Baby Being Called, 'Fat"

People don't mean it as an insult, they think it's cute, but it bothers me too. My daughter is 3 1/2 and my SIL goes on about how good her appetite is, others say how chunky she is, etc. She is a little stocky but more of a strong build than fat. She thinks it's funny and rubs her tummy (must admit I love the rolls) but I think to myself, thank heaven she is too young to get a complex about being called "chunky"!! For now, I am not saying anything to people. I change the subject. If it continues and there's a danger that she will be self-conscious, I'll have to say something then.

When the only thing I was being told about my daughter was that she was beautiful, I was feeling the same. She's more than just beautiful and I don't want my kids getting the message that looks are the most important thing in life. I started replying "she's smart too!". Most people got the message and shut it.

If someone is just making a quick comment, you can have a 1 liner response and then change the subject. If anyone is going on about it, just tell that that her pediatrician says she's the perfect weight for her age and size. Or something similar. People aren't likely to argue with what the ped says even if the ped didn't exactly say it. :)

Good luck!

i don't think in america today calling ANYone, regardless of age, "FAT", is ever going to be a compliment or can realistically expected to be taken as one. they think that it's okay because she's one. YES babies are supposed to be chunky. and i would be a little concerned too, but what are we going to do, rip people's heads off over these comments...we can't really do that. i would suffice it with an accusatory look and a "sshhh!" if you're comfortable with that. adults should know better. if you can nip the repeat offenders in the bud now, eventually it will stop. or cover her ears (while she is still small) and make a comment that you hope she doesn't understand what was just said. correct them by saying, actually, she's PERFECT. and we're so blessed. honestly i don't know how people think this is okay.

I'm so happy for you to be blessed with two amazing children! Both will give you such different challenges and joys in the coming years. I bet your family feels awkward about the contrast in your kids and don't want to make light of your 4 year olds condition so they errantly poke fun at your one year old. Humor is the healthiest way for people to deal with things.

You have every right to feel the way you do. Even mean words said in jest are still mean. you have a right to politely and firmly set a better example for your child.

Ripping someone's head off won't set a good example though. Here are a few ways I've heard adults positively correct other adults in front of children:

"I know! Isn't that great? I'm so proud my (daughter). I'm not sure why you'd use that word to describe (her) though... the word I think that fits best is.....'healthy'. Don't you agree?"

"I'm glad you noticed that (she) isn't (negative opposite). Some of the wonderful things i also love about (her) are ......(list all those great things you mentioned above)

"Do you think that's a NICE word to use? I was thinking (she) reminded me of you, since she also loves (favorite food) and I'd never say that word to you. I'd be afraid of hurting your feelings. I sometimes have a hard time finding the right words too... Did you mean to say (another appropriate term)?"

Regardless of what you say to them, I agree with you it is important to say something. And, to say it immediately. Don't allow your daughter to hear that without also hearing a polite and calm correction. And since it takes at least 5 times for adults to hear something before it kicks in as a habit, you should prepare yourself for being committed to helping your family and friends discuss your daughter's healthy blessings in a positive light.

ive had 2 very c***by babes, we called them "super chunk"..."thunder thighs", "wrist rolls" "buddha baby" "little flaps" "chunky monkey"....you name it. from what ive noticed its usually a compliment, thats certainly how i meant it. A fat baby is a happy, healthy baby.....one time i called my baby a "fattie" in public and was politely scolded by an elderly woman not to say such things about a baby.

But i consider it a compliment, and a sign of very good parenting to see a fat baby.

I think the people that are saying that have the best intentions and you just need to be honest that you view the word "fat" differently. And even though it is your baby and you know shes healthy, that you would prefer a different adjective be used. This way i think people will not repeat the action, but you will still have to hear it once, upon meeting someone.

my best advice is to change how you view the word, when in reference to a baby.

TELL THEM THEY LOOK FAT!!! Seriously?! They can't respect your requests to STOP? Then be rude back. I know that's NOT how I normally handle it - but really - one must respect a parent's request to STOP talking about how "fat" a child is.

I think it's just plain rude for some to NOT stop. Maybe the only way to make them stop is to be rude back. I'm truly having problems with this as I don't like being rude - but there are times when you just have to NOT be nice. I am nice until it's time to NOT be nice. Also tell them that EVERY child (person) is different and they are NOT to compare your children. If they cannot respect your wishes - they are not allowed over. Yes, it's extreme but you are RIGHT!!! You are protecting your daughter

Now keep in mind - I LOVE LOVE LOVE chunky babies!! When I see a chunky baby - I say I LOVE CHUNKY BABIES!!!!

My younger daughter was hugely fat at a year old. She had 4 rolls on each thigh, she was so fat! She was sooooo cute everyone wanted to pinch her. I always took it as a compliment when people would say, "Oh, look how fat she is!" And I'd say, "I know! Isn't she cute? She's a great eater!" People like fat babies. I think it's programmed into our DNA as moms; we all want our babies to be fat because we know they aren't starving! (For the record, my older daughter was always skinny, and nobody ooohed or aaaahed over her.)

I know you feel sensitive because of your older daughter, but try not to be. Your cute, fat little baby will pick up on the fact that you are stressed out about these comments. I think the best route to go is to let her know that you think she is adorable and perfect just like she is! Instead of telling people not to say that, just respond with, "Isn't she the cutest?" or something like that. I am glad I enjoyed my younger daughter's pudge while she still had it. She's 5 now and skinny as she can be - I guess 4 years of racing around non-stop will do that to a kid. =) But I will say that she has a great sense of self-esteem. The other day I asked if she wanted to go swimming, and she replied, "Well, Mommy, I don't really feel like swimming. But I'll put on my bathing suit because I sure look cute in it!" - I think we can surmise from this that being told she was fat as a 1 year old did no harm to her self-esteem! =)

My daughters are 8 and 11. It's been a long time since I was around a baby on a daily basis. When I see babies now I notice how fat or plump they are. I love their fat little feet and the fat little fingers. Now, of course, the babies aren't "fat" but all healthy babies are rotund. I can understand, how in a society obsessed with obesity, that the "fat" word would bother you. But as your daughter grows into a toddler she will stop being fat/plump. You are taking it too seriously but you will evolve into not caring what people say as your kids grow. It sounds as if you are also (understandably) upset about your disabled daughter...I can imagine that it is a lot of work to care for an almost-toddler and a disabled child. You are in my thoughts.

Calling a baby fat or c***by used to be a compliment. We need to stop obsessing about other people's bodies, especially when we are talking about an infant.
Next time someone says it just say "thanks for the compliment" and smile.
As for your hubby and close family members... I WOULD rip their head off (figuratively) just once and tell them what you think. Also make sure to ask the if they want your little girl to be growing up obsessing about whether she's "fat" or not and being in danger of developing a terrible body image and eating disorders.
Good luck!

No one would ever feel it is appropriate to say such a thing to an adult...so maybe turn the tables on those who are saying the things to your child. When someone says "What a little chunker! She never misses a meal." if you've got a lot of guts respond back with "Wow, I could say the same about YOU but of course that wouldn't be an appropriate thing to say to another adult."

Hopefully in their moment of stunned silence, they'll get the hint.

EVERYBODY LOOOOOVES a chunky baby. Society sees a chunky babies=Healthy, its a compliment. My babe was born 9.5lbs and was a serious chunk for a good long time (99% for height & weight). Personally, I LOVED it and everyone else did too. I never took it as a rude remark, and no one (that I know of) ever said it that way! Even if they did, I would have just said "thank you!" and went on about my business. I was greatful as a 1st time parent that I never had to worry about whether he was eating enough, and when he was teething or if he got sick I didn't stress out if he didn't eat like normal because he certainly had reserves! He was plain and simply a plump healthy little man. I think because of your older daughter you are taking this to a different level, which is a whole different subject for your heart strings. I'm pregnant with my 2nd and already know as a mother I wouldn't want people comparing my children. People don't know that you have these feelings and are trying to give you and the babe a loving compliment. I think if you are worried about your children developing some kind of bad self image you need to learn to voice your opinion to others in a non negative way. Talk to your children about what it means to be healthy and that its okay to be different, point out the things that they excel at. If they see you take a "c***by" comment from a stranger negatively they're going to associate "c***by" comments as bad. In my opinion if you focus on your mind on disliking the "fat" comments, you may just put more stress/focus on the topic and ultimately show them that being "c***by" is bad whether you mean to or not. These comments are not going to last forever, babies eventually loose their baby fat.
I was born with a cleft lip and pallete and my mother never once faltered to a stranger if they ever made a negative comment. Even as a baby, before my surgeries to "close up" my face, strangers would come over and peek into the baby basket and freak out (can you blame them? It's not everyday you see a babe with her face half open!), and my mom simply responded with "I know isn't she beautiful!" and she meant it. That is how I grew up. She had all the class in the world. If she responded to someone with a "Mind your own business!" type of comment, I'm sure it would have negatively affected my self esteem. I never knew I had a "problem", but I new that I was different and different is beautiful too. Just something to think about-coming from someone who was "different" herself.

My family called my daughter MOTO forever. (MOTO is a huge sumo wrestler) One day when my daughter was about five she asked me why they call her Moto. I just told her that they call people names because they are unhappy people inside. My daughter was huge and I am sure she had five thighs on each leg. She was the happiest, well-behaved baby around. I know it hurts but just try to focus on the positive attributes. If they can make you upset then they are succeeding at whatever cruel game they are playing. Love your daughter for who she is because she is going to encounter cruel people her whole life and looks to you for support. The best thing you can teach her is a positive attitude and then things like that don't hurt so much.

I had that same problem with my MIL calling my daughter fat. It would really aggrevate me to no end. She would tell me that her clothers were too tight. Meanwhile they were actually to big on her and were hanging. When she was about 5 months old she told me that when she picked her up her heart would hurt. So I told her not to pick her up. At 5 months she was 14 lbs. She was in the 50 percentile for her weight. I used to get so mad so finally my husband ended up saying something to her and she hasn't said anything since. First of all it is just baby fat. When she starts to walk and run around she will start to tone down. But with the way society is today if you are overweight you are gross. Well I am sorry but when you can see their backbones that to me in just not healthy and gross. When ppl say that to you or in just conversation just keep saying "she is not fat" and change the subject. They will get tired of hearing you say it over and over and will stop. I had a friend whose family kept saying that about her 3 year old. Even at that age they understand and this kid stopped eating. When they asked her why she wasn't eating she would say things like "grandma said I fat" so I would stop this now. You don't need a toddler with a complex. Just come right out and tell them how you feel about it. Including your husband.

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I LOVE a chunky baby. My son was 5lbs 14oz at birth, but by the time he was 5 or 6 months old, he had "caught up" with the weight he should've been. I LOVE IT! :) There is nothing cuter than a well-fed, happy, content baby.
That being said, I HATE when people are idiots! If the mother of a child doesn't like something being said to their child, then whoever they are, family or not, they need to stop immediately. Regardless of their own opinions, the child has a name, and her name is not "fatty"! Oh well if "they" don't think it's a problem. Especially when they are comparing the uncomparable. Your hubby is the first place you should start, although maybe don't "rip his head off" yet! :) Explain how you feel, get him on your team, and send a clear message to the rest of the family and friends. I hope this works out for you quicky. Until then, keep your head up and keep doing exactly what you're doing, sounds like you are raising a couple of terrific kiddos! :)

Updated

I LOVE a chunky baby. My son was 5lbs 14oz at birth, but by the time he was 5 or 6 months old, he had "caught up" with the weight he should've been. I LOVE IT! :) There is nothing cuter than a well-fed, happy, content baby.
That being said, I HATE when people are idiots! If the mother of a child doesn't like something being said to their child, then whoever they are, family or not, they need to stop immediately. Regardless of their own opinions, the child has a name, and her name is not "fatty"! Oh well if "they" don't think it's a problem. Especially when they are comparing the uncomparable. Your hubby is the first place you should start, although maybe don't "rip his head off" yet! :) Explain how you feel, get him on your team, and send a clear message to the rest of the family and friends. I hope this works out for you quicky. Until then, keep your head up and keep doing exactly what you're doing, sounds like you are raising a couple of terrific kiddos! :)

I know this won't be the most mature way to deal with your situation, but I'd hazard a guess that it would be effective.

Wait for a time when there are several people present (for the greatest effect and benefit) and someone comments on your daughter's weight (sorry about that person's luck). And go postal. Say everything you said in this post, but add some expletives. And yell. Maybe slam a door, or pound your fist on a table or something to add emphasis. I'd bet that people will take you seriously then. And I'm dead serious.

It IS NOT productive to have either of your children labeled, for any reason. I am totally with you on this one.

People are already starting those comments, and my daughter is only 5 months old. It is quite irritating. It's especially irritating when I come home from class and she's crying, and I realize she's only had one bottle the entire time I've been gone, when she should have had at least 2. The answer from the relatives who watch her is "she doesn't need to be eating that much". It drives me insane. They wonder why I've hired someone else to watch her while I'm in school, but I'm not going to let my baby starve just bc they think she's eating too much at 5 months old. She is in the 90th percentile for weight and 98% for height. I have a neighbor who is obsessed with being thin (even though she's not), so much that all she ever talks about is how thin she was when she was younger and how thin her daughter is, and how little her granddaughter is. She made a comment that her daughter was in the 5th percentile when she was born...and I was like, ok? Was she on life support? Is that even possible? They're just ignorant. Her granddaughter is 2 now, I think, and she brags about how she's in the 90th for height but 25th for weight. 1.) I don't know what's healthy for a 2 year old, my daughter is 5 months old. 2.) It doesn't sound like something I would be bragging about, bc it sounds like they don't feed her bc they're afraid she's going to get fat (at 2 years old). I'm proud that my daughter is growing so well. Of course, I don't want to do anything that would set her up for childhood obesity, but I'd rather people know that I feed my baby and that she is healthy and happy. I'm ready to say something too, but you can't change people. Hopefully I'll be able to just ignore them, but if they don't stop, the time will come when I show up prepared with statistics, and medical information haha.

It IS actually a compliment for a baby or toddler to be called fat. People LOVE fat babies!!! So I would NOT be offended if a stranger or acquaintance said something about my baby being fat... I'd say: "I know! She's so cute!"

BUT for the family to continuously make comments- I think that would be annoying or rude if you have told them to cut it out. Over-using ANY sort of comment in the family is irritating, but if they know that it makes you upset then they should stop.

Please, though- don't get upset when people who would have no idea that you are annoyed by this, say your baby is "fat" or has a healthy appetite, etc... They are only complimenting!

I feel for you. I am so over everyone and their "2 cents". My son is small but healthy and people feel compelled to tell me how "tiny" he is or what a "peanut" he is. This will do nothing for his self esteem or confidence and I don't condone it. I am 5' 1'' and 110 lbs. My boy had to come out somehow and I'm sure he'll fill out just fine as his dad was small until his junior year in high school and is now 6' 1'' and 175. Why do they feel that is okay to talk to a mother about her child? You got some great responses. Just follow your heart and do what you need in order to feel good about yourself and the peolpe who surround you and your children. Our kids need unconditional love and suuport and guidance. Not harshness, meaness or finger pointing by any one else. That will happen enough in life and at school. Wheather a baby is fat or skinny is noone's dang business!! We just have to love our kids and tell them how amazing they are at all times, no matter what. It's hard enough right?

I say that if the doctor isn't concerned, then the next family or friend who has been warned gets their heads ripped off, even if you do it firmly "but nicely". Sometimes you just have to tell people how the cow ate the cabbage, that your daughter doesn't deserve that kind of treatment from people who "love" her and that you won't put up with it!

Your daughters have a great Mom! Keep up the good work!

I feel you!! I think you might be taking it a little harder because of your older daughter. That is not to minimize the annoyance of it, though. I'm always told that I am "starving my son" (sarcastically). I usually ignore it and change the conversation, but there are times that it really gets to me. Now that my daughter has her rolls, double chin, and puffy cheeks, I think it is going to grow exponentially.

I think the first step is to talk to your husband. Let him know how much this is bothering you. Then he might even be able to step in with some of the family and friends. Have a standard answer for them. Look them in the eye, and in a calm voice, say, please don't call her fat or focus on her weight. She is healthy, and just learned to XX.

I'm with Cheryl on this one.

Next time call THEM fat. Then when they get sad/hurt/offended simply say:

"Well I've said time and time again that you calling my daughter fat hurts my feelings and makes me angry... so I figured you must have forgotten what it feels like to have someone call you fat. So now every time someone calls her fat, I'm just going to have to remind them how RUDE it is. We're not in Africa, where it's a compliment. We're here in America and it RUDE. Aside from her HEALTHY weight, she's also _______"

Then feel free to diatribe on her many other wonderful aspects. :)

Again, not how I usually handle things either... but you've tried being direct. Now it's time for a flanking maneuver.

Tell them you are happy to have a baby that is soft and huggable, and ask them if they would like to hug her.

My son was tall, and hunky. Just right to hug. He was in the 95% for height and weight from birth onwards. But he didn't talk early and when he talked, he talked unclearly. He learned to read late. And until 4th grade he was a sponge. Nothing came out. I understood him, because he was a lot like me.

But you cannot imagine how many people told me in front of him how stupid, fat, and slow, etc... he was. It was h*** o* both of us. But then in fourth grade everything came out and he tested in the 95% on standardized testing. (everybody thought he cheated) I finally got him in they gifted program in junior high and he just blossomed with straight A's.
It was nice "revenge"

I would respond by saying, "it's funny you say that, b/c our pediatrician says she is at a healthy and normal weight range" and I would leave it at that.
I did like the advice about asking repeat offenders to try to be careful of what they say around both of your children. Labeling in any way is never productive :) good luck!

Your daughter will begin developing her self image soon. It's important that the people around you learn to verbalize their feelings about her size a bit more silently. Children are dieting younger and younger and body image studies are indicating that children can become displeased with their bodies as young as 5 years old.

My doctor called my MIL to tell her that I was fine feeding my daughter whole milk, and that she was height/weight proportionate and by no means "fat". Toddlers don't have ab muscles developed enough to hold their little guts flat until they're around 3yo or so. My daughter is 28 months old, 40" tall, and 38lbs. She is by no means small.

The comments drove me nuts too- and I just said to the offenders- very calmly, I would like my daughter to love herself as much as I love her- could you please keep your comments to yourself?

Best luck- I know how frustrating it can be.

I completely understand. It's gotten so that our 3 year old says, "Aw, Riley, look at your c***by legs!" And she's saying it in a cute, loving way, but I don't ever want Riley to think she's fat. She's only 8 months old right now, and has no idea what that means, but I'm afraid it will continue. I've repeatedly told my parents she's not that big - she's about the same percentile as your daughter. I know when she starts walking she'll thin out a bit, but I'm trying to nip it in the bud so it's not an issue if she does stay larger than her sister.

If your husband and your family are talking that way then I would say something about how you feel to them. If straingers say something then chime in and say and she can say this many words or she can do this also. I have boys and our dr told my oldest at his 3 year check up that he was husky. My son is now nearly 4 and weighs only 35 lbs and is 40inches tall, he is skin and bones for crying out loud. Just hang in there momma, just tell your beautiful daughters all the lovely things you know they should be hearing.

My youngest (9 months) daughter is in the 55% and 75% in her height! SHE gets called FAT! She is thin and I can put her in 0-3 month bloomers and shorts! Her sister (21 months) is in the 60% in weight and 30% in hieght and she gets "aww what cute chunky thighs" Talk about annoying! Both my girls are happy, smart and adorable! I have been asked by strangers if either of them are baby models, but yet they make comments on their thighs! I have well... a little bigger thighs then some, but that doesnt make me fat! I also have a DD and I am not fat! Its pretty much our genes! Both me and my husband have all muscle in our thighs, but its not fat! I get so annoyed!!! I once told a lady (who was real thin) that one day their thighs would look like hers lol! She stopped looked at her legs and walked away! Best moment EVER lol! I make little remarks all the time if they say something about either of their weight. One of my friends at the daycare loves to pick on my kids bc they are bigger then her little girl whose in the 24% on weight. I always pick back saying stuff like "well one day her husband will like her thighs just like mine does :D" But ours is a joke! Keep pointing out the things she is amazing at. Tell them well maybe she will sing bc her voice is amazing and she loves singing or something in that nature! Sorry this is happening, but people dont always understand how much it hurts. The Steriotype is people who are really tinny! I say let the thick chicks rule lol!

I'm sorry people feel the need to comment like this , it really does get to you , my first 2 are very slim and people comment about that , my 3rd is a little chunkier and again people comment and compare her to the other 2. If it really is bothering you then you may have to be firm the next time you ask people to stop , tell them how much it bothers you , and that if they don't have anything else to say then not to say anything at all.

Good luck

So long as your baby is in the normal range (see baby weight/height charts), she is not fat. Next time someone says that, slap the chart at them. If anyone has a right to say your baby is fat, it should be her pediatrician. My son is a GIANT at over 22 lbs. at 5 months. He is already wearing clothes for 12 and 18 month olds. His doctor is not worried about it since he is a tall boy like his dad. So ask those people where they get the idea that she's fat.

However I don't see anything wrong with remarks about how well she eats, and what a full appetite she has. I get this about my son a lot. He is a healthy eater. Everyone in my family think that's great because (so I'm told) a lot of kids are the opposite-- poor appetite, picky eater, fussy, etc. So we are all happy. Of course, I have heard comments about my son being fat too. But I don't worry about it. I was more than c***by when I was a baby myself. Yet I grew up lean and healthy. My family thinks it's normal and even desirable for babies to be on the plump side, yet they seem to think that a child should outgrow that and become a healthy teenager and adult.

Lastly, people will always have something to say that you don't like. Especially about your children. Just tell them it does not change what they are. That is merely someone else's perception. What matters is they are healthy and loved by those who count the most to them. If you give them self-confidence, they will learn not to be affected by ignorant remarks.

My son was in the 98th percentile for both height and weight and we got the same comments. I usually just told them that to promote a healthy attitude toward their bodies, we don't allow the word "fat" in our house and we don't focus on weight. Our goal is to make sure that their bodies are fueled with healthy foods, and their bodies will develop in the way they were made to develop. One especially persistent sister-in-law was the only one that couldn't keep her comments to herself despite my repeated attempts to assure her that our pediatrician insists he is perfectly healthy. She even went as far as to tell me that at 2 months old I needed to refuse to nurse him on demand and offer bottles of water instead (very dangerous). When he was about a year old (and 30 pounds), I got sick of her comments and playfully but painfully slapped her on the arm and said don't talk about my kids like that. She has never again made a comment because she knows that I do take her comments as mean insults.

Now, at 4 years old, he is still at 98th percentile for height and weight, but he is very slim! He wears one size smaller than his 9 year old sister and weighs only 5 pounds less.

I know where you are coming from, try to not let it get to you.

My 15 yr old daughter is a picture of perfect health, teeth, skin, active cheerleader and when she was little, people made lots of comments to me regarding my fat little baby.

WELL....I responded that babies are supposed to have some fat on them and then I said my baby had never been sick or to a Dr. for other than routine checks. She was at least 2 before she ever had an antibiotic for the first time and at 15, I can count on 1 hand how many times she has been sick. And to top all that off, she was formula fed by choice.

Enjoy that baby while you can and try not to let the comments get to you, although it is hard, I know.

that is awful. at first i thought they might be talking about baby rolls when i read the title bc my DD had them at 6 mo and she was callled fat several times. I dk if it were me I would be very angry/hostle/firm. there is TOO much focus on body image and self. est. coming from that your DD will get it from TV whatever she does not need it from family/friends. I would sit down w/ them w/o DD there and tell them how you feel. show them stats on eating disorders bc people called those kids fat...if you have been nice and it did nto work then you hsould step it up to firm and real. she is your DD and no one has the right to tell you that you are beign to serious, you are caring for her the best you can and they need to respect your wishes!!!

My cousin married into a Columbian family who called all the fat babies gordo(boy) or Gorda(girl). He had asked his family to stop calling his girl, gorda. They told him it was a term of endearment. He didn't take it that way and pointed out that they call the older kids that and more than half have a weight issues. When his daughter was old enough she asked what does gorda mean and her mom told her fattie girl. The girl burst into tears. Again my cousin told everyone stop calling her gorda, they didn't. It got so bad for this little girl that she started to"diet" at 8, mind you she wasn't over weight. Than she gained about 20lbs out of depression. She went to a therapist to talk her issues out and the therapist told my cuz and his wife that the name calling has to stop as it is a main source of insecurity to the child. Once again my cousin had it out with that side of the family, they said no other child had a problem, which of course they did, but promised to not say it anymore. What he didn't realize is they promised not to say it anymore INFRONT OF HIM. They kept calling the daughter gorda to prove it wasn't harmful. At 11 years old she was a size 16W. She asked at 12 to be put in a FAT camp and lost all the weight and happily still is at a healthy weight. The camp counselors told my cousin that they have a lot of kids spanish and not, who got there becasue their families terms of endearmnets about their weight. Family, tell them no more or your don't see the kids. Friends tell them you know they are just being funny but you don't appreciate it and it isn't right to compare the girls either. To people in public who say it as they view your child let it roll becasue you won't see them anymore anyway. Come up with alternative nick names if yor fam and friends can't seem to just call your daughter by her name.

I hear ya sister! My baby is a total c*** and I hear comments about it every day. It drive me a little nuts but I decided that people just don't realize what they're saying and whAt's more important is that I just let it go (or I'll always be irritated!!). Sometimes I say something like, there are worse problems to have! I can handle this one (with a smile and a chuckle)!

I have the opposite problem, all 3 of my kids are tiny and I get comments about them being sickly or malnourished! I am constantly telling people that they are healthy and eat just fine, thank you very much! They are rarely sick and super-smart (my 5 year old reads at a 4th grade level).
I would tell your family to stop calling her names and just smile at strangers and their ignorance.

people tend to stop commenting before they are 2 years because they grow out of those irresistible baby rolls. Just try to know that is a normal thing to comment on at that stage as eating and gaining is a focus of every child in the first year. It must be a sensitive issue for you but hopefully you can recognize the normalcy of it, learn to take a deep breath and shake it off and not pass your sensitivity on to your kids. My first child had a heart defect and eating was a huge focus/challenge/nightmare in the first year so I feel like I can identify with your frustrations a bit. My second was healthy and a 'big' eater as well and they are compared always as they are sisters two years apart and now, at 10 and 8, are so very different. My 8 year old is 'bigger' than her sister. I know it is just the way they are and always will be. It sometimes bothers big sis quite a bit and sometimes I worry that little sis compares since I don't like girls worrying about weight but I try to have a healthy attitude about weight knowing that I am the biggest influence on them for that issue. I know we had many comparisons early on based on the fact that our first was so hard and the second not at all and it was hard for me not to be a bit in awe of it. I wonder if that is what your husband is also feeling and commenting on. My mom did it to no end because all her kids were so tiny. If you can find a mom's group to connect with and don't have one you should try to find moms in the same stage as you with kids. Relating to other mom's to know that you are not alone and that they have many of the same concerns can take a huge weight off your shoulders and help you blow off and laugh off many of the crazy things young moms have to handle!!

I had to laugh, sort of. When my son was 6 months old or so, the nurse-practioner who examined my breastfed-only baby (no solids at the time) deemed him "overweight". It was all I could do not to look at her cross-eyed. It was an ignorant, unintelligent statement from someone who should know better.

I'd politely email or petition family to remember that your older daughter's little ears are listening to their comments. "Something like this might seem innocent to you, but it can feel hurtful to my daughter. And it feels hurtful to me. Because you love me, and because we are family, I'm asking you to respect our feelings and refrain from making comments about the children's physical appearances. *Even if it doesn't matter to you, please be considerate of our feelings*."

Then leave it at that. If it comes up again, you can ask calmly--"Oh, didn't you get my email?" If they say no, have a couple printouts available and just hand one to them. "Here's a copy for you." They'll get the message pretty quickly.

For what it's worth, all the childcare pros I know understand that it's never appropriate to make judgmental comments about a child's physical appearance. Unless it's something benign like "I see you have a kitty shirt on today", or appreciating our different hair/eye/skin colors as part of our curriculum, we just keep our mouths shut!