20 answers

Appropriate Attire for Nanny/Mother's Helper?

We have a 19yr old who has just started coming to help take care of our two boys, 3 and 5 as well as with other house stuff. Normally, she wears spandex exercise clothes...no concerns here. Today; however, she showed up in a black bra with a shear top and her exercise pants. This doesn't seem appropriate to me...am I wrong? Maybe they are appropriate as her dance or beach clothes...but for a job? Would you have issues wtih this? And then how would you approach this?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you all for your responses. :) Most of all it validated my feelings...I was concerned that this is the new style and I should accept it. :) While having a touchpoint today to see how she feels everything is going this first 2 weeks, I told her how much she has helped me already and how impressed I was with her just jumping right in. :) And then I told her that a couple of things that we are working on with our oldest is modesty with closing the bathroom door as well as understanding the concept of "privates." And that we are also trying to teach him how clothes are appropriate for different places (lounge vs. beach vs school) Today she was wearing a low neck, tight exercise tank...and my youngest's stuffed animal pulled it down. So using that as an example plus my eldest using the toilet naked with the door opened...gave me examples of how we are trying to get these concepts across and that she is now a role model and that we would appreciate if she could dress more conservatively. :)

Featured Answers

"Hey suzy can we talk. I never had to have this discussion before, because you have been extremely professional in all you do like when XYZ(point out some good things she has done!)" I think that is why I was a bit suprised when you came over to watch the kids yesterday in a see-through shirt. It was cute and a great beach or work out attire, but it was too much for work. Even work with kids. Moving forward, could you just keep the clothes work-appropriate? If you have any concerns or questions, let me know, but my rule of thumb is if I am wondering if it is ok, it probably isn't."
Easy, peasy. Sounds like a first job OOPS! teach, model and show respect. She is doing a big job for a young woman.

6 moms found this helpful

I think this is what Lifetime movies are made up from ! haha! just kidding..

I would totally feel uncomfortable with that. I would just ask her to dress a little bit more conservatively when she comes to work, say it with a smile... knowing teenagers she will secretly roll her eyes, but comply!

I had to do that once...it was fine

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

i would totally NOT come unglued. she's 19, and is simply thinking 'this isn't an office job so this is fine.' you can re-eddicate her gently and firmly. 'i think a t-shirt would be a great idea' is likely all you'll need to get your point across. if she objects or questions you, keep it very simple. you really don't need to justify your position. 'i'd feel more comfortable if you wore something slightly less revealing in our home.'
it'll be fine. she's young and casual and this job is something she hasn't quite figured out yet. you can be her boss and still be a nice boss!
:) khairete
S.

9 moms found this helpful

Help her out, L.. You are her first boss, right? Tell her that there are certain clothes that you don't wear to work, no matter WHAT the job is. See through clothes showing her bra is one of them. Tell her that she needs to be more modest and that you don't want her to dress like that at your house. Tell her that you are doing her a favor by explaining this now so that she doesn't end up in trouble in future jobs, embarrassed by a MALE boss telling her, or being passed over for a promotion for not being taken seriously.

She has a lot to learn.

Please tell her.

D.

9 moms found this helpful

"Hey suzy can we talk. I never had to have this discussion before, because you have been extremely professional in all you do like when XYZ(point out some good things she has done!)" I think that is why I was a bit suprised when you came over to watch the kids yesterday in a see-through shirt. It was cute and a great beach or work out attire, but it was too much for work. Even work with kids. Moving forward, could you just keep the clothes work-appropriate? If you have any concerns or questions, let me know, but my rule of thumb is if I am wondering if it is ok, it probably isn't."
Easy, peasy. Sounds like a first job OOPS! teach, model and show respect. She is doing a big job for a young woman.

6 moms found this helpful

I think this is what Lifetime movies are made up from ! haha! just kidding..

I would totally feel uncomfortable with that. I would just ask her to dress a little bit more conservatively when she comes to work, say it with a smile... knowing teenagers she will secretly roll her eyes, but comply!

I had to do that once...it was fine

6 moms found this helpful

I swear I do not understand how extremely form-fitting exercise clothes, and indeed - lingerie - have become every day clothing! I remember wearing shorts over my bike shorts in college (early 90's). It's just a weird evolution of our society imho. Why wear any clothes at all?

I would not like it but I'm not sure how I would approach it.

5 moms found this helpful

The "trend" is to wear leggings or yoga pants. My SD and her friends could very well have fallen out of a dance class half the time, by the look of it, and it's not always appropriate attire. I would speak to her about your expectations for her attire and give her an opportunity to meet your requirements. I'm thinking back to my first job and how the manager had to specify to all of us younger people what "casual Friday" really meant. Please just clue her in, gently but firmly.

5 moms found this helpful

Umm...yeah, I would have issues with that. I've also worked at daycares where some young women thought that they were dressing for a nightclub. I always reminded them that should be able to bend over without us seeing their bra or underwear, and that they should wear shoes they could run in safely. (We had some ravers with platform shoes in our employ.) Or, as I sometimes put it, jokingly: "If you are bending over and the babies are thinking "LUNCH", then you need to wear something more appropriate to the job."

I think I'd just be as cool as I can about it. Acknowledge that she has her own sense of style, and then be clear about your family's expectations. "Our family is pretty modest. Jeans (or sweats/yoga pants) and a tee shirt are fine, and please, no see-through tops or low-cut tops."

If she showed up dressed inappropriately again, decide if you want to keep her for the day or just send her home and be done. 19 is not too young to experience the real world, and most employers wouldn't keep someone on who isn't able to follow the company rules. Chances are, her mom might have given her some advice on appropriate dress, too. :)

5 moms found this helpful

If I were married or dating, she'd be darn near fired. If I were not married, we'd go shopping together so I could get a clue as to "getting my groove back".

4 moms found this helpful

You need to let her know what she should wear. What she is wearing is not ok.

4 moms found this helpful

Babysitting is not a job that requires much in the way of dressing (but decently covered is a basic). Tell her nicely "Did you realize that black bra shows through your white shirt?" and maybe offer to lend her a thicker shirt if she wants one. It wouldn't be a big deal to me but if it matters to you then say something.

4 moms found this helpful

I would be unglued-what is she thinking??

You're the employer-tell her what you feel is appropriate dress for working at your home.

3 moms found this helpful

I like Suz T.'s approach.

The approach also depends on the relationship. With mine, I would probably stumble onto something like, "Ooh, look at you! I can see EVERYTHING! Here, let me get you a T-shirt."

3 moms found this helpful

How would I approach it? Very kindly. If you have ever been around her in a slip or bra and slacks before you put your blouse on, then she could be taking a clue from your attire. If you are very informal around your kids. i.e. bra and panties or less and she talked to your kids and they told her that, she may have thought that was ok.

Just tell her in a kind way that you don't want her wearing shear blouses to your home or whatever you have a problem with.

Just a thought . . . at least she was wearing a black bra rather than being bra-less.

BTW, I have seen girls/women wearing sports bras with no shirt in places like Walmart and Target and Macy's. So things are not as they used to be.

Good luck to you and yours.

3 moms found this helpful

I guess you are going to have to have a big tee shirt and some sweat pants on hand for her to use when she doesn't feel like wearing actual clothing to work.

3 moms found this helpful

I have never heard of having a dress code for a babysitter. Still if that outfit crosses some line for you just politely point it out.

I think one issue you are having is you see her as a nanny, she sees herself as a babysitter. Just from her age and how you describe it she sounds like a babysitter to me.

3 moms found this helpful

She's 19, this is her normal attire. She is not actually in the work force but babysitting. If you want to buy her a set of clothes she is expected to wear then ask her if she would be willing to do that. She should not be expected to go buy different clothes if this is pretty much all she has.

Talking to her about you not liking to see her tummy is okay too. That is not something you should have to see if you don't want to. Is it possible she works out and comes straight from there?

I think she can dress a bit more modest for sure but if you want her to wear something entirely different then you may have to buy her the items yourself.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think that it's not appropriate, but I do think it's a little disrespectful. Was there not a discussion ahead of time about what is expected? Heck, I would just tell her that jeans and a t-shirt is fine. Everyone has that.

1 mom found this helpful

It should have been discussed in the beginning. I would tell her she is working and while you don't mind her wearing comfortable clothes, it is important that she cover her midriff...perhaps the see through top is not appropriate.

She should get the idea and if not, then you will have to be a bit more blunt.

1 mom found this helpful

I agree, she's taking care of children, not going to a strip bar.

This is a hard one for me, bc i also just hired a 19yr old to come watch my kids... However mine is already a mother and seems to dress very modest. My delima is that mine is going to be allowed to take my kids swimming and to the splash park, so that is obviously not a lot of clothing... very good question.
It is a sports bra or a regular bra? And i honestly think that might be style right now...? I am no help.

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