Baby Number 2 - Allen,TX

I join the bandwagon and tell ya that having them close is NOT terrible. My kids are 1 1/2 years apart and they are so close. When the 2cd was born we included the older one by getting a bottle or anything and he felt like he was helping and now they older he is protective of little sis. They play together all the time. THe baby learned to crawl and follow him and they are best friends. Don't get me wrong they have sibling fights as all do. It was hard when I had to separate them when the oldest started school. But they adjusted and now they look forward to seeing each other at home. They play better together than they do sometimes with other kids. Probably because they know each other so well. You think that a boy and girl they have different likes cars trains vs babies my little pony but they just go to each others rooms some days its racing cars and some days its ponies. We also would get boy thomas the trains and found girl thomas the trains for example. They had they own and would play forever. They always have a friend to play with. My kids are kindergarten and 1st grade and now play board games together also like Sorry. They don't have to worry there no one to play with. They have a friend who is the only child and is bored alone all the time. And there other friends who have kids 3-4 yrs apart and they dont have anything in common so they all play in there own rooms.

So if i had to do it again I choose to have them close in age so they have a friend growing up and a sister or brother.

Mine are 14.5 months apart and that first year was rough, but I wouldn't do it any other way. As soon as the little one started being a little more stable and mobile (6ish months) and getting on a good nap schedule, I loved it! They are 2.5 and 3.5 now and the best of friends. I think it is easier to have two this close than just one 3 year old because they play together so well!

My kids are 19.5 months apart. It's hard sometimes, but so far, it's not nearly as hard as people said it would be. It hasn't shaken my marriage at all (what a strange thing to say!)

However, I was 2 cm dilated for almost 3 weeks before we finally induced labor with my daughter. For me, being dilated meant nothing, really. Good luck with the new little one!

One of my good friends had twins through IVF. 5 months later she got pregnant on her own. She had 3 kids 14 months and younger!! Yikes!! Can you imagine??? Her marriage has and is surviving!! People are so judgmental!! Just because they don't feel that they can handle it doesn't mean that you can't!! My sister had 2 kids 2 years apart and she is also just fine and she has had to do much of it alone as her husband is military. I had currently pregnant with my second as well and due next week so I understand your anxiety too. My daughter is almost 4 and I feel that we have prepared as much as possible but am still really nervous about going from 1 to 2. Just do the best you can and you will be fine!! People have 2nd babies all the time and many of them only have 2 years between their kids!! Good luck and God bless!!!

People can just be so rude. I currently have a 6, 3 and 2 year old and am due next week with my fourth. (Did I mention they were all boys)? Believe me, I've heard it all.

I am not going to lie and say it was easy going from 1 to 2, but once you get down a routine it gets a lot easier. You will no longer have the time to devote to just one child so you'll just have to learn to manage your time. In no time at all, you'll figure out what works for you and your family. Good luck to you!!

Congratulations!! My daughter was 22 months old when my son was born, and then he was 23 months old when the next was born. My husband and I honestly got used to not talking at meals with 3 little ones, but now they are 7, 5, and 3 and it is AMAZING!! I would not change anything. They are all close friends and don't let anyone do anyhting to hurt any of them. They do activities together and support each other. We didn't "plan" any of them, but I am SO happy they are the ages they are. Ignore people who think they can't do it...you will do FABULOUSLY!!!

My boys are 21 months apart, and yes, for the first year it can be hard at times, and wonderful at times! But when they get a little older, that is when having kids this close it just wonderful! My boys do fight, but they are also the best of freinds, and they love to play together. I got to read 5 books this summer! because I do not have to spend all my time entertaining them. I would not have traded my close kids. As for the marriage comments, your marriage will only suffer if you let it. Just remember that being a mom does not mean you stop being a wife, and that you husband can not be put last place all the time. Even if you are tired, he still needs to feel loved, and wanted. Have fun with your kids everyday, and live with joy and love, and the rest will just fall into place!
Blessed Be

Well, the only negative thing I have to say....I was dilated at 1cm for 3 weeks, Yikes!! But I'm one of those women who doesn't go into labor naturally! I was actually induced with all 3 of my kids, but that's just my luck!
As for baby #2, Don't worry one bit!!! My daughter was 3 when I had my youngest (now 5mos), and it was just fine. She was all about the baby. She grew a strong attachment to one of her own babies, which was really sweet! Whenever I would do anything with the baby, she would be right beside me, kind of imitating my actions with her own baby. I've seen many friends having their kids close in age, and I've never seen any of them struggle. I mean, you will have to juggle the 2 kids now, but it really isn't bad in any way, shape or form. I personally would not have had it any other way. My biggest suggestion--do NOT exclude your daughter from anything. That is one thing I have seen friends do where their older child will kind of start regressing out of jealousy. That is why I tried my hardest to keep my kids as involved as I could. Little things like holding a clean diaper so that its ready when you are, asking her to help put the baby wash on the wash cloth, "reading" a book to the baby, etc. All of those little thing helped me tremendously. My 3yr old was no longer refering to the baby as her sister, it actually ended up being "her baby" and that was so touching to me!
You know, I think it really all depends on you as a family. I don't see how having another baby will be a bad thing on your marriage. A baby is a blessing in itself. Just try your hardest to keep everyone involved, and even try to have a mommy-daughter night once in a while, where just the 2 of you go for a walk, or go shopping, or anything like that. Or, what my husband and I do is we have a special bedtime routine. She gets her one on one time with daddy while I put the baby to sleep, and then once I'm done, it is my and her time. I will let her pick out 2 books to read, we will sing a song before bed, and then I'll cuddle with her for about 5-10 min before she goes to sleep.
Sorry, I feel like I just rambled on!
All in all, I really don't think you need to worry! Maybe its just a tint of jealousy coming from these other people. The last thing you need to do is stress this far into your pregnancy!
Good luck, and I hope this helped a little!
J.

my son is almost 2 1/2 and my daughter is 3 months. It can be crazy at times, but its great. Alot of people say.."Oh you have your hands full" I say "yes I do!" I love it. best wishes to you.....

I had a lot of comments when I was pregnant with my second about how close together they were going to be and how it would be "miserable." I found it was actually wonderful! Not miserable at all, and even on our bad days things were not nearly as bad as people kept telling me they were going to be all the time. Hang in there... it will be fun!

Chin up!
Probably they are just trying to think of something clever to say to you. And the easiest thing to say is always a "snappy unhappy" comment. The reality is blurred. Like labor... there is a LOT of work involved in caring for 2 small kids. But there is also a LOT of love and joy in it, too. :) There will be SOOOO many sweet memories of the two of them together as small kids... My son was 3 when our daughter was born. When she was about 1 and he was 4 he would dress her up like the "sidekick" to whatever super hero he was "being" that day... it was SO cute. They are 12 and 9 now, and they laugh at the stories. I wish I could have them back at that age sometimes just for a FEW minutes.. :))

But, yeah.. there is a lot of work too. But gosh, there is a lot of work NOW. Middle schoolers... sigh... It's all perspective. We tend to focus sometimes on the harder things.. but really.. it's ALL worth it. Just this morning driving my kids to school as the sun was coming up, I looked out the window while crossing a bridge (we live in a coastal community) and there was the most beautiful orange/gold glowing sky over the marsh and the river.. my son and daughter both thought it was beautiful too. My son (who's 12) said... "I wish I had a Nintendo DSiXL, so I could take a picture of it! " LOL (he has a regular DS and an ipod and a digital camera.... it was just his wishful mind at age 12, lol). They still do cute stuff now... but their faces are no longer the faces of cherubs...

So enjoy enjoy enjoy. Some days your heart will just want to explode with love when you watch the two of them playing together and caring for each other (usually when they think you aren't looking)...

I have 11 yr old triplets. When I was pregnant, I was not huge but I looked 9 months when I was 7 months. I would of course be asked how far along I was. Then I would get comments how big I was. Once people found out I was expecting or had triplets, I got comments of "better you than me" or Oh my gosh, you are going to have a hard time" or I sure hope you have help. First, I thought the exact same thing--better me then them. Yes, you are busy and you have to figure out what will work for your family. No I did NOT have help--at least not physical help for day to day stuff. My husband, who swore when we started trying that he was never going to change diapers and baths are moms duty, was right there on board. There was a study saying that couples that have multiples or babes close in age have a higher chance of divorce. Well, I have been married 20 yrs (married young) and we now have a 2 1/2 yr old at home so beat out that myth too. You will be fine as long as you are both willing to work and figure out what works for your family. There may be days that seem never ending but the really great days beat those out hands down. Don't worry about what those negative nellys say.
Also, I was not dilated at all before I went into labor. Friday I went in and still nothing, not even a bit. Late Sunday night my water broke and she came early afternoon Monday after about 20 minutes active labor.

You won't regret having two. Yes, it's hard work, but it's also very rewarding. I love how our son protects his younger sister and how he enjoys teaching her how to write her letters and words. I love watching our daughter try to be just like her older brother. There are such sweet moments you'll wish you could just put in a little box and keep forever.

As far as adjusting when the baby arrives, you'll figure out your own system. You really will. And take up any offers for help when people make them. Just having someone pick up things for you at the market can be a godsend when you're managing two young kids. Once you get into a rhythm with managing two, it's fine.

Best of luck! And don't care about how dilated you are. Could be nothing and go into labor in an hour. You never know.

Unfortunately many people are stupid AND rude -terrible combo! I don't know why anyone would find a 2 year age gap odd. It's the MOST common age gap between siblings, so you're obviously not strange for having a baby when your oldest is 2! My boys are 2 years apart and almost all of my friends who have children have kids 2 years apart. My youngest (who is 2) is part of a playgroup where all the kids are two, and we added 8 (yes 8) new siblings for other members of the playgroup in October alone! That's 8 more parents who decided to have a baby when their oldest is roughly 2. I don't think adding a second baby is ever completely easy. There's an adjustment for everyone. Personally I think it would be harder when the oldest was 4 or 5 or more because I would be completely out of "baby" mode! Everyone has their personal preference though. You'll be fine.It can sometimes take a while to get the hang of handling 2 at a time, but take deep breaths. It gets easier every day.

I am pregnant with baby #2 also. My daughter is only 11 months old and will be about 14 months when her brother comes along. I have gotten some negative comments and I just ignore them. I feel that some people just don't know what they are talking about because they are only imagining what it would be like. For me it will be a little difficult becuase I won't be able to pick my daughter up for at least 2 weeks due to needing a c-section. I know that she isn't going to understand what is going on, but hopefully she will get through it with me. Just make sure that you have a strong support system. Surround your self with people who are positive and helpful through the whole thing!!

As for being dilated. I was dilated at 1 for about 2-3 weeks with my daughter. They told me not to worry about being dilated because it doesn't mean that the baby will come today, tomorrow, or even next week. Labor is all hit or miss!

Good Luck!!

Hi and congrats on a soon-to-be new baby! I understand how you feel, I have a 6 year old boy and had boy/girl twins a year ago. While I did get a lot of positive comments on my pregnancy and future adventure, I also got a lot of "well better you than me" and sarcastic "good luck with that" type of comments. At 1st it really bothered me, then I just started replying with "thank you so much, we are very excited!!" even if they were rude comments. It usually got my point across and it felt good to keep it positive (because it IS exciting!).
I was nervous about expanding our family too, but once the baby comes, I think things will work out on their own once you adjust to the change and develop a schedule. It will of course be more work, but also more fun, plus your kids will be close in age so they can play together soon! Good luck :)

My kids are 17 months apart. When I was 7 months pregnant with my son, I actually had someone tell me that it would be torture. Who uses that word with a visibly pregnant woman? I think it depends on the disposition of your children. I didn't think it was too difficult. My biggest suggestion is to get the second on a schedule as early as possible. During morning nap, I would have tons of time for my daughter. I planned arts/crafts and bought lots of things to have in the house (playdoh, coloring...) and things to do outside (sand and water table, chalk.) I am very concerned with sleep and schedules. My second slept 10 hours by 8 weeks, and I tweaked the first's naptime so that they were sleeping together and I could get some rest. They are the best of buddies, and it is a joy to see them together each day. I love having them so close :)
Oh, I was 3 cm dilated for about three weeks before I went into labor.
Good luck!

My kids are 2 1/2 years apart. Is it hard work? Of course. But all kids are hard work. My thinking is if you can raise one child you can raise 2. I love the fact that my kids are close in age. There are times they annoy each other but then other times where they play together and its so nice. Just remember if it was so terrible having more than 1 child then no one would have more than 1! Good luck with the labor. Dont worry you will be fine you just have to adjust a little. It will come together with experience.

Who would say that to you?? Good lord!

I just had my second 3 months ago, and my DS is 2 (29mos, exactly). So they were 26 mos apart.
It's certainly harder, with 2 kids, yes. But it's not this staggering crippling thing! You'll figure out how to manuever. We all do. There are some things that will have to change, but it's not awful.
I have a VERY busy 2 YO. I mean VERY busy. And there are days where he destroys stuff while I'm distracted with the baby, because he knows he can. And there are days where he's so sweet and actually helps me a little.
You'll figure it out and it'll be fine. There's no point in stressing now! :)

For my labor, I was dilated to 3 for 2 weeks, and never actually went into labor on my own. I chose to induce at 39 weeks. Induction went totally smooth, and I timed the epidural so that I actually never felt a contraction! Unfortunately, my DS was face up and got stuck in my pelvis (no one knew this), so I wound up with a C-section. I'm 12 weeks pp now, totally recovered and back to my pre-preg shape and weight. It'll be fine. Just hang in there!!!

I can't answer the labor question, because I was induced both times, but my kids are 22 months apart (5 &6 now) so I can tell you all about that.

I won't like; it IS rough, especially at first. I got a lot of the same comments you're getting though, and it wasn't nearly as impossible as people said it would be. Two major things stick out in my mind; first, keep an extra diaper bag in the car with plenty of diapers and wipes, as well as a tote bag with an extra outfit for each of you. There will be times when you need the clothes, and you'll be going through so many diapers that it's nice to have backups. Second, give yourself three times as long as you think you need to get everyone ready to leave the house. There will be days when everyone is ready and walking out the door, and you have to do emergency diaper or clothes changes. Or your toddler won't be cooperating, your infant fussy, and you frazzled. It helps to have more time than you think you need for when issues arise. On the really bad days, if you can put off the errands until your husband gets home, do it.

Now, for the small tips. Always park near a cart corral - it's much easier to throw the baby's seat in the cart, the toddler in the top part, and wheel them into the store, than it is to try and lug them all. Babywearing will help you, be it a sling or the harness type carrier. I found my sling to be a lifesaver, especially in situations where I didn't want to or couldn't take the double stroller. (Note: the doors at the zoo are not wide enough for a side-by-side stroller.) Prepare for jelousy issues with your toddler; at that age, they can't really help it, and it's hard to reason with them. Just make sure your toddler gets lots of attention, especially in those first few weeks. It will go a long way. Costco or Sam's is your friend for buying diapers and wipes. Get the membership where you get money back once a year - you will spend enough to make it worthwhile, I promise. The Costco brand of diapers is great once they are out of the swaddlers. For that matter, buying your laundry detergent there will also save you a ton of money. Keep healthy snacks in the fridge, especially things your toddler likes. It's much easier to pull something pre-made out of the fridge for snack time than it is to prepare it with a hungry kid. Divide and conquor; as much as possible, split up parenting duty with your husband; take turns taking care of the baby seperately from your toddler. Everyone will enjoy the individual attention.

There's tons more I could offer, but I just got up, and have to get my kids up for school now. Feel free to message me if you want more advice, someone to vent to, or have a problem in the future.

Debbie

I don't know why people don't think about what they say before they open their mouths!! I, too, am pregnant with our 2nd, and people tell me things like that, as well. Things like, "having a 2nd baby is the hardest thing I ever did" and, "you thought it was hard the first time, just wait". I just tell myself, that I know myself and my family better than anyone and different things are harder for different people. As far as being dilated, I walked around dilated for 2-3 weeks before being induced! As a matter of fact, I was dilated to a 3 the week before my induction. Sorry it seems like forever, but it WILL happen!! Good luck and let us know how the adjustment goes!!

Don't let people discourage you. My little girl turned 2 while I was pregnant with my son. I did not find it difficult at all. I did have to watch my daughter a she was jealous of the baby. As for dilation each pregnancy is different. I started dilating at the beginning of my last month with my son and didn't stop. I was at 8 when the Dr. decided to induce.With my daughter I was at 1 from my 6th month and went to 4 before the Dr. decided to induce. My pregnancies were a little odd as I wouldn't go into labor. Try not to stress too much.The last month always seems to last forever.

I don't have any wisdom, but I am pregnant with baby 2 and I have a 2 year old. On purpose. I want them to be friends and playmates. I am sure it will be hard at first, but we'll adjust. My older sister and I are 2.5 yrs. apart and I have always loved that distance.
People love to give opinions on baby related topics, sometimes we just have to listen until they are finished talking and move on:)

I have 2 small children that are a handful BUT I wouldn't trade it for the world. My girls are 21mo apart.... Lucca is 3 and Maya is 21 mo. Of course the little one is already starting w/the terrible two's but still I'm SOOO happy their close in age. They adore each other... it's like living w/your best friend when their so close. My hubs had to convience me to have 2 so quick but I'm sure glad he did because I love the bond the 2 share. And really... the first 6 mo. were a lot easier than I thought. The baby sleeps so much and my older daughter never got crazy jealous because we gave her a TON of attention.
That's key... make sure your older child is at peace and loved and she'll share that w/your baby boy.
Now when the baby is about 10mo... that's when the work sets in. BUT it's FUN work. Anything worth having is worth working for right? Your kids will thank you for giving them someone to grow up with.
Best of Luck~
C.

Hi A.-

While I can not comment on the dilation aspect, I can comment on the spacing issue and all I can say it CONGRATS!!! Yes, some days will be harder than others, but some days will simply be the best!!! I love watching my two wrestle and all that jazz and watching how the younger little bro chases bigger, older sister. In fact, I am dreading when she goes to school next fall and he is alone without her!! It is the best and I just hope things work out just as well with number 3!!

~C.

PS. Mine are 3 YO (Older sister), 14 months (little bro) and one baking. The spacing is 2 years and 3 months between my first 2 and will be closer to 18 months with the next one. Somehow though, I have managed to have them in such a way that they will be 2 years apart in school!!

Perhaps you should receive their comments as THEIR EXPERIENCES. Since you are due any day now, mentally prepare for the task of delivery and assuring your 2 year old that she's still mommy's baby. If you are bogged down with negative thoughts of others, then naturally that negative energy is going to permeate the household and disrupt the quality of life. So, don't worry about what they say, and concentrate on being positive. I'm sure you know it's not going to be easy, so why fret over the inevitable? Take it day by day and remember it's okay to cry. :o)

I have two close together...and I LOVE IT! They are BEST friedns STILL and they are 6 & 8. Don't listen to people who don't know what they are talking about. You are not them, and they should feel ashamed saying something so ridicuous to a pregnant mother. I wish you the very best, and want you to know that many mms LOVE having multiple chldren close in age. I am one of MANY...and now you are too:)

Congrats A. on baby 2! I wish you all the best with the birth! I really don't have much advice on having two kids as I just had my first one but wanted to answer the second part of your question. I was 4 days post due date. At my 40 week appointment I was 2 cm dilated and had felt nothing at all, two days after this I was 3cm dilated. At 2:45am on 20th July my felt my first contraction and it was already 5 minutes apart lasting a minute. At 5:45am when I got to the birthing center and was checked by the midwife I was so surprised to learn that I was 7cm dilated and at 9:49 that morning my son was born. So it went relatively fast for me which is what I had prayed for :)

Good luck with the birth and having two kids. You wrote you have a two year old daughter, my being a nanny and from friends and family who had little girls found that they are so helpful with a new baby, it's just like having a real life doll. So include her in everything you do for the baby and instead of saying "don't do that with the baby" encourage her, show her how to do things in a gentle way and ask her if she wants to be big sister and help out with the baby. Little things like getting a diaper for you or asking if her she wants to tell the baby a story while you feed, etc will really get her adjusted to the new baby and also help you in the process.

Ugh...people can be so cruel, can't they??! My son and daughter are 2 years apart. We planned it that way. We figured it was going to be hard no matter how far apart they were! And of course having more than 1 child is a lot more work, but if you have a supportive spouse, you can do it. Mine are about to turn 3 and 5, and they play together like crazy. It is so fun - I wouldn't have it any other way!

I don't remember how long I was dilated before labor with my second, but I remember that everything went MUCH faster. Good luck to you!!

My husband and I are trying to conceive baby #2 now so I would love to see what other moms say about how to handle a toddler and a newborn.

As for dilation, when i was pregnant with my son, I was dilated 1cm for a week and the doc finally used induction because I was over my due date and not really making any progress on my own.

Congratulations!! Your babies will be a blessing to your marriage! Each of them are beautifully and wonderfully made.
What a FUN and special relationship they will have and your 2yo will certainly be mommy's little helper.
Hang on and enjoy the ride it goes too, too fast.
(Just some encouragement to get through today. Unless you are already at the hospital!!)

Just like anything else, two kids will take time to get used to. But I personally found it easier. I knew what to do, and big brother was more than happy to help out. He loves his baby sister. (They're 6 & 4 now).

Baby sister brought home a wonderful present for big brother when she came home from the hospital. I really believe that's one of the reasons big brother didn't resent her much.

You marriage will survive, your kids will be great, and you will be fine. Change is difficult, but it doesn't mean it's not good. Take a deep breath, dive in, and next time someone says something like that to you, look them in the eye and say "I'm sorry you had such a rough experience. Is there anything I can do?" You'll be amazed at how many people will be shocked into silence to see the very pregnant lady offer to help. :-)

Good luck!

Wow, yeah, it will be so much Fun... honestly, mine are 13 months apart, they are 3 and 2 and are like twins, they do everything together, at first, it will be a little crazy, but WAY worth it, and you have the girl first so her motherly instinct will be there, but just enjoy your kids, and your hubby. Dont listen to negative comments either, just their way to try to better them self to bring you down, misery loves company

Don't listen to those negative people!!!! Mine are three years apart but my husband and his sister are 22 months apart and his sister and brother are 22 months apart and she's still sane. The fourth was about 3 years later. And my friend has 4 that are 8, 5, 4, & 3. You can do it. Tell those people if they don't have anything nice to say doing say it at all cause you don't need their nagativitiy during your happy time of having your son!!!!!!!!!!!! My labors where weird so I can't help you with the dilation question.

Good luck and God Bless!!!

My children are a little shy of being 3 years apart but I wanted to let you know that my sister and I are 19 months apart. My parents are still completely sane and celebrated their 38th anniversary this year so it can be done and they very much enjoyed having us close in age (built in playmate, etc.). I am sure you will be fine and your life will be well lived.

A. - dont sweat it - mine are 21 months apart~my marriage has survived and so have the kids- It was so nice to have things close and the kids as best friends - Yes thru their teen years its been rocky but no one knows what the other is doing better than their siblings. Be rest assured theyll make and so will you. I had the girl first and she is such a helper to this day, she is really driven to excel- he is a bit laid back went with the flow but hes extremely well adjusted and honest.

Second children are easier they seem to accept life and social patterns easier rather than the first who we have to train (not sure they dont train us) .....

its gonna be easier than you think - enjoy the sweet moments of baby life-

My first 2 are 20 months apart and I LOVE IT!!! Yes, the first 6-12 months were a little intense, but we all survived :) And now that they're old enough to actually play together, I'll got 1-3 hours without even seeing them! I'm due with #3 any day and she'll be 2.5 years younger than my current youngest.

I think it's easier to have kids closer together because you get all the 'baby' stuff out of the way: diapers, naps, potty training. Vacations will be easier because you'll have 2 kids into similar stuff, rather than finding something interesting for a 2 and 8 year old to BOTH like. And they'll likely be closer growing up too. I'm 8 years older than my youngest sister and honestly, I hardly know her.

Congrats to you and I hope things go well for you :)

I know all about the super-long waits! My first was born at 36 weeks, my second at 39 (so I FELT 3 weeks overdue!) and I think I'm going to go over with this one, due in 2 days! Hang in there...babies come when they're good and ready :)

Didn't read the other posts, but as a word of encouragement, around here things got so much _better_ with #2. I was a much more relaxed mom, and I just felt like I "hit my groove." I'm sure you'll all do great. Good luck.

I had 3 in 3 yrs, the first two only 10 mos. apart. I got the same rude and intrusive remarks from people with no experience whatsoever with children. Try to relax and enjoy both children. It means letting other things slide for a while, but you'll find your rhythm and do fine. My girls were very close, played well together, and we had fun. They are all grown now. I have very good memories. But don't expect much from others. I was criticized about discipline, housekeeping, and anything else a person could think of to say in order to make herself look superior. Even my sister put her 2 cents' worth in and she never had children.

Some people just have to rain on everyone's parade! I had my second three years after my first and my third 18 months later....and they were all boys!! We were fine! They are all grown now.... well as grown as men get lol! Just relax and know each child and each family is individual and you adjust as you go! Do remember not to be too h*** o* yourself when things get behind as they will.... after all that happens with one child! Enjoy the time with family that is what matters!! Dust and dirty dishes or clothes can just wait some times!!! Blessings!

My first 2 are 17 mos apart. I am currently prego with #3 and the other two will be 3.75 years and 2.5 when this one is born. Just zone out when people given unsolicited negative nilly comments.

Yes, it will take more chore distribution, help from your husband, etc. to have two that are about 2 years apart than it would if they were 4 or 5. Do not try to be super mama and do everything yourself (words from one who ALWAYS DOES) and take some time out for yourself. Having kids close in age makes for playmates once the youngest gets to be about a year. Foster the relationship early on by making sure that you give your older one special attention during naps if she is home with you (I had my daughter first and then my son too) -- even if you are SUPER TIRED and try not to be too short with her when she is driving you up a wall :)

As for the dilation/labor thing, I never dilated with either more than 1 cm without pitocin (lucky me) -- even after hours and hours of labor and a broken water. Delivered DD on her due date and DS 1 week LATE :) GOOD LUCK!

Geesh! What is wrong with people that they must tell others their horror stories! Same thing when you're expecting your first baby and everyone feels the need to tell you thier awful birth experiences. Keep it to yourself people!

I, for one, found having 2 even more enjoyable than having one! It is harder at times, but also easier at times. Actually, when you first have the baby, he/she will seem so easy because you've done it all before! No more feeling like you don't know what you're doing - everything will feel familiar and easier. Then when baby is up and moving around, the siblings will keep each other entertained. Plus, above all else, it's so much fun to see the differences in how they look, act, personalities, etc. It's all an adventure but well worth the tiny bit of extra work. Next time someone says something like that, just smile and tell them you can't wait for an extra hand to hold!

Congratulations! I say, don't listen to the negative comments! Just stick your fingers in your ears when someone starts to offer advice that is negative or even something you don't want to hear. My girls are 27 months apart and my marriage is still going strong after 14 years!!! They are now 10 and 8 and all is well!

Adjusting will be just that, adjusting. You will all find your groove. It will take a little time, but it will all work out and you will be a wonderful family of 4!

All the best to you!

P.

I don't know why people tend to say crazy, insensitive things to a pregnant lady. I have had my share of them also being pregnant w/my 5th. You will not be miserable (well, maybe sometimes!) and you will survive. Two years is a good age gap, I think. My other comment is that I walked around at 5 cm for 2 weeks....I wish now that I hadn't told anybody! People were what stressed me out with their comments. I use a midwife so we just let nature take it's course and everything was fine. After that episode, I don't tell anyone if I am dilated before my due date. Just stay at home as much as you can, enjoy this time w/your daughter & don't listen to anyone's comments.....or find a good come back for them! Blessings!

I see you have a lot of responses and I haven't read them but here is some encouragement, my first two are 18 mo apart and I wouldn't trade it for the world, my first was very helpful. they are now 9 and 10 and htey are best friends, it's great (two boys), my third was a bigger stretch but still loved having them all close together, yes it was hard but you learn and adjust to your kids... if someone says something like that again just smile and think to your self... "yeah I guess it would be hard if my kids were anything like your kids, but my kids are great and they make it so much easier :)"

my Brother and I were 18 mo apart and it was great for us too, I always thought my brother hung the moon! still do!

and My Marriage is a strong as ever! why shouldn't it be I have a great husband, if their marriage suffered because of a second child it was suffering to begin with.

I'm right there with you! Except I haven't had people make neg comments. BUT, I'm due on Nov.18th and my next oldest is16 months old right now. All of mine are close together and I wouldn't change it one bit! (This is my 6th) I can say that the begining is constant action - feedings, diapers, naps, all around their schedule but as they get older, being close in age is a true blessing b/c their interests are so similar. Makes going to the park or the movies or whatever more enjoyable for everyone when they share that interest. My first 4 were in 4 years and they are all the best of friends (not that they don't have their moments but they can enjoy the same games, movies, playing together, etc). There is a few years between the 4th and 5th and it is definitely a different dinamic. You will be fine! Just tell people you are planning for an easier future! :) Good Luck and congrats! I don't have any advice on dialating - I never go early or even start progressing until the day I go into labor. Congratulations!!

Like you I wish people would think before they speak. However, I think you will be just fine. I had 4 children in 5 years time - the first two were 17 months apart, then 2 years apart for number 2 and 3, and the last two were 19 months apart. It worked great and I have absolutely no regrets. The oldest child was born on 10-17-54 and the youngest on 11-18-59. You will be just fine. Be glad you have children and can afford them. God Bless.

I have a 4 year old, 2 and 1/2, and a 6 week old. All girls and I love it. THe two oldest play soo well together. They entertain themselves. Good luck with your precious new one!
btw I've walked around at 3 cm for over 3 weeks for TWO pregnancies. both were induced and were born within 4 hours!

My kiddos are 12 months apart, and my marriage is great! :-) People are rude and obnoxious, aren't they? You will do great! Although there will be tough days, you will get through it. I have heard that the best gift you can give your child is a sibling, and I see how true that is, especially now that my kiddos are about to turn 3 and 2. They LOVE each other so much, and watching them play and interact brings me immense joy on a daily basis. I know you will experience the same joy too! When times are tough, rely on the help of others. Don't try to go it alone! As far as being dilated... I was actually dilated for a couple of weeks before going into labor. No biggie. God bless you and your family! I hope you have a great labor/delivery...

Ignore them! I have two boys who are 22 months apart and it's been so much fun!! They are close enough in age to love each other and my oldest one takes great care of his baby brother. My oldest will be 4 in March and my youngest is 22 months. Your marriage will also be the same as it has been with one child. My husband and I actually seem closer because we divide and conquer - the chores, getting the boys ready in the morning, etc. Like I said, ignore them. Every child is different and you may have the sweetest most loving children and if not, oh well. Enjoy the ride!! :-)

And don't forget for the first few months to make your daughter feel extra special. I would take my oldest to the store with me or any errands I could and leave the baby at home with Daddy so he could have alone time with Mommy since you'll be so busy with the new baby. Make sure to carve out extra reading time at night for your daughter. And don't forget about yourself!

Congratulations on baby number 2! One of each! Another blessing! You will forever remember the moment your daughter lays eyes on her baby brother. It is so precious when siblings meet for the first time.

What your life is all about right now, are these two precious babies. Focus on the the gifts and let the adventure ahead of you unfold as it's supposed to. Just take it one day (or sometimes one hour) at a time!

I have two daughters and there are far more good moments than crazy ones.

Here are two quotes I found inspirational.

When mother and baby find each other for the first time, the world seems to stand still for a few moments as if honoring mother and baby in this magical moment.

You are never really prepared to witness the miracle of birth; no matter how many times you have seen it happen.

I am in a similar boat to you (my first will be 20 months old at my due date) and my response to the negative comments is "I am sure it will be intense at first, but once the youngest is old enough to move around I am sure they will have a blast together." And then I smile really big!!

I have my fears too - who doesn't have some level of fear of the unknown - but I am confident that we will all adjust to being a family of 4. A new baby can be really h*** o* a marriage, you are both tired and have little time for eachother. However, I agree with other posters - if you are both in it together, sleep deprivation is not going to break you up. My husband and I constantly remind eachother that they are only babies once and we will miss it when they don't need us any more. This helps us laugh about the challenges that babies and toddlers bring.

Keep your spirits up and talk to your husband about your fears. Being on the same page with him can give you a confidence boost.

Good luck mama!!

I'd like to give you an answer from the perspective of your kids. My brother was born 4 days before I turned 1 year old! My mom had two in diapers! However, she said she loved it that way -- once we were past the "baby stages," she was done with diapers, bottles, etc. forever. AND...

My brother and I are very, very close. I'm 42 and he's 41 now and we're both married, and we're still very close. Growing up, I always had a friend around. We fought like cats and dogs and always thought the other one was getting a "better deal" and "it's not fair!" but we always had a playmate and we watched out for each other. Here are a couple tips my mom used: when your two kiddos are fighting over who got a bigger piece of cake, say, "One of you split the piece of cake, and the other one chooses." My mom used this line on us hundreds of times! It sure made us cut that cake (or whatever) accurately - I distinctly remember getting a RULER out to cut that cake! ha ha

Another good one: "It all evens out by the time your grow up." We always thought the other one didn't have as much work, or "I did the dishes more times last week!" etc., and my mom just repeated the "It all evens out by the time you grow up" line.

Today, we still use these lines with each other, and it always cracks us up!

So, please don't worry! It may be hard when they're little, but it's fun, too. I think other people who make comments either haven't been there themselves, or are maybe a little jealous of how wonderfully lucky you are to have to sweet kiddos -- a boy and a girl! -- in two years.

Good luck and congratulations!

D.

Like the previous poster, my girls are 26 months apart, now nearly 3 and 7 months. It was not NEARLY as bad as I was expecting. The only hard part was getting up during the night with the baby and then being awake all day with the toddler. You just need to work on getting them on a schedule where baby naps during toddler's nap during the day to give you a chance to shower, rest, whatever. The first few months will fly by so fast and before you know it you're all sleeping thru the night and one day you'll realize how happy you are than you had the second and how your family now feels complete. I didn't even want a second child, my husband totally had to talk me into it and now I thank him every day. I couldn't be happier with my two girls, life is so much fun with them. So don't listen to the negative people...I can't believe someone would even say something like that to a pregnant mom, or anyone for that matter! You're going to be just fine!