17 answers

At What Age Would You Stop Allowing Siblings to Take a Bath Together

I have a 9yr old daughter and 2 1/2 yr old son who on occassion will take a bath together. Its not all the time but there are times when she will ask and then they will just sit and play with his wrestling guys or splash water at each other. I NEVER leave the bathroom simply because my son is too young to be alone (even with a 9yr old) in the tub. So my daughter said while she was at her dads he asked her if she wanted to get a bath with my son or with his GF's 5 yr old daughter. Well my daughter said she wanted to get one with her brother. Then a few minutes later his GF told my daughter it is against the law for her to take a bath with him. My daughter responded no its not. And then said my dad just asked me who i wanted to take a bath with and i said my brother. Then her fatehr comes in and says " yes it is against the law" so you cant take a bath with him!! I know this was just to please his GF but it is really starting to get to my daughter who says "right dad anything your GF says goes right" and nobody says anything after she says that. There are many other issues but i was just wondering if anyone has ever heard of any law and at what age do you think it is inappropriate for siblings to take a bath together??

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So What Happened?™

a little more info......Dad and I are not on civil speaking terms. GF i have never met (not by my choice). To give you example as to why i cant speak to dad.....His GF put eye shadow, eyebrow pencil and lipstick on my 9yr old daughter and then took her to a country concert, when i found out i texted dad and asked him to ask his GF not to put makeup on my 9yr old daughter and then take her outside. His response......file a civil complaint if you have a problem with it. So trying to speak to him about ANYTHING isnt possible. We have a court hearing on sept 29th for custody issues. I did just tell my daughter that there isnt a law on her bathing with her brother. I am the one who tells her no most of the time and to just take a shower. But on occassion if it is early and they have time to play in the tub i will allow it. I see nothing wrong with it since he is only 2yrs old.

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I had baths with my younger brother until I was about 9 or 10. I don't remember why I stopped, I think that's when I started having showers. I say it's OK until she hits puberty (as long as she's OK with it).

4 moms found this helpful

I think it sounds fine. My 11 year old daughter & her 3.5 year old brother still occasionally take baths together - only when both of them want to- most of the time they take separate showers / bath.

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When your daughter would be embarrassed for her friends to know they take baths together..

6 moms found this helpful

There IS a law... but it ONLY applies to non-sibling opposite sex FOSTER children. Not to blood related siblings. Nor to non-foster kids.

My family is 1/2 European, and I spent most of my childhood in Japan... aka... nudity is a non-issue. Seriously. The whole idea of kids and sex is just pedophiliac sick. Naked sooooo does not equal sex. It's just skin. And KIDS for the love of.... Ewwww. That people even equate their own children as interacting sexually with each other, I just can't fathom. Gross, gross, gross.

My personal vote is "whenever the child wants to luxuriate in the bath alone" OR "if it's too rowdy".

Quite frankly, I miss co-ed naked public baths, and I'm sorry my son has had such little experience with them. We're all just human beings. I think it's a shame that the only time most Americans see other people naked it in pornography. I often wonder how much that plays into "only 16-22yo hard bodies can be considered beautiful".

6 moms found this helpful

There is absolutely no law prohibiting siblings from taking a bath together!! It is normal and very common for parents to bathe their children together because for one, it saves time, and two, it saves on the water bill. When your daughter no longer feels comfortable with it she'll tell you, but until then it's fine. Pretty soon she'll be wanting her privacy, and when the time comes give it to her. As for dad's girlfriend, she's being ridiculous, but she must have some pretty strong feelings about it. I would suggest that you talk with her and your ex and let them know that you are completely fine with them taking a bath together if they want to, and leave it at that. Also, I would ask her to refrain from making up laws to try to frighten your children.

4 moms found this helpful

I had baths with my younger brother until I was about 9 or 10. I don't remember why I stopped, I think that's when I started having showers. I say it's OK until she hits puberty (as long as she's OK with it).

4 moms found this helpful

My three bathed together until my oldest was I think around 9 or 10, and then he stopped, and the other two (boy/girl) continued a while longer.

I let them decide when to do it.

I'm pretty sure it's not against the law.

Let them do things differently at their house, and tell your daughter things are different at their house. Let the GF put makeup on her if it's for a special occasion. It is more important for your daughter that you adults all get along, than it is that everyone do things exactly the same at both houses.

I think you should try to stop going to court over stuff like this.

3 moms found this helpful

I really liked Laurie's suggestion! If she wouldn't want her friends to know that's when to stop. But you know your kids, and you will know when it is not okay. Kid's are different and mature at different levels. There is good play and "bad" play. So if YOU are comfortable with them bathing together then you are probably right. Perhaps it is something that doesn't need to be done while at dad's place. Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

To my knowledge there is no law. Its up to the parents and the children to decide when its appropriate to stop bathing together. I don't see any issue--- I would say its time when one or both of the siblings wants it to stop. If your 9yr old wants to bathe by herself, then let her. If she still wants to have a bath with her brother, thats fine!

I am a little shocked at your ex husband's remarks to your children! It is too bad that he backed his GF instead of his kids! He should be explaining things and asking questions instead of rudely telling them its against the law! What a way to scare a child!

Anyways, thats my opinion- Hope it helps you.

M.

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I'm with mommyof3... puberty. That is when they start to outgrow their "kid" bodies and also when they become aware of sexuality. When I was growing up there were never less than 4 kids in the household at a time... usually 6... (I am one of 13 and we only had 1 bathroom...) so getting to take a bath by ourselves was a luxury! Granted, I was usually in a bath with my sister... but once in a while I remember taking baths with my brothers. If we were in a hurry we could fit 3-4 kids in the tub... and it was a BLAST. I always loved taking baths with my siblings.

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I think it sounds fine. My 11 year old daughter & her 3.5 year old brother still occasionally take baths together - only when both of them want to- most of the time they take separate showers / bath.

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I'm glad you asked. I don't think there's a law, but I've always wondered what is normal. My barely 8 yo daughter bathes my 3 yo son and they shower/ bathe together. It's such a great help to me and they have fun.

Lately I've started to feel like she should have privacy (and we're not particularly modest in our home when it's just us) and if she asks to shower alone she does. They have fun, though, and there's nothing untoward happening. I think that in the next couple of months we're going to totally phase it out, though. Some girls start their periods as early as 9 and I think puberty is past the limit. I doubt my skinny minnie will start that early, but I get the feeling she likes to have some privacy these days.

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Lots of good responses here.

Whoa. Dad's Girlfriend really wears the "pants" in that relationship, huh?
He needs to back up his own daughter.

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I would think it would become inappropiate when your daughter hits puberty. I mean you are right there, and they are just playing in the bath. Not a big deal for the time being!

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I have to say that I think it's probably time to start doing away with joint baths. I'm sure the 2 y/o thinks it's super awesome and your daughter sounds like a good big sis, but she probably needs to start doing her own thing and taking showers. In the next couple years she's going to hit puberty and that's a whole new world.

I do think Dad and GF should have handled it better, but I can't blame them for not wanting them in the bath together. If it were me, I might think it was a bit odd too. Sorry. And if your 9 y/o and 2 y/o were the same sex, it might change my thinking a little bit, but not totally. I think a 9 year old needs to be on their own for bath time, for the most part. It's not "creepy" or anything like that and I'm certainly not judging you, but in my opinion it's time to make a change.

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I have no idea if there are actual laws about bathtime. Seems like probably not.

I have two boys and they are 4 1/2 yrs apart. We found that once our youngest hit 3 (making big brother 7 1/2) that is felt strange to have them take a bath together. Not wrong. Not illegal. Just weird and so that was when we stopped.

I remember taking baths with my little brother up until I was 6 and he was 2 1/2 but not any later. At 9...I kinda feel like bathtime (shower to be honest) should be private.

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NO, it's not against the law. I think the GF said that because she was uncomfortabl with the situation (some of us are) and some feel if you tell kids it's against the law they'll listen more, which I don't agree with. She should have been honest and said that in her house she's not comfortable with her age being 9. Many 9 year olds are taking showers on their own. But I think a 9 year old is too old to be taking a bath with anyone, in my opinion. If she wants a bath on her own, that's up to her, but at age 9 where she's beginning to hit puberty it's inappropriate for her to take a bath with a boy or anyone. I think at best it would be ok with a girl who is just a bit younger.

I have triplets. They're about to turn 6. They are 2 boys and 1 girl. She naturally took it upon herself to cover herself around her brothers around the time she was turning 5, maybe a bit earlier. The boys are very fascinated with their penises and behinds, as boys are at that age, so they stopped bathing together about a year ago. It wasn't appropriate at their age to do so anymore.

At age 9, she may be trying to regress to be with the younger kids because it's a hard age and she's growing up. I think it would be better to guide her away from to little kid things and guide her towards being a big girl.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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I find it highly inappropriate for a 9 year old girl to be bathing with a small boy. She is at an age where she could start her period, grow pubic hair, etc...I think by the time kids are 2-3 years old they should not bathe together.

I do believe that respecting their bodies and feeling secure in boundaries is important. She needs her privacy at bath time.

If the ex called child welfare services I truly believe they would find this to be a serious issue.

If you want to let them play in the tub then put their swimsuits on and let them lay..But for bathing they need to be separate.

I would be a little more concerned that her dad/dad's girlfriend wants your 9-year-old daughter to take a bath with the girlfriend's daughter...
I definitely haven't been in a situation such as this -- but that just strikes me as being a weirder situation than her getting a bath with her little brother.

Good luck :) Your daughter sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and sees what her dad does when it comes to his GF's behavior/comments.

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