Anyone Regret Holding Child Back from Starting Kindergarten?

I haven't gone through this with my own children, but I taught half-day kindergarten for 4 years prior to having my own kids. I can tell you from the teacher perspective, it is worth waiting the extra year. Many people don't understand that a big part of kindergarten is social, and if a child isn't mature enough, it can become a problem. The principal at my school said she had never had a parent say, "I wish my child was younger than the others in his/her class." However, several parents had wished their child was older. Something that may be hard to think about now, but is good to do, is to think about high school when his peers will start driving, dating, etc. That is one time that it would probably be nice to have him be one of the older ones, rather than the younger. Hope this helps!

2 moms found this helpful

Our family's decision is counter to most of what you'll hear in this issue.

Our son will be 5 on July 23 and he's going to kindergarten. He's reading fluently and doing math problems as well.

My background is high school teaching. There is nothing worse than trying to teach a high school senior who is already 18, let alone one who is 19. It's practically impossible. I heard "I'm old enough to vote, go to war, and buy cigarettes and you want me to do homework? I don't think so" more than once.

If our son's preschool teacher thought he wasn't socially ready, we'd probably start him anyway using Ohio Virtual Academy at home. I'd hate to not use a year of learning.

We get dazed looks when we tell people we're sending our son to school at 5 (we always get "but he could be so much bigger for sports if you hold him") but we're looking ahead 13 years to his young adult time. My husband was a young five and loved getting college over with at 21. My brother was held back and regrets not having the extra year to do service work. In our families, holding an extra year is not a good idea but you have to decide what is right for your family.

My husband has a niece and a nephew who were held back due to June birthdays. They are now bored stiff in their classes. Luckily, their school system allows grade skipping in math and language arts so they are now taking classes where they should have been according to their ages.

I guess our thinking is that we really want our son to have an adventure as a young adult. Our church tends to marry young so we want our sons to go to college, spend a few years in Bible school, and have several years in voluntary service (mission work) before he settles down to start his adult/married life. The time between ages 17 and 23 is so short and it can only be done once. That is the time for backpacking around Europe, serving in Africa, seeing all of the countryside, and all the things you can't do as a married adult with a fulltime job.

2 moms found this helpful

I have a third grade boy who has a May birthday and he was held back. I think it was the best thing to do. I have 2 older boys also and sometimes I wish I had held them back and they have January and March birthdays. And after reading the book Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax I really am glad I held my son back. It talks about the challenges awaiting boys and the differences between other countries and here. Our schools are set up for girls to more successful than boys. I wish I could have sent my boys to all boys schools. Girls and boys are different. They think differently and react differently. I am getting very disenchanted with the public schools. They are really creating very aggressive girls and very unmotivated boys. You are very wise in holding him back.

1 mom found this helpful

you won't regret it!! there is a regret from some when decideing to send them but never when holding them. it is the greatest gift you can give a child especially a boy!

1 mom found this helpful

We were in the same position last year. After changing my mind about a thousand times, we finally decided to let him stay in his pre-school for an extra year. We are lucky that the pre-school he was attending has an early 5's class, specifically designed for kids in his situation. Anyway, I am certain that we made the right decision. He has learned so much and is so much more mature than he was last year! I am SO glad that we waited!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I wouldn't say that I ever regret holding my twins back, but you need to have a very understanding school if he is academically ready and you hold him back. My twins boy/girl are August birthdays and I waited. My son especially has needed extra or different opportunities every year to keep him challenged. That started in 2nd grade. They are now in 8th grade and still taking advanced classes. My son worries about being labeled a nerd because of it, but otherwise school has been a lot easier for them than my older son who is also a summer birthday. I sent him and do regret it.

1 mom found this helpful

Our middle daughter has a July birthday. She was more than ready to go, but each year i regret that I didn't hold her back. She was mature, sat and listened, was okay with the social aspect, but it is the actual school work. Each year it takes until the 2nd nine weeks for her to "catch up". She struggles with organizing classwork, using her time wisely, and struggles with some of the material. I wish in a heartbeat that we would have held her back.

1 mom found this helpful

I am not sure what school district you are in, but in Fairfield they have a transitional class after kindergarten. That way you can see how the child does and it they are not ready to move onto 1st grade they move onto this transition class. It's a new teacher, cirriculum, etc., but it gives the child more time to develop academically and socially. You may want to see if that is an option in your district.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi P.,

I can only speak from personal experience - as the child - since my kids aren't there yet.
I read one person's response saying you could always supplement academically.
I was born in October.
My family pushed for me to start the 1st grade at 5, turning 6 a couple of months into the schoolyear.

I was always the youngest, eventually, in my Sophomore year of H.S> I had to repeat a year.
I simply had such a difficult time, especially with math.
I got into trouble for I had less maturity and my attention wasn't as solid.
Maybe things would have been the same if they hadn't held me back, no telling.
I would agree with what someone else said, you know your child.
Is there anyway you could take him to the 1st grade clasroom to test how he does??
For just a couple of day or something?
Just thinking outloud...
Bot of my kids were born in July so I imagine I may face the same decision eventually.

1 mom found this helpful

I have had to hold 2 children back, with no regret. The only regrets that I have heard are from parents a children who were not held back. It becomes a big issue for them on middle and high school.

1 mom found this helpful

If you have any doubts, hold him back one more year. It won't hurt him at all. My son missed the cut off by like a week, and we could have opted to test him into kindergarten, but he hadn't even been to preschool. So we took that year and put him in preschool to prepare him. It was the best decision we made. Boys mature slower than girls any ways, so the extra year, I feel is beneficial.

1 mom found this helpful

My son's birthday is July 12 and he started kindergarten this year 1 month after he turned 5 (schools start mid-Aug around here). Do I regret it? I honestly don't know!!! Yes, halfway through the year and I still have my doubts about whether or not it's been a good thing. He's always been immature for his age emotionally/socially and until last May we were really dead-set against him going this year. However, we sat down and had a meeting with the elementary school counselor, the vice principle, his speech therapist (school employee), a kindergarten teacher and his preschool teacher in May. All of them said the same thing, it would be best for him to start even though it would be a rough year regarding the social skills. The reasoning is because he is so darn smart (very high IQ) and he picks up things fast. Part of the reason he was acting up in preschool was because he was bored and really wanted to learn more. He needed to be challenged more than most kids his age.

They were right... it's been tough because he's gotten into trouble several times for his behavior but when starts to act up the teacher is good about moving him to an activity to challenge him. He taught himself to read over the summer and is now reading 2nd/3rd grade books. He's doing double/triple digit addition/subtraction in his head (I can't do that!!) and is getting really good at multiplication, too. His science concepts and things like social studies is a couple grades ahead, too. Luckily our schools have a Challenge Program which is basically a separate classroom for the gifted students and he automatically qualified just from his IQ (students only need 130 for it and his is >alot< higher than that!). The downside is that it doens't start until 2nd grade. If we had waited another year, he would be bored in school until 2nd grade when he could get in because they wouldn't be able to teach him stuff that far ahead. Find out what programs are available in your school to keep him challenged. That's great if they keep him challenged in preschool so he learns alot... but what about when he gets to kindergarten in another year? Will he be bored (and therefore acting out) because he'll be ready for stuff a couple grade levels higher but they can't accomodate that? Our schools do small groups so they can teach several levels in one classroom... but many do not. He might not do well if he's forced to sit through 3+5 when he knows 10*4 or they are learning individual letters while he's reading chapter books.

Every early childhood development person I talked to said the same thing -- by 3rd grade all the kids 'level out' on maturity and are pretty equal.... so we're hoping he catches up by then. I think he will because we saw a HUGE leap forward in just the first couple months of kindergarten. Being around the older kids and in a situation with higher expectations has been good for him.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi P.! I work for a school system. Although I am not a classroom teacher, I have had some experience with younger elementary school children. I also have a daughter that has a summer birthday and she had to wait to start Kindergarten. She is very advanced for her age, but I still think it was a good thing that she got to wait one more year. You will be very surprised at how much your son will mature over the next year! He will learn how to control those urges to do whatever HE feels is important. He will also be able to follow classroom rules better. This is only my opinion, but I think you are leaning toward a better decision by waiting one more year. Good luck in whatever you choose. M. B

1 mom found this helpful

Hi! I am a mother of 4, my son is now 14, but he has a September 1 birthday- I went ahead and sent him and wish that I had waited till he was older. We have struggled alot and he ended up repeating 2nd grade but I think the pushing him when he wasnt really ready emotionally hurt him.We have had tutors and great teachers but it has been tough! If I could do it over I would have waited an extra year- what can it hurt? I think he would have been alot more prepared mentally and emotionally! Chris

1 mom found this helpful

I went through the same thing with my son. What made my finale decision was that I would rather him go to Kindergarten only once, being prepared and given all the time possiable to mature, than have to repeat and start with new friends and the fears of kids making fun and adding new problems. I am very glad we waited to send our son to kindergarten.

1 mom found this helpful

I taught Pre-K before my son was born and dealt with the younger/older issue constantly. I also had siblings and personal experience with "going early" and "going late". (My brother and my birthdays are 4 days apart and my parents sent me and held him.) Also, my son is 3.5 with a summer birthday and we've already decided to hold him when the time comes. So I've had quite a lot of experience on both sides. Essentially, you find that there are never really problems when a child is older (instead they tend to be leaders and very self-confident, as well as often ahead academically). But there are often problems when a child is younger, especially since Kindergarten is now so academically based. Also, think long-term, not just in Kindergarten. If he's the youngest, he has to wait longer than all his friends to drive, date, etc--a tough blow for a guy at 16. If you are debating at all, I would say it's better to wait. If you send him early, he may be fine, but he may not. However, if you wait, you virtually assure him of being better off. Not a bad trade for waiting just one more year!

1 mom found this helpful

Kindergarten is the best place to hold them back if it has a real curriculum taught, then it would be first grade. I do not recommend same teacher, unless the options are very poor. Ask to sit in the other classrooms and you compare styles. Also sit in his classroom and a first grade teacher classroom. You should also talk to the principal and ask if any cross grade level options are available especially later on when things begin to click for him; such as if his strength is math then do math in 1st grade and reading in K. Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Both of my children are "year end babies" so they missed the K cut off. I really pushed for an exception to the cut off with my oldest until I had several ppl say, "I wish my parents had waiting b/c I struggled all through school, I wish I would have been one of the oldest in my class instead of one of the youngest." So I decided to wait (for both of them) they are now in 5th and 2nd and STRAIGHT A students. So for me, holding them has paid off, I realize I will never know if the reason for the good grades was holding them back but I would rather them have a chance at good grades than not.

Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Oh honey... please don't hold him back for a maturity issue! All kids develp at different levels. If you don't think you're school is up to holding his attention, find a different school. While living in FWCS, you can send your child to ANY school within FWCS. The best kindergarden (my opinion ;-)) is Whitney Young. My little one has matured and learned so much in a short time. Up to 3-5 teachers and helpers in a room. Very involved with children. Hands on learning. Developed styles of teaching per child. It's a great school.

You can visit any school and interview the teachers. You can look online to research teaching programs and curriculum focus as well. Go to these sites and scroll through the subject fields.

http://www.fwcs.k12.in.us/Home/Home.php

http://mustang.doe.state.in.us/SEARCH/url.cfm?subnum=17&a...

1 mom found this helpful

Hi,

I have 3 boys (one is 14 and the other is almost 7). My first son has a Sept. 5 bday. His pediatrician convinced us that he was so intellectually advanced that it would not be wise to hold him out a year. We sent him on to Kindergarten, and it was the worst decision we have made. He struggled to sit still and stay focused because he just wasn't old enough. My other son has an April bday and didn't start school until the fall, and he did fantastic. He was ready to learn and had almost 2 full years of preschool. I would definately recommend holding them out for some extra maturing time.

A.

1 mom found this helpful

Hey P.!
I know how you feel always wondering if you're making the right decision for your children or doing enough for them. It's tough. Regarding your kindergarten question-I think it never hurts holding them back a year if there is any dought. He will have another year to enhance his social skills and possibly be ahead academically. I'm a preschool teacher also and I will always lean toward waiting-even for my own children. My youngest has a June birthday! Good Luck!!

1 mom found this helpful

Our son was an Aug. birthday - the oldest and incredibly bright in every area - but he as not as mature as the children he would have been in school with. In other words, at 4, he was developmentally 4 and that was cool. Everyone said I would be crazy not to send him and that he would 'catch up' in maturity. Well, as an educator, I've never seen any child catch up in that level.
So we kept him out for an extra year and what happened was that as he progressed through school, his leadership skills were above his peers and his friends wanted to be like him instead of the other way around. I can't tell you how many times during his high school and college years he would thank us for making that decision for him with his future in mind not the present. The academic abilities always excelled so those don't diminish if a child doesn't start to school at 5. (There's nothing magical about that number ;-)
As an educator I have never recommended that a parent send a child - to school who will be among the youngest in their class. Not every parent has taken my advice - never has a parent come back and said that I was wrong, but many have come back and said they wished they had listened or they are so glad they did listen. There are certain things we can't go back and do over. Being socially immature is devastating for a child because they never catch up in that area.
Hope I haven't seemed too blunt but I am passionate about this area of child development.
I wish your son the very best and I wish you peace on your decision for him.

1 mom found this helpful

I actually put my son in early for Kindergarten because he just missed our cutoff by just 18 days. He was also doing math, reading, writing, and telling time. He is now in 2nd Grade and in the Gifted/Talented program and is doing as well as the rest of the class. Research says that BOYS who are held back and are who are doing fine academically actually get bored and tend to do worse in school, drop out and get into trouble because they are bored. My son caught up with his social skills even though he is still different than the other kids that are not in his special class. Your son might be gifted if he is doing math at that age. Btw, he was bored to tears in Kindergarten and even in 1st Grade until he got into the special program. I shudder to think how bad it would have been had I NOT put him in early. Do they do testing before they put him into Kindergarten? That can help you decide as well.

1 mom found this helpful

As a 4th grade teacher in the public school system. I would suggest waiting to send your child to kindergarten. Even though the child is academically ready, the maturity is not always there and it causes issues in the classroom when the child is older. I have been teaching for four years and I have heard from parents that maybe they should have waited that extra year, but it was too late now!

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and I were both put in school early. While we were intellectually and physically ready, the social aspects of dealing with more developed kids were quite challenging; something I never really caught up with. We made the decision to wait for our two kids in that situation and it has worked out well.

If his preschool teacher agrees with you, I would wait. He'll go in at the top of his class, giving him a leg up all through his school career.

1 mom found this helpful

When my kids were ready to start school we were stationed in Hawaii and the cutoff date for starting school there is December 31st. My son's birthday is in November, and I wanted to hold him back a year, but couldn't get a slot in the preschool he was in because he was eligible to go to school. So I sent him, and thought I would just hold him back when we moved again to our next duty station. When we moved, the refused to hold him back because he was doing so well in school, and I was too young to know that I could fight that and insist. He always did really well in school until we got to high school and then he struggled with some of his classes, as well as some issues having to do with the fact that he was at least 1 year younger than all his classmates and in some cases 2. He didn't drive until the beginning of his senior year, his friends were all out doing things that we did not allow him to do because we believed he was too young. Then when he left for college he REALLY struggled his freshman year and I think it was because he was only 17 and was so young - he is a sophomore this year and is finally getting the hang of the whole college thing.

I would absolutely hold him back if you feel it is the right thing to do, it can only help and cannot hurt. The more mature he is the better he will do in school. I think my son would have been a much better student if we had held him back and would have been better able to cope with a lot of the stress that comes with junior high and high school.

A. in Indianapolis

1 mom found this helpful

I have seen great reasons for holding back BOYS from kindergarten specifically. They need to be socially ready and have the fine motor skills that girls generally develop at an earlier age. I have a son but we are not at kindergarten age yet, he is in a Montessori school that has multiple age groups (3-5, 6-8, 9-11). The children move to the next grouping when they are ready socially and academically and they can move back if they are too challenged or even for a day if they need to have a "easy, familiar" day of work. This works really well for the boys and children as individuals too. Otherwise I read, "Raising Boys" by Steve Biddulph and "Raising Cain" which was also on PBS as good resources and supporters. GO FOR IT!

1 mom found this helpful

I am having the same dilemma. My son is a May baby, but was a month early, so his motor skills and maturity is actually June. What my preschool has told me is that they have never had a parent come back to say they regretted holding a child back for one year before going to kindergartedn, but they have had more than a few parents say they wish that they had listened. It is more traumatic for the child to be held back to do kindergarten or first grade again due to these issues, than being given an extra year to grow emotionally. The other things they pointed out that is helping me with this issue is that, one, kindergarten is designed for 6 year-olds, not 5 year-olds and to think about the child's teen years - wouldn't you rahter have your child be one of the older kids rather than one of the younger kids in his class? I am still deciding what to do myself, but these were the things I was given to think about.

1 mom found this helpful

My son's birthday is June 26 and we were in the same boat last year. We decided to hold him back for the same reasons you are thinking, socially and emotionally. I really don't regret doing this, mainly because his confidence has sky rocketed in preschool. My parent's held me back and not my older brother and there was a big difference in our performance in school.
We held our son back for several reasons, the main one is to build up his confidence as being the oldest in the class. It was hard and we struggled for a long time on our decision. Good luck in what you decide to do.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't regret it at all. My oldest son, now 10 has a september birthday, and I could have sent him to school early, but chose not to, based largely on the advice of an experienced Kindergarten teacher. She told me that, especially for boys, even if they do fine in kindergarten, she has seen over and over again that boys often tend to have trouble later on, like in 2nd or 3rd grade, where developmentally they begin struggling to keep up.
In my own son's case, he struggled to focus and complete his work in school, even though we waited an extra year. Now that he's in 4th grade, we finally realize that he struggles because he has high functioning autism. If I had sent him early...I can't even imagine how much harder it would have been!
As for your son, consider that if you send him now, he'll be one of the youngest in his class. Being one of the oldest in his class may give him an extra edge and boost of confidence. If down the road he needs more of a challenge, he may need to skip a grade, but that's better than being held back later on if he's not able to keep up.

1 mom found this helpful

I personally would wait until next year. My son is one of the oldest in his grade and has done well with that. I think he has the added maturity which has helped. We had the opposite experience with my stepdaughter who turned 18 the day before she left for college. She definitely wasn't mature enough for the whole college experience. So I guess I would suggest looking at the whole educational time frame, not just Kindergarten when you make your decision.

1 mom found this helpful

My cousin is a kindergarten teacher and she always strongly suggests that the child be 6 years old. It is a stressor on the child as well as the teacher and the other children in the classroom if another child is acting out, or just doesn't listen or want to learn. I am in no way insinuating that this is your child. I just wanted to give you a teachers perspective on your question.

1 mom found this helpful

P.,

As the parent of young adults (22, 20 and 14) and having sent one ahead at 5 and holding one back til he was a solid 6, I think that the most important thing is to know your child. Take the academics out of the picture... you can always supplement your child's academic education at home. BUT - there is nothing you can do when a child is emotionally behind his classmates... and it often won't show up until middle school.

Since so many kids are held back these days, some children starting kindergarten are actually almost 7... putting an almost 2 year gap into play. Therefore, my 14 year old is now in the same class with boys that are turning 16... physically they are much more mature than him... sexually they are interested in relationships with the opposite sex in a way my son isn't yet, and they are already getting their drivers licenses... really scarey for me! He hates being the youngest one in his class.

To answer your original question - I DO regret letting my youngest go to school at 5, and I do NOT regret sending my other son to school at 6. (My daughter was a different story!!)

1 mom found this helpful

Hi, I have twin six year old girls and their birthday is towards the end of August. Our school has age/birthday cut off dates and the girls mised the deadline by about a month so they were one year late beginning kindergarten. All I can say is: Cherish that extra year you and your son will appreciate it!

1 mom found this helpful

P.,

I have two children with disabilities. Twice, we were told that it may be best to hold them back. I won't go into the details, but we did not, and they are both doing fine. If kids with known problems do OK in kindergarten, your son will too. In fact, all the evidence supports sending kids with developmental delays to kindergarten on time because they are at a statistical advantage and gain more time for intervention than if they wait a year without it. So if your child has an unidentified problem, they are better off going on time!

The only credible evidence about the effects of holding kids back in kindergarten regards the negative effect it has on them once they are teens. There is a positive correlation between older teens and opositional behavior and there is no such correlation for kids doing better in school.

About me: stay at home Mom of 3, became an educational advocate for my own kids (becasue I had too!) have spent years researching these issues to support other parents in finding the right services for thier kids in private sector and in public schools.

1 mom found this helpful

We decided to hold our daughter back last year (August birthday). She was academically ready to go, but we thought about how we would feel about her age as she got older, like in middle school. Do we want her to be the absolute youngest in the class or one of the oldest? We thought it would be better for her to one of the older ones. We are so thrilled too because this year in kindergarten she is growing and maturing so much, and she is a great leader in her class. She is able to catch onto things easily and the teacher has said she can count on her to be helpful and to set a good example. We are so glad we gave her that extra year to mature a little more and not put social pressure on her to interact with kids that played at a little "higher" level than she was at the time. She is my oldest (I also have a 4 year old), and I also thought once they start it's a long time before they're done with school, so why not give her one more year at home. I hope this helps a litte. :)

1 mom found this helpful

I don't regret it at all.
My dtr was the 3rd child; I was anxious to end the preschool expenses, but held her back. My parents enrolled me early (Dec birthday)because I was so smart -- oh, yeh, I kept up with the kids academically and even surpassed most of them. However, when I hit junior & senior high my young age/lack of maturity caused me loss of friends, being left out and ending up a "lone wolf" most of my life. Couldn't do that to my daughter. Hold him back. M..

1 mom found this helpful

Let me give you some perspective from the TEACHER'S side....I have had kids who WERE NOT held back and should have been. They struggled and lacked confidence as a result. I also have been a part of kindergarten screening. I've dealt w/ parents who were appalled that the recommendation was that their child be held back a year. All they could understand was that that their child could name all the the states and capitals in alphabetical order! Well.......that DOES NOT come in very handy in kindergarten.

We look for social skills as well as the basics. Today I worked with 16 kids - 3 year olds on a simple craft in church. It was VERY obvious who had been given opportunity and stimulus in certain areas. Even at THREE, they are capable of learning MUCH more than many parents are willing to give them credit for OR willing to spend the time with them to learn.

If I were in your shoes........and coming from a teachers' perspective.......GIVE THE CHILD THE EXTRA YEAR AND MAXIMIZE that time!!! The will thank you for it in the long run and if you spend the time wisely....their confidence and skills will be at the TOP of the class instead of being one of those who continually struggle because they really weren't read.

CHERISH that extra year!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I was born in late June and my mother attempted to hold me back. I'm glad they didn't let her. I was very bored in school even being on the young end of my class, most of my friends were in the year above me and by the time I was 17, I was more than ready to get out.

I know that this wasn't the information that you're asking for, but I kinda cringe when people talk about holding their kids back at the begining for nonacademic reasons.

1 mom found this helpful

My son will be 5 in April and he is going to preschool another year. I had a conference with his teacher yesterday and she said he could go to kindergarten in the fall but feels he would benefit another year of preschool (which is what we decided on anyway) due to his maturity. Academically he is ready to go but we don't think he is emotionally ready. My daughter has a May birthday and we sent her when she was 5. I wish we would have held her another year.

1 mom found this helpful