Baby Shower Etiquette ? - Columbus,OH

NO, the expecting mom does not throw her own shower. How tacky.

Why is the baby shower in honor of her husband? He isn't having a baby, what on earth would he register for? The baby isn't born yet, so it isn't for the baby either. The baby shower is for the mom, and things for her or the baby are appropriate. The guests understand this. This does sound like she just wants gifts.

I always understood that a baby shower was a small party that friends threw for a pregnant friend, not a major gift grab that involved a registry at all. If they are in financial difficulty however, I overlook that point and don't mind a registry.

She needs to understand that people are doing her a favor by buying her gifts; they are not OBLIGATED to do so.

And yes it's rude to not open gifts at the baby shower. That's the kind of party, an adult party, where you open gifts and thank people in public. Good lord, how many people is she inviting? You might want to mention to her that this is not a wedding and she should not expect a wedding-sized gift haul. I think weddings and, sometimes, children's birthday parties are the only gift-giving occasions where you don't open the gifts publicly. She does need to corral a friend to write down who gave what and then also write thank-you notes. Normally if you thank a person in public you don't need to write a note but in this case she does. Yeesh, she needs to calm down and get over herself a bit. Again, I make a bit of an exception for people who are in serious financial difficulty, as help can make a huge difference, but then she needs to understand how grateful she needs to be and not take their assistance for granted.

6 moms found this helpful

You NEVER throw your own shower for anything, period. Let her know it's horribly against etiquette and downright tacky (you can send her these responses or links to etiquette books so it's not YOU saying it ;-)

The shower invitation should a) clearly state the host or hostesses -and none of them should be the celebrant; b) simply say it's a baby shower for ______. Is this going to be a couples' shower? If so, then state both names. If not -just put her name. For registries, both parents' names are usually put because some people may want to send a gift who know the father and they'll search under his name. However -that's on the registry itself. Again -if this is a shower only for her and hubby isn't attending -at the bottom state "______is registered at __________." -either her name alone or something like "The proud parents are registered at __________" if this is a couples' baby shower.

To not open the shower gifts at the shower is AWFUL in my opinion! It is considered rude, and it's one of the things people look forward to and expect at a shower. Everyone gets their food and drinks and wants to see what the future mom (or mom and dad) get for the baby! People also want to see their gift opened. I hate the whole idea of not opening gifts people went to the trouble to bring at birthdays, showers or any other gift-giving occasion. It sends a bold message of "Great -I was just stockpiling -I don't really care about you."

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No, Never. It is just tacky all over.

I have given showers and hosted them at the home of the actual mom because she had the largest space, or I did not live in her city, but I was the hostess.. And it was always my idea..

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You are correct. It is incredibly poor manners to throw your own shower. I don't know if it's necessarily rude to not open presents at the get together, but it seems odd...

Finally, instead of listing all three as registered (again, sounds odd), can it be worded to say "The Smith Family is registered at XYZ store".

Hope this helps- I'm curious to see other responses!

EDIT: THANK YOU Jennifer K! I thought the whole "honor the husband" thing was weird, too!

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My cousin and his wife just through a baby shower honoring their twin girls. I thought it was great and I was happy to attend. My cousin asked that the gifts not be wrapped (save a tree) and they did not open/look at them at the party. It wasn't like a typical baby shower. My husband and girls were invited too. It was held at an outside pavilion, they had lots of food and my cousin's band played. It was a 6 hour event/party. It was the best "baby shower" I ever attended! I think anything can go these days.

Also just attended a double baby shower for my cousins who are sisters. They too asked that the gifts not be wrapped and they did not go through the gifts during the party. That was a 2 1/2 hour brunch for just the ladies thrown by their mother.

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This all sounds rude and out of line to me! An expectant mom should never throw her own shower! (Nor a bride-to-be, but that wasn't the question here.) Someone should throw it for her, either a coworker, a sister, a friend....someone! If she is your friend, why don't you throw it for her? She can HELP by providing names/addresses, help pick out games (if any) and menu items (or kind of cake, or whatever snacks, if you are doing any), and even help pay for a few things if she wants to (but she shouldn't be asked to).

The shower is for BABY!! Not for mama and daddy!! BABY should be getting gifts, not the rest of the family! It sounds to me like she is just being selfish and 'using' her pregnancy as something to get a bunch of stuff for herself and hubby! TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE!!

Lastly, YES she should open all gifts at the shower! In fact, you can do that instead of games or whatever! That's what many shower-goers go for...oooh-ing and aww-ing over all the cute outfits, blankets and other baby items.

Seriously, this sounds like a self-centered person that only wants 'stuff' for her and will use the baby if she needs to in order to try to manipulate or guilt people into getting it for her. Stay away from this kind of person. They will only bring you down.

3 moms found this helpful

No. You do not, EVER, throw your own shower - tacky! However, if she really wants a shower, did she ask a close friend/family member to host it?
Sometimes if family is far away they host the shower, but have it at the expectant mom's house.
Since this is not her first baby, I also feel that is a little tacky to have a shower if the children are less than 7 years apart (that age is when you tend to toss all the baby stuff and need new). This lack of friends support for shower duty could be tied to this fact that it is baby #2.
I guess she can put as many people on the invite, but then they all need to be at the event. Personally, I'd keep it to one name or "The Smith Family's New addition"
Lastly, I don't think it is rude, but I do think it is odd not to open at a shower since it is to shower the bride/baby/mom-to-be, etc.
People like to see your gratitude and joy at these occassions - not like a birthday that happen every year:)

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it is a major faux pass to throw your own shower. If she is a friend of yours, step in and offer to through the shower for her.

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What Jennifer said: tacky! I wouldn't go, but that's just me.

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if following true etiquette, a registry is NEVER mentioned on a shower invitation, that information is only given out to people that ask when they RSVP.

and no, a person does not typically throw their own baby shower. if no one offers to throw a shower, it is okay to do a "sip n see" or something like that after the baby is born.

gifts are typically opened at the shower, especially when it's all women, but i don't know that it's "rude" not to, especially if it's a couples shower, as long as gift specific thank you notes are mailed out in a timely manner.

but, at the end of the day, to each their own, and if throwing herself a shower makes her happy, leave her be and keep the peace in the family!!!!!

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LMAO ~ sounds just like my SIL ~ so sorry about your luck!!

She rented a hall for her shower.....

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Please don't allow her to do this herself! When her friends and family receive that invite, they will all feel like you do. It's a ridiculous suggestion for her to do this and just seem needy. Does the family have money/are they well off or is she truly in need?

As the SIL, are you willing to offer yourself to throw it? That way, you can create the invite yourself. If it were me, I would response to the proof read with "Hey! Don't throw this yourself! Let me take care of it".

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I find it odd that the mom to be is throwing her own shower, doesn't she have any close friends or family willing to do so? Only the names of the actual people registered should be included since that's what guests will use to look up the registry when shopping, so if all three on on the store's registry then all three should be listed. Part of the fun of going to a baby shower is seeing all the adorable baby things when the gifts are opened.

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The mother should NEVER throw her own shower. That's just rude...and wrong. I don't think it's a big deal if the invitation states it's in honor of the mom, dad & baby who are registered at xyz.
I also believe baby gifts should be opened at the shower.

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I had a baby shower with baby #1 and my sister and best friend did it together. But they did it at my house since I had the most room. I was not allowed in the kitchen or to do anything but stay upstairs until 10 minutes before it started.

I divorced and remarried and my husband had never had any kids and it had been 5 years since my youngest was born so my sister and another friend wanted to do it again. I only agreed because it was my husbands first. Therefore we made it a family affair where my niece set up games for the kids to came and we had more of my husbands friends and family over for a luncheon. I made him open the majority of the gifts. But again it was at our house and we made a large portion of the food due to financial reasons. Everyone had a great time and we opened the gift in front of everyone.

Baby showers can be done in a multitude of different ways, but you should always open the gifts in front of your guests and you should never do it all by yourself for yourself. I did register for the 2nd shower and that was really weird, but I like the idea of people doing just that so you know what they need and it it is so much more personal than getting them a gift card.

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OK, I was kinda put in the position to throw my own shower. My house has always been the house where everyone gathers and we are better off financially than most of our friends and/or family. That being said, a couple of close friends did help me out with food and stuff, it's just that they couldn't do it on their own. We did it as kinda just like a big party and guys and girls were there. I don't remember exactly how the invites were worded, but my opinion now would be to have them say it's in honor of our expected bundle of joy. The bottom could just say "baby registered @ XYZ, listed under Mom's name. I DO think it is a must to open the gifts at the shower. People love to ohh and ahh over baby stuff!

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While a lot of non traditional things are done these days, you asked about etiquette and from an etiquette standpoint - the expectant mom would never host the shower. It should be hosted by a close friend or relative. The gifts should be opened at the shower. I don't think it matters who the invitation says it is honoring as long as the gifts are needed items for the baby.

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No it's not ok to throw your own shower! Sounds like hormones might be turning your sil into a momzilla! Maybe you could say something to her like "you should just rest and concentrate on you and the baby, let us take care of that" good luck, I don't envy you!

2 moms found this helpful

I agree with you. I'm originally from Texas so my mom, my aunt, and her close friend all hosted my shower in Texas (although technically it was just my aunt and close friend who did it all). But, I was wanting to throw a shower in St. Louis that some of my grad school friends and a few others could come to. I didn't have anyone in St. Louis offer to host it for me, but I had a couple of friends that were planning to visit for it that were very close friends from grad school. I simply asked them if they would be willing to be the "official hosts" as I wanted to have the event and had the date picked and was offering my apartment. It's probably still not the best way to do it, but at the same time it worked at well and they had no problem. I do think it's somewhat tacky to have the host of the shower also be the recipient of the gifts. I was still very involved in the planning of my St. Louis shower so the fact that she wants it to be a certain way isn't really an excuse to not allow someone else to host it. And it will probably come across that she is just wanting free stuff, which people won't respond to well.

Also, if the shower will have both her and her husband, and guys are invited then it should say something along the lines of "the couple and baby" or "they are registered at" since the shower is not just for her, it's for the dad too. The one time we did this, we made sure it was known that it was for both parents and we actually got "labor survival" kits for the dad lol

Oh and of course she should open the gifts in front of people at the get together! People want to see what you got and oogle over the baby stuff!

1 mom found this helpful

I won't bother with responding on the etiquette front (I think the other moms have pretty well covered my opinion there, lol)... maybe you could suggest to her to slow down a little and give her friends and family "a chance" to plan a shower for the baby... ?

If you know any of her good friends, perhaps you could contact one and ask if anyone is talking about planning one. That if not, would she (or if she thinks any of the other friends) be interesting in doing it WITH YOU.
?
Just an idea...

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I threw my sister a baby shower and she got what she wanted (not gifts wise, but theme wise...I knew what she liked, preferred, and didn't want). I frown upon expectant mothers throwing themselves their own party. It spells G-R-E-E-D-Y. But that is my opinion.

Whoever is hosting the shower is the contact person and number that should be listed on the invite. I have heard it is considered tacky to list the registry information. When I hosted my sister's shower, I included the registry information in the invite but from experience of my own, expectant mothers can look forward to receiving gifts that are not even from the registry. I had a good friend call me, asking me what I wanted/needed for my third child but instead of getting what I suggested, I got something entirely different. People get this idea in their heads to get what they want anyway. Most registries will allow a search to be made in either the mom's name and/or the dad's name. If you have a registry #, you can include that as well. And, yes, is completely rude to NOT open gifts in front of the guests. I would be offended if I attended ANY shower and the gifts were not open in front of anyone.

The invite should clearly state the shower is for (Your friend's name ~ not the husband or the baby's name, but only the expectant mother's name), who is hosting it and the contact number to R.S.V.P.

I hope this helps you.

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