Baby Not Sleeping! - Billings,MT

My boy had a LOT of trouble learning to go to sleep. Because of this, I nursed him to sleep for much longer than is recommended, until about 10 months. Then we did do some sleep training. The sleep training was much less painful at that age because he wasn't so little and it was clear he had more options for comforting himself, he could sleep on his tummy and move around the crib to a place were he was comfortable. It sounds like your daughter is comfortable in the chair right now and I personally would chose sleep over trying to do the "right" thing.

Two of my favorite sleep books are The No Cry Sleep Solution by Pantley, and Good Nights by Gordan. I'm with you... sleep and crying don't belong together.

Hi C., I understand those frustrating times of not being sure what to do when you and your baby are not getting sleep. My favorite reference that I have read was "Good Night Sleep Tight", by Kim West the sleep lady. I love this book so much because she knows what she's talking about it taught me about sleep and sleep patterns and that sleep is a skill that we teach and children learn. It is a very loving and gentle approach. It teaches your baby that they can learn to sleep on there own with the confidence that Mom is close by, and will comfort her when needed. It also helps you know that you as your babies mother are her expert. When you find whats right you'll feel it. While you are figuring out what to do, try to be ok with what you are doing because the stress doesn't help you or your baby. Nothing is set in stone it one thing you try doesn't work you can try something else. You will get to know your little girl better and better. Try during the day different things to soothe her and she will let you know what she likes and what she doesn't. The routine is huge if you don't have one, just pick a couple of things that you do in the same order each night, that triggers the brain that it's getting ready for bed time. The swing is ok, but I would do what you can to get her transitioned sooner than later. My little boy loved the swing too, any transition takes some time and getting used too. I think the book talks about transitioning from motion sleep to still sleep sooner than later because the motion of a car or swing actually keeps you from going into Rem sleep. So even if she falls asleep in it stop the swinging after she is out or she won't be getting the deep sleep she needs. Good Luck. I hope this helps. Take a deep breath and know that you are a good Mother for wanting to help her sleep, it can be a process so be patient.
C.

Let her sleep in the swing until she is too big for it. She'll eventually figure out the crib but it won't be easy...but atleast everyone will be sleeping until that time arrives. Good luck

In the beginning of transitioning her, I would lie my daughter down and play with her a little (a little toy) and when she started showing signs of sleepiness, I would intermittently put my hand on her chest to calm her down until she just fell asleep. It took a while but now I can just lay her down and she knows its bedtime. there are some nights that she is still fussy but I gently put my hand and on her chest and she slowly starts to fall asleep.

You are not alone in your thinking! My daughter was the same way. She slept great in the swing. I could never move her once she was asleep (if holding her, I could not lay her down w/o her waking up...). I let her nap in the swing and she took great naps. My hubby refused to let her sleep in the swing at night, saying it would become a habit and she would never sleep on her own.

Because of that, I was up with her every 1 1/2 hours until she was a year old. She would wake up 3 or 4 nights a week and "be up" for an hour or 2. It was horrible! On nights he was gone, I let her sleep in the swing and she did great. I eventually started cosleeping with her (and LOVED it) and it led me to cosleep from the start with my son. I don't know if I would have done this had she slept in the swing.

My eye doc told me I did this to her by not letting her figure it out, but I think there are babies who just don't sleep well on their own. Look at askdrsears.com or look up some of Dr. Sears baby books about high needs kids. It doesn't mean they have a disability, they are just more needy. He also sells a sleeper for kids like this. His son is the pediatrician on The Doctors tv show.

My dd is now 3 1/2 and sleeps in her own bed all night long, so I think people who say you spoil your kids early make them have problems for life are full of it.

I feel like I'm rambling, and I'm sorry for that. I just had a similar experience as a first time mom. Good luck!

Definitely check out the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' and I also liked (better, actually)'Good Night, Sleep Tight' by Kim West and Joanne Kenen. (www.sleeplady.com) A couple of my friends also had great success w/that book. The main reason I like the 2nd book better is that it is broken down into developmental stages...what works for a 4-month old will be a bit different than what works for a 15-month old.

I don't understand how the notion that our sweet little babies should be crying themselves to sleep got so popular, but good for you for not buying it!

So I'd say let her keep falling asleep in the swing while you read one of those books & come up with a plan for how to gently & lovingly help her transition to falling asleep in the crib. :)

C.,

You have got some great advice, but I wanted to reinforce it. As long as she sleeps, let her stay in the swing! She is not quite 4 months old, she is still young. As you mentioned, it does make sense that we would want to instill good sleeping habits early on, but that doesn't always work out. The important thing is for baby to sleep and that will allow you to sleep so you can be a wonderful mommy. I could never let my kids cry it out either. It was heartbreaking to see them get so upset. I also nursed both my kids to sleep, and co slept. It was the only way I could get sleep! My son learned to self sooth earlier at around 7 months, and I'm still working on it with my 19 month old daughter. (she is a "high needs" like someone else mentioned lol). Try reading the books mentioned, and do what you think and whatever works. Good luck.

V.

My son was like that, he needed to be rocked or nursed to sleep. If I put him down before he was completly passed out, he would wake up and just scream and I couldn't just leave him. After he got to about a year old he was able to start settling himself down. I'm able now to put him down and he might cry a little bit, but its not the persistent screaming it was when he was younger. So if you don't mind rocking your daughter to sleep now, then do it. I loved the cuddle time with my son each night and I still prefer to cuddle with him while he falls asleep, but I know I can just leave him and he'll also just fall asleep on his own too.

I think your baby is just not ready to self soothe to sleep. Try again in a few weeks and for now just do what works and please don't make yourself crazy! (It's definitely not worth it if you are "giving in" every night anyway.) You don't mention if night wakings are a problem, but particularly if they're not, I wouldn't worry so much about how she falls asleep. Personally I have nursed my babies to sleep from birth until they seem ready to self soothe (neither were ready at 4 months - I tried but it was horrible at that age). We ended up Ferberizing our youngest for night wakings gradually around 6-8 months but I still nurse her to sleep (almost 10 months) when putting her down for the night because she sleeps through the night no problem but will cry for a long time going to sleep if I don't. My first was always a little easier to put to sleep so I stopped nursing her to sleep around 6-8 months when we started Feberizing her (also to reduce really frequent night wakings.) I recommend reading Feber before you decide it's not for you. I guarantee it will be helpful even if you don't end up using his "controlled crying" technique. Okay, hope that helps some! Hang in there!

Do you swaddle her? When my son was 5 months old, he would NOT sleep, either. I'd have to hold him to fall asleep and then once put in his bed, he'd sleep for no more than 45 minutes at a time. And this would go on ALL night long.

It was summertime, so I didn't think about swaddling him until someone mentioned a white noise machine. I swaddled him and put a HUGE box fan in his room. Kept him cool, and the noise kept him asleep.

You might try a humidifier- I have one that is pretty loud, because it was cheap. LOL They have to be loud enough to drown out noise outside the room.

Good luck to you. I know how it feels to have an infant that won't sleep. I was an exhausted zombie of a person.

I'd say go ahead and use the swing if it works! You can wean her off of it later on when she's a little older and better adjusted to this world that's so different from the womb. My son would only fall asleep in a bouncy chair (with vibrations) while listening to white noise. At about 6 months or so I wanted him to start sleeping in his crib, so I pulled the mattress out and put the bouncy seat in the crib for him to get used to the location. Then I started putting him in it without turning on the vibrations. After a while I was able to put the mattress back in the crib and lay him on that and he'd go to sleep just fine. I still use the white noise CD for him. You may have heard of the book, "The Happiest Baby on the Block." It talks about comforting a baby by reproducing the sensations of being in the womb (i.e. swinging, sucking, swaddling, shushing or white noise, etc). I think sometimes we worry too much about training babies to be independent at the very beginning and not using any sleep crutches (i.e. pacifiers, swings, etc). I know I stressed out way too much with my first. But it can be a gradual process. Just love that little one and do what works for her! Hope this helps.

My opinion, do what ever you have to to get your own sleep. As she grows, she'll figure it out. Try often to lay her down, but don't push it if she doesn't...it's not worth it. You need sleep to deal with her, so if she sleeps in the swing, let her for now! Sleeping habits can change over night. One of my kids I got to sleep in their bed for naps, but not for the night. Eventually they worked it out, and was my best sleeper. Another kid would only sleep in his car seat, but finally transitioned to his bed when he wanted to sleep on his side and not on his back. And then my 4th, wouldn't sleep in anything but his bed! My first we "cried it out" and I will never let my baby just cry in bed! So we did whatever we could to get them to sleep so I can sleep and they are all great bed sleepers now and bedtime is easy, even for my two year old!

I don't have any advice. I would like to say hang in there. I can't stand cry it out either. I almost had an anxiety attack after trying it. Have you tried starting a routine about 30 mins. before bed? I also rock my baby to sleep but our routine cut down the rocking time. Good luck.

Why oh why do we think our babies need to sob themselves into exhausted oblivion? Her cries are not a way to punish you, they are her only way of communicating. Please get the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. There are great ideas in there that you can use to put together your own sleep plan that does not involve ignoring your childs heartfelt pleas for help. It's important to teach her how to self soothe so that she can put herself BACK to sleep at night and not wake you up every few hours to help her get back to sleep, but screaming for 40-50 minutes is not the way to teach that. Just remember that teaching GOOD sleep habits now will save you from many problems later, but even the worst baby sleeper eventually learns how to sleep through the night. Good luck to you.

I second the advice to not worry about it for a while. Most of what I read say babies aren't reall ready to self-soothe till they are at least 6 months. If the swing works, I'd just use it. My boy wanted to be loosely swaddled with one arm out and then gently bounced up and down on one of those big yoga balls (so similar effect to the swing) -- right until he was about 7 months old, at which point the extra stimulation started to make him cry instead of soothing him, and we finally started to put him straight down (after which about 2 minutes of crying ensued, followed by sleep). Your experience will of course be different, but just to say that what works and doesn't work will change as your baby gets older so she might just not be ready yet.

let her sleep in the swing until she is too big for it. when she is more mobile- able to roll over, hug a blanket or stuffed animal-- she can more easily find a comfortable position in her crib. each of my kids has responded to different comforts for sleep. if you can even get her to fall asleep by laying her in her crib while you pat her or move her body a little from side to side, that will get her closer to sleeping on her own and give you a break.

Please, please try the No Cry Sleep Solution book. Don't give in to those who tell you that your baby needs to learn to sleep on her own, let her cry it out, etc. You know best what your baby needs. Listen to your inner mother voice. There is a reason that her cries are hard for you to hear. She is trying to tell you something. Hang in there!