A.D. asks from Saint Paul, MN on October 19, 2010
Are We the Only Parents Saying No Cell Phone for Our 11 Year Old?
My 11 year old wants a cell phone for Christmas. DH and I are not in favor. We do not believe her to be responsible enough to have one, nor do we feel she has the need for one. This year she is going to a new school and has a longer bus ride, so naturally, many of the kids (grades 6-12) are playing with their cell phones on the bus. So she really wants one. Besides the fact that she has not been the most responsible and honest (has lost many things) this year, we do not want to give her the impression that she can get anything she asks for. Last summer I said "no dog" Well, I gave in, since my husband and the rest of the family wanted a dog, and now we have a dog. Now she hears "no cell phone" and doesn't really believe no is the final answer. We gave her a laptop computer for her birthday last summer (our idea to surprise her), so it's not like she is electronically cut off. Really, she doesn't even email or IM, she just uses it to play Webkinz. All she really wants a cell phone for, I believe, is to play games, and for the status of it. She's not a big phone talker. She has no clue how to text. I'm dreading Christmas because I think we're really going to disappoint her by not giving her the one thing she is asking for. Anyone have a similar experience? Also, wondering what else to give instead. She still likes playing with toys and little kid things, but at the same time is a little embarrased by receiving them.
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So What Happened?™
Well, she came home from her nightly walk with her Dad and the dog last night in tears. Dad finally told her firmly. No, she would not be getting a cell phone for Christmas. She already had her heart set on getting one. In the course of the evening, she cried and complained a lot about school, peers, and her life. I was very worried, but she woke up feeling pretty good, even had an enjoyable day at school. She's still upset that a lot of the girls hate each other and they talk about each other all the time. But hopefully, she will get less involved in the drama without a cell phone. Thank you so much for your many and thoughful responses.
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R.K. answers from Boston on October 19, 2010
I generally don't like cell phones for kids but we bought the cheapest prepaid phone we could find for my oldest and only a few numbers in it and he only takes it to his dad's house because of things that were happening over there.
4 moms found this helpful
J.C. answers from Anchorage on October 19, 2010
Maybe if what she really wants it for is game playing you could get her a hand held game device like a DSi or the like. My son is almost 7, he asked me for a cell phone and I said no, not until he is old enough to go out places (like the mall or movies) with friends without me. But he does have a DSi XL that he loves.
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K.B. answers from Columbus on October 19, 2010
What about getting her an iPod touch? It's kind of a compromise. It looks like an iPhone (so other kids wouldn't necessarily know the difference) and you can still download all the games and music so she has something to do on the bus.
I think 11 is way too young for a cell phone- although I haven't reached that phase with my girls yet... maybe I'll have a different opinion when my kids are that age... but I hope not!
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T.F. answers from Dallas on October 19, 2010
My 15 yr old had one by the 4th grade, HOWEVER, she is a responsible kid, mature for her age. Even the best of responsible kiddos lose/break phones. It is a monthly financial obligation as well. Daughrer's phone is a combo with mine.. 2 IPhones, the unlimited works and data plans and I spend $191/month. Of course she started with a simple phone and moved up.
I personally like it for safety reasons and I know I get slammed for that but you just have to do what is right for your family.
It sounds like your daughter is not responsible or mature enough to have a cell phone yet.
Good luck.
5 moms found this helpful
R.K. answers from Boston on October 19, 2010
I generally don't like cell phones for kids but we bought the cheapest prepaid phone we could find for my oldest and only a few numbers in it and he only takes it to his dad's house because of things that were happening over there.
4 moms found this helpful
K.M. answers from Kansas City on October 19, 2010
Nope. You're not. Our daughter thought she "needed" one too and we said no. When she entered 6th grade, nearly all of the kids in her class had one and we still said no.
During that year, there was all kinds of inappropriate texting going on, and basically, the kids were learning the boundries of their new "toys". We removed a whole level of bullying and snarkiness from her life that year. She heard about all of the drama, but thankfully, was not a part of it.
Now that she is in 7th grade, we are considering one. Most of the other kids in her class know their limits now and have settled in with their phones and use them appropriately. She is more involved with activities now, so it may be a good time to get one for her, but we will put together a contract with specific rules for use. We'll see how it goes...
Hope this helps and good luck!
4 moms found this helpful
S.H. answers from Honolulu on October 19, 2010
She does not seem responsible nor mature enough yet... to handle one... nor keep it from getting lost.
Don't 'fear' Christmas just because you may have to tell her no. Why? She is just a child. And parents say no. I tell my kids, per our budget... what we can or cannot get. It is not about 'disappointing' them.... it is about my kids "understanding" budget... responsibility... and being able to handle being told "No." That is life. They can't get everything they want and just because other kids have it.
My kids know that.
My daughter, when in 1st grade, had a classmate that had an iPhone... already. My daughter even said... "That is to much for a 7 year old... her parents must not be responsible..."
My daughter is 7 almost 8 now... and I have discussed cell phones... she knows, that when she is old enough AND responsible enough... she may have one... when she is much older. BUT... it is not a mandatory thing. It is not a "toy" but ONLY FOR USE FOR CALLING us, her Parents and for emergency. It is not a toy nor for entertainment.
To me, the premise of your deciding if you give your daughter a cell phone or not... is being based on the fact that MANY of the other kids have cell phones already... except your daughter. That is not a reason.
The REASON... should be, that she understand responsibility, can PROVE it... and only use it to call you or your Husband. That it is not a toy... or entertainment.
MEANWHILE, you properly research cell phones.. from what I understand, there are very basic cell phones for kids... that only allow them to call you... not all that texting and games on it nor online downloading of stuff allowed. Which also costs money. THEN, when your daughter is of the maturity and responsible behavior... you DISCUSS it with her... not it being a gratuitous "toy" you give her. You and your Husband discuss it with her, in a sit down meeting.. and clearly... delineate all your 'rules' for it...
all the best,
Susan
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L.B. answers from New York on October 19, 2010
We didn't allow our son to have a cell phone until 7th grade which he entered this past Fall. He pestered us for 3 years before he finally got it. The only reason we finally agreed, he is getting more independent and it is useful for me to keep track of him and for him to call me when he needs a ride. He is, I am sure, the only kid that does not have text messaging!!! He asks for texting frequently, but he is happy to atleast have the phone. Someday, when he does get the text messaging option he will really appreciate it!
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J.R. answers from Davenport on October 20, 2010
MY daughter is only 3 and a half, buti fully expect this age of "needing" a cell phone to be getting younger and younger - I may be dealing with your dilemma when she is only 8 or so.....so far, this is my thinking.
I am 33, cell phones weren't that prevalent when I was a kid, BUT I did have one from the time I had a driver's license, and it saved my butt numberous times, after car breakdowns, when running late, needing directions, etc. I do not intend to get her one till she is going places ALONE, with no adult supervision - which I would say will be about 16 or so. And even then, it will be for calling for a reason, not just chatting with friends/texting - if she uses it for that she will be paying the extra fees.
But Yeah, I think you are right , an 11 year old doesn't normally need a cell phone. I can think of a few extenuating circumstances where a "limited" cell of some kind, with only specific numbers/capabilities would be important - like for a latch-key kid that needs to be able to get ahold of parents in an emergency, or a city kid who rides the public bus ( not the school bus) to school, or has a really really long walk alone or something.
Also, as for "playing on the bus" - I had an over 1 hour bus ride from first grade through 5th, and never took a toy with me - school wasn't toy or playtime! She can read, get her some great books to read on the bus, and tell her to work on her homework on the way home, that way she doesn't have to waste ( as much ) afternoon playtime at home, on that.
As for Christmas, try to come up with something really grown up and special to do with you! Like a trip to the spa for facials or mani/pedis or something neat like that, go to a movie, go to a bookstore and pick out books together for her bus ride. Maybe make up a coupon book of special time with mom and or dad alone coupons to do different things, and things she can get/get out of too - no chore day, dinner of your choice, sleep in weekend, etc. I think that would be a great gift!
Good Luck!
Jessie
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L.M. answers from New York on October 19, 2010
If you see no reason why your daughter needs a cell phone, then stick to your gut and do NOT get her one.
As for Christmas, it's only natural that you would want your child to be happy and get her what she wants. However, children need to learn they can't always have what they want. I'm sure you'll find another great gift. (Does she have an ipod or mp3 player, she might enjoy listening to music on the bus).
My girls rec'd cell phones when they started middle school. But I felt they needed phones for safety reasons. Our battle has been texting, especially my oldest. I see absolutely NO need for texting, so the answer is NO, and I'm sticking with it.
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K.M. answers from Chicago on October 19, 2010
Umm ... My impression of being a parent is to parent and make decisions for our children to help them become fine upstanding adults in this future world of ours ... let her learn what dissapointment feels like on the reciving end maybe she will be less likely to make you and others around her dissapointed as well. I am sorry but for me, 16 is the youngest to have a cell phone and that is only b/c around 16 many have car/work/school. And when my son is ready to have a cell phone he will be responsible for paying at least half of the bill monthly if not the whole thing. Maybe for the bus you can get her a Nintendo DS Lite so she is still busy on the bus but not with a cell phone.
Oh and this post may have more opinions too
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/1047062179871850497
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