Baby Shower Drama, What to Do?

First and foremost, keep the two events separate. Don't mention to the friend requesting addresses ANYTHING about the rift between you & former friend. That's just not appropriate. Give her the information she has requested from you in a non-partial way.
As for your shower, a few thoughts:
•Life is measured by milestones: births, deaths, wedding, etc. I would NOT exclude this "former" friend from this milestone in your life because you are not on good terms right now but feel you "will eventually work it out".
•In life, it's always better to take the high road.
•If you invite her, the ball will be in her court, which is a good place for the ball to be, right? She has the option of declining--you already know that might be a possibility. If she does, then deal with that and know that it speaks volumes about her character and your friendship's importance to her.
•I think it's always better (spiritually) to do the kind thing, don't you?

Invite her.
If she turns it down, it will be on her and everyone will know it.
You get points for giving her the option to say yea or nay no matter what she replies.
Not giving her the option makes you look petty.

Hi J.-

I agree with most of the other responders...Invite her...put the ball in her court!

Take the 'high road' whenever possible...The view is always better!

Best Luck!
Michele/cat

I have learned it is always better to invite everyone and let them decline, than to be hiding and worrying they are going to find out.

I also over the years have had friends that I do not see or speak with for long periods of time.. even if they were super close with me. As we mature and our lives change, so does our friendships..

It is not anything personal, it is just different.

When your friend bails, I do not understand why you take it so personally. We all have lots of things going on. and so we have to pick and choose, it does not mean we do not love or care about the other person..

Also some people are just flaky. They flit around in their own little world and do not have the finesse to take care of lose ends. They do not call to check up, they do not call to confirm, decline or to verify.. I just do not put my energy into that. I still love them, because They are who they are..

So if it were me I would invite, her, but not worry about her. If she comes great, if not no big deal..

If you're going to have to interact with her continually I would certainly include her on your invite list. If you are having any friends at your shower then include her. If she declines that is her problem not yours. You've taken the higher road. If you are going to the shower in November and will see this person you don't want that dark cloud hovering over you.

If you have no desire to repair or continue with the relationship then she shouldn't be invited and you shouldn't worry about it even if you go the November shower and she's there. You be polite and exchange pleasentries and move on to a different corner of the room.

I'm with Denise. Keep the two events separated. You enjoy your babyshower. If you want to invite that friend and she ends up going and makes you uncomfortable, then after the shower nip that right in the bud. Get all the cards out on the table. (after the shower). I think you and her need to go ahead and work this out and either go your separate ways or let it roll off your back and move on. The faster you deal with this, the lesser the stress that's on you. :-D Give your other friend the addresses she requested and don't say anything to anyone about the mess that you and that one gal is having. May be you can call that friend you're having problems with and tell her that you would like to talk to her about some issues. You tell her how you're feeling, allow her to express her feelings, respect each other and how you feel and move on from there. :-)
I agree with Denise, you can invite her and let the ball be in her court. :-) But I really think you both need to work this out so that neither one of you are in question as to where you stand with each other. :-)
Congrats on your third baby! :)

Why would you want to be friends with someone who always bails on you, and who is causing you this much distress during what is supposed to be a happy time? Sounds like it's time to move on or make a decision as to what you're going to do with the friendship. It shouldn't be that hard to be friends with someone. My rule is that if someone is a constant source of stress, negativity, bad feelings, etc., it's time to cut them loose - long history or not.

Do what you need to do in order to keep yourself happy & sane. If that means not inviting her to your shower & reevaluating the friendship, then that's fine. Don't worry about the other stuff. So what if she sees the FB pics? If she has the nerve to ask you about them, you tell her that you weren't speaking at the time, so you didn't invite her. So what if you see her at the other shower? It's not about you 2 & your drama, it's about celebrating someone else's baby. You'll both need to get over your issues for the day, whether that means being cordial or ignoring each other.

As far as the other people - keep them out of it. They don't need to know your drama.

Sounds like you are waiting for her to make a move in regards to your friendship, and that maybe you are scared to have "the talk" with her. I don't know. But that is not a friendship that sounds very friendly.

Good luck with your baby :-)

No, your friend knows you are at odds with each other. I would avoid creating even more drama by telling others to keep quiet about your shower. Really though, if you think you will eventually make-up than why not invite her? 20 people is plenty to keep you occupied and the awkwardness down. If she's rude at your own baby shower, even though you invited her under the circumstances, or if you invite her and she declines for no real reason, than you know you don't have to waste your time or energy stressing over her ever again, and if your relationship works out, it will do so naturally over time.

That said, if she's not worth inviting to your shower, then she probably isn't worth being friends with again in the future.

If you see her at your friend's shower, just be nice and cordial and occupy yourself with other people at the same time.

If it is a close friend and family shower, then tell her so. You are not talking and she knows this. Go to the other shower and just be civil but don't let her start in on your issues and vice versa. If you would like her there, then invite her and let her be the one to decline.

It sounds like your making this more complicated than it needs to be. There shouldn't be any games or intrigues around your shower. Let your friend know you are having a shower with just a select few. If you want to invite her then invite her if you don't then don't but don't worry about it. There is no need to lie or not disclose anything.

Go to your other friend's shower and have a good time.

If possible try to work things out. Communication is key to doing that. If you can't agree on anything then just open your hands and let that friendship go. It's ok. Life is short. Develop and cultivate other friendships along the way. Learn the valuable lessons you need to learn for successful life and living.