Attachment Parent Leaving 12 Mnth Baby for First Time

You have made your baby to dependent on you and you on her. By 12 months they should not be waking every 3-4 hours. That is not good for them or you. If you want to make changes this may be a good idea because your husband and mother may be stonger for the challege of getting her to sleep with out nursing and sleeping through the night. But if you are going to jump right back to the same old then it's not fair to her. If you enjoy the nursing and waking and sleeping together then keep it up but commit 100% until she no longer needs it. Best of luck but as a mom I know it's nice to have time for myself and with my hubby and I would never do it at my childs expense so I created the enviroment that worked for us.

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I wouldnt go. Your baby is only a baby for a short time and this is what we do as mothers. There is a period of time that your baby comes before everything and you just have to sinch up and power through it. We,as women, are the most loving and nuturing beings on the planet yet tough as nails. We are the only creatures who are the center of every household. Hold your head up and wait for your needs when baby is a bit older. This is your job.

Wendy

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To be honest, I would probably put this trip off for awhile. That would be a pretty abrupt change to your daughter's life and might be sort of traumatic, since she's not quite old enough to understand that you'll be gone for a few days and then be back. I did the attachment parenting, too, (and it seems we are very similar in how our daughters nursed, etc.) and I do not think my daughter would have done well at all. I would put this seminar off until she's a little more independent - wean her off the nursing all night and increase the length of time you're gone. You could even go out in the evenings a few times, and let your husband put her to bed, then come back - I've learned from experience that if I'm in the house, she still wants me (and she's 3 now!) If I'm gone, he has a chance :o)

That said, I would try to find some things to do by yourself - to get you some "me" time and decrease that feeling of being burnt out. Get a massage, take a class - do something just for yourself. I'm definitely an advocate of finding something to do for yourself - I would just postpone this trip a little longer. Then again, that's me - you know what's right for you and your family! :o)

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E., its harder for you than for her. She will enjoy her time away as long as you have made sure she is in good hands. Its a little easier if there are grandparents or family that you know adore her as much as you do. Otherwise, the confidence in the provider makes all the difference in the world, to both of you. It is painfully hard when you are that attached. But really it is much harder on you. They will drum up a most convincing performance with crying and tears which will tear your heart into shreds! But the minute you are out of sight it normally stops and they get on with playing. Provided, of course, you have made sure she is in a very safe space. Test it sometimes, call them after you leave and see if you can still hear her crying or did it stop, magically? You'll survive, but it won't be easy. It is a bigger learning curve for you than her.

I just want to applaud you for recognizing the need to help yourself and your willingness to actually do it. As with most other responders I agree that you going to the seminar will only better yourself and your relationships with your loved ones. Your baby will be fine. More often than not, when children do not see the parent they are attached to, they do just fine. Its that out of sight, out of mind mentality. It may be hard for your husband and mom the first night, but they will get through it. It will make your husband an even better dad for being able to take care of the baby without you around. Best of luck to you!

Hi E.,

I am also an attachment parenting type - and I understand your issues. I have a high need boy and an easy breezy girl...and I still can't leave my boy all night long - he just needs that nighttime parenting.

If you go, it will be OK. I had my baby C-section and was in the hospital for 4 days and my husband did ok with our son, who up until that point had never had a night away from me. It was a terrible night the first night, and then OK after that. If your husband will sleep with your baby, it will be OK, they'll have a rough night the first night though, so he needs to be OK with that.

Good luck, and know you have a lot of moral support from the attachment parenting network out there.

When my first son was 10 months old I had to leave him for a week. We co-slept too; I was concerned about not being there at night. I brought the pump on my trip to keep up my milk production (pump & dump) and had stocked the freezer with pumped breast milk before I left. Spouse had to deal with night feedings, etc., but he survived. Son was fine and we had no problems resuming breastfeeding when I got back.

Take care of yourself hon. You can't take care of anyone else if you're not at your best. When the plane is going down, you're supposed to put YOUR oxygen mask on first, remember? This time away will help you be better able to take care of your family. NO GUILT, okay? Relax, rest and learn as much as you can. Your daughter will be fine for this short time and your family will benefit from your time away.

Good luck.

I just recently spent my fist night away from my 16 month old son. At first it's all you think about but then you get into whatever your doing' and realize thewhole reason your there is to be a better person and you actually learn it's ok to enjoy yourself and be guilt free. And babies tend to live in the present so she may cry when you first leave and then stop then cry when you come home then stop - it won't be as tramatic as you think. We all need to do things for ourselfs in order to better for the other people in our lives.

I understand that when you have worked so hard to create a strong bond between yourself and your child, it is hard to let go and let someone else take over. Be assured, you have already secured a strong attachment with your daughter and she will likely cope very well with your husband and her grandmother since she knows she can trust you to return. You might have a small transition period afterwards, but my guess is that she will do extremely well because of all the time and effort you have put into the relationship. It will be great for you to take care of yourself. You won't regret it.

if you cant be at peace with leaving her, in good hands it sounds like, you choose to pick this time for you, she will be ok, she might give them a run for the money the first night or two but she will be just fine. This will give dad a chance to really bond with her. This might not come around for you again soon to go do your thing, so enjoy... sound like you do a lot in your life , super mom super women, just remember if its not worth praying about its not worth worrying about..

Enjoy !!

Hi,
It will be hard when you first drive away but you will be amazed at how good you feel even an hour later. As sad as this may sound, your daughter probably won't miss you. I left my son with my mom for the 1st time when he was 12 months and I called my mom and she said don't be offended but he doesn't notice you are not here" Babies are strong and they are easily entertained so she will probably like the extra attention she gets while you are gone.
Have a good time, relax and focus on yourself, you need and deserve it!

It sounds like your parenting style and ups&downs in your marriage are burning you out. At 1year you should be able to leave your daughter in the care of her father, especially if it's to help you get grounded again and find yourself outside of being mommy/wife. Go the seminar, let yourself enjoy it and know that your husband or mother isn't going to let anything happen to her and she will be just fine. She might also benefit from having some undivided daddy attention for a few days.

What a great plan! As a SAHM that also practices AP with 23 month old twins I too know how hard it is to find a balance between what is best for our children and what is best for us. We know what we are doing is what we believe is best for our children in the long-term - especially in helping them become independent and self-confident. My husband and I try to do date nights as often as possible, and I do have a babysitter during the week. Yes, it takes a LONG time for the kids to feel comfortable with me leaving for any length of time during the day and I still come home to put them down for naps. But after 6 months with a babysitter they really like they let her put them down for naps (unfortunately she was gone over the summer so we will be starting over).

I love all the plans you came up with for yourself and your family. Best of luck!

P.

E.,
In short: You are going to this retreat to help you become a better person and help yourself. When you are happy and feel good about yourself you can be a better mom for your baby girl. Look at it as doing this for your baby too. She will be fine and you will probably have a harder time then she will. And it seems she is going to be in excellent hands. She is young enough to not be tramatized, and old enough to have her needs met by your mom or Dad. Go, take care of yourself, and then come back as the best mom ever!

Is it possible your daughter and your Mom could go with you so that she could watch her while you're at the seminar, but then you'd come home to her at the hotel? This might make it a little easier if it's possible.

GO! Nobody wants a Mommy who isn't happy with herself. When you come back she will be all smiles and your hubby and mom will go on and on about how great she was! I left my son at about the same age. Same deal..still eating in the middle of the night and lots of other issues. He did great and ended up bonding with the grandparents which was awesome. I was like you just sick with worry but moms need time to be the women we were before we were moms. You know in your heart what your soul needs to be a great mommy.

Hi E., you really seem to need this time away. The baby will be fine. Maybe this time away will help her sleep better. She really doesn't need to nurse to fall asleep. Start using pacifiers. I stopped nursing our son during the night when he was 9 mo's old. He didn't need it and we all slept a little better for it. It will be hard for you to be away, but she's in great hands with her daddy. We left our son for 3 days when he was 18 mo's old, and I missed him so much, but he didn't seem to mind. He was having too much fun with the grandparents. ;-)
Marriage is difficult with or without kids. We sometimes forget that our spouses and our relationships need taking care of. Communicate, make time for each other, love each other.
Hope you have a great time at the retreats.