a completely different mall.

Not to mention, that summer she went to a friends house and really what happened was the two of them were in Target stealing. The friend got caught and the police detained her and my daughter made it home. She had shoved a lot of make up up her sleeves. She just ran faster. There was no reason for stealing the make up, but it sure made them cool.

So yes, the situation is completely different when you have someone else's child.

With that said, I took my young daughter and her friend ice skating today. My daughter is very familiar with the ice skating rink and many of the staff and skaters know who she is. She walks around the rink by herself all the time. When the friend had to use the restroom, I got up off the bench and walked her in there. I am not taking any chances with someone else's child.

Wow! Well, I guess there will always be some parents who are just that overprotective.

Please don't feel bad for not immediately refusing her request. I would have been completely caught off guard and probably would have had the same reaction (Is she serious?).

The thing is, if someone was going to try and rob them, it's very likely you wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop it. I mean, most of us can't prevent crimes.

She isn't going to be able to protect her daughter forever. At some point, her daughter needs to have the life skills necessary to take care of herself. It's too bad that her mother doesn't realize that this type of "protection" is really preventing her daughter from developing those skills.

I think they are at an age where they can bealone in the mall given some basic rules. My concern is that you asked the paretns if they were ok with the situation, agreed to the supervision, then didn't follow through. Why did you even ask? You should have just said "This is what's happening" and there was a problem either the girl couldn't go or the mom could make other arrangements. I would be LIVID if I were that mom and I found out that despite what you said, you did not stay with them. I would not trust you again. AND you put that girl in a really bad position. Either she has to lie to her mom or "tell on" you. That is the worst part, sorry.

Yes it's too much! ..and I think the fact that she had to hear her son was robbed from a friend speaks volumes.

Someone was recently robbed at gunpoint at my local mall and it was a concern to me, especially with a 4 yr old in tow. I think that since the mother had a specific concern, it's not just "babysitting" the kids, but addressing a legitimate concern. Groups are usually but not always safer. If you did not feel like going with them from store to store, then the mother could have planned to pick up her daughter after the movie. That is her choice, just like your choice was to do your own thing. I don't understand the irritation, other than perhaps it would have changed your plans a little. Were it me, I would have liked to have known you had no intention of going with them so I could make other plans accordingly. Not even telling the other parent would make me less inclined to allow my child to hang out with yours, even if they are 14-16. At least give the other parents the respect to know you are not going to do what they asked! You lied to her for your own convenience. That would annoy me the most.

She may also have told you out of concern for the other girls and your own daughter.

I do feel that teens need more freedoms as they get older, but it is not YOUR call for someone else's child. For example, we vetoed recently our 18 yr old being dropped off at night at a sketchy subway station. We know she's a capable human being. We didn't want her shot.

I'm a pretty nervous and overprotective kind of Mom, but I definitely think those girls are old enough for the level of freedom to be shopping at a mall together. Just 2 rules. One, stay together, no one goes off alone for any reason. Two, no leaving the mall for any reason. I do think you should have told that Mom you would not be right there with them 100% of the time. And then if the Mom was still concerned she didn't have to give permission for her child to go. Or she could go herself. I'd also be wondering if this was a face-saving way of this Mom telling you HER child was the type that needed more direct supervision. Maybe she has some shoplifting history, or is too naïve around boys or strangers.

That's crazy. I got dropped off at the mall at 11, by 12/13 I was taking the train into the City with friends.

i think it's being way over-protective to follow teenagers around a mall. at what point do people think a person can actually go forth into the world and live boldly?
it will always be dangerous. for people of all ages.
safety is over-rated.
that being said, i would not have let the mom think that i was going to shadow the kids and then not do it. a simple 'i'll be available if they need me' would suffice. if she's not comfortable with that, she can decline to let her daughter go.
but she does need to know if her wishes are not going to be followed.
khairete
S.

I feel that parents who do not let their children learn how to act like adults are setting themselves up for failure. These kids turn 18 and have never made an intelligent decision on their own.

At 13 my daughter was flying coss country solo on the "red eye" to visit her best friend from camp. At 19 she has already driven 43,000 since she got her license. No tickets or accidents (knock on wood)! Anything could happen, even to me. I'm going to help create a smart, savvy and experienced adult.

That is a lot to ask. I hang out at the mall, but that's cause its almost an hour away, but i leave them to it.

Wow, I am really surprised at some of these answers.
When I was 15-16 I WORKED at the mall.
My mom didn't walk me in, watch me work and walk me out.
I also had common sense and didn't put myself in dangerous situations, like walking alone to my car at night. We parked in the same area and always walked out as a group. Sometimes a security guard would walk with us.
I feel sorry for these teenagers whose moms are so driven by fear and all the "what ifs" of the world. They are the ones who will suffer the most when they leave home, because they won't know how to handle themselves in the world, and they will be the most gullible, easy targets when it comes to strangers and men in general.
And yes, crime happens. When my husband was 17 he worked at a deli and he was robbed a gunpoint! It was traumatic of course, and luckily he wasn't hurt, but his mom didn't make him quit his job, what kind of life lesson would that have been? Stay home so nothing bad ever happens to you?

You mention the age range but not the age of the specific girl.

I might trust 5 14 yo more than a mix of. 14 through16.

I have an issue w/unaccompanied teens just "hanging" out at the mall. I have not and will not allow my kids to do it. If there isnt going to be an adult present than they just dont go with that group.

The only thing you did wrong was to not inform the mom that you would not be babysitting her teen.

Next time, be blunt. Tell her nicely that you aren't going to babysit. That way she knows what her child is getting into and she can choose to let her go or not. You don't want to be held responsible in the highly unlikely event that something happens. Yes, she's over the top. If she wants to babysit them, she can do it.

If she had said her reason was that one of the group had been known to shop lift, then yes, I would say you really do have to "babysit". But her reason is helicopter parent paranoia. I would have done as you, done a few stores, gotten bored and told them to meet me at a certain place at a certain time.
Then when I dropped her off I would tell the mom this is what ended up happening. Explaining that after a few stores of you hanging out you realized they really were fine together and had a talk about safety to them.
Now there WAS a newspaper article about a armed robbery at a mall in the suburbs within the last year, but in my opinion that is still not a valid concern as no robber is going to rob a teen girl who obviously does not have a lot of money, they'll go for the parent with the money instead or gee, the cash register at the store.