Babysitter Watching TV

I think you are being overly paranoid here. Are you a good mom when you have the TV on? Of course, so why would that affect her babysitting skills? Some people like to have it on for back ground noise too. Also, keep in mind, it's hard talking to a toddler the whole time, especially when it's not your own child and some people just need to hear an adult voice every once in a while. I think you need to lay off.

15 moms found this helpful

I agree with Kelly in that having a TV on does not equal neglecting or not paying attention to a child. She puts old movies on...it's not like it's MTV or the dreaded soap operas which is so much sex and drama I personally can't bear to watch them.
Most old movies are pretty tame with no bad language or nudity. Just having something like that on in the background or even watching, to me, would not be a deal breaker with a good sitter that I fully trust otherwise.

I don't know.....think about it.....
YOUR boss isn't paying you to spy on your babysitter while YOU are at work so you can monitor whether she's watching TV or not.
What's the difference?

It sounds like she does other things with the baby. They aren't parked in front of the TV all the time.
I mean, it's your house and if you want to tell her that you expect her to spend 16 hours over the weekend in silence with a 14 month old, then tell her that.
Also consider who is helping who.
You might find out she doesn't need the money that bad.
First of all, you're spying on her and second of all, the worst thing she does is have old movies on when they're NOT outdoors and you're thinking she doesn't have your baby's best interests in mind.
I've taken care of LOTS of kids and I might be slightly offended by you, especially if I knew you personally and had a sincere fondness for your child.

I'm sure you're a good person and you're just concerned as a mother, but finding good people to take care of your kid isn't easy.
If you caught her smoking in the baby's face or something, that might be one thing, but having a TV on? I think that's a little overboard.
That's just my opinion, though. You asked.

11 moms found this helpful

Do you/ could you constantly play with your daughter during all of her waking hours? There isn't a lot to do with a 14 month first of all. Then for a woman in her 60's, really, what do you think she should be doing with her during all of the baby's waking hours? You could definitely request that she cuts down on the TV time, but unless you are providing activities for them to do, I think it is perfectly reasonable that this woman watches TV. Of course, how are you going to let her know she does this unless she knows she is being watched? You are lucky to have found someone to watch her on the weekend for that amount of time - very lucky! Even if you found a teenager to do it, they couldn't play with your daughter for 6-8 hours straight - I certainly couldn't do it. Also, at 14 months old, there is no such thing a too much TV for only 2 days a week - it is not detrimental in any way. Plus, babies certainly have no idea what is happening on TV shows, so the content, for the most part, is irrelevant. My kids have no recollection of the content of kids shows they watched over & over when they were even 4 & 5 years old - like Teletubbies, Zoboomafoo etc. - they just know they watched them.

7 moms found this helpful

I don't think we have enough info here. Many parents today think that paying a provider 25-30 dollars is enough to tell the provider to spend every single minute playing with, teaching, and cuddling with the child. A small child can be cuddled while watching tv and a small child doesn't need taught every single minute. If you want your provider to do that, then she needs to be paid about 10+ dollars per hour. Nannies earn 9-11 dollars if they are at your home. Anything less really is a babysitter and babysitters watch tv.

That said, I provide care 7 days per week, 24 hours per day. If I am ever to watch tv I have to do it while children are in my home. I watch on average 2 45 minute shows without commercials. I either DVR them and fastforward through commercials or watch them on the computer. I don't watch them solid and ignore the children in my charge. I often pause a show so much that a 45 minute show can take me 4-5 hours to watch. I care for an average of 4 children at one time, so I'm busy. No one single parent pays me enough to tell me that I can't watch television and they need me instead of most other providers because most providers don't want to work weekends.

So, does she work during the week? Is this money under the table? Does she pay taxes on it? Is she retired and has plenty of time to watch tv when she's not at your house? Did she sign a statement saying it's okay to watch her on video. If not she could and should sue you. I'm not trying to be harsh about that. I totally understand why you would want to. But it doesn't sound like you really have a good reason to do it for this person. It's not like she's in her teens and you expected to find her having sex with her boyfriend.

6 moms found this helpful

Well that is what babysitters normally do. My daughter is in preschool and there are no TVs available for them to watch all day. They are doing activities. Did you express this with her before she started? What is it you expect her to do. Do you leave her activities for your daughter?

I have had one nanny that I am pretty sure she did nothing but entertain my daughter. My daughter loved her and I could tell she provided her undivided attention by the relationship they had. The minute she got there, she sat on the floor with her and would read or do puzzles with her.

By the way, that is what my husband does with my daughter. They lay on the couch and have movie day. When I am home with her, we turn the stereo on low and color or do other activities.

5 moms found this helpful

First off, you can never be to careful. I don't think that it is immoral that you check in on them with your video cam occasionally. It's not like you are using video of her to do something dishonest. Secondly, I don't think that it is a problem that she watches tv, if your child is not being neglected. It would be different if she was ignoring your child's needs. It would also be different if she was taking care of your child more than 2 days a week. If it was the other way around and she was watching her m-f 8 hour days, then yes..it would be an issue. It is not very easy to find someone willing to give up their sat & sun to babysit. I would keep monitoring the situation and leave it at that for now.

3 moms found this helpful

Is she watching a movie the whole time, or is the TV just on? I like to have the TV on most of the time just for the noise. Probably those old movies help her feel not so isolated. I imagine your child doesnt talk to her much.
Maybe give her a list of things that your your daughter and her can do together. Give her a routine. Help to keep her busy.

2 moms found this helpful

As a mom and a babysitter myself, I don't watch adult programming while the kids are in the area. IF my tv is turned on, it's ALWAYS turned to a kid-friendly channel and even then I sensor the programs that are on, since even some 'childrens' shows are very questionable. Yes, you do have the right to ask her to refrain from specific shows.

2 moms found this helpful

If there are activities you'd prefer for her do with your baby, suggest them and make sure you have the resources available.

I don't watch TV myself and I agree it's not ideal (developmental experts think it may adversely affect brain development in kids under 2 or so). And I think you'll have to keep in mind that even a younger woman is probably not too likely to "retrain" herself to become a dynamic child-care expert if her interests don't already keep her moving in that direction. If you want someone who's excited about working with children, you may have to look further. And possibly pay more.

1 mom found this helpful

In my opinion, TV time is not something that should be overlooked lightly. A quiet house can be made beautiful with humming or singing, giggling or pitter patter of happy feet. Silence is also something that children in this generation do not have an appreciation for, many can not sit or play silently. I think that too much media is a big part of that. Having that 'noise' of the tv takes away from their inner silence and imagination.

I, personally, have not had a tv for 15 years and have enjoyed every moment with my children. We have a family weekly movie on the computer (only after the little one was 2.5). We read, play, care for our house and animals. We sing and make up stories and dance, occasionally putting on music or playing instruments. My 3 year old is starting violin!

I also teach children and have seen some negative effects of tv noise and tv all the time and inappropriate age media on children that lends them to being more aggressive, having a smaller vocabulary, and delayed speech skills than the children who are limited or have no tv time.

Having experienced the differences in children and households through my 12 years of teaching, I choose to not have a tv and be more prolific and educational as a family. My babysitter does the same thing. I pay her $9 an hour, she is in high school. She does not watch tv, she cleans up after the children (what they don't clean up, which isn't much given that they have learned to clean up after themselves since they could walk-we love doing dishes while we sing!) She engages them when they need it and allows them to play solo when the urge arrives, all the while reading or crafting as she wishes...setting a good example for my children to follow. As we know, what WE do as adults is what impacts our children the most! Lectures and talks can only do so much, practice what you preach.

Thanks for reading.
I hope it goes well.
I would also let her know about the camera if she doesn't know. That seems like it could be a legal issue.

1 mom found this helpful

I think it is perfectly reasonable to request her not to watch tv when your toddler is awake. I agree that too much tv is not good for her right now at her age. I think she should be watching your daughter play or read to her or doing something more constructive than watching tv. If your daughter is taking a nap then of course it would be okay for her to watch tv given that she is still monitoring your little one while she is napping.

I am assuming that you are paying her for this? Not that because you pay her you can tell her to do as you like but I think you are the parent and you have a right to let her know what she should do that would be in the best interest for your daughter. If she is a lady you know from church and being a Christian I think she should totally agree and understand.

Good luck !

1 mom found this helpful

I wanted to comment on the "spying".... I think this is totally in your right to do, so don't let other comments sway you. I don't believe it means you distrust your babysitter, but just keeping her honest!
I would say that I think she needs to be told there is a camera monitor in the room. That is only fair... she doesn't need to know it is your computer or anything specific about location, but just that it is in the room. I think when people know they are being watched their behavoir greatly improves!

I would also say that telling her no TV is also in your right. But you might want to cut her a bit of slack. I would perhaps ask her to limit how much and make sure she is for sure taking your kiddo outdoors, but also reading to her, and even doing crafts! You could even provide her daily options of things to do. Go to a craft store and get a bin of goodies and then each day say here is today's craft ect. There are even books on activities for all ages. Not only do they list crafts, but just fun ideas for activities in the house ect... I think just laying out your expectation is the only fair thing to do.
Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

I think it's fine to ask her not to have the tv on when your child is awake, particularly if you do not usually have it on in the house. I am a SAHM and almost never have the tv on when my son is awake. I've never been a huge tv person and my theory was that if tv is not recommended under 2 why have it on if you don't have to. Now saying that I do not play with my son 24/7 either. He plays by himself a fair amount during the day while I do housework etc but I am always in the same room with him, available for help/ questions and we do have plenty of reading/ art time together as well. I don't think it's reasonable to expect 100% attention on the child for 8 h straight, nor in my opinion is that good for the child (self play skills are important too!) but by all means tell her if you have a policy on tv watching. In the future it's probably good to mention in advance but you could always say 'now that my child is getting older we've been thinking we want to limit tv etc.' Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

like u said ur payin her to watch and care for ur daughter,and not to watch t.v., so i suggest u do tell her even though shes an older woman!! or u know hide the t.v.'s in ur house and if she ask's wat happen to them tell them they needed repair,unless they are barely new!! OR TRY FINDIND SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! good luck!!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi S.
This is why you only hire people for a week or 2 to babysit or when you are babysitting. Then you have an end date and there isn't the problem of firing them. That said, I guess I think it depends on what you are paying in the pay scale of your area.
Since I am also 60 and baby sit on occasion, I appreciate knowing what is expected before I take the job. If you hired her to watch the baby and the baby is being watched then she is doing the job like a teenager, and hopefully you are paying her accordingly. If you hoped she would clean the house, do the dishes, and keep herself busy while you were gone, then did you tell her and are you paying her for housekeeping as well. Of course, no pay means no rights, but I see you are paying her.
Next time say I need a sitter for next week. Then when you don't like what they are doing they are done and there should be no hard feelings. You simply try someone else for a week, or a day, or whatever.

1 mom found this helpful

The American academy of pediatrics says no tv before age 2. If you feel uncomfortable asking her to keep it off, maybe you could blame it on doctor's orders.

Hi S.,
It's not immoral to peek in on them if the woman knows that you have Nanny Cam. It she does not know, then I think it is inappropriate. Maybe professional nannies expect it but retired ladies from church probably do not and would likely be offended.
Did you lay out guidelines for what you expect in a sitter? If the TV is on the whole time, then I would speak with her or disconnect the tv's when she is there. If she's watching one movie, well, you may not love this but if you were home for 8 hours, would you have the tv off the whole time? Would you play with your daughter and give her one on one attention the whole time? If this lady is only giving basic care and never interacting/playing with your daughter, I would have a complaint about that, but it's also good not to give them attention every minute of the day, or they do not learn how to entertain themselves.
I don't know how much you are paying her, but perhaps if you paid more, she would do more with your child, or perhaps if you hired someone younger, they would interact more and do more fun/creative things with your toddler.
You do have the right to ask her not to watch television when the baby is awake, she is watching your child in your home, and you are paying her.

You are not being too hard on her to request this. When we hired my son's nanny, we explained that we didn't want the TV on when he was awake. I am more than comfortable with his nanny reading books or magazines while my son plays - in fact, I have encouraged her to do so so that he can learn some independent play skills. It also is fine with me if she wants to watch TV while he naps. She respects the fact that we are the parents - and the employers - and have certain rules for our son (it may be difficult to think of yourself as an employer, but if you are compensating someone for a job, you are an employer and have the right to set appropriate job-standards).
Because this is a church friend, you may want to consider engaging her as a team member in taking care of your child. Explain the reason for the rules, why you think it is best for your daughter, and work together to help her discover another pass time that she can do when your daughter is awake.

Talk to her and ask what she does while your child is awake. Tell her you don't want her watching tv. It's your baby she is watching you have a right to ask her to do whatever you want you are paying her. Perhaps you guys should sit down and discuss what you want her to do that way you are on the same page. You may have to hire someone else but you should tell the caregiver what you expect before you hire them.

When you hired her, did you lay out the guidelines that you wanted followed while your child is in her care? Also, make sure both you and she pay taxes on the cost/income. It's better than someone reporting you. A babysitter is there to "keep an eye on the child", whereas a nanny is more expensive and the job requires more interaction with a child. There's a big difference. From experience, most 60+ year olds I know do little physical activities with toddlers than let's say a 26 yr old LOL.