Baby Refuses the Bottle

Michelle:

I am currently employed as a teacher at a daycare. We have situations much like yours every day. Though the decision to leave your child in daycare is a hard one, please don't forget to consult the most important participant in that decision: your child. EVERY infant is high-maintenance. They are made that way. The only one that can truly love and care for her in the way it is needed is you. Though I care for each of the children I work with, it is much easier to get frustrated and irritated by someone else's children than a family member. Though this may not be the advice you want, don't forget to listen to your daughter's cues. She needs you more than she needs to be "tricked" by a stranger. Don't allow someone to be a parent to your child for a paycheck. I don't envy your position. Good luck on your choice!

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M., I totally understand your dilemma! I went through the same thing with my son when I went back to work. I felt horrible thinking he wouldn't be able to eat, and the first day or two was pretty hard. We had tried all sorts of bottles and nipples as you have and then after a day or two at daycare, they actually suggested the Playtex nursing (I can't remember the exact name, but they're the drop-in line with the natural type nipple) system and it worked like a charm. Either my son realized that was the way he was going to eat at daycare or the bottles worked, but either way - he became a champ at it and had no issues. Your baby will take the bottle when she realizes that's her food source. I know it's hard, but try not to worry and trust that the daycare will make sure she gets what she needs while you're working. And I have to comment about the other comment telling you that you need to stay home for the first year. What works for your family is your business; just because that worked for her family doesn't mean it's what every mother should do. I always feel it necessary to say something when I see those comments because so often, mothers forget that we're all in the same boat and have the same worries and when comments and judgements like that are made it just adds to the already very worrisome and stressful job of being a mommy. You're doing a great job and I'm sure your little one will catch on with the bottle soon!

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Hi, M.! It sounds like you've gotten some great advice on bottle feeding, so I want to respond to a different issue. As moms, we all want to be able to stay home with our children. It broke my heart both times I had to leave my babies at daycare for the first time (first with my daughter, then with my son); I sobbed the whole day. But, even though we would like to be able to stay home, in reality, we can't. My husband is self-employed, and though he makes good money when he is working, his income isn't always reliable. I have a realiable, good-paying job that carries our benefits and a stable paycheck. Sometimes it isn't a matter of giving up dinners out, etc. so that you can be a stay-at-home mom; sometimes it's a matter of giving up stable pay and health insurance. So, I guess I really just want to say that I know some people say that you should stay home even if it seems impossible; I say that it is VERY POSSIBLE to be a great mom and work, too. I have a lot of respect for stay-at-home moms, and I wish I could give my children that, too; but whether we work or stay home, we all do our best in the ways that we are able to give our kids EVERYTHING WE CAN! And, most importantly, I know that we all give our kids just as much love no matter what we do with our days.
So if you are having to go back to work, know that there are others who know what you are going through when you drop your child off at daycare, and we support you and know that you are a good mom. And just think, your child is meeting new people, making friends, learning about social interaction and values, growing intellectually, and boosting their immune system while at daycare! And once your little one starts talking, hearing about their day at daycare makes for great dinner conversation. We always ask each other at dinner, "What was your favorite thing today?" and it is fun to hear about my daughter's day that way. Good luck going back to work. I'll be thinking of you!

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when I went back to work, my day care provider suggested my husband and I sleep with a blanket or birp cloth, something along those lines. When she put that blanket up against her, the baby could smell us and would take the bottle. My husband also tried to do that several times with clothes that I had worn. The baby refused a bottle from me becuase she knew I could nurse her, but with the smell of me, she would take the bottle from someone else. Good luck

I have no good advice, only sympathy. My daughter did the same thing, and so we were "attached" for the first 6-9 months. I tried everything. I stayed home with her, so it wasn't as big of a deal. I have heard of people who have their parents or relatives do child care, and they bring the child to work several times a day to nurse. Other people I know adjust their work schedule to a 6 hour day, and then find a way to nurse once (on their lunch hour) during the day if the child care is close to work. Then they can nurse right before leaving the child, at lunch--3 ish hours later, and again right after work--again,3ish hours later. I have also heard of people just making their kid be hungry for a few days. I don't know what to tell you, but I sympathize. My daughter was really stubborn, and I don't know that anything would have worked. Good luck with this tough situation. And I do agree with the previous advice that if you can, you should figure out a way to stay home with this one--at least part time. They are only tiny for just a little bit!

My little one refused a bottle for a long time. I didn't have to go to work, but I felt very trapped at home, or with the baby. My husband and I couldn't go anywhere for more than a few hours, movies were out of the question. Anyway. This is what finally happened. She (my baby) took a pacifier without any problems and I realized that I had been trying to use a bottle nipple that "looked and felt" more like the breast. She took a NUK pacifier so I looked for a NUK nipple and she almost immediately took it. She also had problems with the formula at first cause it just doesn't taste or smell like mothers milk. So we started her out with all pumped breast milk and then changed it slowly by mixing more and more formula into the bottle and slowly but surely she took it also. I would just keep trying. There are SO many options for bottles and nipples out there. Good luck, I hope you find your solution!

This kind of thing makes me so sad for your baby and for you. If you can, please try to figure out how to stay home with your baby, at least for the first year. It can be done in most cases, even when it seems "impossible." There are a lot of things you could probably do without, but your baby should not have to do without her mother. She was in your body for nine months, and she needs YOU more than anything else for at least the first nine months after she is out of your body. I know this may not be the kind of advice you are looking for, but I feel it is important to remind you of these things. Please give it some serious consideration. You will never regret being with your baby when she needed you most.

I went through the exact situation with my second. He was 3 mos old to the day, and prior to my return to work no efforts to bottle feed were successful. Yes, we tried every brand, situation, formula, breast milk, etc. It sure seemed like a crisis at the time . . . I was prepared to call the pediatrician to ask what the minimum intake would be required to avoid dehydration . . . Well, after a very frustrating two days, where both the baby and our sweet nanny (thankfully, it wasn't her first week on the job) were in tears, baby "GOT IT." I'm sure yours will too. Sorry I don't have any specific advice, but to say it will work out OK. Keep nursing after work, I pumped for five months on the job so baby had a freezer full of healthy milk. Later we nursed at night and son finally weaned at 17 mos. YES, you can both do this.

I went through the exact same thing with my daughter. I tried it all too. The thing that finally worked was the Playtex bottles with the flat nipples, not the ones that come with the bottles. I started feeding her cereal,with a spoon, right before 4 months and gave her bottles in between bites. For a couple of weeks that was the only time she would take a bottle. She is almost a year old and is still very picky with what nipples she will take. I know another mom who breastfeed too and her baby is a year old and still won't take anything but mom. She had to quit her job after maternity leave. Good luck!!!!

you may be able to use a sippy cup or even a plain small cup. newborns are often fed breast milk with a medicine cup and it works well. ask your lactation consultant for advice.

N.

my mother-in-law said she would come home during her lunch breaks to nurse her son.

How worrisome. It is very common for babies who would take a bottle at 3-4 weeks old, and then stop, to refuse the bottle offered at a later time. I'm wondering if you tried the wide neck or standard neck Dr. Browns? If you want to try one more kind, I'd suggest the narrow (standard) neck Dr. Browns, stage 2 becuas of her age, and it works with medela or ameda bottles (you don't need the whole system). Actually, the new Medela bottle nipple is the same as the Dr. Browns--but try stage 2.
Does she take a pacifier? Have you tried that shape?
Things you've probably tried, but I'll mention anyway ... offer the bottle before she is hungry; walk and bounce, facing the baby away from the person feeding her, and rest the bottle nipple at her lips. Often within 10 minutes the baby will accept the bottle. If you are able to get her to take it again, offer it 1 or 2 times each day since work is imminent. This doesn't have to replace a feeding, just be a snack of 1 oz between feedings would be great.
If it still doesn't work, how about breast milk on a spoon? By the time you return to work, she will be so close to solids anyway, so spoon feeding might work even though it takes a bit longer. Straws or spout cups work for some babies, but don't get the no-drip kind since they require sucking, which she won't do.
It appears you have lots of ideas on the list to try. Let us know what works, okay?
Amy

I was in the same place when my daughter was 3 months old--no one could feed her a bottle. Then she went to school and was completely fine. She wasn't a pro for the first few days, but it was no issue. They know how to feed babies--maybe babies sense the confidence--and it was not an issue. But boy, was I nervous. Don't worry about it. Keep trying about once a day, but let your husband/family relax and know it will be ok. She probably senses the frustration and nervousness. Hang in there--it will be okay. Whether she takes a bottle, a sippy cup, or drinks from a glass, daycare will handle it.

Dear M., I think usually this site gives you good information, I love reading it everyday. I am sure someone will come up with an answer for you. I know with my daughters and with myself anything that had to do with nursing or not nursing was a major dilema in our lives. I wanted so much to have an answer for you. Finally, I just googled "my baby won't take a bottle". Baby Center had an entire page of mommies with your problem. One lady said she solved it just by slipping her pinky in the babies mouth with the bottles nipple. Ha-ha she just fooled the little guy. There was another site called, "Ask Dr. Sears". I hope one of these will help you. Good luck! Grandma K

We had the same problem at about the same time. You've definitely tried everything I would recommend. Maybe it's time to stop for a few weeks and try again later. She's got a bad association with the bottle and she may take to it in two weeks, which still gives you four more before work. You could also try giving it to her from a sippy cup (they even make them with nipples but that may not be different enough).

The thing that ultimately worked for us was feeding her in different positions (like lying down on the couch or in her car seat) so she didn't associate it with breast feeding, but we had to stop for a few weeks and try again. Good luck - I know it's very stressful but she'll take to it eventually.

Hey M.!
I had a little bit of a similar situation, except my son would take a bottle at home or at grandmas but wouldn't at the daycare. Your little one is probably very resistant to change, like my little guy is. Those darn little high need infants! ;)
It took a week at daycare before he came around (with me having to go over and nurse him three times a day). I should add that problems have not necessarily stopped. He only allows some people to feed him and only in a certain way - some can hold him, others have to leave him in the bouncy seat. He's a very particular child!
You can search for my question I posted about 3 months ago and read those responses too. If you do that you will also notice that the same woman left me a comment telling me to stay home.
I'm with these other mommies that not all moms can stay home - or maybe don't even want to! It doesn't make you a bad mom if you have to (or want to) work. It's nice to have a life outside of the home. And baby benefits through social interaction and exposure to others and different situations.
I'm sure you know all this, since you have an older daughter, but I think we all need to be reminded because we all feel guilty for leaving our children in someone else's care and it doesn't help when people tell you that you NEED to stay home (and why are men never guilted into even taking the full 12 week FMLA?!)
I would suggest (because I wish I had done it) that you head over to the daycare for a few hours each day before she is left there full time to get her used to the environment. So even when you do get her to take the bottle (and you will!), having to take it in a new environment a few weeks later could totally throw a wrench in things.
Just be persistent, and work on tricking her. I think that might be the way to go.
And of course - and I'm sure other mommies who post here agree - that if you have more questions about this or just want to talk to any one of us that have been there, to just shoot us a message and we will be happy to respond.
Good luck!

i had to "trick" my son by slipping him the bottle when he would fall asleep nursing. it took about a week, but it worked.

My son did the same thing. I found out afterwards that 3 months old was too late to be introducing the bottle, but I didn't have a real reason to introduce it earlier since I was just breastfeeding as well. So what we did was just switch to a soft spouted sippy cup and he does really well with it. He is 7 months old now. Good luck, it can sure be frustrating!!