Baby Shower for 3Rd Baby??

That's a tough one! Certainly etiquette-wise there is no call for a baby shower for any other than baby #1. So you are completely within your rights to decline to give her one. However, she has put you in an awkward place by having asked you to give her one. I think it comes down to how much do you value her friendship? And also can she be reasoned with? Can you explain to her how much you have going on right now and that you simply can't do it no matter how much you might want to? One other thought would be to organize a big gift basket from a group of friends (or have people chip in for a bigger item) and explain that while you can't throw an actual baby shower, you have arranged a gift for the new baby.

Good luck!
K.

1 mom found this helpful

I can understand why you are going crazy. Maybe you could ask her to have another friend or family member put it together because you are so busy with your own family. I am pregnant with my second and have requested NOT to have another shower. My friends at work asked and I told them I already had 1 two years ago, but if they wanted to stop in and see the baby after she was born that would be a better gift. Good luck and let us know how it goes!
K.

You should NOT throw this woman a baby shower. Most people only get one for the first child. Just because a person is pregnant does not mean everyone should her gifts. She clearly doesn't take good care of things to begin with so it is a waste of money.
If she really wants to be that selfish tell her to throw her own.

I would probably feel the same way you do. Especially if she just had a shower not too long ago. If she really wants a shower or party, and you feel really bad for her, I would throw a diaper party or a food party. My friend did this for me for my 2nd child. Everyone who was invited just brought a meal that the new mother could just pop in the oven to heat up. It worked out well because I didn't have to worry about cooking. I loved it. Then we just had a get together. With sodas or whatever and some snacks. That way it didn't cost the person throwing it too much.

Unfortunately, it seems to me like you have only 2 options- 1. tell your friend, which certainly won't be easy, that you just can't throw her a shower or 2. plan the shower but keep the cost very minimal. For example, you could have it at her house ( no cleaning on your part!), use evite which is free, make it pot luck~ everyone bring something to eat, no favors, etc. I personally don't think that someone should expect a shower for a third baby, especially all the same gender, but I have to admit I'm not sure if I could say no to a friend about throwing one. A potluck baby shower is unconventional, but so isn't a shower for a third baby! Good Luck

For a shower of this type I would just have guests bring a frozen meal. This would save the mom lots of time and energy and guests would not feel put off by buying her a gift.
The baby items are her responsiblity at this point- she can use hand-me-downs.
I have also heard of showers where everyone just brings a hand-me-down.

shes had two other boys? id opt for no shower. i had two showers, but i had a girl n boy...and needed boy stuff. the 2nd shower was small and had barely any gifts. i had stuff from before. since things got broke that she couldve used, replacing them is a hassle,that she needs to deal with. what i suggest is no party however, get all her friends to add money and get a gift card with all the money piled together. give it to her with a card. good luck!

I think that you should tell her how you feel and that she does not really need a shower. Also, explain to her that you do not have the time or finances to throw her the kind of shower you feel comfortable giving. If she is a true friend then she will understand.

Ok...I would definitely feel the same way you do. Not to mention anyone should be lucky that they even have a shower for their first child let alone a second! I would say a third shower is absolutely crazy ESPECIALLY when it's ONLY been 2 years! I can understand maybe if it's been 5 or 10 years apart because you really should update things after 5 years but not 2 years. She's expecting way too much especially where you have 4 children to take care of. The expense is just too much. I'm sorry...but she should be lucky to have a friend like you that is even considering it. I would just try to tell her that it's too much on you and that you'd help out anyone else who would like to take the lead on this one....

You sound like a good friend. Please don't let her take advantage of your or your limited finances. If she wants a shower that bad, at her house, have her friends down there throw it, and just invite you. However, I agree if she's just had one two years ago, she shouldnt need one. It's her own fault that she doesnt have anything left from her two year old. I have a daughter like that. I just stopped giving her things. I didn't explain why, I just apologized and said I couldn't help her. She finally stopped asking me for things.
Have patience and kindness, and things will work out.

Your friend is selfish an ddoesn't deserve another shower. She should take better care of her things and control her kids. My son is a little wild and did kick the side of his crib so hard it broke but the side railing can be fixed.
If this was her third child after a big gap between children and she had lost her baby things because of either a fire or flood it would be understandable that she wanted a shower. Or if she had given the baby stuff away it would be okay.
What has she done for you? Did she give a gift for the graduation party or is she going to your birthday parties next month?
Lastly several of my friends have had two year gaps between kids and they would never ask someone to throw them a shower. One friend haqd to replace everything becasue everything she had was ruined in a flood.
I hope I don't seem cruel but I don't like people who ask for gifts.

HI S.. What a great friend you are for even considering to give her ANOTHER shower, I hope your friend knows how lucky she is to have you. If I were you, : ) NO WAY, JOSE!! You've done your part giving her a shower 2 yrs. ago, it's not your fault that she doesn't teach her kids to respect things. Hey, there are plenty of Thrift and Consignment shops with good used baby stuff. Maybe what you can do is just ask around to your "people" if they have anything they would like to donate to her. God love you, Honey. I know you feel bad, because she's your friend... but, what kind of "friend" is so demanding of people. ????? Good luck with your decision. I don't envy you.

Truthfully I thought it was simply bad etiquette if someone had more than 1 baby shower, particulalry if they just had one a few years ago. It is in bad taste to ask the same people for more gifts. In my circle of friends we give a big shower for the first baby and then a "sprinkle" for the other children. That usually involves a tea or lunch and everyone brings small items like an outfit, toy, book, etc. since all of the other big ticket items have already been given to her. Maybe that would be a better solution. Hope this helps!

- J.

Girl she really should take care of this herself. Ask around to see if others have things that they do not need.If her kids were 10 years apart I could understand but they are only 2 years apart. I kept all my things just in case I had another because no one is expected to throw me another one.Ask aound I am sure u guys have friends that may want to give things away. DO NOT LET HER DRIVE YOU NUTS. Tell her to bother her husband*-*!

personally, I don't believe in showers for 2nd, 3rd and more kids. unless there's a huge gap in ages.. You just have to talk to your friend and tell her you can't afford to throw another party. Or you can try a potluck shower and have it in someone's house.. make invites yourself and do it simple..

hey... so i know that my girl has 2 kids.. i dnt like either father~and think they should be doing this whole thing.. bt im her frined and its what she wants. so instead of doing it all alone~ i asked for help. i got her family involved and some of our girlfriends~ that way the cost and duties were divided up. and if something wasnt done~or someone needed help with something~ there were more than jst a couple of us there to pick up the slack. as for the kids~ id suggest either a sitter for those couple hours.. or have it in a place that they can run around like a park or field. i hope some of this helps! the best of luck to your sanity and your friends newest memeber!

Wow!!! What a pain in the rearend!!! i didn't think you were even allowed baby-showers after 2 kids, so... Anyway...Here's my idea. My mother-in-law and I planned a phone-shower for her daughter, who lives in Kansas (we're in RI) a few months back. We ordered pizza to be sent to her from her favorite pizza place out there. We sent out invites to people we would have invited had she been closer. We all kept calling her and seeing what she was doing and stuff. She had a few friends over at her house out there. Worked out pretty well. I had a few people over to my house. Others in CT did the same and it was fun. As far as gifts go, I'd do little things and gift certificates. She obviously has no respect for the things that people gave her before, and this way she can get things as she needs them. Just explain to her that money is tight right now, and you've already spent so much on the other two just to see the fruits of your labor ruined. She's just going to have to deal with it. Besides, by the time #3 comes around, you shouldn't expect everyone to go all out like the first one.
Good luck!!!

Hi S.! I think it's wrong for your friend to expect and demand a shower, but I'm going to have to disagree with most people that responded; I feel that each child should be celebrated. The shower shouldn't be elaborate, just something simple. I love the idea of everyone bringing a box of diapers; God knows how many of those babies can go through and how expensive they are. Another suggestion would be for everyone to pitch in and buy her a double stroller. It sounds as if she'll need one of those. Good luck!

You're in a tough spot.

I think that it comes down to:
1. She's demanding the shower
2. She clearly doesn't take care of the things she has
3. She seems less concerned about celebrating the new life thank getting stuff

If you decide to throw the shower, I would be sure that she understands:
1. It isn't to give her stuff, but to celebrate the new little guy
2. You are overwhelmed and your resources (financial & otherwise) are pretty drained
3. People are probably pretty sick of giving her stuff she isn't going to take care of...

If you can, team up with the sister in law to deliver the message.

The second-hand idea is a FANTASTIC one. If she really needs some big basics, that's the way to go. Everyone is always looking to get rid of their stuff their kids have outgrown (I got most of the big-ticket items for our baby this way)...and it's a little more environmentally friendly: reusing, instead of buying all-new. Make it easy on yourself, though: Put together a list of things that she needs and then send that around to the people you're inviting so that they can "sign up" to donate their unwanted items.

Also, she should know that there is a place called Children's Orchard that sells gently used baby stuff. I don't know if someone already mentioned that? Sorry if I'm repeating.

Good luck - let us know what you decide.

Instead of throwing a baby shower and buying all new things, get a bunch of your friends together and give her whatever hand-me-downs tha you may have. If you are willing to spend some time on craigslist.org you can find some things gently used for free / cheap as well. That might be the best solution to keep your girlfriend happy and your pocketbook intact.

I would accomodate her request, but make it small scale. Ask that people make a page for a scrap book instead of bringing gifts. The scrap book could be about your friend and her family. It could be fun activities for children to do in their area.
Another thought is to ask everyone to bring "The One Item that you can't live without when you have a baby". This is the theme of the party.
I think if you were to throw a shower for this person, it should be small scale, and asking people to give elaborate gifts is just too much.
Hope this helps,
S.

I saw on the Baby Stories one time that they had a Second Hand Shower, were people gave her their own stuff or went out and got something 2nd hand. Might be an idea since you say her kids ruin things.
I only had a shower for my 1st. My 2nd I had a cookout at my parents after the baby was born and people did bring stuff but nothing major just outfits and stuff. But I never asked for them to bring something they just did. We are doing the same for this one that is due anyday now. Because I live 2 1/2 hrs from my parents we had it so her friends and some family could meet the baby.
But I also saved everything and did not expect a shower for each kid.
Good Luck

S.,
This is a tough decision for you. I don't see a reason for a second (or more) baby shower for someone unless there's a gender difference from previous children. You are certainly entitled to not give your friend one. I didn't receive a shower for any of my 3 children. I didn't ask anyone and no one threw me a shower. My mom bought what was needed for my first born; I bought everything for the younger 2. I can't get over anyone asking for one (after the 1st child). I think it comes down to how much do you value her friendship? I like the idea (from the first poster) to "organize a big gift basket from a group of friends (or have people chip in for a bigger item)." Talk w/your friend's sister-in-law about it some more. Maybe the two of you can work out some happy medium for your friend. Good luck & please let us know what happened.

Okay I guess since I just had my third child, and had a babyshower for all three of them, I have to give my opinion here. I personally do not see any problem with a mother wanting to have a shower for each child, each child is unique and deserves to be celebrated just as the first one does. Each child is a blessing and should be viewed that way by the parents friends'. That doesn't mean that presents are required or necessary, but celebrating the child is what, I personally see, as the important thing. However, I do totally understand where you are coming from S., I think we all have at least one friend like this. Unfortunetly. I guess the best advice I can give there is to not worry about it....I know she is your friend and you want to do what you think is going to make her happy, but YOU have obligations of your own. You need to take yourself and your situation into consideration before trying to plan another babyshower for someone who doesn't even appriciate what you've already done for her. Just explain to her that you can not over extent yourself at this point. If she doesn't understand, being a mom herself already, then maybe she's not as good of a friend as you thought. Either way hon, good luck in whatever you decide to do.