Are We Starving My Son? Updated Kinda

I' sorry but Craisins are not healthy-read the list of ingredients-they are sweetened with sugar. I agree the snacking needs to be cut down on. He will hate it and probably refuse to eat with you guys for a few days but he will get over it!

Have you tried to get him therapy for the ASD/Sensory processing?

Many kids with ASD do have sensory issues, including oral issues. You can get occupational therapy to address the oral sensory issues, too.

My grandson was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, but does not have the oral issues..... he pretty much eats anything! He has been going to OT and PT (and now speech therapy, for oral control... he drools a lot) for about 8 months, now, and we've seen big improvement in several areas.

I second the sensory disorder, sounds just like my friend's son. I would highly recommend A. evaluation by a child psychologist and share with them what has been going on.

First - how long have you actually said no to snacking?

You need to give it at least a couple days. And be firm. No snacking means nothing. Period.

He'll eat, but right now he has you trained pretty well to feed him what he wants and when he wants. Until you change your training, there's no reason for him to change his.

Don't make food a power struggle, whatever you do.

They go through stages where they snack a lot and refuse meals. I try to make sure they get a lot of fruit everyday, and then I ignore all the candy and junk. When they aren't eating much, I also offer sweet breakfasts, like homemade pancakes and syrup --but with lots of fruit.

Get rid of the juice. We only do juice when we picnic. It fills them up and then they don't eat food, and it's all sugar!

Please read this article, from ABC news:
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/extremely-picky-eaters-st...

Your son seems like a "grazer." Meaning, eating small meals throughout the day. My son and Husband are like that. At at "meal times" because they are grazers... they don't eat a ton of food. They only eat, until they are full. They know their body. My son is a "picky" eater too, but he knows his body's cues... for hunger and fullness, and that is how he eats. He does not eat for dysfunctional emotional reasons.
And he is tall and lean and healthy for his age. Our Pediatrician has no problems nor concerns, about his picky eating. Because he is healthy and on par overall.
Being a "grazer" does not mean, "snacking." It means, that the person needs little small meals, throughout the day. And any child or adult... needs to eat that way. It is, healthier. Actually.

Or, get A. evaluation for your son, per sensory issues?
Eating, can sometimes, be due to that.

Will he eat Tofu? That is a source of protein.
Or other Korean dishes???? Or Korean veggies/pickles? Feed him that.
Or what about Miso Soup???? And put tofu or egg in it.
My son likes Miso Soup.

Don't buy, "junk food" or the foods that you don't want him to eat.
Or water down, all your juices. 50% water and a tad bit of juice.
Or buy natural flavored water.
Think of healthier versions, of the food he likes.
Go to Whole Foods, and see what they have. Or buy organic versions of it.

Make homemade soups. That way it is healthy and you can puree up the veggies in it, to make the broth. I did that with my son. And I gave my son a STRAW to drink his soup... that made it for "fun" to eat his soup.

Will your son eat sandwiches?
Or wraps?

Here in Hawaii, where there are many Asian foods/people, many kids eat Nori. Korean food is very good and healthy... will your son, eat Korean food? It is tastier than most other foods and it is comprised of many marinated vegetables and/or noodles.

Will your son eat eggs? That is another source of protein.

Try different things.

Give him kid vitamins.

Since he is on the Autistic spectrum... does he have a Therapist??? If so, then ask him/her... about how to handle this. I am sure he is not the only one.
My son, who was in Kindergarten, had a classmate that is Autistic. He is a picky eater too. But his Mom, tries different foods, and knows what he will eat or not. And his Therapist works with him on it too.

I would recommend you read Born on a Blue Day by David Tammet. It is the memoir of A. autistic savant. But, he is also on the ASD spectrum and he discusses food and why he eats what he does. I think this might really provide a good insight into what your son eats and why. I can't remember the details, and I don't want to misquote, but apparently kids with ASD have a LOT of issues with different foods including texture, taste, feel in the mouth, etc, and it can be so stressful that some kids refuse to eat because it is more than they can actually handle. You ped is probably not A. autism specialist, and you may need to see A. occupational therapist who is to help him learn to eat differntly. Its not usually something that you can just force him into. ASD just doesn't work that way, and it will drive all of you crazy if you try. Good luck!

he is not going to starve.

I think a 3 year old needs.. 3 meals and 3 snacks per day. they do not eat much at a time so they need to eat frequently.

I would think adding a healthy snack.. fruit, yogurt cheese and cracker.. milk.. cereal...etc 3 times a day would help get caloried in.

my daughter is 6 and only weighs 37 pounds... so your son is fine..

C., Malia has A. excellent point about oral defensiveness and sensory problems. It's common with autistic kids and A. OT who specifically works with autism is A. excellent help for you.

Kagome makes a wonderful vegetable juice that is very healthy and tastes sweet. It was recommended by a nutritionist when my son didn't like V-8. You need to be careful how much sodium you let him eat. Too much is not good for him. Even V-8 is full of sodium.

Added - Perhaps you should consider a different ped if he recommends pediasure and carnation instant breakfast ALL DAY. That doesn't make sense.

I also want to add that it sounds like your son wants to "graze". It's not that unusual for kids with small stomachs to want to do that - like eating 6 small meals a day. That might be A. alternative for you to try, but don't have any of his usual snack foods, and only allow the food to be eaten at the table. Start off with the breakfast I mentioned - breakfast is the most important meal of the day and you should try extra hard for that one. If you are saying that he is on the autism spectrum, this might be the best approach.

Original:
When you say he's not eating his breakfast, does that mean that he doesn't touch the food at all? Or does he just eat a little bit? Is the real issue that he is too "busy" to sit down and eat, so he just wants to have food at his disposal and not sit down to eat it?

What would happen if you didn't have any peanuts and apple juice? What if you didn't have any craisins and crackers? If you show him that you don't have any, then what is he going to do? Show him alternatives instead, like breakfast food.

What is your daily schedule? Is he watching TV? Is he going out to play? Does he drink water and milk?

Don't turn on the TV if he hasn't eaten his meal. Don't let him go outside. Don't let him play with his favorite toys. Just lightly say "Yes, you can do "x" after you eat your breakfast/lunch".

What do you fix for breakfast in the morning? Do you cook? Does the smell of the cooking smell good?

You need to think of creative ways to entice him to eat, without the authoritarian approach. Being "stern" isn't what it's about.

Did you never put him in a high chair to feed him when he was little? How did he start running around eating? Did you just put snacks out for him and let him eat in all parts of the house?

What time do you all get up? Is he waiting hours before eating (that 10:00 time you mentioned)? That seems awful late. If he's getting up earlier than that, you should be making breakfast earlier than that.

I know I've asked a lot of questions, but it seems to me that part of this is poor choices you made in feeding him in the past, coming to roost now, part is him trying hard to manipulate you to get what he wants, part is him being too busy to bother to sit down to a meal, and part is him being a picky eater. Meals should not be stressful. He should get snacks inbetween meals, only healthy ones with no juice. You should make breakfast something that he WANTS to try to eat because it looks enticing and smells enticing. Figure out what that is, make it healthy and kid-friendly. If you need ideas, write a separate post tomorrow (more people read on the weekdays and therefore more will write in) and ask in your subject line something like "Need creative ideas for meals for picky 3 year old" or something like that.

I don't think that 36 pounds is too little for a 3 year old - maybe I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound off to me. One thing to NEVER do is put too much on his plate. It will seem absolutely overwhelming to him. A spoonful of each one is enough to start. If he wants more, he will ask. Don't force him to eat his food. That will set up aversions and he will battle you for it. Don't force him to sit at the table with you and your husband for a long time. He's evidently not used to eating at the table, so you have to do this in stages.

Kids this age seem to subsist on air. They go through periods of not eating much. But it seems that your son runs all over the house eating, and that's not appropriate. Because you let him do it, now he's staging eating strikes by not eating his meals.

Put one thing on his plate that he likes, and then the other stuff. Don't fuss at him for not eating the other things. It will take time for him to try them.

If all else fails, go talk to the ped about food issues and don't take your son into the room with you. You don't want to talk about this in front of him.

Good luck,
Dawn

A normal eating/feeding schedule should look something like this.

until 8am breakfast

Around 9:30 a snack

around 11 or noon lunch

Nap time

about 3pm another good snack

6pm or 7pm dinner

at bedtime a snack

One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make is how much they think is a serving.

I had one parent in my child care center who would come in and fill the whole bowl with cereal for her 3 year old. That was at least 3 servings. She said she hated to have cereal at home since it mostly went in the trash can. They only ate a bit of it then it went to waste. I tried to tell her that 1/2 cup was a serving of that cereal and she was giving way too much food.

Here are some good places to find more information about what you are feeding him.
***************************************************
acceptable serving sizes here:

http://www.earthsbest.com/node/364

http://www.permanente.net/homepage/kaiser/pdf/40863.pdf

http://nursing.msu.edu/neat/docs/Microsoft%20Word%20-%20C...

++++++++++++++
A single tablespoon of food for each year. This site may help you give much smaller portions.

http://www.ehow.com/how_###-###-####_set-food-portion-siz...
***************************************************
A sample menu for a 3 year old

http://www.superkidsnutrition.com/tweens_teens/he_sample-...
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make a nutrition plan here.

http://www.choosemyplate.gov/preschoolers/Plan/index.html

I would make a diary of this and present it to the pedi and a nutrtionist.

I only want to add to all of these responses that some people.. yes, even adults, they are not into "Breakfast foods" Or what we consider typical foods at certain times. There is nothing wrong with this.

So it is ok if you discover your son likes, turkey meat rolled up or string cheese, fruit and plain bread for breakfast. And scrambled eggs for dinner.

Our daughter liked leftovers many times.. When I was little I liked soup for breakfast sometimes.

My nephew has Asperger syndrome. He has always had a texture issue about food. He is completely healthy even though he can be very particular about his food and how it is prepared. He will also only eat when he is hungry.

There were times everything had to have melted cheese on it. A bowl of Queso was sometimes all her would eat for days. My SIL made sure he always took his vitamins. She just knew this was not going to be A. issue for them, because she just did not want that battle.

He played football in High School. and this fall, he did not starve.. will be a freshman in college this fall.

As moms we want and need to see our children eat.. But like any individual, all children have their own likes and dislikes.. This is ok as long as you continue to keep healthy choices in your home. That way whet ever he eats at whatever time, is healthy.

many drs say we should have 6 mini meals as aposed to 3 big ones. so in his case let him eat all day but make the food be healthy and what he should be eating not ust snack/junk food if you want to have his sit with you two during the 3 meals you eat a day and if he isnt hungry or doesnt want to eat the snack portion he is given or offered during that time then that's fine he doesnt have to eat but he does have to sit with you until you are done or at least close to being done. he can sit and chat with you or listen to you and hubby chat about the day. htis is family time and maybe after a week or two he'll realize that he has to b there and can't play so he might as well eat. just make sure you don't make it about the food his body will tell him when to eat you just offer healthy choices and nothing else and he can't go wrong.

It is wise to have him curb the snacking but at age three he should be eating 3 meals and 2-3 snacks per day (stomachs are smaller than adults). Your mealtimes seem late to me. Typically breakfast should be around 7-8 am, lunch 12-1 pm, and dinner around 6 pm with a small snack in between each.

I come from a family of snackers. So what's wrong with eating your meals as snacks? If I didn't have to cook for my boys, I'd live on peanut butter, crackers and apple juice. Well, and some vegies and whatever else I felt like. Some people are just natural grazers.

The 3 meals a day schedule is a cultural thing. If you want him to participate in family meals, have him sit down with you but let him eat less if he's had a snack. He's not craving sugary snacks so don't start with the pediasure and instant breakfast. But I'd let him snack on peanuts, whole fruit, carrot sticks, and even juice. As long as he's getting enough protein and calories, you can fill in the gaps with a daily vitamin.

Well, I see where you're going with this, I just think your idea need some tweaking. I don't think that you're starving him, and yes I do think cutting out some of the snacking is good, but he should be having 3 meals plus 1 or 2 snacks in a day, that is normal, "healthy" eating.

First I think you need to switch his meal times up a bit...they seem awfully late to me. I will admit we eat dinner very late (probably around 6:45 or 7) because we wait for my husband but my kids get a healthy snack sometime around 3-4:30. What time does your son get up? My kids like to play a little sometimes when they get up but we are still eating breakfast no later than 8:30ish but usually around 7:30-8. They eat lunch between 12-1.

I also think it's good that you are conscious of his snacks and what he is eating VS maybe what he should be eating. Crackers and such are fine, but probably not for every snack. Mix it up and give him a small portion of whatever you're offering for snack and that's it. If you know he's going to ask for more then give him a bit smaller portion than normal and give him a "refill" when he wants more. But after that tell him that's it for snack and he has to wait until the meal.

The snacks you're giving him seem to be pretty good, but here are some other ideas...
fresh fruit
peanut butter on crackers
string cheese or cheese cubes
yogurt
smoothie
veggies and dip
cereal bar/granola bar
freeze dried fruit (it has no added sugar)
baked chips and salsa

I also agree that you should be requiring him to sit down at the table during meal time. At 3 he really should be able to sit there for at least a little bit and eat. He may not eat much, but he can eat and then get up and play.

I wanted to add, that even after all that, I totally agree that you should not be making this a struggle. It's hard b/c as his mom you want him to eat, but don't fight over it. Make some changes but don't turn this into a power struggle! Just offer healthy choices that when he decides to eat, there will be things to choose that you are okay with giving him. And I also agree to ditch the juice. We don't keep juice in the house, just have some juice boxes to take on picnics or to the pool.

Maybe let the snacks be a smaller portion to help him shift to the new schedule? And for a few days make sure the meals are what he really likes like his usual food. You can add 1 or 2 options along with that.

Make sure you interact with him a lot at the meals.

See if he can make food with you, just to get him involved. Or make a plate picture (a sun, a smiley face)

Hang in there! It's hard but your goal is a good one.

It does sound like his snack choice is healthy.

My son is three and weighs 28 pds, and he is not starving. I do think your eating times are a little strange though. Does your son not get up till 10AM? Why do you eat so late. My kids are getting ready for bed around 7pm not eating dinner.

My good friend did this when her daughter was 3. She was very picky about food and so my friend decided to stop giving her snacks and eating was for mealtimes. It took a couple days and then her daughter (who was very very tiny for her age...but still is at age 8, she's just petite and totally healthy/strong) started eating at mealtimes. She still was picky but because eventually she got so hungry she started actually eating meals with the family. My friend made very kid friendly meals...meat and potatoes kind of meals with nothing "strange". I think this is totally worth a try....hang in there mom and don't give in for a few days and see how it goes.

On another note, my son has always been very very picky. He does have sensory issues, most of which he has outgrown. Many many times he has refused to eat for 3/4 of the day saying he does not like what is served (something he normally likes) or saying he is not hungry. He reaches a point where he has a complete meltdown bc he is too hungry. We can't force him to eat. Then eventually he eats and is in a great mood. For lunch and dinner I fix him healthy meals of things he likes. For dinner I always make sure there is one thing he likes and he has to take one bite of anything he does not like. House rule. He is 8 and he normally never likes anything he has to take one bite of. But last night he liked pineapple for the first time! And today he decided he likes grilled cheese sandwiches for the first time. I am IN SHOCK. This is so not like him. 8 years of never liking anything new is a long time. Do I dare to hope he is changing?! Good luck with your little guy. I think your husband has a good idea. Cook something very kid friendly for dinner and give him tiny portions. Something like cut up roast chicken, pasta with butter, peas or carrots. Let us know if you do this for a few days and if you saw any improvement. Hang in there!

My son had a terrible time drinking water, everything was juice, juice, juice. But we did not buy juice in the house for a week, and you know what, he got very accustomed after a while to going to the fridge and realizing we only had water. Before you know it, he is drinking water. If all you have to snack on is crackers and raisins, that's what he will crave. Take away those and replace them with what he truly needs (but he will NOT starve, he will cry excessively), but eventually, he will realize that's all he has and will attempt to try something new with your coaching him to do so.

Some suggestions - Make your own protein shake (banana, milk), snacks like cheese, nuts, raisins, fruits are good.

my daughter survives on a pancake, a few bagel pizzas, yogart, and mozzerella cheese sticks. She is A. extremely picky eater, to the point that we have had her in a food therapy program (they have them at Mt Washington and Kennedy Kreiger). Has it helped? Not really. But I did learn that some kids have problems with different tastes and textures. I asked the therapist if she would have learned to eat more if I just restrict snacks. He said that it wouldn't convince her to eat any new foods. Some kids are "super tasters." They have more taste buds and where something may taste one way to us, multiply it times 1000 for them. Same with how they perceive texture. I hope that cutting the snacks helps you. Either way, he won't starve. I am amazed at how little my daughter consumes, but she is normal sized and the dr said she is obviously getting her nutrients from somewhere.

When you say that he is skipping breakfast, what are you preparing that he is refusing to eat? Will he eat pancakes? Cereal? Oatmeal? Scrambled egg? Toast? Bagel with peanut butter on it?

After he has breakfast, how soon is he hungry for a snack? Right away? A. hour or two? My children typically want a snack right after breakfast. This is typical for my children, and therefore "normal." I don't see how your child is going through the whole night until 10 A.M. and not being hungry for lunch until 2 P.M.? The snacking you are describing sounds like he is eating small meals throughout the day....BUT the type of meals offered is going to make a huge impact, nutritionally speaking.

So, this is what I would do: offer breakfast (like some of the ideas mentioned above), then a couple of hours later (or sooner, depending on the hunger cues) offer a snack (whole wheat slice of bread with peanut butter, chunks of cheese, pieces of fruit, or yogurt), and then lunch (whatever you normally give), and a couple of hours later a snack, and then dinner. Though, I must say 7 P.M. is a long time to wait for dinner, you may have to feed him earlier (if that is possible for your family circumstances) and then a snack before bedtime (yogurt, graham cracker), if he is still hungry. I agree, that pediasure is nothing good for him. I'm sure your son is eating (he wouldn't be 36 lbs if he wasn't). It's just that the small amounts he may be eating throughout the day are filling him up making his main meal eating seem like he's not eating much to you. Personally, if he looks healthy to you, stop worrying. EVERY child has their own timetable to grow, gain weight, and if you and your husband are thin, then you go ~ that explains a lot. I also agree that children need to be taught to sit down and eat. My nephew takes a bite, then runs around, then comes back for another bite, then off he goes. My children have been taught to sit down at the table when they eat and drink....there is a time to play....and a time to eat. Offer milk instead of juice and make juice something "special" (not for every day or every meal).

snacking (grazing) is actually good for him. Even adults are not only supposed to ONLY eat 3 times a day. We are supposed to snack on healthy snacks between our meals. I would cut up some fruit for him. Some people just don't like breakfast. So, if he wants some nuts and maybe A. apple for breakfast, then that's great! Let him have snacks. It's not healthy and could hurt his weight in the long run if you don't let him eat when he wants to. My son who will be 5 in 2 weeks is also very skinny. He goes back and forth between 38 and 40 pounds. We also give him pediasure and let him snack away and he doesn't really like to eat a big lunch but he does do well at dinner and breakfast.
If he is crying because he is hungry, LET HIM EAT. Sorry, I don't mean to sound harsh, but you need to let him snack

You have gotten terrific suggestions here about both specific foods to offer and about adding a regularly scheduled snack to your three-meals-a-day routine.

I agree that your pediatrician is being completely unhelpful; chugging pediasure and breakfast drink all day will only make your son just love, love, love those sugary "milkshake"-like concoctions and then he will become as stuck on having just those as he has been stuck on having just nuts and craisins.

I wanted to add: Have you ever consulted with a pediatric nutritionist? I would give your routine (plus at least one snack -- scheduled, so he is not "grazing" all day long at will) a longer try, and offer a wide variety of foods but not cave in. Then, only if that truly does not work after a long period, I might make A. appointment with a nutritionist (make sure it is someone with a degree and the appropriate certification) who specializes in kids.

But I think that if you stick to your routine and do not crumble and don't let him make it a battle, it'll work out. You'll have to be very calm and never show your son the frustration and concern you rightfully feel and are sharing with us here. If he knows it frustrates you, he will "get his back up" and stand his ground about not eating. But he will not starve himself. (And if things do not change -- I would consider a new pediatrician, because yours sounds lousy.)

Also, have you considered whether he has any sensory issues that make many foods seem "gagsome" to him? Does he say that some things "feel" icky to his mouth? Sensory issues come up here a lot on Mamapedia.

He is not starving, and he will not starve. This is a power struggle, and he is winning because he can sense that you want to give in because you are concerned that he's not getting enough to eat. 36 pounds is nowhere close to being underweight for a 3-year-old child. He has a long way to go before he would be considered malnourished.

Put his food before him during his meals, and then ignore what he does with his food. Don't beg, plead, threaten, or cajole him to eat. He has learned that this is a great way to get attention from you. Stop making it A. issue. He will eat his meals once he understands that he won't be getting anything else. If he likes craisins and apples, maybe make that part of one of his meals. At least then you know he's not refusing to eat because he doesn't like the food.

I am normally less "tough love" than this, but I feel that eating and food issues in small children are way less about the kids and more about the parents. Look around you. Obviously not every child whose parent was concerned that they weren't eating enough stayed that way throughout their lives. More people in this country are overweight than underweight. Give your son a healthy meal and then leave the power struggle out of it. He will learn to eat when it's time to eat.

Good luck. Stay strong. (And find a new pediatrician.)

Are you forcing him to wait until 10 am to eat breakfast? Lunch at 2pm is also very late for a child. Those meal times sound like adult meal times, not kids. Also you are "starving" him if you will only allow him to eat at those designated meal times. Three year olds NEED snacks, at least two sometimes more. I use the term starving very lightly as your sons weight doesn't seem off to me at all.

Read some parenting and nutrition books for toddlers, do a little online research and follow what they say. I would think you'd start his day off with a big meal as soon as he gets up (7 am?) then a snack mid morning, lunch around noon, snack mid afternoon when he asks for it and dinner around 6pm. You seem to be over dramatizing the whole thing. Try to just relax a little, parenting is rarely ALL or NOTHING but a balance somewhere in between.

You Know, I don't think your starving him. He should eat at meal time instead of snacking. Maybe you should tell him to eat just a little bit at meal time. If you think the situation gets more serious maybe you should tell the doctor. Other than that, he needs to learn to stop snacking and eat a meal time. Hope this helps!

You know your son better than anyone else, but to me, nope, you're not starving him. And at 36 pounds, he weighs a good 4 pounds more than my 4.5 year old.

Here is what our nutritionist at the children's hospital told us when my son was around 2.5, along with other things that work for my SPD non-eater:

Limit liquids, except water. My son was filling up first thing in the morning on milk or smoothie, then simply had to "top off" throughout the day on tiny portions of food to maintain his 'i'm not hungry' feeling. We do not give him a drink before giving him food. And then, all drinks except water are limited to a max of 4 oz. at any time. That includes smoothies, juice, milk, whatever. In fact, juice is a max of 4 oz. a day. They even have tiny juice boxes in that size if your son likes to do a box and then you don't have to take it away before he's done. Doing the beverage limit helped pretty quickly. He simply had never had a hunger cue before.

Find out when your child is hungry by watching his cues, reactions and behaviors. My son does not wake up hungry. He does not like to eat breakfast right away, even though I am starving when I get up. So, I don't force it. But, he does need to eat before school and we have a harder time with that b/c he is hungry at 9:15 but school starts at 9:00. I present breakfast as a small morning snack and pack a larger lunch.

I know that if I miss my child's hunger window, it will close for a few more hours so I pay attention to his timing and always offer something healthy if he says he is hungry. If I flat out deny food, he will move on to something else and NOT eat a little bit later. To combat this, I can present part of the meal earlier as I'm cooking it. For example, if we are having peas for dinner and he says he is very hungry before I know we can/will eat, I give them to him up to 45 minutes early as a snack. That gets his tummy in A. eating mood and technically, it's part of dinner anyway.

Be realistic with portions and schedule. Kids, and many adults, thrive on smaller meals/snacks eaten throughout the day. Don't expect him to eat A. entire bowl of spaghetti in one sitting or even A. entire kids meal at a restaurant for lunch. Large portions often overwhelm small kids. If he eats all of a smaller portion, you can always give him more. Also, don't expect him to only be hungry when a designated meal time happens. If you have set A. arbitrary schedule without taking into account when everyone in the family can/will/wants to eat, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Snacks are fine, if they are the RIGHT snacks.

Just a thought, 7:00 is very late for a three year old to eat dinner. My son just recently switched his bedtime from 6:30 to 7:30, so perhaps yours is very tired at dinner. That could go a long way towards acting fussy, picky or not interested.

Once set, keep to your meal/snack schedule. My son knows if he skips breakfast, he has to wait until snack time to eat again. But at least he knows snack time will come and so do I. If he wants to be hungry (or not) for the next two hours, fine. Sometimes, he's fed the same thing he refused to eat the first time. So go ahead and feed him those peanuts and A. apple or no-sugar apple sauce (not apple juice) IF the snack time is right. (e.g. don't feed him a different item 5 minutes after breakfast is over - he should wait until the next food time, and it should be explained to him that he missed his chance at breakfast and has to wait.)

Don't get hung up on labels like meal and snack. Some of our snacks are as big as meals and some of our meals are tiny!

Eat at the table. Our nutritionist was very clear to not let him wander around the house with a bowl of blueberries and mindlessly snack. Food is served and eaten at one place. But sit with him! And set a good eating example yourself. (These rules loosen up a bit as they get older; of course my son has had a snack on-the-go between school and a playdate or something like that. But we did honor it when he was younger.)

Know that it is harder for some kids to know they are hungry and understand what their body is telling them. My son likes extreme sensations so a little hunger means nothing to him. Only if he 'starving' does he say something or realize he needs food. (It's the same for the potty; that kid lives on the edge of making it there in time!)

I applaud you for not feeding him pediasure or carnation instant breakfast. To me, those are loaded with chemicals and aren't food. They will not help him learn healthy eating habits, only how to quickly get full and move on.

Above all, don't make it a struggle! If he eats, he eats. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Your job is to provide the right foods at (hopefully) the right times. The next steps are up to him and he is old enough to take ownership of his food and feeding.

Good luck!

You don't say how long the no snack policy has been in effect - a day, a week - makes a difference in what I would say. So assuming its only been a day or two and this is a new "adventure" for all of you....

Continue to offer the meals, maybe include the snack foods as "dessert" once he eats at least some of the meal. This would be a slower transition for him, and hopefully easier.

Also, you say he *had* asd - do you mean the heart condition? Or did you mean he *has* asd and is on the spectrum. Again, this would change my response. If you mean the heart condition then learning to eat "normally" will come in time. If you mean he is on the spectrum then I would suggest you speak with a specialist.

As for the carnation instant breakfast, my son was (well is still at 16) underweight. When he was a toddler I added carnation instant breakfast to his milk for all of his meals for the extra calories for about 6 months until he began to eat more normal sized meals for his age.

Good Luck
Hugs

As the mom to a 5 year old autistic boy who has a very simple diet here's what we do: he eats breakfast, usually cereal with milk & occasionally plain waffles. If he's up for it he'll have A. apple or banana. He's allowed to have a snack prior to noon which is lunch time usually he does have crackers. Lunch consists of a peanut butter sandwich and whatever extra he wants such as string cheese or A. applesauce. He has a dinner of chicken nuggets, grilled cheese or a hot dog. He chooses this limited diet but is offered at every single meal different types of foods. He is given different foods at each meal and it is up to him to try them.

I would say that at each meal offer at least one food you know who will eat. This will help him to realize that while no he may not like the other foods you've given him he will have something to eat. A child has to be offered, and try a food numerous times before they'll get a true taste as to whether or not they like it. Not to mention tastes change so while one day/week he may not like something he may very well be at least willing to try it on a different one.

We use pediasure but only for treats and not as a main source of food. I would say to speak with your son's therapists regarding getting into a feeding clinic. You state that he has autism(or is on the spectrum somewhere)so he should be receiving services. Don't make food time a battle and you cannot remove all the foods he is willing to eat from his diet if he has not already accepted other foods. They say children do not starve themselves, and most of the time this true, however, I have seen my own son go the entire day refusing to eat. Please make sure you're offering milk and water alongside juice to drink.

I had a child that was the same way. I talked to his ped and he said alot of kids are like this that is was ok to let him graze through the day, kids know when they are hungry and at young age they dont always eat like we do, when they get hungry they will eat, and if my son ate a "good" amount at meal time once or twice a week that was good. I let him have healthy snacks through out the day and gave him lots of water. He is now 11 and eats just fine! Dont stress yourself or your child too much. Do as others have suggested have him sit with you, but if he isnt eating or is eating just a little at meal time, ot is ok! :) Good luck to you!

if you let the child snack on what they will eat, they might actually..eat. the ped wants you to give them pediasure because they get a nice big bonus check from them for recommending their product, we have found that if you let a toddler eat on demand, they eat a whole lot more then they would otherwise..give the child peanuts and apple juice, start them off with a little of each, when they ask for more, give it to them. do a little experimenting..for the next week, feed the child on demand, when they want to eat and as much as they want, chances are good they will end up eating a whole lot more then if you only feed them on a predetermined , rigid schedule, as least this works with our daughter who at two was the height of a three year old and now at two and a half, is the size of your average four year old.. can you say..amazon ?
K. h.

I think you are on the right track as hard as it is. He knows he can skip the meals and then snack on what he likes during the day - not good. So no more snacks and he will eventually be hungry enough to eat a meal. I would take out the juice too, no reason to have sugar on A. empty stomach. Juice can be a mid-late afternoon snack if lunch was eaten. Otherwise I would just keep filling that cup with water.
He is three years old and he will catch on very quickly to the concept. One night my 3 yo daughter skipped dinner saying she was not hungry than woke up at 10:30 at night saying she was starving. I knew she had to be hungry so I gave her a cereal bar so that we all could get some sleep. Guess what - next night she refused her dinner and wanted a cereal bar again later that night. She caught on quick and she spent that night hungry. The next night I told her - there is no other food to eat after dinner so you better eat till your tummy is full. She did and we have not had A. issue since then. 36 lbs and tall for a 3 year old sounds fine to me. My daughter, who just turned 4, is very tall and is 39 lbs. Perfectly healthy.
Hang in there even though it is hard. He will learn to eat at mealtimes.

Well, I dont think he will starve. He will eat if he is hungry. He sounds like weight wise he is probably okay. My son is also tall for his age and is almost 5 and weighs about 37 lbs. He is the bottom of the percentiles but he is still growing. Is your son growing? If he is then he is getting enough food.
Another idea is the meal time thing is not working out then maybe you could have healthy snacks out that he could graze on? Sorry, both my kids constantly switch off and one of them usually seems like they must be starving by how much they eat, and I know that can be frustrating!

I do think he should sit at the table for mealtime.. However, some people are grazers as far as eating and will eat 4-6 small meals a day.

Nuts are healthy for him, I would allow them and minimal juice. I would introduce other healthy foods for him to snack on as well. He needs fruit, veggies, and a balanced diet because if he does not have that, then his body will pay the price with health issues, teeth, bones, eyes, etc.

You are the parent and you have to model the behavior you desire. At 3 he should be old enough to understand sitting at the table, family mealtime, etc. Make sure you have something prepared at mealtime that he likes as well.

If you treat food and mealtime as punishments you won't get very far. Treat them as adventures.... something new to try, design his food on his plate like a smiley face, etc... whatever you can to get his interest. Make fun healthy fingerfoods... ants on a log (celery with a strip of peanut butter and raisins).

If you continue to have trouble, I would see a nutritionist to enlist the help of a professional so that you can all learn (including hubby) how to deal with this.

Good luck

http://www.autismspeaks.org/resource/autism-society-ameri...

If he's on the spectrum, perhaps they will have resources to help you deal with food issues, and they may have pediatricians they can refer you to that deal with this as well.

I dunno what is wrong with a child snacking on nuts (?) they are healthy snacks. Juice is a great thing as long as he doesn't overdo it, a couple of glasses to three (4-6 oz) per day is fine. He doesn't need the crackers. He needs to be made to simply sit down @ the table for ALL of his food including his snacks. Sit him down with the family, put a small portion of all of the food on the table, have him sit with everyone until everyone is done, if he doesn't eat he isn't hungry enough yet. When he is hungry enough he WILL eat. Perhaps you might want to tell him when he sits down to the breakfast table, 'son, if you eat your _ & _ this morning you can have some _ & _ as a snack @ 10:00 a.m. show him where the hands on the clock are or get him one of those play clocks used to teach time & put the hands there for him, do the same for lunch & for dinner maybe a pudding snack right after he eats for dessert (?)...just some thoughts...Here is to a healthy, happy young man!

I'll bet you're dealing with A. undiagnosed sensory disorder related to eating. If you haven't tried the food chaining method, read up on it and do try it. Here are book links:

http://www.amazon.com/Food-Chaining-Feeding-Problems-Chil...

http://www.amazon.com/Diagnosis-Treatment-Disorders-Toddl...

http://www.amazon.com/Just-Take-Bite-Effective-Challenges...

Next, consider replacing juice and snacks with dietary supplement drinks like pediasure and boost to up his calorie intake and help ensure he's getting much needed vitamins and nutrients.

When he is hungry and at scheduled meal-times, feed him what he will eat that's more substantial and meal-like. So if that's only pasta or yogurt several times a day...fine. Avoid junk foods and fake healthy snacks like gummy fruits for instance. Craisins and nuts actually aren't bad nutritionally.

Last, get 2nd and 3rd medical opinions...particularly a therapist skilled in sensory disorders or a nutrtionist that specializes in pediactrics

I totaly understand your frustration with the situation and mine isnt even that bad. My DD(21 mo) eats a good breakfast and then a snack, eats half of her lunch and then a snack sometimes two and then eats almost no dinner. Unless its rice, she seems to be obsessed with rice and thats a for sure way to get her to eat.

I was getting frustrated with her not eating dinner, all she wants to do is run around the table while the rest of us eat dinner so I tried to cut the two afternoon snacks, which lasted for about a day and then I couldnt handle seeing her bang on the fridge saying "eat, bite please"

My DD eats healthy most of her snacks are fruit and yogurts or cheeses so I have for now given up on her not eating dinner. I assume when shes hungry enough she'll eat it.

Have you taken him to the Dr? Maybe they can suggest something for you.. Maybe you should try making him a healty smoothie in the morning instead of juice? We do strawberry, banana, blueberry, spinash smoothies every morning, she doesnt realize shes getting spinash.

Well it pretty normal for kids to have snacks between meals. I understand what you are saying about him eating snacks and then not eating meals but maybe you could try a different approach? I do believe this will take days even weeks before he will be on the the right track but maybe you could try easing him into it? So at breakfast have him sit down and give him some oatmeal with craisons in it. Or some toast with some nuts on his plate too. This way he see his favorite food with new food. Then around 12 if he wants a snack let him have something really small, like 2 crackers and a small cup of juice or milk. Explain to him this is all he gets until lunch. Then at lunch try giving him crackers with lunch meat and cheese. Again he is getting something he likes to eat with something new. He will probably be hunger for another snack between 2 and 7...like maybe around 4. So again explain he only get a small snack and let him have a handful of nuts or whatever. Then again at dinner do a familiar food with a new food. Kids thrive on habits and schedules so that is why it is difficult to break a habit. But don't give up. He will get better and he won't starve. I have 3 kids and they have all gone through time where they only like a few foods and continue to eat that same stuff for months! LOL it's really common. I say as long as he's healthy, smart and happy then you're doing a good job. Don't be too h*** o* yourself or him. He's little, he'll eat more and like new foods as he grows.