Baby Won't Stop Throwing Stuff!

Hi A.,
My 20 month old, Luke, has the same problem along with hitting. We are trying timeouts and I try every day to go outside to throw balls. I can honestly say things are getting better. Just be constant and try to have patience! I thought timeouts were out of the question but things were getting REALLY bad so I decided to try... Here is what I do: I just take him and set him in a chair... high enough that he has to work to get down and I can see that he's trying to get down. I stay close by and after a minute I get him down, tell him again why he's there and tell him I love him. Was it easy in the begining? NO! Is it easy now, not really. We have been doing this for about 3 weeks and have seen an improvement. I usually can't make it to him before he throws but if you can spot to throw before it happens thats great too! I wish you the best of luck! I know that I'll be reading the responses you get! Let me know how it's going. Congrats on the baby on the way too!

Children this age are experimenting with cause and effect--like what happens when something is dropped or thrown. They drop food and utensils from their highchairs, toss bottle across the room, etc. I don't think anything is wrong with letting the youngster know what behaviors you will accept indoors or out. Nothing wrong with redirection and timeout when correction is ignored and giving him a more appropriate place and/or object for throwing.

My Daughter did that-still does occassionally. I think she used to do it to see if anyone would pay attention to her. She does it Now in the Grocery store-I pick up the toy off the floor and put it in the buggy so she can't get it (she is always in the top and I put it in the bottom).
At home I put the toy away and if she throws it AT someone she gets a timeout and a short talk about We don't Throw things INSIDE!And she must apologize.
These things have helped-but- you have to be consistant. Not give back in grocerystore Or at home. This might cause some meltdowns, but I think it's a good life lession-instant gratification is a Myth and I'd rather have my child realize that as early as possible. She still tests me-but things are Much better.
OH-she also threw things from her booster and when she does she MUST get down as soon as she is finished eating and pick up Everything she threw down. Making her clean up after herself has helped with that aspect.
One thing I do is try to re-direct her attention and tell her I'm gonna chase her so she needs to RUN so she won't get tickled and she runs around the house yelling "RUN, Run" and giggling. I don't have a problem with her running in my house-that might not work for you if you don't want your kids running inside.
If your son is as stong willed at my girl-this won't be a quick fix...but that worked for me.
Hope it Helps!
C.
PS-Congrads on your new addition! Good Luck!

A., I don't have any advice for you. Actually, this is a selfish response! I want to chat with you about your child with down syndrome. I have an 11 month old with DS too and am working on having another child. Were you afraid to try again? Or nervous may be a better description. How is it going with your son? what is his daily life like at age 6? Would love to hear from you. Signed, C. (Deyani's mama)

A.
Some of the throwing is normal. It is a skill they are learning, to throw, and it is fun. They just do not know the dangers of throwing objects. I do not believe he is too young to put into time out. Only a minute per year. You may not think it works, but over a period of time it will. Take the object he is throwing, espically if it is a toy, away for a while. You will surprised how quickly they learn NO or TIME OUT.

Good Luck
S. Miller

is it possible that the 21 month old is mimicking someone else in the family who throws things when frustrated or perhaps even for pleasure such as balls?

My daughter is two and a half and has always thrown things. I know that not everyone agrees with us, but my husband and I believe that until a child is about three years old, they can't understand what a time-out is for, and no's don't work with two year olds. She gets told no twice. If she does it again, we pop her on the hand. You also might want to get him something that we got for our daughter. They sell inflatable pool basketball hoops with an inflatable ball. It won't break anything if he throws it in the house and it will get him thinking about throwing something that he should rather than everything, especially if you praise him for making a basket with the ball and not for anything else.

This seems like a strange solution-but I taught preshcool for 3 years (2 yr olds) and we used this often when we had a 'thrower.' We had about 30 of those spash bombs balls (made for water we just used them dry-spongelike soft light balls) and we got them out and threw them all over the room for about 20 minutes. So they were given the opportunity to throw appropriate things even inside. It's like when I teach my 20 month old crayons are only for paper-she's heard it enough that she rarely tries to color on anything else. She's still allowed to color, but she has guidelines. So your son is still allowed to throw-but only these specific balls, and if you got a bunch it could be a really fun activity at your house on very hot days. We even made a game out of picking the balls up!

Well...I am all for corporal punishment, accompanies by much love and kisses! Corproal punishment does not have to be angry. Just consistent and accompanies by love and assurance.

But, if you are not a spanker, then main thing is, something very negative has to happen every tie the child throws something. EVERY time. Consistency is the thing. A wise man once said, "Remember: 99% consistent is still INconsistent!" LOL...Unfortunately, that'e true.

Along with consistent discipline, you might try calmly giving the child two choices. Thie igives the child the power he is craving...but you give to options which are good and beneficial. The they get so caught up in the power trip of making their own decision that they are often completely diverted from the fit--or whatever they're doing.

I know you rae frustrated... I have 5, and most of them are creative, very smart, and strong-willed. NOT FUN!! But I would personally not take up the mindset that the child is too small to teach and train! NO way! Because right now, the child has had many months to learn theat there are no negative consequences. You can proabably expect it to take about 21 more months to get it all evened out.
Remember--Only parents who don't love their kids don't teach and train them! Be consistent and love your baby! (Oh, and remember, if any adults are modeling this behavior, they will mimick...I'm sure you're not,but think if anyone else is who's around the child...)
Blessings,
H.

give him a "zone" where throwing is ok. direct him to the zone and tell him throwing is ok here, but not out of the zone. like inside/outside voice. it does catch on. my son caught on quickly. and yes some do love to throw whatever they can or tip it over if it won't launch. keep smiling. you'll miss it when they are grown!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As much as you can, put up the newly mobile objects out of his reach. Tell him what he can do with his arms/hands. Give him the soft balls that don't do as much damage. Take him outside and let him throw all he wants. He knows he's not supposed to throw but his mind isn't making the connection to stop because it's just too much fun. :p

I think he isn't too young for timeout. I would just say "no" and if he does it again say "no throwing, time out." Then I would sit him on your lap and put your arms around him so he couldn't move. after a minute or so just say no throwing again and let him go. My oldest is very strong spirited and that is how we did time outs, since I don't think she got just going to a corner and I didn't want her associating her crib with crying and being in trouble. There is a great book, positive discipline that also has some great ideas (that don't involve spanking). Hopefully this phase ends quickly for you!

I don't think he's too young for time outs. If he has a crib, put him in his crib for a couple of minutes every time he throws, if he doesn't have a crib, have him sit in his room or in a corner. Get down to his eye level and tell him, No we don't throw things. Before you put him in time out, and when you let him out tell him again that we don't throw things, and when we don't listen we go to time out. When you tell him no, speak sternly, but do not yell. My son is just 8 months, not even yet, and he knows there are certain areas he can not go, and usually just me telling him no makes him come back. Some times I have to go get him and read a book or something, but usually he'll turn around and crawl back.

If you don't want to try all that yet, remove him from the situation, don't give him things, distract him in an alternative way, sit down and read a book together or put on a CD and have some silly dance time. Just focus his attention elsewhere.

Hope that helps.

Rather than spend countless hours telling him no to throwing things in the house, invest in a few different size, shape and textured balls which you keep outside. Take him outside at a time when he is teachable (not after an incident) and show him the balls and play ball with him using language and facial expressions to show how well he is doing throwing and how proud you are. Tell him that now that he is a big boy he is ready to play ball outside and explain that we throw the balls outside so no one gets hurt and nothing gets broken. You may want to go over this at the beginning of the play time, in the middle, and as you are teaching him where to put the balls up because big boys know to put up their toys so they don't get lost.
Now you are ready to extinquish the "throwing stuff in the house behavior." Each time he gets ready to throw something grab him and go outside to encourage him to throw the balls. Be sure to reinforce the concept by saying, "That's right! Big boys and girls throw balls outside. You are such a big boy!" After a few days of that, you are ready to use your words to remind him of his new learning.
When you see him grab something inside to throw, just ask him,"Is that a ball? Can we throw things inside?" All this is said in a gentle, questioning voice as a reminder, not as an accusation. Be sure you do the lesson outside first, followed by the practice sessions before you do the language step. The trick here is making him feel capable with the balls and contributing by keeping people and things safe in the house as part of your family unit.

A.,
Hello. You can give him choices where either option is acceptable. When he starts playing with something (say a block) ask, "Would you like to hold your block and look at it with your eyes or build with it?" If he throws it, give him two options of what he "can do" with that object (as a reminder). If he were to throw it again, tell him this object is not for throwing and so it has to be put up. And put that item up for about a day. He might test to see if you're serious and so lots of things might go up, and that's okay. The main point of this is to give him acceptable playing options. I believe when we tell our children "Don't throw" they hear "Throw" and so that's what they do, so it's just finding the reverse of that and introducing safe and healthy choices as options.

I like the idea of having throwing time, outside or maybe a special area in the house, because he's learning by throwing too. However, you need to have boundaries with objects that could hurt others and he needs to learn how to explore certain objects without throwing them too.

I really think giving choices is a huge help to our young children. I started giving my daughter choices around one year of age. It's not her choice to get buckled up in her car seat (that's a must), but I have always given her a choice of a small book or stuffed animal to hold while in her car seat. My daughter wanted to go outside the other day, but didn't want to put her sunscreen on, so I let that be her choice of not going outside. I believe it helps avoid lots of potential battles, while it empowers her to make choices she's proud of. Best of luck.
~ J.

If you are referring to toys: when he throws one, don't pick it up and give it back to him. Clear your coffee tables and areas he can reach from things he can pick up and throw. But at the same time, give him some safe things, like stuffed animals or other soft toys, that he is expressly allowed to throw, and also give him a safe area where he's allowed to throw things. Make a special fun time every day when you go out together and have a ball throwing things!

This way he learns about throwing (and sounds things make when thrown, and how far they can go, etc.) - which is probably partly why he likes to throw things in the first place - because he's learning about how it works and what happens to things when he does - and he feels empowered, and he also gets some energy (and emotions) out by throwing things - which is probably the other part of why he likes to throw things. These are good things for such a young child to experience. Instead of forcing him to stop a behavior that doesn't necessarily work so well in our adult world, *work* with it, or tailor the behavior so that it is safe and okay in our adult world but also meets the child's needs for learning, experimenting, empowerment, and getting that energy out.

L.

PS Time-outs are never a good idea. I'm glad you're not considering using them! Even when they do "work," they're only forcing a child to do what a parent wants the child to do, or to not do what the parent doesn't want the child to do. Time-outs (and other punishments to force behaviors when parents don't first seek to understand the causes for the behavior) address the behavior itself and don't work positively with the child to overcome it. Say, if the child hits. It doesn't teach the child a better way to communicate displeasure with his or her siblings or friends and working out conflict. It just *suppresses* conflict. The child grows up not learning important skills other than pleasing parents in order to not get time-outs (or spankings, or grounded, etc.).

My daughter (3 on Wed.) went through that phase too. We would tell her no along with swatting her hand (just to get her attention). Don't swat the backside because it didn't do anything wrong. The few times that wasn't successful, we would put her on her bed for a minute or two and tell her why she was getting in trouble. It lasted a few weeks and now it's only occasionally that she throws something. Just make sure your little man knows that there are consequences for doing something wrong and stick to whatever you set as punishment. At this age, if you waiver at all, he'll take advantage of it.
Good luck!
J.