14 answers

Are My Kids Spoiled Brats? No One Else Thinks So...

At church, at school, my friends, everyone loves my kids. (I think) Tonight is Independance day fireworks, and because of my kids, I am here alone in my room doing laundry, and the kids and hubby are trying to relax after a two hour blow-out with one of the boys.
I took away video games and any computer use. This is my crime. I thought that the last week playing more than 4 hours a day every day was a bit excessive. So I said none on Sunday. Then Sunday night, the behavior was awful, so I said none today. We wake up today, I take them to a fun breakfast, ice cream, and then swimming. Friend over all day. BIG Blowout. Child says we are so mean to him. The reason? Child one got stung by a bee. Child two laughed and hubby and I got mad and told him to be quiet. This started a long rant on the not stung child. Hubby is so mad, he would not take any of us to the fireworks.... I have a mind to never let the kids play ever again. There are a lot of dynamics that I cannot go into here, and I know you don't know us, and it is never simple. I am hating this day. My boys are 12 and 11. I just wanted to vent, and who else but moms would understand? Thanks for listening.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Well, I went to bed sad and frustrated, but in the end, the boys were ok and so was I. I really truly thank you for all your comments. I can count on my "virtual friends" to help me out in a pinch. Non-Stung child was flinging comments like, "I wish I were dead, I am going to kill myself and you won't care, I hate my life, I wish I would have never been adopted" I really don't think I flung this kind of crap until I was like 17-18. I know I was bad, too, and I feel this is my mother's curse coming to fruition - LOL!!! I have got an appt for therapy for Non-stung child and I. He is rather manic, and I need help dealing with him. Thanks again. I hope I can pay it forward to help someone else feel better when she is at her lowest, and no one is home to call cuz it's a national holiday! Love you guys!

More Answers

Your house sounds like mine and I know my kids aren't spoiled!

All I can say about the electronics is that it's tantamount to giving your kids a stupid pill. Let them play only when you can deal with the stupid. I've proven, time and again, that my 13 year old's behavior and attitude gets progressively worse, the more electronic/tv time he gets. He knows that if he crosses the line from amiable, helpful son to brat of the century, the electronics go bye-bye and he's stuck weeding the back yard for a while! I'm such a mean, old mommy! [eyes rolling]

Another thing I've noticed is that the "funner" your out-on-the-town day is, the more churlish your children are when it's all over. My husband and I treated our sons (13 and 17) to two fun days in a row and they've been awful since we've been home, particularly my 17 year old. Good thing I'm going out to lunch with a friend tomorrow and my boys will be doing far more chores than they realize tomorrow. Otherwise, I'd go batty!

Yay for hubby for nixing the fireworks. I vote for early bedtime, too!

In the end, just keep pounding home the message that your sons will only get electronic time IF they can show they can MANAGE the negative behavior it creates. I've been saying this for the last 10 years. Maybe it will sink in before my boys head off to college. Wait, that's only 1 and 5 years away! I'll keep you posted... <wink>

Hang tough, sister. This too shall pass...

4 moms found this helpful

Your kids aren't spoiled. They sound quite normal to me! Hang in there mama! It will get better!!!!

M

2 moms found this helpful

Omg, no your kids are NOT spoiled. However, we have taken away ALL video games. My childrens attitudes are a lot better because they now think of other things to do.. like play outside. My kids are 11, 9, and 5. It is so much better without these games. I honestly believe sitting in front of a TV playing mindless video games harms a childs brain.

Updated

Omg, no your kids are NOT spoiled. However, we have taken away ALL video games. My childrens attitudes are a lot better because they now think of other things to do.. like play outside. My kids are 11, 9, and 5. It is so much better without these games. I honestly believe sitting in front of a TV playing mindless video games harms a childs brain.

2 moms found this helpful

Just a little note that's not completely related to your question but my own experiences that may be a value here. I have discovered that when my son (age 10), who loves video games (all of which are mild and rated E), increases his gaming time he gets very cranky and belligerent. My friend has see this also with her teenage son. Attitude and overall behavior improves tremendously when video games are taken away or minimized. Now, even during summer, my son is only allowed to play video games on weekends and for limited time. I don't know if this may be related for you as I saw a brief comment about you taking away video games and computer time. So I thought I'd share. Smiles! :)

2 moms found this helpful

I get your need to vent. Your family has a communication problem. Hubby needs to learn to stay calm and not be passive/aggressive. He is treating you as if you are on the same level as the boys. You need to step up and DETACH - your kids are manipulating you because they know which buttons to push. Not trying to be harsh here....but why should an 11 or 12 years old have control over what events the family attends....When child #2 starts a rant don't get plugged in. Calmly isolate the child and tell them that when they have calmed down and are ready to join the family with a positive attitude, they are welcome to come back. Do not give your kids power over your emotions. Act - not RE-act!

2 moms found this helpful

They sound perfectly normal, I have had to totally take away my sons screen time, due to his behavior at the moment - what I call unthinking behavior, shouting, screaming, picking on his sister, general rudeness. I told him every time I have to tell him more than once not to do something, it adds an extra hour on to him not having his computer back. So far we are at about 36 hours!
My son is 9, and is almost addicted to his gaming, the last couple of days, while I have had to entertain him a lot more, coz now he of course is "bored" have been more pleasant.

1 mom found this helpful

They don't sound spoiled. Video games and computers happens to most kids so toning it down is a smart move. Kids always play the mean mommy, even my 2 yr old does it sometimes. I think with the laughing child, that happens, just tell em we don't laugh when people get hurt, it's not funny. He may have been mad at you for tellin him to hush, though that's not that bad lol. Plus they are pushing towards teen years so attitude is a comin haha

1 mom found this helpful

This kind of thing is normal and with two boys that old I wonder that you are not used to it by now. I hate to hear that a long rant was didrected towards child #2 for just laughing at his brother getting stung. That punishment in no way fits the crime. Was his reaction nice? No. But sometimes laughing is a way people deal with emotions. He might have even felt sorry for his brother but did not want to show it so laughed-who knows. But ranting on him was excessive IMO.
I suggest you set up parameters of what you expect from your children. Such as 1 hour of video games per day.

1 mom found this helpful

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