Autism:how Do You Know If a Child Is Autistic?

The way you approach it can make a difference. 2 of my 6 kids were "on the autism spectrum," (Asperger's) but now you'd never know it (well, most people wouldn't). I'm so grateful for a friend who told me that she saw some signs in my toddler that she'd recommend getting him checked out by a local early access program (that specializes in early intervention for all sorts of childhood issues.) My pediatrician didn't see anything out of the ordinary, but my gut told me to follow through on her advise.

It helped that she told me, not out of fear, but out of a sincere knowledge that early intervention can make such a difference for so many children, and IF he needed it, it'd be good to know. That's all. It was a "maybe it's nothing, but I'd recommend you look into it, just in case it could be helpful" type of thing. And boy, was it helpful!

When he was younger, he would often seem to be looking right through me (but not always, just a lot of the time), and he was SO particular about things, had some sensory issues (couldn't stand to walk on grass bare foot, or be outside if it was windy, be in loud places, swing, or ride in a shopping cart), was obsessed with cars and mechanical things and would shake his head and shoulders back and forth (as if simulating rocking) to fall asleep. The terror in his eyes when he was in a shopping cart or in the wind made me know his tantruming was because he sincerely couldn't handle it. There were just a lot of little things.

Now, he'll be entering a regular kindergarten class next month and he's doing great. Would he be doing as well without the little changes and therapies we provided for him? Maybe. But I SAW how deep pressure would immediately calm him down in the shopping cart and at times he was overloaded. I SAW how working with him on the trampoline helped him develop a better sense of being grounded. I SAW him overcome him obstacles with guidance and I'm so glad we were able to provide him with that while he was so maleable.

Talk to her. Just be optimistic. It may be autism, it may be less severe, it may be nothing. No need for fear. Just get checked out so you have options, IF needed.

I think what upsets people is when parents "freak out," insisting that something is wrong with their child when they think it's just normal growing up. I'd say, there is no need to be fearful and overly anxious. Knowledge is power, though. It is GOOD to get honest evaluations, listen to your gut and be proactive. It is not good to suppress feelings or reason them away out of fear. If it's nothing, great. It's nothing. Although, I'd also say to encourage the mother to consider getting him checked out, but then to listen to her gut no matter what. (Not all doctors are as convinced of the prevelance of autism-related disorders or the impact of early intervention.)

As mothers, we are blessed to have other mothers who help support us with our children. Kudos to you for caring for them.

1 mom found this helpful

I am a mother of four boys. My third child was a lot like the child you speak of. My family doctor also said that my child was just a "late talker" when I went to him with concerns about speech, behavior, and autism at age 2. (He hated haircuts, baths, attention from others, avoided eye contact, would line up his toys, threw a lot of tantrums) I went along with this advice until almost 36 months of age, and there was no improvement. I then took my child to the Mayo Clinic for evaluation and also called early childhood intervention. He was found to have speech/language and some minor developmental delays. Now, after almost 4 years of intensive (3-4 days a week, 30 min. one on one sessions, plus a lot of work at home) speech and developmental therapy, he has successfully completed all-day kindergarten and no longer needs additional services. He is a completely normal 7 year old! His behavior is great, he is a hard worker, and he loves school. His speech is as good as anyone else's his age.
It is so important to start intervention early! And to be safe rather than sorry down the line. Your school district should have an Early Intervention phone number to call about concerns. I found this to be the most helpful. It's a long process, but the rewards are great!

Dear B.,

Is your friend willing to get a speech evaluation for her son? You mentioned that he does seem delayed with talking. It is possible that if your friend went in for a speech evaluation and the speech therapist saw other problems she/he may recommend to your friend that they go for further developmental evaluations. This may be an easier approach for her to swallow.

My 4 yr old son has autism and was diagnosed when he was 21 months old. I would not have caught it that early, but my mom said something to me after hearing me describe our daily lives to her over the phone to her. (We lived 1500 miles away at the time.) I was defensive and told her that I told that he was just "quirky." But sometime nagged my mind after that and I mentioned something to his pediatrician at our next appointment. She didn't see anything wrong either, but sent us for speech and hearing evaluations. Both of these trained people saw something in my son that inspired them to refer me for a developmental evaluation, at which he was diagnosed. So for as much as I was upset with my mom at the moment for thinking there was something wrong with MY son, I am grateful that she did open her mouth and put that nagging question in my mind that I just could get rid of.

I would be happy to share an additional information with you (or your friend) if you need/want. Our son has made some HUGE improvement since the start of his therapies. (speech, behavioral, and occupational(which is great for sensory problems of which our son has MANY)). There is hope.

Hi B.,

If she is your friend, just ask her.

Sometimes we as parents tend to not notice these things because they are with the child all the time and it seems "normal".

Juts simply say, "___________, can I ask you a personal question without you being upset with me? You're my friend and I love you to pieces, but something has been on my mind and I don't want to offended." Get her feedback.
Then ask her...

Tread carefully. I had a close friend, and I watched her child for close to a year. So many people questioned me about her child's odd behavior, and I didnt' interfere for so long. Even though, I am a speech pathologist and worked with autistic children. Finally, after a year, I mentioned that it wouldn't hurt to have her son evaluated by a speech pathologist ...that way, they could not lose anymore critical speech development time. I explained that the sooner the diagnosis,the better for the child. She stopped talking to me. I heard, through the grapevine, about a year later, that, indeed, her son had been diagnosed with autism. Why she was angered with me, I'm not sure. I never did say the word autism, I just suggested early intervention for speech delay. That was almost 8 yrs ago, and she still doeosn't speak to me. Who knows. So, think hard, and be willing to accept any backlash. SOrry, I can't tell you definitely what to do. I can only relay what happened to me.

I have not read all of the many responses to your question, and I am sure you have gotten alot of good insights from others. I will share my experience though.

I noticed some of the things you have mentioned in my nephew (my husband's brother's son) when he was about 18 months old. He did alot of things very repetitively that did not seem normal to me, he paid very little attention to other people and no attention to other kids, he would not eat many foods, didn't talk, but he seemed to be very happy--always smiling, hardly ever cried, even if he fell down and looked like he would have been hurt. I did some research online and found that these were characteristics of autism.
I told my husband about it and we decided it would be best to say something because of all the signs we could see. It was a difficult decision, because we were afraid of offending them or being wrong, but we felt it was better to say something than let it go. We (like you) were concerned and only wanted what was best for the little guy.
We felt it was better to share our concerns, so that if he needed help he could get it as soon as possible. If they had been mad, at least we didn't just ignore the issue.

I think that most of us do not want to see if there is something odd or different about our own children. When you are with them every day, you don't see that there is anything unusual about their behavior.

Any way, my husband talked with his brother and they did have it checked out. He has been diagnosed as autistic and has come a long way with therapy. He is 3 1/2 now. I don't know a lot about it, but have been told that early detection and treatment are critical. I think that you should talk to your friend. Let her know that you care and want what is best for her son, and that you are not trying to be mean. Tell her that you have done some research and what behaviors concern you. If she has him tested and needs treatment, she will thank you in the long run.

Good luck, I know this is a tough subject to approach.

I think you may want to take the approach of "better safe than sorry" and mention something to her. I agree that not all kids develope at the same rate (both of my boys didn't walk til they were 17 mths!) but as a non-family member you may have a better insight if something is a little "off" with the boy. Things that his mom has just chalked up to normal (for him) at this point.

Just let her know how much you care about her and that you're only trying to help.

Check out "Raising a Sensory Smart Child." It's more about Sensory Integration, which is on the Autism Spectrum. If speech is the only issue, there may not be an issue. If there are other things, then you (your friend) will see the interconnections. I would educate yourself (and your friend if you find other things) before going to other doctors. My ped just racks it up to normal development issues. In this day and age, we need to be better educated about our own children because the professionals can only specialize in so much.

I think you should say something. To me is sounds like something is going on with the child. For the age of the child they should be able to wave, make eye contact and tend to a task for a few minutes. All of those things that you have listed are big red flags for autism.

Since she is your best friend, I can understand why you are concerned. Only a professional or a team of professionals can diagnose autism. Encourage her to talk about the delays with her child's pediatrician. We went through the same thing with my nephew and he was NOT autistic...just speech delayed. My best friend's daughter showed similar symptoms and it turned out to be developmental delay. I wouldn't mention the word autism b/c that should be left to the professionals and may just put her on the defensive. It's great that you care so much. Just continue to encourage her.

When my sister's little girl was three, I just suggested that she contact the public school to get her hearing checked for free. I knew there was something more wrong but I also knew that they would pick it up and tell her and then I wasn't the bad guy. I really didn't have enough letters beside my name to say exactly what was wrong anyway. She is autistic and, with lots of help, is now considered high functioning.

B., I am a speech and language pathologist and chances are, you're right about this little boy. I am shocked that the doctor has not caught on. I am hoping that he has a 24 month check-up soon and most likely will refer him to specialists. I am also guessing that this little boy's issues are far more that his speech delay. It appears he has delays with receptive language, expressive language, social interaction, sensory integration and possibly cognition. As difficult as it can be for you, I urge you to help your friend recognize her son's strengths and "chanenges". Does he have behavioral issues? Perhaps you can suggest she see her doctor regarding difficult behavior. Also, if he's not speeking, suggest a hearing test. This often get's parent into realizing a problem exhists. Best of luck to you! Remember your heart is in the right place.

Its common for boys to be extrememly late talkers.

It seems like quite a few people have said "seems normal and fine to me", but i just wanted to mention that i did play therapy with young autistic children for a few years and just the few symptoms you mentioned do seem to fit the description. I have seen amazing changes in little ones in just a years time, but the older they are before diagnosis, the more difficult it can be to help them adjust.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice on how to approach your friend. I can hardly understand my friends 3.5 year old talk, but am too nervous to say anything because one time her step mom said something about it and she got all pissed off. . . so I'm also just hoping a teacher or someone will suggest a speech therapist to her. . . good luck whatever you decide.

Because it sounds like your friend might be a little defensive already I'd proceed with cautious words and steps. I tried bringing up the need for an evaluation to a neighbor once (didn't know much about autism at the time but I wasn't the only neighbor who thought it was more than adhd) and the parent was very defensive that what good would an evaluation do if they as parents would not treat it anyway (going with my example of how meds made all the difference for my own child w/ bipolar/adhd-now treated strictly for bipolar). I offered that I thought she did an amazing job of dealing w/ his issues, but a therapist might be able to help w/ more ideas of how to handle stresses and behaviors. Our relationship had a wall block after that.

YOU have the benefit of friendship, not just a neighborhood playgroup relationship. However, you also have more to lose if she rejects your input. You have a lot more advice here leaning toward confronting her there may be a problem, but I would suggest inquiring gently, maybe just as casual talking to the toddler conversation, that they're almost two and how the dr. will be so surprised how much they've grown since their last well-baby check. If you have kids older mention that you liked that they can do development testing right at the well check. Possibly even call the Dr.s office and tip them off to your worries for the child. They can't give you any info, but will hopefully be receptive to making a note on the childs file of an anonymous concern.

If that doesn't work then I'm more on the direct side in support of children having the best life possible, with intervention. Good luck and thanks for being a caring friend.

You really dont just know if a child is autistic. It is something that does need to be diagnosed and this is based on the childs history as well as behavioral observations, etc. I have a daughter who is now 13 and was diagnosed very late, we always knew something was different with her like y9ou are noticing. Our daughter was different from our other girls since the day she was born, she didnt wind up and cry as an infant, she screamed at the top of her lungs, we did not have a peaceful meal time until about 2 years ago, she was either screaming as an infant due to the smells of dinner or tearing our table apart, etc. She to did not speak well at the age of 28 months, at 34 months she received an iep for speech but the did not diagnose her. At the age of three we went to a psychiatrist, diagnosed ADHD, WRONG!! We lived with this diagnoses until the age of 6 when the pediatrician recommended having her observed at Rogers Memorial, once she was diagnosed all the pieces of the puzzle fit together. No interaction, never played with toys, failure to thrive at 4 months (due to eye contact that should begin) while being breastfed, socially inept, fits of rage, temper tantrums, head banging, etc that the psychologist said were just stages she was going through, but all this time we knew it was something else. She is currently functioning at about a 2-5yoa level, dresses herself, is toilet trained and verbal which keeps her from being a profound autistic child. We are thankful for this as it could be worse and often wonder if the fact of getting her in speech, which was very intense, allowed her not to go completely non verbal, she does go non verbal at times, we just deal with it and she knows some sign language. Let your friend know that she will have to continuously fight to not only ger her child diagnosed, but for everything and ev ery bit of help/therapy she will need. She will need to fight fight fight. I am currently an educator for young children (2nd grade) and have helped special ed get two children help for their autism spectrum disorders. Hope that this helps.

And also, good luck.

Hi B. - i don't know much about the subject, but at my daughter's 2 year appointment they had me fill out a survey that had about 20 questions that were "does your child hold eye contact" and "Does your child show affection". By the time I was done with it i had figured out this must be to tip them off to any signs of autism or other developmental delays. So hopefully it is standard that doctors just start looking for signs and asking questiosn - just in case. Otherwise you could be totally honest with your friend and say "I don't want to be a jerk or overstepping my boundries, but i've noticed this and if it were me i would bring it up to my doctor". Since you two are such good friends, even if she is mad for awhile she'll eventually see you were just trying to help!

Anyone with autistic children...
I have a friend who is very involved and knowledgeable and I am sure she would help...
____@____.com

With your description of your friend's child, a lot of red flags go up. I have several friends that have children with varying degrees of autism and some of the things you describe could fit or it could describe several other issues too. You are right in that it is best for the child to find a diagnosis early because early intervention and therapies can have better results. Also, my friends have used our Reliv supplements and have seen their children reach huge developmental milestones. The supplements are not a cure, but rather feed the miracle body and the body can go to work. Some medical doctors miss the signs and I would take the child to a specialist for further testing. When approaching the mother I wouldn't personally mention the word autism, but mention that it wouldn't hurt to get another evaluation. Just approach this with a loving heart and you will find the gentle words that she needs to hear. --R. H.

maybe you could suggest she contact her birth - 3 agency to have speech issues looked at. They are more than willing to come out and they will actually look at everything as far as developmental milestones, etc. This might be a way for her to get help or you to bring it up in a less threatening way - speech issues vs. autism which is very scary for many parents to even think about.

*****I have received flack from my answer, (private message). I thought this was a place for personal insight and opinions? B. has added a bit more information, editing her response from the message that I originally responded too.*****

I own a child care center and many have passed through my doors. I hate the "should be doing this or that by whatever age." Kids are sooooooooo different! Who says a child should talk well by age two? As long as the child can repeat....then they have speech. I have met many who do not talk much at two. Some are just thinkers and not gabby. One sign of Autism is little eye contact. See if the two year old has eye contact when you talk to them. As for not liking restraints, most children like their independence. Personally, I see no red flags.....
M. in Wisconsin

One of my favorite quotes is something to the effect of "100 years from now it will not matter how much money I made, what kind of car I drove, or what kind of clothes I wore, but I will have made a difference in the life of a child" (The actual quote is much more eloquent, but I can't rememer the exact wording off hand). Speak up, but maybe not mention Autism. Remind her that while yes, every child develops differently, that at 2 years old, he should have a "rapidly developing vocabulary of words" (not that he just understands, but that he uses spontaneously without prompting). A speech evaluation through your county Birth to Three program should be free, and any good pediatric speech therapist should be able to pick up on any other potential red flags for Autism and be able to make appropriate recommendations. Plus, pediatric speech therapy typically uses a play-based approach and can occur at HOME! If she is your best friend, she should not be upset with you for being honest with your concerns, even if it's a hard topic.

Speech is not the only factor. Neither is eye contact. ASD children can actually have eye contact. Joint attention is a biggie. Point to something and say oh look. Does the child look. This is a biggie. At two the child should be able to follow two step directions, regardless of speech. Is the child able to get "fixed" on a task or object. Actually many times people think these kids are good babies because they are able to sit for long periods of time and play with one toy or sit through an entire movie without moving. If he has other signs and symptoms other than speech and some sensory intergation disfunction, YOU SHOULD FOR SURE push the subject. It is hard for parents to see it until the behaviors start that they can not control. Trust me, the earlier the better. I have proof of this personally. You can call to the Autism Society of Minnesota and get a basic signs and symptoms sheet (FREE). MaryAnn C. has an awesome handout. If it seems to fit the child, approach the mom from the "lets look at this together" factor. If there are not at least 5 poistive points, I would watch it and see what else surfaces. Early Intervention is the key & good for you to be a true friend..... If you need the number to AuSM, PM me or go to the web site AUSM.org. ((((HUGS))))

B.,
You are right to be concerned (not much eye contact, sensory issues, speech etc. . .), and you are also right about getting a diagnosis asap for the child. However, I wish I could advise you on what to do, being that it is a friend's child and not your own.
I guess it would depend on how you go about saying it, and how close the two of you are.
Maybe think of the future. . .could you live w/your decision if you said something and were wrong? How about your decision not to say something and were right?
Good luck, B.
J.

basically, it sounds like he could have an autism spectrum disorder.
its terrifying that your child may have a disorder especially one as confusing as autism. the fact of the matter is that if he does, you are right, the sooner she gets help for him the better..

i guess i would ask mom to go out to lunch with you and ask her about her concerns. hopefully this would be without her son... but thats not always possible i guess. ask her heart to heart if she is worried at all. the most important thing to understand is that her son should be tested to RULE OUT the possiblity of an autism spectrum problem. if you can rule it out, then the problem is going to most likely be more basic, like a speech impediment or something. if you can word it like that, so that you dont sound like you are sure he has autism, but that his behavior is something that should be tested to RULE OUT autism, it might make mom feel a little more comfortable. i dont know about the screening myself, but i believe it is very simple, ive even heard with my in home day care that they will come right to my house to observe a child... so im thinking someone could go to her home and observe too.

you can get ahold of your county's health and human services division and see what resources are available for screening, or contact the local school.

it is important that she know that she isnt and didnt do anything wrong, but if there is a problem its better to find out about it now than when its gone too far. there have been children cured of autism or had DRASTIC progress with the therapies available.

if she doesnt seem open to talking about it, or doesnt want to face the issue, maybe offer her jenny mccarthy's book about her struggles with her son. i havent read it, but im sure any mom in a similar situation would have to feel comforted knowing they arent alone, and the feelings of anger, confusion, hurt, sadness, depression, all of that is normal and typical with a child who is having a developmental disorder.

http://www.amazon.com/Louder-Than-Words-Mothers-Journey/d...

http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Warriors-Parents-Healing-Aga...

those are the links to 2 of her books about her son with autism.
good luck, and pray for your friend and her son. this is a terrible sad situation to be in, and i hope that if theres truly a problem, she can get the help she and her son need.

Yes, it's a very touchy subject. She doesn't have any concerns with her child's speech or lack of speech? I work with enough autistic children to know the signs. I of course can't diagnose them but there is nothing wrong with being concerned and keeping an eye on them. Unfortunately, some of these children aren't really "discovered" until they are in school, some of the lucky ones will enroll early for speech and be referred. Nobody wants to hear that there is something wrong with their child, and you don't want to compare children. I would try to encourage your friend to ask more questions of her doctor or maybe just talk to her with your concerns. You don't want to scare her, but just tell her to keep an eye on some of the behaviors that you're concered about. If she is not aware of some of the "classic" signs then maybe she thinks everything is "normal" (what is normal though?). You say she has an older child? It could also be the childs personality - shyness or some anxiety. I would try to stay openminded and not focus on the things he/she isn't doing but encouraging the things he/she can do, hopefully the speech is just waiting to emerge. Good luck.

If your friend isn't concerned, I wouldn't be concerned. Every child is different in their development. Some children are watchers, and some are doers. Not every child speaks well at 2 years of age, especially if they are working on other developmental skills. Also, being a second child makes a difference too. As for holding and bathing, maybe her child is too "independant" to be held and just plain-old doesn't like baths...again, it is your friend's child, if she's not concerned, then I don't see a problem.

If you have genuine concerns, talk to your friend about them. Present them from the standpoint that she and her kids are very important to you, and you love them all. I do have a background in psychology, and honestly, autism is hard to diagnose in very young kids. But, there are some things to watch for and that can be concerning. Lack of speech is one thing, but more importantly are the social interaction issues. If the child is not engaging with people and is not focusing when being spoken to directly at this age, there could be a developmental problem (which could or could not be autism). It's often helpful to look at pictures of children. If, in a picture, the child is rarely/never looking at/toward the camera, when the photographer has repeatedly tried to get their attention, that's a concerning sign. As you mentioned, extreme sensitivity can be a sign as well. Typically, oversensitive hearing or distressing sensitivity to clothing (like tags, certain fabrics, etc) can be another warning sign.

From what you described it sounds just like my son at that age. He is now almost 4 and has an amazing vocabulary and finally likes to snuggle!!....although he still doesn't like to take a bath!!

B.,

If your friend lives in or around Madison there are a couple of resources she could try. My youngest son doesn't talk very well and has been receiving speech therapy through a program called Birth to 3 (http://dhs.wisconsin.gov/bdds/birthto3/). They have helped us. We also just recently participated in Toddler Talk, a research project through the Waisman Center at the UW. This project is studying communication delays as they relate to autism. If you participate in the project the child is evaulated for speech delays as well as autism. Thankfully for us my son isn't on the autism spectrum. However, he does have a speech impairment so we are now persuing it.

I think your friend needs to discuss these issues with her child's ped. She should also consider checking into the above resources I gave you. Both programs would evaluate the child. I think that you should approach her and let her know that you are concerned and just want to help her and her child. I know that I have appreciated all the help and support that my friends have given to me through this.

Good luck to you.

I can feel for your dilemna.
2 of my very close friends each have a child with autism.
Each of the children have had different paths to the same diagnosis, but in both cases the children did not meet major milestones and the doctors worked with the families. Both were involved in the "birth to- three" programs in their communities for speech and OT. If there is a birth to three program in your community, maybe you could suggest that she sign up for it, or you could be the one to call them and let them know your concerns.
Good luck.

As the mother of two special needs children, I would strongly suggest that you speak to your friend about having her child assessed. Early intervention is the key! An assessment is non-invasive and does not "hurt." If the results come back that the child is typical, no harm-no foul. If they show the child needs help, then the earlier-the better. Please, talk to your friend.

I think gut feelings are to be trusted in general. This is a very, very controversial topic... there is a lot of buzz around "Autism". I also have a couple of friends that look like they have kids that fall somewhere on the Autistic spectrum. One thing I know is the Dad's attitudes can be different and a little bit bigger picture, where the Mom's who are mostly the primary care takers get very invested in the performance of their kids and take it personally if there is anything slightly abnormal with their kids. Even if there is a reoccurring theme of strangers noticing, they still don't want to give in to the possibilities.
If you do say something it is only because you care! That would essentially be a confrontation and confrontations are no ones favorite thing... especially women. One thing I have learned recently is to NOT get emotional about the subject matter, but figure out a way to be simple, gentile and positive about the gravest of topics. Your caring and confidence can be a pillar and she may open up and need a friend. You know how we like to burry everything and maintain perfection on the outside.
It is not your job to diagnose this kid. Do some research, but give your self permission to be yourself and to be a good friend by caring and talking about all the possibilities.

http://www.generationrescue.org/ (many autism links on lower left in "Friends" box)
www.autism.com

Dear B.,

You most certainly are a good friend to pursue this. Here's my experience. My son (3) was not talking anywhere near where his peers were at his age. My friends 3 year old was also not where he should have been. Both boys got set up with Grant Wood AEA. It's free and available everywhere. My son started first and then I strongly recommended my friend call about her son. While both boys are now in a pre-school setting (and NOT required to be potty trained, due to their delays) they are finding that my son is just delayed in his speech due to having a teenage brother and sister. The other boy, however, exhibits more behavioral delays and has been diagnosed with autism. Our boys started out the same, yet went totally different directions. ( His sibs are 5 and 7). Our boys are in school together and we a good friends and I do what I can to help her and encourage her and relieve her when it gets to be too much. She's going to need you, B.!:)

My friend followed up by taking her son to the Center for Developmental Disabilities and (it's free) and they are offering services to help his progress. THE KEY HERE, B., IS TO CATCH IT EARLY!!! I can't stress that enough. The sooner your friend gets this diagnosed the better. And what does she have to lose to find out everything is alright? BONUS!

Show your friend my letter if you want. This is important. She will need a referral from the boys doctor,so if her pediatrician is poo-pooing this as no big deal, she needs to get a second opinion, ASAP! You are right to keep after her to do this. She may be angry at first, but will look back and see what a blessing you have been to her.

My friend was very afraid to follow up, but she did. Her husband refused to believe until he saw the results of the diagnosis from the CDD evaluation at the children's hospital here. (Iowa City) (It's a day thing, no overnights involved and mom or dad are there the entire time) Now they are being proactive and learning about the autism and their son is showing alot of progress, because they caught it early!! Your friends son is even younger than our boys, so there is even more valuable time here to use!! If you are right, and they do not look into this soon, they will still have an autistic boy, only precious time will have been lost in giving him the help he needs. Ignoring this will not make it go away, it will only make it worse. I will be praying for you. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in telling her.

B. M

B. -- What is looking like a jerk compared to maybe being a life-altering help to these two? If you are wrong, you can rejoice with them! Good luck! L.

Hey B.,

First of all let me say you are such a good friend to be concerned. A lot of other people would do nothing.
I have an autistic child of almost 14 now and when he was born there were definitely concerns early on but he was our first child and I just didn't recognize them. My MIL said something to me one time about his ears - maybe he couldn't hear but I knew he could. Yes I got defensive but it made me start looking for more things. Looking back now my friends and family did all see things with him and I wish they would have said something earlier so we could have taken action earlier. I don't think I would have thought my friends were mean but who knows now what my reaction would have been.
Recently we had this same situtation with another friend of mine and her daughter is very delayed and we all debated on whether we should tell her or not. We actually have an organization in our city that tries to catch children with delays early and provide early intervention. We were able to talk with one of the people on this committee and she then went to talk to our friend. In this case, we were not the only ones that had mentioned something about this child. So you could see if there are any organizations in your area like this. If not, I would surely encourage you to say something to your friend because EARLY intervention is soooooooo important. She may be mad at you to begin with but you will feel better knowing that you helped the child. Many parents are in denial that there is something wrong with their child. Some parents never get over that feeling and others
take it as a challenge and do everything they can for their child. And in that case, you can be a sounding block for your friend when (and she will) she needs to talk. If her child does have serious delays, the years ahead may be challenging and knowing that she can count on you to talk to or maybe just help and babysit for awhile will be a GODSEND to her.

Let us know how everything turns out. I wish you luck but yes keep in mind...... the child.

L.

You've already talked to her, and she wasn't responsive. Assuming the child is going in for his well-child exams, the doctors know about his development.

You could try talking to one of her relatives or another friend (there's power in numbers).

If you really, truly feel like something horrible is going on here, you could also try child welfare, but then she'll know *someone* called them.

You really have to figure out for yourself how much of this is your business, and when to back away.