Baby #2 Due in 3 Weeks- How to Talk to 3 Year Old About Being in the Hospital

Reading Rainbow has a good video. I think it's called "On the Day You Were Born," or something like that. I borrowed it from the local library last summer while pregnant with my third child and my (then) nearly 5.5 year old and nearly 4 year old loved watching this video. I think it helped explain some things about the logistics and put the new addition into a really positive light.

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There is a book called "I'm a Big Sister" by Joanna Cole that is very positive and talks about how the baby will be small and require attention. When I was looking at books, a lot of them have a jealousy aspect, which I did not like. My son hasn't been negative towards the "baby in Mommy's tummy", so I did not want to plant any jealousy ideas into his head. I got the "I'm a Big Brother" book, written by the same author. Mercy Mayer also wrote a good book "The New Baby". My son didn't like it so much, but it is also a positive book.

The hospital I will deliver at has an online "maternity ward tour" video. I've watched it a couple of times with my son (he's 2 years 8 mos) to explain to him "This is where Mommy will be when Julia comes." It was a really short video...about 8 minutes. They don't show anything graphic, just a couple checking in, the L&D room, the nursery, etc. I don't think he fully understands the details, but he now has this idea that Mommy will be gone for a little while, but he can visit his sister and then we'll be home.

As for sharing the love, we started to plant seeds. When our son says he loves his trucks, we ask "Do you think Julia would love trucks too? Would it be nice to share with her?" We try to keep the new baby in conversation when it seems appropriate, and we always try to focus our words on making him in control of helping or sharing.

I hope this helps. I'm due any day now, so I don't know if any of these methods will bear fruit. But that's what we've been doing.

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We went through this a year ago. The night that I was going to be induced we had our daughter spend the night with Grandma and Papa. We didn't tell her that her sister was coming. The week leading up to my delivery, we told her that mommy and daddy had to pick up her sister at the hospital and that she could see her there. The next morning when she was born, my mom and step-dad brought her to the hospital. I had awaiting there a present from her baby sister. She was so excited. That day she spent time with daddy and I rested and spent time with our new baby. The next day she was so excited to come and pick up sister and me with her daddy. Also, when people came over to visit the new baby, most brought a present for her as well. Not anything big, just something so that she didn't feel left out as she was too the only grandchild on both sides.

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Hi S.,

When my second daughter came, my oldest was just about 3. When we told my daughter about the new baby she was angry at first, but then she was curious. We just told her that when it was time to have the baby, her dad and I would go to the hospital and the doctors would help the baby come out. After the baby was out, she would be allowed to come to the hospital to meet the new baby and see me. Then, she would go home with Daddy at night and come back the next day to bring me home.

She was OK with the hospital. She wasn't as thrilled after seeing the baby that her sister was going to come home with us.

I did a lot of explaining ahead of time that the baby would need me a lot but that I would need her a lot to help with caring for her sister. It was a rough transition, as it is for any child, but now she and her sister are good friends (10 and 7). They even help each other to deal with their little brother.

When I was a kid, I am the oldest of 9, my parents never really explained to me about the hospital, but I figured it out pretty quick. Also, as long as your daughter knows that she can come and see you and that you are going to come home when it is over, she should be fine. Again, a little transition from 1 to 2 kids but she will be fine.

Good luck,

D.

hi there! my daughter was three when my son was born. she was very well aware that a baby was coming home with me and i am sure that your daughter has a much better understanding of this than you are giving her credit for. if you have "included" her in the pregnancy thus far, then she knows. my daughter ended up being at the birth(this was not the original plan) but it was a wonderful experience for everyone! she literally bonded with him right away and they have been very close since!!!(now 14 and 11)honesty and truth are the ways to go. just explain it the way it really is. my daughter was very excited that i was bringing home a baby for her!!! another thing we did was to have a present for her at the hospital from the baby. that was a nice touch. basically, include her in as much of it as possible and things will go well. you will be amazed by the beautiful relationship that develops between your children!!! i wasn't expecting all of the joy that i get from watching them together!!! good luck with your birth and your beautiful first born! V.

My daughters are also 3 years apart. One mistake I made was not explaining that although she would come visit me at the hospital the next morning, I might not be coming home with them that day. She thought they were coming to pick me up. When Dad and Grandma told her it was time to leave, she began to scream and cry. It broke my heart. Luckily Grandma bribed her and everything ended well but every nurse on that floor knew which little 3 year old girl was mine.

My children are 3 1/2 years apart. When I was pregnant with my second child I watched "Bringing Home Baby" with my daughter. It's on the learning channel (TLC). She loved the program, and it goes through everything from labor pains that start at home to the delivery. It is very tasteful and doesn't show anything in great detail, but I was able to tell her, "See, Mommy is going to be in the hospital like that too. And I'm going to be in a bed like that when you come to visit. And I'm going to have tubes on my arms like that too..." So when I finally did go to the hospital, she was very ready for everything she saw. And we also talked constantly about how I might have to leave in the middle of the night (which is actually what happened) but that Grandma would come stay with her, etc. I just talked to her a lot about everything that might happen so she would be prepared.

Hi S.,

I had my mom help me. In my case it was boys :O) I wanted to have a "PARTY" for my oldest son when his little brother came home. Same thing, 1st grandchild, lots of attention, etc....

So, even though mr and the my newborn came home from the hospital, The Party was for my oldest, because he was a big brother. It was a BIG BROTHER PARTY. We had a cake, balloons, and I bought and wrapped a few presents ahead of time to use for being a big brother (puppets for entertaining, etc..), then of course, a present just for him.

While everyone sat around holding my newborn, my oldest felt very proud that HE was the big brother.

It really helped us into the transition.

Congratulations on your growing family!

~N. :O)

Sorry - computer vs. brain issues! We have Kaiser insurance and they provide a sibling preparation class which includes a tour of the hospital and safety lessons. Check to see if your hospital has a class too!

I found a great book called "Waiting for Baby" that is a picture book - no words. My son and I look at the progression of pictures - Dr. appt. Ultrasound, shopping for baby stuff, Grandparents coming to baby sit, mommy getting in the car with over-night bag, et. and ends with the kid visiting the hopsital. My son is almost 5 so I let him tell me what the book "says" after we discussed the pictures the first few times. We have even asked him who he wants to sleep over with him while mommy & daddy are at the hospital.

There's also a follow-up book called "My New Baby". Also the I'm a Big Sister/Brother" books are great and "What to expect when the New Baby Comes Home" for kids is good too.

My son was very upset when we found out he's having a sister - he wanted a brother or a puppy. So, I got him several books to help him comprehend what's going on. He loves to read them at bedtime and his attitude has improved.

Hi, S.,
My son was 3 also when I had my second baby. Honesty is the best policy in our household. I just included him in the pregnancy and as the time got closer to my due date, I explained that I would be leaving for the hospital for a few days so that the baby could be born. Funny thing with honesty...it works both ways. My son told me that he loved his baby brother and could he stay in my tummy and not come out at all! LOL!

Anyway, we bought a gift and wrapped it and brought it to the hospital with us, so that when my son came to visit, he got a gift from his new baby brother. I think it helped a lot with the transition. he was happy to get a gift from the baby and he adjusted well. Of course, there are always jealousy issues, but ours was rather minimal.

I think if you are honest with what is going on, your child can be honest about what is going on with her and then you can deal with her feelings better. My first child told me several times that he wanted his baby brother to go back into my tummy. We just talked openly and frankly about the fact that that can't happen and that we have to be happy that he is here. eventually, he was thrilled to have a baby brother. At first, I would try to take out my oldest by myself, so that he could have some quality "ME" time with Mommy, but to my surprise, he always wanted to include his baby brother in our outings, so I never needed to give him one-on-one time. He never seemed interested. He wanted to include his brother in everything. I thought that was truly wonderful. Good luck and congratulations!

Hi,
I would have her help you pack your bag for hospital and a bag for the baby and ask her questions:

"What do you think I need to have the baby"
"What will the baby need to come home to us"
"Should I brush my teeth while I am there"
and the like.

I also made a "hospital bag" for my older daughter with special stuff in it and decorated it. She couldnt see it until it was time to go though so it would be special. I had her open it in the room during the beginning of labor and everyone watched so it was a big deal and attention for her.

I put stuff like:
Big Sister t-shirt & shorts
Snacks & drinks
Coloring stuff
Hair stuff
Book about being a big sister
Her own disposable camera
Picture of her and I

After the baby came home - I included her in all care of the baby - not like can you get a diaper type of thing but to help change her and help feed her.

If you breast feed than have pre-bagged snacks (that are quiet) to grab when you feed the baby so she can eat too with you and baby.

Having quality time with her while dad takes baby for his quality bonding time with baby is very effective.

Hope this helps & Good Luck...A.

How about a big sister book or a book about a new baby coming home? I think Berenstein Bears has one and there are a bunch of big sister books at the hospital. We also got a baby doll as a gift for the baby to give to her big sis when she came to visit in the hospital. Good luck.