Appropriate Discipline for 2-Year-Old

Hi M.,

I am a mom and grandmother and I would like to suggest a really great book called Your Self Confident Baby by Magda Gerber and Allison Johnson. I really don't like 1, 2, 3 Magic for little ones - they are too young to really sit and contemplate their actions,and so I feel time out doesn't teach them anything,and is stressful for you as well, because you have to try to enforce it.

But it is necessary to start setting limits and boundries at this age, and to help your little guy learn to co-operate with you and others. As others have mentioned, and I know from experience, it is important that however you choose to respond,you must be consistent - and I would add-as calm and matter of fact as possible.

Regarding diaper changes, the book I recommended has good advice about this too. What I really like about this book is that it helps you to respect and learn to talk to and involve your child in ways that are meaningful to him. I wish I had it when I was raising my two children.

It can help to change your little boy standing up ,and also to enter into a playful dialogue reminding him "Feet aren't for kicking people, they are for kicking balls ! And what else can we do with our feet ? " We also had great success with my grand-daughter in involving her in the whole process of diaper changing- talking her through the process and telling her what to expect,and also asking for her help all along the way.

Wishing you luck,and do enjoy this time with him- it really passes so quickly!

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Hi M.,
I just wanted to comment about changing the diaper of a kicker...I have one too! What helps mine is when I sing him a song....usually "the wheels on the bus". He likes to help me sing it. That way it takes his mind off of being changed.
Maybe that would help?
Good luck!

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Hello M.
Do you ever watch super nannyi think that is a good show for young families I watch it all the time and I'm 66 years old, it's unbelievable today how kids are tuff and uncontrolable, and they don't lissen I think Supper Nanny has a good program

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Age old philosophy I follow is a min. per age.
He is two..then he needs to sit time out for 2 mins.

When my children were that age, we used the stairs as they are central to our kitchen.

My daughter was a shrieker. We would give two mins, talk to her after the two mins. If she continued the bad behavior or shrieking, she was moved up a step. Once and only once, she made the step journey all the way to her bed! Once there, she stopped and never repeated that again!

Catch an episode of Super Nanny some day.... she has time out squares, corners, steps, chairs....anywhere basically. The key is to be firm, have them do the time without interaction from you...then if verbal enough have him tell you why he is in time out...if not verbal you explain, then hug him for doing time out.

Good luck

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M.-

I too have a son that will be 2 in June and I am having the same discipline problems. He hits and throws things, and often the things he throws hit other kids/people/animals. I feel that he is still too young to understand or stay in a time out. I try to talk with him. "we do not throw/hit, say you're sorry to__________". "If you hit/throw it again I will take it away." If he hits we say "No hitting, we do Nice nice" and we take his hand and softly rub our face with it. Now he does it on his own when we say "do nice nice".

As for diaper changing we haven't had too much of a problem, knock on wood. But when we are at home I change all of his diapers on the changing table that way there are no big sisters, toys, TV etc to distract him and make him not want to sit still. we also give him a pacifier, he only gets his paci during diaper changes and sleeping. I also give him a book if he is especially antsy. Hope this helps!

A.

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My son will be 3 this summer. For him the disciple sually depends on what he's done. We have 3 dogs and 3 cats, he's really great with them. He loves any sport where you swing something so he has a good sized collection of baseball bats (the plastic ones for kids), hockey sticks, and golf clubs. For a little while he tried to get into the habbit of throwing these (and everything else for that matter). Sometimes it would hit one of our pets, so it was totally not acceptable for him to do this. At 1st if he threw it, we would tell him he couldn't throw it again, then of course he would. We would take it away and he would through a fit. I say "too bad, don't throw it". It got to the point where we could tell him when we gave him one of these that if he throws it, he loses it and took it way the very 1st time that he threw it. That was so much more effective! He stopped throwing (mostly, no ones perfect) within a weeks or so. He also picked up so more toddler sized balls and told him that he could throw them (outside, not inside and not aimed at anyone unless the knew that they were playing catch with him). It worked for us. Also, if you still have a high chair and he needs a time out, 2 minutes in a high chair (and removing what ever it was that he was doing), is fine.

As far as the diapering, we change his diaper while he's standing up. We as him to get up on the towel on the couch so we can change his diaper. He will get up and turn around so his bum is facing us. Have your wipes and diaper already there, pull the pants down, reach aronud the front to undo the diaper tabs and take the diaper off. Wipe and do ointment, then put a diaper on by sliding it through his legs, straighten it out and fasten it. It also saves you from having to undress the bottom 1/2 to change a diaper. Hope this helps!

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Hi M. - for the diaper change... try pull ups! Not the potty training wet-feel ones, but just little diapers you can pull up - SO much easier. Another trick that worked for my kids was a sticker stuck on the back of their hand. It intrigued them enough and by the time they got it off I was done with the diaper. Good luck! For time outs, 2 min (one min per their age) and you can use anyplace that is consistent. I always liked the bottom stair (worked for my house layout.) Hope this helps! J.

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We use a little mat for our 3 yr olds so that they know where the 'time out' spot is. We also focus on the behavior, not on them.

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As for the time-out spot, I would just pick a spot, point to it and say "you are not in time out, don't move from that spot". I did that, rather than picking a specific spot in my house, because I wanted to be able to use the technique where we were at home, someone else's house, or out in public - like at a park.

When my son got to the kicking stage, I would change his diaper with him standing up.

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Hi M.

I too have a 22mo old. As far as discipline, at this age, all I have done so far is firm "Dont Touch That" or "No, No". This as done the trick so far......... I personally think they are too young to understand a time out, or to stay in a time out, I think it would end up making you more crazy. I just think a firm "No hitting" "No throwing" while looking them in the eye at their level does the trick.

As far as the diaper changes............ singing a song, or making silly noises helps distract them. I remember going through this exact thing with my oldest. Just become a very fast diaper changer, this will pass!!
Best of Luck

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Hi M.,
Consequences and distractions worked best for us at this age. We started time-outs during his second year sometime. For us, the first stage was really teaching him the process of a time-out. When my son was two we were living with family so a time-out spot was a real challenge. I focused on having every other part of the routine set- but our location remained flexible. Our consistent wording and actions made/makes the difference. I will say something like ________ is not OK in our family or we don't __________. If you continue to ___________ you are choosing a time out. If he would do it again I would say the same thing You just ___________. This not OK. You need to sit in time-out because you ____________. Then I would just sit him down on the floor against a wall. Someplace where I can keep an eye on him but he isn't being entertained by others and set the timer (one minute per year). When my son was 2 time-outs were hard. We were fortunate that after we did it a few times the warning was usually enough. I explained that during a time-out there was no playing and we weren't going to discuss things with him at that time. He needed to sit in place. Often at 2 he would try yo get up and I would gently return him to the spot. I remember a couple of challenging times where I had to sit by him to make sure he didn't get up while disengaging from him at the same time. He cried. My heart broke. I don't believe it is ever effective to physically force him to sit still. Anyway, when the timer would ring I would gently say. You were in time-out because you _________. We don't ____________. Time-out is all done. I love you. And we always end with hugs and kisses. Once the time out is done I drop the issue. I think this helps. He knows he has made a mistake but doesn't feel like he can't recovery and still have a good day after a time-out. Now that he is older (turning 4). We do the same routine but he goes to his room for time-out. He knows he can't play with toys. He usually sits on a rug or if he is really upset lays on his bed. I know some people use time-out rugs and chairs etc. I can see how those would work but we needed something more flexible and they are definitely not necessary. I hope that is helpful.

Regarding the diaper changing, how annoying! I remember my son having a very brief stage similar to this. I explained that until he was ready to use the potty I needed to change his diaper unless he could do it himself? I remember one time him trying to change his own diaper and he obviously couldn't do it and didn't want to use the potty so he had to let me change him. Then I asked how we could make it better? Together we decided that I needed to be more gentle while holding his ankles, I needed tell him what I was doing ("I am going to use the wipe on our bottom now"), and we made up some silly songs (my son made up "you are my poop-shine" which is a long time favorite). Plus he got a job. He needed to hold the clean diaper and hand it to me when I was ready. This became important to him. He might choose not to hold the diaper if he was tired but if didn't offer it to him he would ask for his job. I noticed when I was annoyed with the diaper changing he was worse and when I approached diaper changing with the "oh I am so grateful to be able to take care of him and change his diaper. I love him so much..." attitude things were much better. I didn't necessarily feel grateful for changing his diaper. I am not a saint! But telling myself that I am lucky changed my outlook a bit, made me calmer, and then made him calmer. Fake it until you make it!

All children are different. This is what worked for us and maybe it will work for you or give you some new ideas. Good luck.

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Hi M.,
I'm a mom of six, so i know what you mean about pulling your hair out! :D As far as the diaper, have you tried changing him standing up? That sometimes helps. My daughter even had the brilliant idea of letting my youngest help: she gets him to hold the back of the clean diaper up while she pulls up the front. He loves it. Of course that works only when he doesn't have a dirty diaper. Otherwise, distraction is your best friend. Create a game that you play with him only during diaper changes, or a song, or a toy that he can only have then. This makes it into a fun game for him, and may help. Otherwise, all i can say about that is that "this too shall pass!"
In terms of discipline, they're just starting to be able to get the concept of time-outs at this age, and the spot isn't as important as the consistency. Just choose a spot that is neutral (ie. not his bed, because you don't want him to associate it with being naughty). Also, I've found that trying to teach consequences is good at this age, too, as long as the consequence makes sense for the offense. For example, he hits his brother with a car, so i take the car away while telling him why. Or I'm holding him and he hits or bites me, so I put him down, and tell him why. Tantrum behavior gets ignored, as long as he's not hurting himself or someone else. I stay nearby, but don't give the attention he's seeking. Eventually, with consistency, they get it. And distraction still works, too. Good luck. Enjoy your little boy.

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hi M.,
my son will be 2 next mth and we have the same problem. as for discipline we use time out. i sit him in a corner and trap him in with my back toward him. i used to use the crib, but he climbs out now. and my son is also a kicker when getting his diaper changed. i had to move him back onto the changing table and i try to refocus his attention with having him hold a book, playdough, a toy, etc. it seems to work. the key is to refocus their attention when getting a diaper change. good luck!

J.

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I used 123 magic for two of my three girls, they are now 23 and 20 and when they get crazy I can hold up my index finger for one and it still works.

As for time out I used one min per year so for a two year old it would be two mins.

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We use time out, I give her a count to 5 to change her attitude and I rarely ever get to 3 before she decides to make a better choice. I have read 123 Magic and use many of those methods, but have changed it up a little to fit my child. I have a little wooden chair in her room that she needs to sit in. Hitting, or hurting someone in any way is an automatic time out. You say your son is 2 and hates to have his diaper changed?? Maybe he would like to explore other options, like the potty. Buy one and sit it in your bathroom and see what he does. Don't push it, just make it available for exploration.

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