Anyone Have a Work-a-holic Husband?

Well first off, yeah he is working too much! Aside from that, it sounds like you two have a good marriage. The fact that he is worried about you getting home on time, that you have no concern about him cheating, those are both great signs that this is not a lethal issue. I was thinking about how he said he wanted to go to work on the holiday when he could work without interruption. I know the higher up you go in a company the more your time is not your own. I wonder if he is pulled from work so much for meetings etc. that he has just developed a habit of really getting down to work late in the day. And it could be just that, a bad habit that he knows he should change but you guys are just hanging in there and so it hasn't come to his attention just how bad this is for you. I think that sitting him down to talk about it when you aren't mad is probably the way to go. And tell the truth, even if you know it might sort of hurt him to know that you feel overlooked or forgotten or even rejected at times, you know whatever it is that just really gets you about all this. I know that men can be so logical, but this is a heart issue for you. You want to see your husband, for him to choose you and your kids over his job yet you appreciate the work he does and how he contributes to the family. Anyway, my vote is talk straight with him about your feelings, reaffirm your love for him and see about making a realistic goal like 6pm or something. You know a time that can be attainable for him and acceptable to you. Hang in there and give him a little time to fix it, it didn't get like this in a day so it may take a little while to get straightened out. Have a great day, it's summer time so hopefully that means some time off for you in the near future!

Yes, I have a recovering work-a-holic husband.
I know exactly what you are going through. It is so lonely. I also think that talking to him is a good idea-when the topic is cold. I know that you are sure that he is not cheating with another woman, but he is cheating with his job. His job is taking away from his family. If it continues your marriage will suffer. I would try to explain it from the angle that you want to be as big a part of his life as his job is. I had to keep reminding my DH. I know that they feel like they are taking care of thier family by working so much, but the kids won't even know them at this rate.
They are good men and mean well, but it can be a lonely existance. He is probebly pretty lonely also.
It took my DH finding another job to break the cycle and start fresh. His co-workers had already pegged him for the "go-to-guy" = the one to dump the work on. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.

Hi J.,

I am too have a work-a-holic husband. I'd call him everyday at 5:00pm when I leave work and he would tell me that he's going to wrap up and leave soon. I picked up the kids and my husband would call around 5:30pm to let me know that he needed to send out this one important e-mail and he'd leave...6:00, 6:15, 6:30...I started getting frustrated and called him. Yes, he's still at work. He didn't get home till 7:00pm or later (his office is about 15-20 mins drive). I'd always get so mad at him for his "wrapping up", "one last e-mail", "one important call", "two seconds"...I either gave him cold sholder or raise my voice at him for leaving me with the kids and do everything else. I got so sick and tire of him coming up with work related reasons. Things seem to get worse everyday. Then it comes the day that I opened up my heart and talked to him. English is not my first language so I had a hard time expressing my feeling to him. But I did my best. We agreed on planing a routine. I told him that I appreciated that he provided the family financially. However, I expected him to be a dad and a husband as well. I asked him to help me before he goes to work and asked him to leave work on time to help me with the kids 2 days a week. He can work as late as he wants 2 days a week. And we take turn going out with friends on Friday. He could work if he wants but I still get to go out on my Friday and he has to take care of the kids. He just started his new job yesterday. I've told myself not to expect too much from him until he adjusted to his new responsibility. It's getting too long. The bottom line is tell him how you feel and ask him whether or not he'd like to help you make a daily routine.

Hope that help.
P.

My dh works a lot too, but we have 5 kids!! He would sometimes work longer if he thought we would get into a disagreement/fight so he would stay away. It sounds to me like you are not always creating an environment that he would want to be in. You complain that he is not doing things, etc. I understand; I would feel the same way. But you must come up w/another way of approaching him. Thank him that he is a hard worker, but you need some of his time too.

I suggest taking dates at least 2x a month (no kids). My dh and I started doing this in March. Our marriage has turned around. We were constantly arguing. Now, he wants and looks forward to going out w/me and he even spends more time w/the kids too. I have special going out dresses. We both look forward to our time together. Sometimes, we don't go anywhere; we stay home. Make sure you are being creative so you don't get bored. Going to the movies every time isn't what I'm talking about!

If you need any ideas, just contact me!

Blessings,
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com

My husband works alot too. He services oil rigs so he travels all over the world but most of the time he works at a shop building panels and etc for the rigs. He usually works long hours. He is supposed to work from 7 am - 4 pm but rarely does he get off at 4. It is very lonley with him being gone so much but I try to keep myself busy.

I have a boyfriend like that. We have been together for 3 years now. I understand having to work and to have to work alot of hours sometimes....BUT there has to be some time for R & R at one point or the other!! I don't suspect that he is with any woman or anything like that either. He just seems to have very out of whack priorities !! Makes me nuts ! He had been by himself for the most part since he had divorced in 1990. We don't have children together though. Sometimes I wonder about this relationship.