L.C. asks from Santa Ana, CA on June 27, 2008
Baby Blues 7 Weeks Later
I am having a really hard time with being a new parent and am seeking some peer support from other moms that have dealt with this same issue and made it through. Everybody I speak with tells me its going to get better soon but I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know if its PDD or just the over whelming feeling of being a first time parent? I feel defeat every time I cant console my baby and feel anxiety when she cries.
J.P. answers from Los Angeles on July 01, 2008
I have 4children under 6yrs.to 8mos. I just tell myself be in this moment don't think this is forever or what else I could be doing. I do know that my children can feel when I'm upset and that makes us both more upset. So I take a breath clear my mind try to relax. Then try one thing at a time. I found the 1st time I was a mom I was letting the baby stay wake to long and he was over tired and then I just had to let him cry out his energy ans make his awake time shorter the next time.
C.S. answers from Los Angeles on June 28, 2008
Hi L. - I just read the book "I was a Really Good Mom Before I had Kids" and really enjoyed hearing what other moms are thinking/experiencing out there. I know it is impossible to find time to read, but it is a quick easy read and it won't matter if you are interrupted 100 times before the end!
M.M. answers from Los Angeles on June 28, 2008
Watch Jon and Kate Plus 8 on the Learning Channel. That show always makes me feel better!!! It's actually inspiring and will make you laugh and appreciate only having one!! Good luck, it'll get better, really it will. It does help to talk to other mothers that understand. Try to reach out to friends and or make new ones at Mommy and Me classes.
L.F. answers from Los Angeles on June 28, 2008
I truly understand how you are feeling as a MAMA myself. Experiencing the BABY BLUES is downright depressing and so overwhelming, especially when you want to be the best MAMA you can be and everything becomes an effort. Have you ever thought about researching natural or homeopathic remedies for how you are feeling? There are definitely many natural solutions that can actually help with what you are going through.
I highly recommend contacting Dr. Anita Pepi who is truly an amazing Chiropractor and Nutritionist and would definitely be able to help you naturally.
Here's her data:
2950 Los Feliz Blvd. Suite 101
Los Angeles, CA 90039
If she is too far for you, please let me know as I may know of an incredible nutritionist that is closer to you.
I also recommend checking out 4 organizations validating why going the natural route is best for you and your family:
You'll also find some amazing data regarding alternatives at: http://www.cchr.org/solutions_and_alternatives/
Please free to reach me anytime at: (323) 906~2784 or via e~mail me at ____@____.com. I'd love to help you however I can. And, I promise, there is light at the end of the tunnel! : )))
L. (Mama to 39 week old Dylan Orion).
2 moms found this helpful
R.H. answers from Los Angeles on June 29, 2008
I felt very overwhelmed around this same time with my second son. He just seemed to never be settled and was inconsolable; which made everything worse for me. The funny thing was- I took him to his pediatrician and she told me he was colicky and gave me advice on how to make things better for him. A week later, we were all much happier. He was more settled and I was happier and felt less like a failure. Maybe you should visit your daughter's doctor as well as your own (as I see many other wonderful and caring moms have suggested below).
1 mom found this helpful
J.P. answers from Los Angeles on June 28, 2008
First of all, you aren't alone. I agree, it is the most defeating feeling when you can't console your baby. Don't compare your experience to what you see in others, and make sure you drink enough water and get some sleep. Sleep when she will, if you have to, but make sure that you sleep. And give yourself a break. Some babies cry more than others.
That said, My SIL just had a baby a few months ago, and her biggest "thing" was getting him on a fully predictable schedule. She rotated 3 things - play, eat, sleep - every three hours. He takes 20 minutes to eat, (and only feeds him 4 ounces) sleeps for about two hours, then they "play" for 40 minutes. This can mean anything from when he gets a bath, to when he "exercises" (she kicks his legs, moves his arms - it's so cute!) He knows that he can predict exactly what is going to happen, and when, and was "trained" how that happens. No, he didn't always follow the schedule, (he was feeling sick a few weeks ago, and that throws anyone off) but overall, he goes with it. As he gets older, the rotation stays the same, but the schedule changes (every 4 hours, every 6 hours, every 8 hours, with the "play" getting longer & "eat" time staying the same). You may want to try this. Of course not every baby is going to react the same way. But you may find that your baby is upset because she is in control, and she is trying to figure out what to do with that control. Take charge, and you may find that she is so much happier, and easier to manage - if for no other reason than you know that you are in control of yourself, and you have done everything you can to help the situation.
Oh, and one more thing - if you are nursing, you might want to "pray" (if you are religious - if not, meditate, whatever you want to call it) while you are nursing. Make it a prayer of gratitude ONLY. Be grateful for the miracle that is your baby. For the miracle that is your body providing the nourishment for that baby. For the miracle that your baby's father is (assuming) a good man. For her fingers, her toes, her belly, her hair, her eyes. The more you contemplate what a miracle she is, the more you will feel bonded to her, and her crying will feel less like an accusation and more like communication.
Good luck, and keep us "posted".
1 mom found this helpful
S.B. answers from Honolulu on June 28, 2008
You are not alone. And you dont have any reason to feel guilty about the way you feel. Everyone is so excited when you tell them your pregnant and you only hear the good things, no one ever tells you the truth: which is that having a baby and taking care of that baby after it is born is really hard work! The pressure can be overwhelming! When my first son was born (2004) It felt like the world had come crashing down on me. I was feeling like "now what I supposed to do". I had read all the books and had tons of advice but still was feeling down. It took nearly a year for me to feel "OK" as a mom. The best thing that you can do is to have a support group. Family and friends and other people that have babies. They will make you feel like you are normal and that they have had similar feelings. Find a playgroup or start one of your own. Definately get out!! If your anxiety still doesn't seem to cease, ( within the next few weeks) I would definately talk to your doctor about it. When my second was born (2006) I thought I would have a better handle on things, but still found my self feeling the same way. Looking back I think that I did have a slight case of PPD. It only took me about 4 months to get the "handle" of things but only after I moved home with mom and dad for a while ( MY husband is military and was not home during this time). Don't be afraid to say you need help. I really hope this helps you. And you are doing great! It will get better. Every day is a new day. You will learn day by day. Much love and Aloha
1 mom found this helpful
D.H. answers from Los Angeles on June 28, 2008
It is a hard time and nobody knows better than other moms. I found a wonderful support group called the MOMS club. Everyone in the club lives in your area and are stay at home moms. That is how I found my sanity and really looked forward to waking up and going to park days and playgroup because I knew there would be other moms to talk to. I don't know what city you are in but if you go to www.momsclub.org you can look up your local chapter and there will be someone on their website to contact. Trust me you need to be around other people that know what you are going through!!!
N.M. answers from Las Vegas on June 28, 2008
Hang in there darling! It is a VERY overwhelming thing being a first time mother and having the father work. It can be so frustrating at times youll just want to run away! Stick it out and hang in there. Being a parent is not easy. Youre going to learn a lot of new things about life and yourself. I know it can also be tough being a stay at home mom! You feel so trapped inside the walls of your home and soon you wont know who you are anymore. You will find yourself. It happened to me. My boy is 16 months now... There is light at the tunnel. Find an activity to do with your child. Even if its just taking a walk at the mall or something. And talk to your friends and family as much as you can. Even if youre just calling to say hi! Some people need more stimulation than a baby all day... or if things get really bad, get a part-time job. Enjoy these moments as much as you can your little one will be all grown up before you know it! Hang in there hun... things will get better for you :)
S.M. answers from Los Angeles on June 28, 2008
Everyone is giving great advice here, hang in there. In addition to everything mentioned, one more thing that I think makes such a difference is to get some rest. Even if it's one day a week, ask your husband if he can get up during the night to be with baby so you can sleep through, or during the daytime on a weekend even, so you rest a little.
Or, if not, try to go out with your baby right after nap time when baby is awake, to the mall, for a walk, whatever. And come back when it's time for her next nap so you can nap too. I often made the mistake of trying to go out to run errands while baby was asleep so I could get more done, but then found myself tired upon returning when the baby would wake. Good luck.
N.H. answers from Los Angeles on July 05, 2008
I read this request & a little light bulb went off when reading Melanie's reply:
My son is six weeks and I really feel like exahastion is kicking in, making me feel depressed. I don't feel like leaving the house b/c I don't want to deal with a screaming baby in his seat. I find it's hard to sleep with the baby b/c by the time I lay down & quiet my mind he wakes up, or I have to take care of my other son, clean the house, clean myself, the laundry, dishes, etc. It's hard, but I know from experience with my first son that it's not like this forever. I think I'll just try to do what one of the other moms said-live in the moment. I also know I feel much better when I feel like I'm getting help from my partner.