Baby's sleep--Am I Wrong for Feeling This Way?

A., I will be honest with you. I agree that having your baby in your room for an extended period is a bad idea. The longer you have the baby in your room, the harder it will be to move him out. I can't imagine having sex with my husband while a baby is sleeping in my room. My first son was in the bassinet for 8 weeks, and my second son was in it for 6 weeks. After that, I moved them into their own rooms into a crib.

That said, there are many women on this site who keep their babies in their beds for years, believing vehemently in the family bed concept. They all write that kids will eventually go to their own bed, but I read lots of questions about how to get 5 and 6 year olds and kids who kick and thrash out of the bed, from women who have come to realize that for all the pontificating about how wonderful the family bed is, it just is not for them.

The other thing that your doctor is correct about is not waking a sleeping baby. You aren't giving your baby a chance to learn to put himself back to sleep when he wakes up. He doesn't know how to self-soothe. At some point, you need to give him that opportunity and not feed him in the middle of the night anymore. He no longer needs a mid-night bottle. At some point you may really want to move his bedtime to 8:00 or 8:30 - 7:00 is pretty early.

The thing is, your doctor is an absolute jerk for the way she talked to you about it. It is beyond the pale for her to talk to you this way. If you want your baby in your room and don't mind the the idea of him staying in there for a long time (because he will NOT want to leave your room as he gets older), then that's up to you. If you want to give him a bottle in the middle of the night because you don't want him to cry, that's up to you too. Rolling eyes and snorting and calling you selfish is acting like a snotty school girl.

If I were you, I'd find another doctor, sign for your medical records to be transferred, and as soon as they are transferred, write her a letter. Tell her what you said here, recapping her words and actions. Tell her that you are changing doctors because she had no right to treat you as such. Tell her that you are no longer that 15 year old she took care of, that you are a woman who can actually think for herself and should be respected as such. She needs a wake-up call. And you need to rid yourself of her bad karma.

All my best,
D.

5 moms found this helpful

What a nut job!! I actually co-slept with both my babies in our bed! (GASP!) I tell ya I received SO many opinions about that from family, friends, Doctors…but I didn’t care. I have absolutely no regrets.

O.K. so yes she seems very opinionated and obviously doesn't hold the same high standards as you when it comes to your children. Great job Mom! However, you need to just take it as that...her opinions. She was way out of line in her approach (sounds like she needs a class in social etiquette) but how do you feel about her as YOUR Dr.? I had been seeing my Dr. since I was 15 too and about 10 years ago she decided to dedicate her time to patients suffering from migraines. Having to find another Dr. that I liked, was really hard. I say if you have been seeing her this long, she must be doing something right. Next time you see her, stand up for the way you are parenting and tell her with a smile "well everyone is entitled to their opinion. Thank you, but my babies are doing just fine and I’m not here to talk about them." Then change the subject to talk about YOU. Now if she just can’t help herself next time and bombards you with more ridiculous opinions, then find a new Dr.!

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My daughter has slept in my bed since birth, she just turned 5 y/o. I moved in with my boyfriend (soon to be husband) just after her 2nd birthday and he would occasionally sleep with us or in his own bed in another room. We moved to a new house where he HAS to sleep with us since we have a smaller place. He doesn't like her sleeping in the middle of us, but I cannot sleep when I'm in the middle because I get so hot and he is too cuddly.

Anyways - it hasn't hurt our sex life, because you DON'T have to always have sex in your bed, children up until age 8 months truly have no clue anyways, and your child will not always want to sleep in your room and demands privacy at some point by K-1st grades.

What you are doing is fine! Not everyone will have the same personal preferences than you and not all Dr's are educated in all manners of life, health and emotional attachments/relationships. Take what she said with a grain of salt.

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Do whatever works for you and your family. Not anyone else lives or knows your situation so they cannot relate to your reasonings if there opinion is different. Just because she is a doctor doesn't make her "right". I think its up to you if you want to continue to use her. I don't think I would because if I ever had an issue come up I may not feel comfortable sharing with her because of her strong objections previously. She shouldn't have been so abrasive with her strong opinion and could have done so in a more professional manner in my opinion.

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You have to do whatever is right for your family. It is not going to hurt your son any to be in your room... and if you and your husband don't mind, then it's fine. My son stayed in our room until he was about 5 months, and we plan on having our brand new daughter stay in there until she's 2 (we hope) so that our son can enjoy having his own room for a while before the two of them have to share for a few years. (It's tight quarters in our house!) We'll move them together earlier if the situation warrants. My husband and I don't mind because we know that when she's asleep she won't know from boo, and besides, there's always the living room. ;)

Honestly I'm with you, your doctor's comments were a little hurtful, and quite honestly out of line. I'm sure she means well, but it's not appropriate.

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You know what works best for your baby and your family. Just ignore the comments from the doctor. She is not your baby's doctor and this is none of her business!
I don't understand why people are so eager to give unsolicited advice.

Btw, my son is 2.5 and still sleeps in our room in his toddler bed (we have a big bedroom) and I don't see the need to move him to his own room yet. I will know when it is time --and no thank you, I do not need to hear anyone else's opinion on this. Everyone has their own opinion and they should keep it to themselves unless asked.

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You do what works for your family. Period. My second daughter was in her bassinet until she was about 14 weeks, mainly because the thought of putting her in the crib so far away from me made me sad and anxious. If it doesn't effect your relationship with your husband (and you would know if it did!), then it's none of your doctor's business.

As far as the dream feed goes, we did it on the advice of our pediatrician. My kids were BIG babies, and they couldn't sleeep through the night. The ped suggested we do a dream feed before we went to bed and it didn't help- they were still up 2-3x per night. The point it, it was our doctor who suggested this feeding method. Every doctor is different and she shouldn't force her opinion on you and make you feel stupid or hurt. Take Dawn B's advice and change docs, then write her a letter so she knows why you left.

2 moms found this helpful

I find that ridiculous of your doctor. My son sleeps in my room I live with my family so we have to share, but are moving to a bigger house where my son will get his own room but if he cries and wants to sleep with me than than thats perfectly fine.
Keep doing what works for your family and change doctors. Request your records (might cost a couple dollars for the paper) and find a doctor that supports you.

1 mom found this helpful

First of all, every parent will do / think something differently. So it seems that some of the things you are doing she would not do or recommend. That does not make them wrong! i have asked my children's pediatrician advise before only to not take it because I didn't agree with him!! I understand you being hurt. I wanted to tell you that my daughter slept in our room in a bassinet until 3 months but our son slept in our room until 6 months. We did it for the same reasons as you did. I do not think it will hurt your marriage - it did not hurt ours. We just learned to be quiet or go to another location in the house!! Our daughter now still comes into our room in the middle of the night so I'm guessing your dr would say that will hurt our marriage too, but it works for us!

As far as the waking the baby thing up, I do understand what he's saying, but if by doing that your baby sleeps until 7am, I would keep doing it! My daughter was almost a year old before she was only waking up 1x a night (and like I said she still does but now comes into our room and she's 3!). So take what she said in stride but I would not worry about it.

Now onto the question of whether or not you should switch drs? I would give her one more chance. Maybe she was having a bad day or something. If you still don't like the vibe she's giving off, switch!

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NO -she far overstepped her bounds! Perhaps since you've been seeing her for so long, she feels extremely comfortable with you or even maternal toward you, but she had NO business telling you those things! It sounds like you have a great situation. In fact, it sounds like exactly what we did with our two sons! We had a cradle in our room that they each stayed in until around 4 months when we transitioned them to their own room and a crib. This seemed to be the time when they finally started sleeping the entire night, so it made sense beforehand to have them in the room for once or twice a night feedings. I did let mine wake up at some point instead of waking them for a feeding, but I don't think you're "wrong" or "bad" for doing that. If it's working for you and your baby -then it's fine! As far as being good or bad for your marriage -that's none of her business unless you ask her about it! I can see her feeling that way if you were one of the "family bed" people who had a 2 year old or a 5 year old and a baby or whoever all asleep in your bed every night, but nothing you're doing is anywhere outside of the norm! I don't think I would see her anymore either -although I may have to write her a letter or say something to her about it.

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If this is working for you keep doing it!

Most docs won't give any opinions, but I think yours gave too much. As far as not seeing her anymore, if you really like her and this is the only reason you would change, then don't change. Next time you can handle this three possible ways if she brings up the baby:
1. just change the subject
2. be general in what info you do give
3. state what you want and stand firm in what you believe and don't worry about her opinion

You're doing great!

1 mom found this helpful

You should absolutely change doctors. She had no right to talk the way she did. Yes, she should be concerned for you, but she was out of line.

We never had our babies (twins) sleep in our room. We didn't have the space and wanted them to start sleeping together from birth. However, we have another one on the way, and we are considering a bassinet in our room this time. I do agree with your doctor, though, that keeping a baby in your room for a long time can put a strain on your marriage. However, she could have informed you of her opinion in a politer way.

If the sleeping schedule works for you, keep doing it. I never woke a baby to feed him unless his brother woke first, but that's what worked for us. Eventually, your baby won't need to be woken, but that's something you'll have to figure out.

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Keep in mind that half of all practicing doctors graduated in the lower 50% or their class, hahahaha.

They're also parents like us who have personal opinions about child rearing!
Although also like us, don't always recognize the right time to keep your personal opinions to yourself.

Honestly!

You are clearly doing everything right! How do I know? Because it's clearly working very well for your family, and that's the only thing that matters!

Pssh, I HOPE you don't let it effect you too much!

1 mom found this helpful

If it is working for you, then keep doing it. There is no problem with having the baby in your room and it sounds like you have a pretty good sleeper on your hands so I wouldn't change things. Doctors have very different advice about how to handle sleeping/eating issues with babies and you as the parent get to decide what is best.

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Ya know - this "doctor's opinion" stuff changes every couple of years.
With my son, born in 2002, it was the norm to have the baby in your room with you for at least 6-12 months, so that is what I did, he didn't sleep very well, but I don't think he would have anyway, and it WAS hard to get him out when the time came. it was also the norm to put a baby to sleep on their side with blankets behind their back in case they vomited in their sleep, then it would run out of their mouth and not choke them. all bottles and everything that came in contact with their mouth had to be bleached and sterilised.
then with my daughter born 6 years later it was the norm to have them in their own rooms, on their backs, bottles can be sterilised in the dishwasher, or just washed, so many other things changed in just those few months.
With my first I went every few weeks for "check ups", and "weighings" to see if he was growing, with my second I only went when she was sick, I could tell if she was growing just by looking at her.
I guess what I am trying to say, is use your intuition, because these veiwpoints change regularly, I think if you want your baby in you room you should - what if you lived in a 1 bed apt?
I also used to wake my son at 11 and give him a bottle so he could sleep through.

1 mom found this helpful

Do what is right for YOUR family!! She was rude & IMO, out of line, to make those comments. Sounds like you are doing great...my daughter did not sleep that long at 3 months, so congrats!! :) I probably would switch doctors, you don't need someone who insults you.

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Well he is getting almost 8 hours of sleep at one time. Wonderful!!

I had to wake my first one up every three hours for a month, he was a preemie. So when number two came along I started doing the same thing, I woke her every three hours. At her two week checkup the doctor said no no no let her sleep and wake herself up. SO I did. I also nursed her so she was in my bed for probably the first 4 months. After that in the bed from the middle of the night on until she was almost two, my hubby would get her when she cried and bring her to me. The other two after her were also in our bed for a long time.
What your doing is OK. Personally I think it would be better for baby to wake up and then you go feed him but since he is growing and you all seem to be doing well I wouldn't sweat it.
Shame on your doctor.

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The doc is obviously old school.

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Wow, it is hard to believe a doctor would be so judgmental when your child is thriving. You must be doing something right! I don't think I would feel comfortable going back to this doc either. ---She probably would have had me committed since my youngest slept in our bed until she was 6 yrs old. Lol

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I think that's wrong of her to judge you. I personally see absolutely nothing wrong with a 3 1/2 month old sleeping in your room - he's still an infant! If it makes it easier for you and your husband to make him a bottle at night, stick with it! She's putting her two cents in about the baby rooming with you and how it will "hurt your marriage" and it's not her place at all to say that. Everyone's situations are different. I'll let my baby sleep in our room until he no longer becomes dependent on us at night. While we still have to make bottles, it is easier for him to room with us. If you're feeding him on a schedule, don't let her make you feel guilty about that either. It's smart to feed baby on somewhat of a schedule, for you to know he's properly being fed. If I were you, I'd try to look for a new doctor who doesn't try to control your family!

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Sounds unethical, criticizing your methods and even predicting marital problems. Is she a psychologist? She wasn't practicing medicine when she criticized you, she was following the old adage, "familiarity breeds contempt." If you want a confidante whose opinion sometimes differs from yours and who may even insult you for your choices, stick with her. If you want professional medical care, find someone else. In fact, ask HER for a recommendation for another doctor.

BTW, it sounds like you are doing an EXCELLENT job with the new baby. Good for you and your family.

1 mom found this helpful

I think it absolutely unacceptable for a "professional" health care provider to roll their eyes at you and blow you off. There needs to be a level of trust and respect between parents and pediatricians. I would definitely look for a different doc.

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Wow, that is REALLY, TRULY, TOTALLY UNPROFESSIONAL of her to make such rude, unsolicited comments to you. You weren't even asking for her input.

I'm thinking b/c you have known her for so long she felt comfortable crossing that boundary?

These sound like personal issues in her own life....and she's projecting those problems onto you....

You keep doing what's working for you A. and for you family. You have solid reasons for the way you are successfully managing your family. It all sounds good from here.

And even if it's uncomfortable, it might be time to find a new physician for yourself. One that won't be telling you how to be a mom, without the dramatic eye rolling.

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I didn't read all the other comments, but I think your doctor's comments are incredibly unprofessional. She may be a doctor, but she is not an expert in your family. IMO, 3 1/2 months is not a ridiculous amount of time to keep your baby in your room. We kept our son in our room until he was 4 months old. When you have more than one child, you go into survival mode. It sounds like your son is growing and happy and sleeps wonderfully for being so young, so keep doing what your doing if it works for you. Don't let others dictate how you raise your children.

As long as you and your husband are in agreement, it should be fine. My husband and I agreed from the start that our kids would not sleep in our beds, ever and we have both stayed true to that. We both agree for our marriage (and sanity) that we need to draw that boundary. I'm not saying that you should do that, but I'm simply saying we both agree on what will work for our family.

If I were you, I would voice your concerns to your doctor before never going back. Just tell her that while you appreciate her opinion, it was never asked for and that your family is adjusting just fine to 2 children. You don't tell her how to do her job, so she shouldn't be doing it to you. Good luck!

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A.,
This is just me, but I don't think you should change doctors if you are happy with her. If you are not, then change. But what I would do is the next time you go see her, tell her that you didn't appreciate her comments and rude attitude, that you didn't tell her how to raise her children so you will appreciate her staying out of your way of raising yours. All that said, if she is a good doctor and she understands your point then stay, if not then find someone else.
As far as having your baby in your room. From my experience, I tell you that as long as he is not in your bed, it will not be so hard to get him in his own room later on. I moved my children out of my room when they were 20 to 24 months. You do things the way it works for you not for others. Enjoy your baby!
Blessings

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Let her comments roll off your back.
No matter what you do, someone somewhere isn't going to like it.
So what?
In my mind, pleasing my family is more important than pleasing anyone else.
There are a lot of different ways of doing things, and if it works for the people doing them, then all those ways are right for them.

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No you are not wrong. I nursed both of my kids and I always did a dream feed before I went to bed and my boys slept in the same room with me until they were a year and even after that they ended up our bed during the night. Our youngest (3.5 yrs old) just recently started sleeping all night in his own bed.I would go back to her if she is a good doctor because everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that is exactly what she gave you your best friend could have told you the same thing would you not be friends with them anymore if they told you that. I think its great that your baby sleeps until 7 after that 11 pm feed! Just do what works for your family don't worry about what others say.

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I have a 2 yr old and a 31/2 month yr old also. $crew her, do whatever works for you and your family. It sounds like you know what you are doing!

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since she's your regular doctor and not your pediatrician i think it was way out of line for her to say those things. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but as others have said, she did it in a very unprofessional way. I would either confront her on it or find a new doctor, but you have to do what you're comfortable with.

We only kept our babies in our room for 10 days and they have been in the nursery since, and we don't give them scheduled feeds, but go by their cues... but that's what works for us. What works for any other family may be way different. If your child is thriving, trust your instincts and do what you need to do. My mom's best advice when our babies were born - "there is very little you can do to scar them for life".

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Yipes. Physicians are entitled to share their professional opinions with their patients ... that's why we visit them in the first place. But in this case, the physician forgot the operative word: PROFESSIONAL. That was the most inconsiderate, juvenille, and unprofessional comment I have ever heard from a physician. Considering you have been her patient for so long, i am even MORE appauled to hear how she treated you!

My thoughts?
a. Yes, find a new doc.
b. Write a letter to your long-term doc explaining how you felt demeaned and criticized and how her words and body language conveyed an unprofessional and condescending attitute to you and how you expected so much more from her in consideration of your long-term professional relationship.
c. if your situation with your baby is working for you, keep up the great work. I personally had both of my kids in bed with me and in the same room for quite a long time and it worked for us. Every family is different as is every child!
d. pray for your doctor. For some reason this really struck a cord with her and it makes me think why she acted so severely in this situation. Did her marriage just fall apart?? Who knows.

Best of luck to you! have a wonderful day and congrats on the new little one in your family!

You are not wrong at all to be hurt by her comments. Since when is it a bad thing to have a newborn/young infant in your room? Regardless if they are sleeping with you or in a bassinet. I don't know if I would wake a sleeping infant to feed them-but it is working for you and that is all that matters.

I don't know if I would go back or not. I guess it would overall depend on how I felt about her as a doctor otherwise. I would probably no longer talk to her about anything baby related since her views-and they are just that, not fact-are so vastly different than yours.

Wow! I know you've received a lot of responses but I just had to add mine. WOW! She was totally out of line and I would find a new doctor. I completely understand wanting to keep the baby in your room until you're comfortable. I did the same for my son (who's now 3 and has had his own room since I was comfy with it long ago) and he turned out just fine! Now I'm doing the same for my daughter who's three months old. The pediatrician told me it's fine as long as they have their own space (bassinette or crib) to keep them in your room until you're ready. Also I have to add I WISH my 3 month old slept as well as yours! Don't let this crazy doctor bring you down about your scheduling or anything. In fact, because you've been going to her for so long is probably why she feels she can be nasty to you and get away with it. Time for a new one! I know a great doctor in Kendall in you're interested.

I actually think it sounds very logical. Eventually, your baby may wake up at that time to feed on his own. It's like a training process. How long have you been on this routine? It is possible that your baby is likely to sleep through the night soon. It sounds like a great schedule. I would experiment and see how long it would take for your baby to wake up before needing a feed....maybe baby can sleep through the night from 8pm 'til morning. It was insensitive of your doctor. Every family and their needs and what works is different. I kept my baby in my room for about 6mo. He was a hungry little guy and it was too exhausting walking around the house in the middle of the night. He is not in your bed, it's ok. You are the mother, you do what you feel is right. And you said it, the baby is strong and healthy and the family is content. What more could you ask for? FYI- this is the more modern approach for caring babies, older people do not understand these tactics. Grandparents may have comments of their own from time to time, but you will overcome it all. Enjoy it!

She needs to mind her own business and is way out of line. You need to continue doing whatever you want to do that works for you and your family. I would either change doctors or else I would let it be known to her that you will NEVER EVER discuss your personal life with her again. That is outrageous!

Oh my gosh...that is crazy! I would probably find a new dr, because she sounds like she is just not respectful. And I think the whole "never wake a sleeping baby" is just a wives tale for old people. Hello....there is a whole family to think of, so whatever works for the best of the whole is what matters. I have a 4 year old and 14 month old. With my 4 year old, I did get her out of our room within 3 months...but due to renovations in our house, our son just finally moved out at 13 months. I ALSO would wake him at midnight to nurse one more time. You know what...we all slept fine, and when he finally transitioned to his own room at 1 year, it was a totally easy transition..he slept through right away. I just think you dr. is ridiculous. There is nothing worse than a pompous doctor..find a new one...maybe a younger one who is more up to date with how people really are living. Good luck...and you are doing everything right! :)

I would change doctors! When I was nursing my second daughter who was 3 1/2 years old AND I was pregnant with baby #3, the pediatrician looked at me like I had a third eye ball in the middle of my face when I told her that I intended to keep nursing my toddler while pregnant until she weaned herself. I was not so much hurt by her comment or even bothered by the way she looked at me BUT I was bothered that she was bothered that what was working for me and my child did not bother me at all. I do not think it is strange at all to have an infant sleep in your room, regardless if the baby is sleeping in a crib or your bed. My first child slept in her crib IN my room until she was 10 months...the second one stayed in my room until she was about 4 months old and baby # 3 stayed in my room for about 3 months. I am currently pregnant with # 4 and we have no extra room for this new addition (wasn't planned!) so this baby will be sleeping in my room for a good deal of time and I am even considering co-sleeping, something I never attempted with my other children. Does your doctor even have children???? People can say such insensitive things and if it bothers you, change doctors...otherwise, next time you make an appt to see her, I would tell her that her comment seemed insensitive.

As for waking a sleeping baby, I would say if you are breastfeeding and you are concerned about getting engorged during the night, then by all means, wake the baby. I certainly have woken a sleeping baby to breastfeed! But you indicated you are bottle feeding, so I personally would not wake the baby. Will the baby sleep through the night if you don't wake him? You won't know if you don't try so try to going to be one night without waking him. It sounds like what you are doing is working for YOU. That is most important and do not let some body tell you otherwise unless what you are doing is dangerous, which it is not!

Although I agree with her about getting the baby to his own room ASAP and not waking a sleeping baby to eat, I do not think she was professional the way she spoke to you. If she would have worded it completely different and made it seem like she was trying to help you, not judge you, you might have taken her advice into consideration.

What my husband and I did when our little ones woke up in the night is I got the baby from his room, changed him while my husband went and got the bottle. I feed him and put him right back in his crib, The other kids never woke up.

At this age, if you decide to move your son into his own room, he will probably transition really quickly. I wouldn't wait too long though b/c then you'll be writing a post, How do I get my 3 year old to sleep in his own room?? ;) Try not to let what she said get to you too much. Good luck, A.!

uh yeah, i wouldn't be so quick to not go back to her, but i would definatley have told her unless she's going to come over and take care of my baby, and wake up when he cries to not tell me i'm selfish for that, my daughter slept in her bassinet until she was head to toe in it...was just easier for me... i was NERVOUS to let her sleep in her crib at first...too many nightmare stories. and why not make the baby wake up on a schedule for eating??? that will develop GREAT habits that will come in very handy in the terrible two's. keep the schedule up!

do what works for you and your family and don't forget to REMEMBER MOMMY TOO!!

good for you!

FIND A NEW DOC! She isn't intune with you. If you want the baby to sleep in the same bedroom fine. It will be harder later. Maybe not if the kids share a room. That way baby still hears another's person sleeping. Then the oldest will be more understanding. I put my girls together from the begining cause i cant sleep with baby in the same room. Husband only a few times heard the baby crying but rolled back over. The first week was an adjustment with my then 3.5yr old. But after that she stopped waking up from baby.
About the marriage, parents have had sex with the crib/bassinet in the room before. It turns into a game of can we have sex without waking the baby.
Bottom line if it works for you go for it. Maybe your doc never had kids or just had one. I found out having the second, i do things a bit different than with the first and its all about the schedule.

About the waking the baby, he will learn to wake up at 11pm and want a bottle but if thats before you go to bed and can get a good nites sleep go for it. Otherwise baby probably wake up around 2-4am for bottle.

A.,
Congrats on your new baby!!
I cannot believe that your doctor treated you the way she did. If having your baby in your room & waking him up to give him a bottle before you go to sleep works for you, then whose business is it???!!!
Both of my boys slept not only in my room, but in my bed with me until they were 8 mos & 11 mos old. And there were plenty of times that if I knew they would be waking up soon to eat & I was going to sleep, that I'd wake them up to nurse them. I dont think that's selfish at all. I think that is one less time for you to have to get up in the middle of the night, which then makes you not as tired, thus a better Mommy.
You use your own judgement as to whether it is hurting your marriage to have your baby in your room.
And I'd give the same advice as to whether you go back to that doc. I feel very strongly about having my babies in the room & bed with me. Anyone who has a problem with that can bite me!!!
H.

I would immediately switch doctors. She could have approached the topic in so many different ways. I'm also not a fan of waking the baby to eat (at night only, I wake during the day), but only to teach the baby to sleep longer through the night (to fit my schedule). You aren't wrong for how you are handling your baby, and you aren't wrong for feeling that way about your doctor.

Ok, you got plenty of responses and I can pretty well guess what they are saying. But here's my 2 cents, mostly just to provide you with support. Whether you switch doctors or not is up to you. I would seriously consider it! This (in my opinion) crosses a boundary between offering medical advice and butting her nose in on your parenting strategies. And the eye rolling and snorting is COMPLETELY unprofessional, no matter how strongly she feeld about your decisions! That would be out of line even if you were doing something that could potentially impede on your baby's development or your own health.

It sounds to me like your schedule works great for everyone and I don't see anything wrong with it. You asked how long the rest of us kept our infants in our rooms with us. Personally, our daughter never slept in our room. She slept in her crib in her nursery from day one. But she is the only child so far, so we didn't have to worry about her waking anyone but us. I have a good friend whose 3 year old still sleeps in their room and often in their bed. I would NEVER choose that for my family. But it works for them and they are all very happy and comfortable with it. This is not a question of health, this is a question of family preference.

If you are still doubting your decisions, I would encourage you to get your pediatrician's opinion on this issue (as far as the baby's health goes), but not necessarily your internists. Their is a reason medicine encourages MD's to specialize and why we bother to visit all these different doctors for different things. Waking the baby to feed him is the only thing that I would seek further advice about though. The sleeping arrangements our no body else's business! As long as you and your husband are comfortable enough and communicate well enough to be certain he would tell you should it become a problem for him, I wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks.

You know what's also not good for a marriage, parents who don't get any sleep because all the kids in the house are awake multiple times a night. Talk to your pediatrician about the 11:15 but bottle, but otherwise keep doing what works for you!

Doctors are there to give medical advice and guidance, I don't see how any of this would help you medically. Doctors advice should be just that, advice. I don't think I would switch doctors based on disagreeing with a "set' of circumstances, such as what you experienced. HOWEVER, I would switch doctors based on the disrespect she showed you. She was unprofessional and childish. You are allowed to do things your own way, it's your baby and your family. Don't be hurt by her actions, but don't go back and give her a chance to do it again.

I know you've heard a lot, but here are my thoughts:
You can't be too available to a baby; they need you. Whatever works for you with the bedrooms!

Personally, I wouldn't wake up the baby; there's a chance he will sleep through--but it's up to you!

Doctors work for you. They provide services, information and educated opinions on their specialty. If they judge you at all, especially if you didn't ask their opinion and it's not in their field, they are out of line. Going to the doctor shouldn't make you feel bad!

How does she expect you to get your child on a schedule? I say switch.

Well of course you should feel that way! She is your doctor yes, but that does not mean that she has a right to judge you or make you feel as if you are doing something wrong. Raising kids is not easy and Every single family in America does one thing or another in a different manner. If this works for you then that is all that matters. How can she even say you are being selfish when you are thinking of your oldest child and waking them!
You just keep doing what your doing and either tell her look I can appreciate your prospective however if you are going to make me feel like you are the final say then I would rather not have it, or like you said find a new doctor.
Many blessings!

Get a new doctor. No one should roll their eyes at you, least of all a physician that should understand that one size does not fit all.

If it works for your family, and it sounds like it does, keep doing what you do and find a provider that supports your choices about parenting, whatever they are.

I might go the extra step of letting her know exactly why you are leaving her practice. Maybe she can take some relationship training or read up on various parenting methods.....

Well good thing she's not your pediatrician!
If you really like her as YOUR Dr., ignore what she said. But the next time she mentions or asks about your kids, I would simply say "They're great thanks" Don't share anymore info with her,

My older son slept in our room until he was one, mainly because we only had 2 bedrooms and his much older sibling didnt want to share with a baby. BUT, it worked out great. When they are little and waking up all the time, why not have them at an arms reach?? If they are sleeping well, you are sleeping well, who cares!? Especially if they are in their own bed. And it sounds like your baby is sleeping GREAT!!! So who cares what she says. At this young age, he'd have no idea what you and your huband are doing. Yes as he gets older you run the risk of him waking up and looking at you curiously but he still won't have any idea!

I do agree that I wouldn't your baby up to feed him. I'd let him do it on his own. He may surprise you and sleep all they way through. You may be setting him up on a pattern you wish you could break later. But thats just my opinion! Good luck :)

Your doctor is WRONG to give you such attitude about having your baby in your bed. My sons all slept in our rooms. My youngest slept in our bed for many years. And I am now happily married for 24 years. It is what we chose and it worked perfectly for us! Each family does what works for them. I don't know that I would stop seeing her if you like her as your doctor, but I would definitely let her know that your parenting style is YOUR decision and I wouldn't discuss it with her anymore. If that is going to affect your trust in her... then by all means move on.

My 2 cents is that you need to get a new doctor, and at 3 to 4 month you need to be avaliable to your child.. cause they need reassurance and to build that attachment. What your doing with your child is right for you, and everything is working for ya'll schedule.

A.,
I do not think you are wrong at all! That is a great set up- he is getting plenty of sleep and a good feeding before a nice long sleep and it is working for your family!! I think once he gets around 6-8 months you shgould move him out but play it by ear! Ignore her and maybe find a new dr.!

This sounds really odd to me - your doctor sounds really opinionated about things that aren't necessarily doctor opinion type comments. But I think the fact that you stated that it works for your family is all that really matters. Do what works for you, this is the bottom line. I wouldn't blame you for seeking another doctor.

We kept our son in his swing for the first 2 1/2 months because he hated his crib. Then I was told that it was really bad for his back, so we took him out of it and the first day I did that he went right to sleep in it. He was in his own room after that with a baby monitor on. He told us when he was hungry or needed a diaper change. We never woke him for a feeding. But you are his parent and know what's best. If you and your family feel comfortable waking him up to feed then keep doing it. A doctor is only giving their opinion on the matter. It was rude of her to talk to you like that. Maybe when you see her again tell her it hurt your feelings and that she isn't the mother of this baby. If she continues to be rude find another doctor. Don't worry you know what's best for your kids. I am pregnant with my second one too and my son is 7 months old. He's wonderful, he sleeps through the night and is usually a happy baby. I wish you luck with that inconsiderate doctor of yours though. :)

I am old school, and agree. The baby should already be sleeping through the night in it's own room. When YOU change, the baby will change. Sometimes other children do wake up but they go back to sleep. It's temporary for a few days. Try it, you'll like it.

while i agree with her that one should never wake a sleeping baby (babies and dragons should all be allowed to sleep to their little hearts' content), i would bristle at her tone. it's also silly of her to insist that babies must have their own rooms. family beds and shared rooms have been part of humans' reality as long as there have been humans.
next time you see her i'd be ready for any of her snide remarks with a firm 'this is what works for our family. do you have a medical opinion to offer, or only these personal remarks?' if she doesn't back off (and hopefully apologize for being rude and unprofessional, althought that's not very likely) i'd find a new doctor.
khairete
S.

I would change pediatricians right now to one who has a more open mind to the many different things that work for different parents. There are people who co-sleep in one huge bed with their kids until they are teens, and then there are those who immediately put newborns in a crib in their own room and everything in between those extremes. Whatever works for you is what makes sense. If she is this judgemental about this then I think you will not like her opinions on future issues either when you may have real medical concerns that require you to trust your doctor. I would ask other parents of toddlers who they use and like, and switch before even seeing her one more time.

Now that you have a baby you will receive opinions/advice/comments/criticisms from all walks of life and everyone thinks they are right. Even my boss at work always gives me “advice” about my LO, even when I don’t ask for it. As many have said before – no one knows your circumstances or what will work best for you and your family except you! Frankly, even your pediatrician might have a different opinion on the way you do things… but you know what – go to another pediatrician and you will get another answer. I’ve had two in the last two years because I didn’t like the last comment my first pediatrician made to me – “it’s your time now to be selfish and let your baby cry it out.” That went totally against my instincts as a mother. Be selfish? Really? My 4 month old, who was only looking for comfort and security, is being selfish by crying? The pediatrician that I have now has a more holistic approach which works well for our family. I still filter medical advice from opinion even with our new one, so again, don’t give it another thought – she’s just expressing her opinion like most of us do =)

She is an idiot.
That is just stupid evaluation on her part.
You have worked this out perfectly, and I am impressed at your logistics.
It is time for a new doctor- she over stepped her role. Forget what she said- honestly- what she said is so stupid I'd laugh, except she used her position as your physician to make you feel bad- what kind of a person would do that?
Keep your baby in your room. Your sleeping sch is perfect. You are correct to feel that way- she was mean, and not nice. You have out grown her.
best, k

It is clear that she does not respect her patience!!! I always did with my babies what made feel ok and what was working good for our family....my first baby slept in our bed!!! From 1 to 3 years old.....there is not any rule, follow your hart and the advises that you feel that goes with your familly life style

Again, I haven't read many of your comments.

I think it's time for a new doctor. Sounds like she is set in her ways and unwilling to examine your feelings and your family situation. I know it's a hard decision to make and should not be made in anger. If she is truly the best that your town has to offer then stay - but I guarantee there is a more sympathetic doctor that many other mothers in town love. Ask around and see what you find.

Kudos to you for getting your baby to sleep all night! This in itself is amazing.

No you are not wrong, you are doing great. The baby is not in your bed. So he is not getting use to that. Keeping a baby on a strick schedule is very important, especially for those parents that work. How many mothers would love the fact that the baby sleeps through the night. Although, when mine were about that old I would give them a bit of cereal and a bottle around 7 pm. Then they didnt wake up for the middle of the night feeding. Slept right through and were in the crib...I think that is where your problem will be. The big open crib verses the tight little bassinet. Just a little cereal to start. About a tablespoon full...add more with age...works likea charm....good luck

I would find a new Dr. that can have a more objective approach.

Our daughter is now 15months old, and we had her in our room, in a mini co-sleeper bassinet (can attach to the bed if you want or stand alone as bassinet) until she was 6months old. We also have a son who is now almost 9yrs old that was in our room until he was almost 3 yrs old because we were still living with a relative (my mom) and didnt have the option to have a seperate room for him. We have been married going on 10 years and together going on 13 years and I say don't listen to your doctor. If it works for you and your family then it works. I have also learned to take everything anyone says with a grain of salt. As long as your baby is healthy, happy, and content with staying on the schedule that you are giving him, then that is all that matters. Plenty of people have told me never to wake a sleeping baby, but I have on occasion. Have you tried not waking for the bottle at 11:15 or so and see how much longer he sleeps for you? I would say that if you ever want him to sleep through the night, to not get him in the habit of waking up to eat. You may find that he will sleep longer for you. Now if he wakes on his own for a feeding then that of course is a whole different story. You have to train children to sleep most of the time. some people are lucky and have babies that are just good sleepers, others it takes work.

My son is 4 1/2 and he is still in my room. He sleeps in a twin bed right next to my bed. So do I have problem with your infant sleeping in a bassinet in your room? Not a chance. And if your feeding schedule works for HIM and YOU, then why fix something that isn't broken?

Tell your doc to pound salt for being rude, and find a new doctor. Personally, I have a little trouble with grudges, and if my doc said that to me, I doubt I'd feel free to be open with her about anything in the future.

A.,

You have many comments, have not read any of them. But I wanted to share my story with you. My dd who is 3 years old sleeps in our room, she sleeps in her own bed, right next to ours, but in our room. And she has been there since she was born. Now hubby and I are thinking of baby #2, hopefully ttc next year around Feb 14th! So excited! Anyways that will be when we start transitioning her to her own room. Now I am scarred because I always like to have her next to me, but I cannot have two beds and a crib in my room. Her bed is full size and mine is queen size, now the crib would fit in there, but hubby would have a fit. So do what works best for your family and for your well being. Congrats on the baby and keep your head up!

I don't see anything wrong with you son in your room with him only being 3-1/2 months old. We had our son's crib set up in our room until he was almost 9 months old. He would literally freak out if he woke up and didn't see us. So keeping his crib in the room with us allowed him to wake up, see us, feel secure that we were there and allow him to go back to sleep on his own without any problems. As for waking him up to feed him - I'm with the doctor on that one. I think you should allow him to eat when HE is hungry. Let him sleep until he wakes up wanting to be feed. I know I wouldn't like someone to wake me up and make me eat when I wasn't hungry. Not to mention that you could be unconsciously teaching him that he needs to eat when he's not hungry. That could lead to unhealthy eating habits and obesity later on in life. He may be young but he's still learning actions and behaviors right now. I'm not a Dr., so I could be way off on that one - it's just my observation after having read articles on childhood obesity and from other sources. Please don't think I'm criticizing - I just wanted to give you my honest opinion. Good luck! :-)