Baby Shower for #2

I know etiquette says you're only supposed to get a shower for the first baby, but I think we should celebrate every life - especially when there's a gender change and things are so expensive anymore, it's so hard to make ends meet. For my second we had a "diaper party" - that's the bulk of what you'll need. I liked that I got to try all the different brands of diapers without paying for them all and deciding which ones I liked best. Gift cards are a good idea too. But you know the people that love you and show up are going to try to spoil that baby with cute outfits and toys, too. Nothing wrong with that - a new life is something so special! And don't forget to include big sister!

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I had a shower for all 3 of my kids. I did not ask people just wanted to do it for me. I felt weird also having so many showers but it was 3 1/2 years between my first 2 kids (girls) and my last is a boy. There is a 2 year difference between my last two also. You may as well do a normal shower because people are going to get you what they want anyway. Let them decide rather or not they want to get you a gift card. Since my last child was a boy we did a shower with men and women. The men made the shower so much fun!

Showers for second kids are fine these days. Make it a diaper shower or a gift card shower like your friends suggested. I just had #2 a month ago and I actually had 2 showers (girls at church and another set of friends). I felt a little weird about it too, but my second was also a boy and my first was a girl. I got mostly clothes and diapers. It was great because clothes are expensive and they grow out of them so fast! I say if your friends want to do it, then let them. I didn't ask for either shower, but the girls who threw them acted like it was just the norm to have one, so I just went with it.

Enjoy and have fun!

i had the same problem...my first was a boy and the second was a girl. our church always gives the first baby shower, but when the 2nd child came along they gave us a diaper shower. since diapers cost soooo much it was very appropriate and it helped emensly. GOOD LUCK!

T.

I had never heard of a gift card shower, but this past spring a couple in my church married. Since they are older and have both been married before, the pastor suggested gift cards.
I have, however, been to a diaper shower for a 2nd or 3rd child.

diaper showers are more appropriate for a second child where you already have most of what you need from the first time around. You can request that people send/give gift cards towards that end...A diaper shower should replace the little things (clothing, bottles, binkies, washrags, towels, etc.) and provide you with LOTS of diapers...

Plus if you do it a couple of weeks after your newborn has arrived you can show him off which is usually a big hit with the crowd...but if you need the little stuff early you can do it prior instead..

Good luck ;-)...

Okahy having read some of the other responses..I have to agree with the use of the word "appropriate" in this instance, though , I myself, used it in my initial response. I agree with everyone that celebrating any child (regardless of first, second, etc) is a good thing. I myself was criticized by my family because a friend of mine threw a baby shower for my twins...I refused to feel guilty about it as my oldest was 7 and I no longer had any of her things, plus there were two coming and I knew I needed more than just for one. Not only that, but I was never given a shower for my first child and I refused to plan it myself...However, my husband and I purchased a many of the main nursery items ourselves instead of including them in our registry...

So, feel free to celebrate...I suggest the diaper shower as you only have minor needs with your new one as you said you are reuising stuff you had from your daughter...plus it might appease a few old schoolers for your to call it that, than to tell them you are having a full blown baby shower. You don't need the extra stress of what other people "think" for your blessed event!!!! ;-)

Hi E.,
When my daughter was pregnant with her second child,the first on was 2 1/2, we gave her a diaper shower. We asked the guest to give diapers,wipes, shampoo,lotion,etc.
She also needed bottles. This worked out very well.
Good luck.

Dear E.,
That would be a great idea and it would give the opportunity
to buy what you really need. My small company also gives out
gift cards. www.uniquefamilygiftshop.com
We have many gifts for the whole family and friends for all
occasions.
Thanks.
K. Allen
Gift Consultant

I just had a shower given for me for our second son. It was a diaper shower. Everyone that attended didn't think it was weird at all.

This is going to sound odd, but it could work. Some people might be offended if you came right out and said "gift cards" on invites. However, if you registered for like a few things only (clothes like you said) and added gift cards as a registry item, there you go. You can do that at Babies R Us, Target, Wal Mart, pretty much anyplace you might "register" anyway. Then you could pick the clothes you like and everybody has a choice...clothes or gift cards. OOOORRRR, you could get someone else to call for RSVPs and mention gift cards as an idea, so it doesn't look like you're requesting it. Personally, I think people need to celebrate EVERY baby and quit getting so hung-up on the multiple showers issue! Every baby needs something! What? Only baby #1 needs to get dressed? I've never understood that! People are having multiple WEDDINGS and wearing white to them now! I think celebrating a baby that is one-of-a-kind is way more special! I would not be offended if in my invite it said "celebration of life, your presense is my present" and then mentioned that if guests would like to buy presents gift cards from (your preferred list added) would be appreciated. It's all how you word it really. As long as it doesn't look like you're asking for monetary donations, I think most people are getting on board with multiple showers for babies and would be relieved to just order gift cards instead of having to shop anyway! If need be, get a friend/family member to pass along the idea like it is a surprise. I think gift cards are more appropriate simply because that's what you would actually need/use!

First, CONGRATULATIONS!

Second, you need to CELEBRATE! :)

Third, if your friends want to honor you with a shower, GREAT! And, I'm glad that Emily Post is right there with us.

Fourth, my personal experience...my friends threw 2 showers for me this year (for my 5th child)...it was great to be "pampered" by them (that was the theme for one shower -- "pamper" mom or baby). I had lots of "things" from previous children & really only needed diapers (I have both girls & boys). I let the host know that meals would also be appreciated & they had meals set up for us for every Mon, Wed, Fri for 4 weeks! We did the same for another friend who had her 5th this year too. I am so glad that my friends wanted to honor mom & baby despite the fact that these babies weren't our first borns...

Best of luck & have a great time at your shower! :)

I was reluctant when a friend wanted to have a shower for Baby #3 for me. She said that every new life deserves to be celebrated and this was her way of marking the occasion with our friends. I think it's a beautiful sentiment, focusing on the new life that's coming with your friends and family. Enjoy!

When I had my third child my colleagues held a "diaper" shower and everyone brought a package of disposable diapers (of various sizes). It was a GREAT idea and I had diapers for a year!

My friends threw me a diaper shower. It was great! I didn't get strollers or new baby things. I did get a few pink blankets (as my last one was blue) and lots of diapers!!
A diaper shower or gift card shower is still appropriate. A whole baby shower (with all new stuff) isn't.

PS. The oodles of diapers that I got from the baby shower helped out soooo much financially for the first TWO years!! It was amazing.

Advice columnists all agree that asking for money is unacceptable. Gift cards equal money.
This applies to a wedding shower, baby shower, birthdays, etc.

Our church notifies us about an available table to collect diapers for any subsequent anticipated babies of people associated with the church. Once your child is born, diapers will surely be your #1 choice. Your baby just wants to be comfortable.

Your close friends will probably provide a gift card, cash, or item of their choice for your out-of-town friend's shower if she wants to hostess one, but it should be their choice and not expected.

Enjoy infanticipating!

I went through the same thing when I was having my second. I had moved to a new town but didn't feel comfortable having a baby shower when I already had all of my baby stuff. My sweet friends really wanted to do something so they invited everyone to a tea at a beautiful hotel "in honor of Mother and Baby". It was perfect. Some people brought gifts, some did not. Point is, it wasn't about the gifts but a celebration of a new baby! But honestly, I think I was being a little over-cautious. If you want to have a second shower, go for it. Myself, I probably wouldn't mention gift cards. Congratulations on your new baby!

For a friend of mine we hd a "Sip and See", after her son was born we had people over to meet him, have some tea and cake and the guests were asked to bring diapers, gift cards, but most brought gifts. I hope this idea works for you, everyone that came really enjoyed themselves and got to meet the baby.

A second shower so soon after a first can be appropriate in some cases. There are a few things to remember,
1. don't invite people you invited to the first, unless they are CLOSE friends and family.
2. it's never polite to ask/imply for gifts (whether it's your first or tenth), registry's are helpful, but an attendee is never requried to bring a gift.
3. "diaper" showers, or "meal-time" showers and other themed showers are ok, but not "gift card" showers, asking for gift cards is like asking for money.

Hi E.. I have 3 children...ages 8, 3, and 2. Of course when my second one was born, I had to have a shower. Baby 1 was a boy, and baby 2 was a girl, and they were 5 years apart. I didn't have many baby things left, and even if I did, it would be very out dated. But when baby #3 came along, my son was 6 and my daughter was 13 months. Baby #3 was a boy, so of course I had nothing for a baby boy, an d my daughter was still in a crib. I had 3 baby showers, and no one ever complained. I think the one baby shower per family is a very old and outdated thing, and it should be ignored if you need things. Everyone who has kids knows how expensive they are, so a shower has always been the best way for friends to help you out and welcome the newest addition. In other words, your FRIENDS will be happy to come to another shower for you and be glad to welcome baby #2! Congrats by the way!

Hi E.! I think having a 2nd shower is completely appropriate. (We are working on baby #2 and I can't wait for another shower!) I think a gift card party sounds like a great idea, but if you feel uncomfortable with that, then asking for diapers and wipes is a great alternative. I hope everything goes well and congrats on your new addition!!

If you just want to have a party on behalf of the second baby, that is certainly appropriate. A second baby shower so soon after the first will likely be frowned upon, especially if you are requesting gifts of any kind.

Here's what Emily Post says:

For the week of May 3, 2004

Q. Is it proper to give a baby shower for a second baby? Some say that baby showers should only be given for the first born.

A. It is all right to have a baby shower for a second or third baby, as long as the guest list is comprised of guests who did not attend a shower for the first (and/or second) baby, with the exception of close friends and family members who would be upset not to be there.

I don't know about the gift card thing but one way to feel more comfortable with a shower, have it after the baby is born so it is a way for people to meet your new little one. Then, you are not the center of attention.

I say anything that they are willing to do out of love will be great! I have 3 children and had a baby shower for all three. It's just a way for people to show that they care about you. Our children were a little more spread apart in age and I still had things that I could use for the others. But it's nice to have "new" things and "Special" gifts for the other kids. I think-
So I'd have a shower, even if it is a gift card shower. Good Luck and Congrats on the new baby!

Please don't give into the notion of a gift card shower. You already feel like it's inappropriate or you would not have written - trust those instincts. Having a shower for the second child is not unheard of, but treat it for what it is: a celebration of a new life! This is not a place to dictate to those who love you most what they should buy you. If they ask, tell them, but otherwise let your friends and family shower you with whatever they want, or just come together to support you during this blessed time. Good luck!

I know you got a ton of responses but one BIG gift idea for the clothes you want is to have the person who is throwing the shower to convey (with TACT) to not buy the clothes in the Newborn size or 0-3 months size. Such a waste of money.

I know you shouldn't ask for anything but if they are going to spend the money, you don't want it wasted. My girl had 82 outfits before she was even born and barely wore 10.
I always buy size 12 months for showers. Just have to gauge when the kid will where them and what the weather will be like at that time.

Each baby is special therefore deserves a special day (baby shower). Gift cards are an excellent idea. Good Luck :-)

I have three boys and had showers for the first two . .. for the third, my sister threw a "Pamper Mom" luncheon . .. friends met at a tea room and brought bath things, lotions, candles, spa items - - it was wonderful.

Celebrating your 2nd is just as important as your first!! With that said, I think a nice celebratory lunch is a great idea, but to call it a shower and address gifts could rub people the wrong way. I think many people would bring a small gift either which way, but the rule I've always understood is only throw a real shower if kids are 5 years apart because most people would truly need all the baby stuff again by that time. Have fun!

I had a wonderful friend who wanted to throw me a second shower despite my protests that it wasn't appropriate. (according to etiquite)

She ended up telling people that I asked that they not bring gifts but she suggested they bring diapers if they felt compelled. Of course, most people did and it was very much appreciated.

I think the gift card idea would annoy me if I was invited.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this - it is a wonderful gift that your friend wants to celebrate your new baby! How great!!!

But if you do feel wierd about the gift thing, you could do what we did and have a "welcoming party" and if someone really wants to bring a gift that's up to them.

Above all, Congrats!!!!

Dear E.,
A diaper shower is what you need. Another Mom wrote in about this yesterday.
Congrats !

R.

Tempting as that is,a "gift card" shower is not really appropriate. Register instead at Target, for example, for cute boy clothes in several sizes. You'll also need a car seat, won't you? Double stroller? Register for disposable diapers. It is awkward to ask for gift cards, because there is always an amount listed. It could come over as asking for cash, which I know you don't want to do. People usually want to give you something to ooh and aah over. If people are stumped and ask directly, you or your friend could mention Merry Maids or some other such thing, but I wouldn't make it a theme of the shower.

We did a gift card shower once for a friend of mine who was moving shortly after the baby was born. No one seemed to mind. It wasn't a requirement - but a request. You might just throw a simple casual party to celebrate your new baby and mention that anyone who was already thinking of giving a gift consider a gift card since you have many things already. That way no one who helped out with the first baby feels obligated to with the next. I don't think the idea of a gift card shower is inappropriate. But some would resent the idea of a second shower. (Depending on one's culture, the shower is to help start a family - not necessarily to give stuff for each child. So, someone might not like that idea - but they don't have to come! Or bring a gift! I would just do so in a way that no one feels obligated.)

Do it! Gift cards are great , but someone might give your little one something that might last a life time. We had a meet and greet for my second and he received some wonderful keepsakes and we received lots of diapers.

I don't think it's tacky since your 1st is a girl and your second is a boy. maybe do a "pamper party" where they can bring either pampers for the baby or something to pamper you. if you google it there are tons of ideas for second showers. I think the gift card one is okay but some people think gift cards are impersonal so give them another option. good luck and congrats!

I don't know about a gift card shower since you might as well be asking for money, but a diaper shower should would help you out a lot!!

However, it really is your decision and you know your friends and family where I don't have a clue how they might react.

Best wishes!

Hi E.
I'll keep this short and sweet:

I believe that EVERY new baby deserves a shower!!

Jewel

Gift cards would be great. Diapers would be a possiblity as well. If you happen to have extra freezer/fridge space you could also request meals. I know of someone having a shower for #5 and has told the hostess that she would like diapers and meals. That would be a gift from the heart for sure.
Congrats!

I suggest a diaper shower. Everybody needs those!

As an alternate, you could have a "Welcome Baby" party a month or two after baby is born. Then everyone gets to meet the little guy and can bring clothing, diapers, wipes, gift cards, as they think appropriate. They'll know you don't really need anything with the kids being pretty close together. My kids are 20 months apart, girl and boy, and that was our solution. Worked out very well. We did set a start and end time so that we didn't get our little guy overtired. Ours was 3 hours, drop-in.

I am due for #2 in early Sept. and I too have faced this delimia. I also am having a boy and my first was a little girl. I once saw a post on this very site that put the whole second shower issue in perspective. The other Mom said- "Every baby deserves a celbration." Gifts, gift cards or none of above- it still boils down to people that care about you wanting to celebrate this new life you are bringing into the world. I have a friend and siter-in-law who are throwing me a shower for # 2 and we all decided that a couples shower would work out well. It will be a little more low key and hopefully this will put more stess on the celebration and less on the gifts. You'll find that a lot of people close to you want to buy a little something to mark this special event. I don't know if I would say out right that you only want gift cards- for some picking out what they view is the perfect gift is 1/2 the fun.

Congrats!

Sounds good to me. I'm expecting baby number two as well and do not need any new stuff. However, I like parties. So, I say go ahead and have a shower. Any reason to get friends and family together (even if gifts are not involved) is good enough. If people ask what you need, suggesting a gift card to your most frequented shopping sites or small luxuries for yourself (spa treatments for example) are a great way for folks to support you during this wonderful time. Congrats and have fun!

P.S. If it's friends and family who know you and your situation (especially in today's economy), and you feel comfortable asking for gift cards, don't be so quick to follow archaic rules of etiquette. Rules are made to be broken, anyhow.

I don't think there is anything wrong with having a baby shower for baby #2 but I think people should be able to give you what they want. Gift cards maybe in increments that people can't afford but at the same time could buy you a package of diapers. Maybe the invitation could say something like, we didn't register but could use diapers, wipes and gift cards to local places. Just my opinion. Congrats!!

E.,
sounds like a great idea to me we do it for birthdays Christmas ect why notfor a shower ,even for a 2nd baby you still have to have diapers foods lil cloths have fun with it
L.

I personally get irritated when pp say it is inappropriate...have a party for the baby coming! If pp want to bring a gift they can if not then at least come...every baby deserves a celebration party and so does every pregnant mommy I don't care if it is your 10th!

We had a "tea party" for my second. We met at the local ceramic shop and made a tea set for my girls. A couple of peopl brought gifts, but not everyone. Which was fine with me. It was just nice to get together and make something that the baby could keep forever. Your boy would not want a tea set of course, but you could do a similar type party.

Gift cards are the new thing for baby showers

I have many friends with multiple children. We always have a small shower for them to celebrate the blessing of newest child. It is not about being able to provide for the child but a celebration of the child. I personally do not like to be told what to bring but that is up to you. I like the idea of the meal prep shower or diapers. Those are the 2 things you need the most at this point in your parenting anyway. I was the 4th child of 4 and there are not many pictures, mementos "by the child I came around." It is a nice gesture to show your excitement and give everyone who cares to join you an outlet to celebrate with you.

Have fun! Congratulations on Baby #2!

i agree that it feels weird (i'm in your exact shoes right now) and have asked for no shower, mostly because lots of other friends are having their first child around the same time as me, but if a friend is insistent on helping out in some way, a gift card shower is an awesome idea! maybe if you mention to friends that it's ok if they don't bring a gift...? kinda lame but at least it lets them know you aren't expecting anything.

E.,

If someone wants to throw you a baby shower, let them do it. However it is inappropriate for the host or the mom to ask for gift cards only. Registering for items at a store or with a company is one thing, but saying you only want gift cards is tacky. It's kind of like telling people you only want $$.

Take care,
C.