Baby Always Screams Herself to Sleep

CIO proponents would like you to believe that your child will eventually not need to cry anymore, but this is simply not true. There are so many extenuating circumstances and qualifying statements about why a child may continue crying or start crying again, that if you want to do that method, you need to be prepared for the possibility of crying all the time.
You know this method is not whats best for your child; you said yourself that it breaks your heart to hear her cry. Look into other "sleep training" methods, like Elizabeth Pantleys No Cry Sleep Solution, which take your childs needs and feelings into account, not just the parents desire for a convenient child.

Although it is heartbreaking to listen to her, you are doing a good thing for her. She will eventually learn that she can calm herself - that will be a life long lesson for her. My son was the same way and I caved and brought him into bed with us - he is now 6 and still comes into our room in the middle of the night. I didn't do him any favors by making him feel that being with us was his only way to feel safe and comforted. My daughter who is two has never been to our bed and she has learned to go to sleep on her own.

Good luck~

It sounds to me like she actually needs a later bedtime. If she goes to bed at 7:30 and cries for half an hour, try putting her down at 8:00 since that's really when she's tired enough to fall asleep anyway it seems. That what Ferber recommends in his book. Once they learn to go to bed at that later time without crying, you can slowly push bedtime back to where you want it at 7:30. I don't think a 6-month old is learning life lessons when she's left screaming in bed at night. She's really too young. She's trying to tell you she needs you. Bedtime should be peaceful.

Your baby sounds like she's learning to self soothe. Crying it out isn't a bad thing, and as long as her needs are tended to and she doesn't have any health issues that are making her unable to sleep. It sounds like she's doing what works for her. She is a good sleeper and is healthy in every other way...perhaps that's her way to decompress before sleep. I would try a white noise machine for her (or a fan) to provide some white noise in the room. Sometimes babies are soothed by sounds that block out or distract them from their own crying (that's why some babies fall asleep best in moving cars or when a vacuum is running). She's at the age where providing a busy box / mobile or other soothing items can be provided. A special blanket or stuffed animal for comfort might also provide distraction and allow her to focus her attention on something else other than her own crying. Its hard to hear our little ones cry and I'm not an expert, but I think she's just trying to learn to self soothe.
Hope that helps :-)

Hi S. - you mentioned using the CIO method. Did you ever take a look at Dr Ferber's book (you may already know this, but it's his method)? We used it very successfully. He talked about how babies will sometimes cry to relax. It's like letting off excess steam or stress. My son doesn't do it at home, but it's very common for him to do it if he's falling asleep in the car. You might check out the book and see if he has any ideas.

My daughter was the same way. She just seemed to need to let off some steam before she could go to sleep. I was not a fan of CIO, but really that was the only way she could go to sleep. Like yours, she was a fantastic sleeper once she conked out. It lasted for a long time, but she's 6 years old now and although she is still not a fan of going to bed, she does not CIO any more ;)

Interestingly, my second child was completely different. He always went to bed easily and I felt if he cried he really needed me, not that he was just letting off steam. He was not the best sleeper and didn't sleep all night until at least 14 months old, so every child is different.

Is she afraid of the dark?

Is it possible she might have a little acid reflux or tummy upset? Laying flat can make it worse. If you prop up the mattress it might help her be more comfortable to sleep. Does she sleep someplace different for naps? A different part of the house? Maybe it's a matter of the lighting. Too dark too light in the house? Make sure you have a bedtime routine started now though so she knows what to expect. Give her a bath before bed, read her a little story, rock/nurse her, and then put her down. There could be a little anxiety about being alone at this point as this is the time when she remembers you. You also could try to create the same situation for naps at bedtime if she'll sleep fine at naptime. Is there more noise going on in your house during the day? Maybe one of those white noise tapes will help her. It could just be too quiet for her. Try to figure out what it is about her falling asleep at naptime and recreate that. Also, adjusting her schedule might be helpful too. She might not be tired when you are putting her down. Or maybe she's overtired. A baby who is overtired is harder to get to sleep. So putting her down at the first signs of sleepiness is a good thing.

hi S.. it sounds like she may be overtired. from most of the research i have read about sleep(which is a LOT), most books recommend a bedtime between 5:30 and 6pm. sounds crazy. we have done this with both our boys. don't worry about her waking early, generally early to bed means late to rise (weissbluth). if you have an ipod (or not) you should download a recent podcast on the subject of sleep. podcast title "new moms, new babies: tips, tricks and sanity savers" the episode was from 7/22/09. it's titled, "How much sleep does your baby need?" sleep expert/doula

hope that helps.

Oh how sad! Babies are not crying like this for no reason, she is trying to communicate with you. Crying for that long is also disturbing and should not be looked at as normal. Sounds like she is overtired, try getting her to sleep sooner. Have you tried putting her in a sling and nursing to sleep that way? Also try laying down to nurse to sleep until she is in a deep sleep (at least 20 minutes)to move her, this always works with my daughter.
Check out http://askdrsears.com and look up sleeping and "high needs babies" the Dr. Sears family have extremely intelligent and solid information for these kinds of issues, definitely check them out. Listen to your baby, she is trying to communicate to you. Good Luck!

Aside from the fact that you don't like to hear her cry (which, of course you don't!) is there actually a problem? I ask only because you're not really doing CIO. That is a form of sleep training where the child is crying because the parent is taking away something that they need/want to fall asleep. So the crying is because the child is upset about not getting something they want. As the child learns a new pattern, they no longer need the parent to fall asleep and they stop crying. However, your daughter seems to have the situation she wants - you said that she doesn't want to be held, rocked, etc. You don't know why she's crying, but it seems to work for her, even if you don't like it. Given that you really seem to be following your daughter's lead on this one, I would just keep doing what you're doing. Go in, check on her, let her know you love her and you're sad she's crying, but let her work it out and fall asleep. Although the crying is far from great, you really don't want her to force her to be dependent on you for sleep if she wants to do it on her own. It might end the crying now, but opens up a whole lot of other problems down the road. You can try moving bedtime around, because that might help, but it might not. No matter what anyone says, you are not neglecting/abusing your daughter. Some babies cry, you love her, you take care of her, and your relationship will be none worse for the wear.

My stepdaughter was like that, and my husband once turned on the vacuum cleaner just to drown her out. He left it outside her bedroom door. In short order, she was asleep! The constant "white noise" seemed to drown out all the other house noises and let her calm herself down. We used one of those air filters for our son - same thing. Some babies seem easily stimulated or bothered by every little sound. Not sure why this doesn't happen at nap time for her, but who knows? You could use a fan (not blowing on her or moving things around in the room though) or an air filter or anything else that makes a constant noise. Couldn't hurt, might help. Good luck!

It is heartbreaking to hear them sob so, yes.
I had one ( of seven children ) exactly like your daughter. He seemed to need to cry himself to sleep.
And, like her, he was a good sleeper, right through the night.
I had a head banger too, be glad she is not a one of those.
If she sleeps well and naps well then leave it be.
She may be more sensitive than some babies and need that release to calm herself (and tire herself) enough to drop off.
Classical music seemed to soothe Jesse a bit.
Things are what they are and if that is what works for her then that is how it is, yes?
She will outgrow it sooner or later.
Tincture of time and this too, shall pass.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

Have you tried taking your baby to a chiropractor? she may have irritation to her nervous system making it difficult for her to calm or to be comfortable lying down. Adjustments for babies are very gentle, just finger pressures and are often surprisingly effective in helping children sleep, often within a couple visits. Find a pediatric or family chiropractor near you, ask your friends who they like for their children, and give it a try.

Dr. E.

Maybe that's why she sleeps through the night :) Sorry, just jealous that you have a sleeper! Does she need to go to bed maybe 1/2 hour later? She should improve as she gets older. Is teething an issue? Perhaps some Pediaprofen before she goes to bed with her last feed?

Hi S.,
I'm with you! My daughter (4 month old) is exactly like that.
I'm an opponent to the CIO and I never let my son cry. But for her, there is nothing else I can do. She cries in my arms, she cries in any position if I try to rock her (or sing to her...) She may fall asleep if I nurse her but then awakens immediately when I transfer her to her crib... and cries. We have a consistent routine. She doesn't have reflux/gas (she used to as an infant, so I know about it - that's not the problem in her case).
The truth is she will cry 40 minutes with me and 10-15 minutes if left alone in her crib. And then, she sleeps through the night.
Maybe they just need it to evacuate the tensions of the day.
I'm sorry I don't have a solution for you, just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I sometimes cry myself when I hear her crying across the door!
Good luck and patience. For sure, this too shall pass!