Baby Shower - Overland Park,KS

Updated on October 29, 2008
L.R. asks from Overland Park, KS
19 answers

Ok, I'm not looking for sympathy or pity, but an opinion on what I should do if I should do anything at all.

I'm in my 7th month of pregnancy and I don't have anyone to throw me a baby shower. Our closest family members are in Georgia and I don't have any friends here as we moved a couple of years ago for school and because of full-time school and work, I haven't formed any close bonds with anyone.

I think I'm only asking this question because I'm so emotional due to the hormones of the pregnancy, otherwise if it was up to my old self, I wouldn't even bother with a baby shower.

So the question is, do I emotionally need a baby shower? Would my second feel cheated out of what my first child had which was a nice baby shower or would I regret that I didn't have one? Also since I don't have anyone to throw one for me, do I throw it myself? I've heard of a Mail Shower, is that something feasible or, more so, is that tacky?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the responses. It made me understand a different cultures' view of what a "Baby Shower" represents and with that helped me come to terms with what I was so concerned about in the first place. Where I'm from we celebrate everything with a party and the attendees are anyone and everyone under the sun. It never is a ploy to gain material items, but a mere celebration with the center being the celebrant and more importantly, the food. So really the majority of the work and output of cost comes from the celebrant themselves. I was worried that I wasn't honoring her upcoming arrival the way we did with our son.

With that, I decided to celebrate her arrival with cake, balloons and most importantly, food, but just with our little family.

Thanks again ladies. Your responses put me to great ease.

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N.P.

answers from Kansas City on

I have actually never been to a baby shower for a second baby (only first) and I don't think the baby would feel cheated out...it has all those great hand-me-downs!!

1 mom found this helpful
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T.W.

answers from Kansas City on

You could try posting a bulletin at work and/or at school of items you still need for the baby and ask if anyone has these items you could buy from them? or they would be willing to give to you? Maybe someone will take the hint and organize a work/school related baby shower for you????

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J.H.

answers from Kansas City on

2nd showers are usually only thrown if the sex of the baby is different. In your case, I think it's totally appropriate to have a 2nd shower. Usually the only things you need are gender-related clothes...so here's another idea, why not have a "Welcome Baby Girl" party after she's born? You may have time to form some relationships and/or give your family a chance to be here, because you know they'll want to come visit and help out. Have snacks, punch & cake. Easy!

2 moms found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

i agree with the other two posters - a lot of people wouldn't think to throw a shower for your S. child. but i also think that IF you were around close friends and family, this being a girl and so much later, it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect it. it's a hard situation. i have heard of a mail shower too, but it sounds complicated. if there are specific things you need help getting, then maybe i'd drop a hint or two to family, but being the non-confrontationalist i am, i don't think i'd get too wrapped up in a shower this time. but that's just me. sounds like you're a go-getter, maybe the mail shower is right up your alley? i also know that they do things with webcams and etc, these days. google it girl! you might find something that works. if all else fails just call mom, or a sister, or best friend, and say, hey, i was thinking about doing a long-distance shower type thing....

good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.B.

answers from Kansas City on

L. - Congrats on the soon to be baby girl :)

I also tend to think of baby showers only being for first babies. I have never been to a second baby shower and I have 37 first cousins!!!!

However, just because there is no baby shower, that doesn't mean people won't want to purchase gifts. I just had a second baby this year and was amazed at the outpouring of gifts from friends and family. And like you, my oldest was a boy, so it was wonderful to get all those cute girlie clothes. My guess is that many of the friends and family that you would consider inviting to the baby shower will be sending you (or your baby girl) something anyway. Who doesn't love to buy something pink????

Of course your emotional!!! Being seven months pregnant without your family here has to be difficult. But don't for one second think that this second baby will be less special to anyone simply because there was no baby shower. She will be a blessing and I'm sure your family in Georgia can't wait to see her pictures and welcome her - even if from afar.....

1 mom found this helpful
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H.H.

answers from Kansas City on

some only have baby showers for the first baby. My Aunt gave the 1st one, My mom did the 2nd one, I was a military wife and lived 2000 miles away so I think the baby showers were more get togethers for the whole family to see me before I went back home and it was nice for me so I didn't have to go everywhere trying to visit them. Our 3rd child we lived about 500 miles away and didn't have one. I guess they figured we had everything for him since we already had a boy and girl but the fact was we had nothing but a crib because everything else molded in storage so had to start over so would have been nice to get some things for him but we made it and God always provides what we need and don't think the child will care one way or the other if you have one or not.

If you would like to have one then see if your family will mail you gifts, set up a computer camera if you have a computer. You can have everyone sign up on aol messenger or yahoo messenger but they need to be on the same one and you set up your camera and everyone log into a chat and can watch you open your gifts on a special date and time for it. Everyone can also hook up computer mics and talk back and forth so you would have sound and the visual from the webcam.
Enjoy every moment of your children's lives. They grow up way to fast.

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D.C.

answers from Kansas City on

I completely understand your situation. We moved to the Atlanta area for a new job for me, and found out shortly after we got settled in an apartment that I was pregnant with twins. I was new to the office and knew absolutely no one and didn't get a shower for my boys. But all in all, we didn't know the difference. I was hurt at first, but we didn't let it get us down, and eventually made some great friends. Like you, my family and friends were across the country and I did get some fabulous gifts from unexpected sources after my boys were born. I don't know if that helps or not - I don't know that your new baby will know the difference and you will get gifts via mail both before and after she is born.

D.

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E.W.

answers from Kansas City on

Hi L.,

It's not unreasonable to have a 2nd baby shower, especially when this one's a girl and the first was a boy. Since your family is so far away, you could just do an Open House after the baby comes, and this way people that you're friends with can come meet the baby for the first time, and it won't be overwhelming with all the games and stuff like that. An open house lets people come for a little while, then leave after seeing the baby and having some light snacks and maybe cake if you'd like. That's what we did. And people did bring gifts for them, too. Not that we expected them to or anything, but they did. We knew that everyone was going to want to see the new baby, and thought this was a great idea. Of course, wait until you're feeling good and not too tired. Just an alternative to an actual shower...hope this helps!

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S.Y.

answers from Kansas City on

Typically people don't give a shower for the 2nd, 3rd etc babies unless there is quite a span between kids. I wouldn't feel bad since you don't know anyone in your new town anyway. Just enjoy the pregnancy. If you send out announcements you will get little girlie things which will be nice.

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R.N.

answers from Kansas City on

my response would be that this child is just as special as the first. I didn't have a shower for my second because my mother in law forbidded it but her daughter had two for each of her girls. My youngest is now 7 and there are still times that it upset me that i didn't have one. It's your second so throw one for your self invite everyone and just ask for the nessesities If you were my friend you would be having a shower. I pray that you get one.. Good luck and enjoy these last few months.

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K.A.

answers from Kansas City on

I'm so sorry you don't have family close to shower you and the baby with love. I have a niece in Flordia and since we can't shower her with love, we collected money and sent her a gift card. Has any of your out of town family asked if you want stuff? Maybe this is the way to do it. As for having one, another niece has two and never got a shower for either child and her in-laws lived in the same town she did. You never know work people may be planning on surprising you with a shower.

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E.S.

answers from Kansas City on

Many people feel like a mom doesn't need another baby shower if she had one for her first, but I think in your case, with kids over 4 years apart AND different sexes, you're within even Ms. Manner's rules! :-) What you might do is see if a sister, aunt, or other female relative would have one that you could attend via telephone, if you can't get there yourself. I've heard of several of these "telephone" showers when relatives are widely scattered, and it might work for you. Of course, if you could get back to GA for a weekend, that would be even better, but if you can't, maybe this would work. Maybe you could even videophone it through your computer? At the very least, send the hostess a bunch of recent photos and then call and talk to everyone. You could either have people mail you gifts and then you open them while you're on the phone, or you could have the hostess open gifts for you while you're on the phone. This is where a video connection would be really great! Good luck.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I didn't have one for my 2nd either, but I was completely okay with that.

You could make a special day of "baby sister" shopping with your son. You could get him involved and let him help pick some things out. It could be a lot of fun for the both of you; it could be even better if your husband could go as well! And by the way, congratulations!

1 mom found this helpful
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K.C.

answers from Kansas City on

From what I have heard from young family members that there is no shower for a 2nd child

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S.R.

answers from Kansas City on

Maybe someone you work with or go to school with is going to give you one. I always thought that you only get a shower for your first child. Everyone that I know only had one.

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A.B.

answers from Kansas City on

I don't see how an unborn baby would feel cheated. I'm afraid it does seem tacky to me to throw your own shower. Showers aren't about the stuff; they're about everyone getting together to celebrate the new baby. Whether or not you regret not having one, it sounds like you've been too busy to make the friends who would attend. I hope you'll stop school and work once you have your baby so you can spend time with her!

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K.D.

answers from Kansas City on

Most people do not have a shower with the second child.

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S.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Do you belong to a church? If not maybe start one now and see what God will do for you if you trust in him.A church is like having a extended family .

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C.H.

answers from Kansas City on

you usually don't get a shower for your second baby.And no you should not plan one for yourself.

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