Baby Has a B-day Coming up and My 2 Year Old Isn't Going to like It

Updated on September 17, 2008
T.D. asks from Forney, TX
7 answers

I have 2 beautiful girls. One is 2 and the other is 11 months. The 11 month old's b-day is next month and my 2 year old tends to be the "princess" to all of our family because she was the 1st grandchild. My parents are very good at treating both girls equally but not all family members are. This has also posed some discipline problems with my 2 year old because she just doesn't understand why she's not getting all of the attention anymore.

ANYWAY... I want my 11 mo old to have a special b-day where it is ALL about her. I'm afraid though that 1) we are going to have problems with the oldest one because she takes toys away from the baby, etc. 2) i don't want people buying gifts for the oldest one because it's not her b-day and she has had her own b-days. I know I will probably be criticized by some but do any of you have any suggestions? Have any of you dealt with this and if so, how did you handle it?

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C.H.

answers from Dallas on

You cant really reason with a child about this kind of thing until they are 4 or 5. Maybe you could give your older child a tee shirt that says big sister or something that relates to her being a sister.
If you dont want people buying gifts for the older one then stick to your guns. Dont let criticism get to you. You make the rules for your child.
This is one reason goodie bags work so well at birthday parties. Everyone feels like they got something. Maybe you could make her a little party goodie bag of some sort.

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N.O.

answers from Dallas on

I actually don't think it's a bad idea to give her a few gifts as well. We've done that before when my oldest has a b-day. We'll get 2 toys usually puzzles, play doh, crayons & coloring books, etc so the little ones don't feel left out.
The 2 yr olds do not understand at this age why one child is getting all of the toys and they are not so it doesn't hurt to make them feel special to. I wouldn't go overboard for your 2 yr old but just enough to where she doesn't feel left out.
I think it's sweet you are thinking of her feelings too and do whatever you feel is best for her. I wouldn't necesarily tell others to bring her a gift. Just wrap a few for her and hand them to her at the party as well when your youngest opens her presents. I'm sure everyone will understand and if they don't, who cares! It's your daughter and you know her feelings and personality best.
Trust me, it's not out of the ordinary to do so. She is only 2 and when she's old enough to understand exactly what a birthday is for, then you should be able to stop giving her a gift as well! : )

Good luck and enjoy your little ones bday!

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M.S.

answers from Dallas on

I'm going to have to go against the popular opinion here, I think. I totally agree with you, T.. It should be a special day for the birthday girl. Kids are not taught that it's not "all about them" all the time and society is paying for it. Part of loving your children is teaching them how to get along in the world and how to be polite and well mannered.

I don't see anything wrong with giving your older child a goody bag just like you'd give to any other child at the party, but presents are for the birthday child. Just explain to your two year old that it's her sister's birthday and therefore she gets the presents, but her birthday will be next and it will be her turn to get presents. Don't underestimate how much a two year old can understand - I think they can grasp that concept very well. All siblings are jealous of each other at times. Take the opportunity to teach them about sharing and graciousness.

At my three year old nephew's birthday, all the invited party children insisted on unwrapping his gifts while he was unwrapping them and once unwrapped, the "guests" took the presents and started playing with them (before the birthday boy could play with then, not with the birthday boy). Only one parent corrected any of their bad mannered children. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kids (mine are grown, now I have grandkids), but it is not any fun being around bad behaved, rude children.

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J.R.

answers from Dallas on

I have 4 kids and the only one that gets the gifts is the birthday child. It has never been a problem for us. You could involve your older child in decorating for the party or helping her sister pick out a theme. Also, take the older one shopping alone to pick out a great gift for her sister. Make it a big deal of how much her sister would like it and let her wrap it with as much paper and tape as she wants. Then make a big deal of her giving her gift at the party. And let her help make the goody bags and remind her if she is a good sister at the party then she'll get a goody bag too. One other thing we do at parties is for gift opening I have each child that brought the present hand it to the birthday child in turns. That way my child knows exactly who gave the gift and makes the gift giver feel special too.

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E.C.

answers from Dallas on

I think that you said that you didn't want to do this; however, you could buy a special gift for your 2 year old to open on your 11 month olds birthday. She just wants to feel special too. Your 11 month old really won't care. She is too young to even know what a b-day really is all about. Good luck!

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B.W.

answers from Dallas on

My kids are 14 months apart. My son received presents when his sister was born and they both received presents on both b'days until they were older. The b'day kid got the biggest I guess. Kids that young cannot understand and it sets them up for jealously to expect them to. It worked wonderfully for mine who are now 15 and 16 and have a whole new set of issues..............good luck!

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H.B.

answers from Dallas on

When I was little, my grandmother used to send a package for birthdays. Everyone got presents no matter whose birthday it was. No one was ever jealous and it did not take away from the person celebrating their birthdday. It is one of my fondest childhood memories. Things may go smoother if you include your 2yr old. Perhaps you could enlist her help in the planning of the party.

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