Any Other Moms Out There Having "TEEN" Issues???

I wish I could say that I understand parenting a teen, but I am just starting out! I do, however, have a little experience in that I am a high school teacher & have coached high school sports for the last 6 years, not to mention that I still haven't had my 10 year high school reunion (so I'm a little young too)...
I liked the idea of approaching the issue from a positive angle to maintain a good relationship, I have tried in my classroom both positive and negative incentives for good behavior...it depends on the kid, and you have to be creative. Do they have a job yet? Maybe you might consider a "real-world" simulation (I believe The Cosby Show did an episode like that with Theo)...they have to pay for privileges with good behavior & good grades (or even a source of income if they work or get an allowance). Decide what each luxury would cost (cell phone, computer, car). If they break curfew, they are late. If they were at a job, their pay would be docked and eventually they would be fired (i.e. NO income). They earn this "income" by completing chores, doing other chores outside their responsibility, good grades, etc. I helped my dad try something like this for my brother who was the same way 2-3 years ago. I was his landlord and his boss & he learned real fast how difficult the real world was. I remember catching him fudge his timecard - he got docked his pay & couldn't pay for many utilities or groceries that week. He never considered doing that again. He actually graduated high school, went to trade school, and is living like a responsible adult (well, as responsible as a 19-year-old boy can be) who is providing for himself, and even managing his money well enough to save a good chunk for future issues!
I know I am not an authority, by any means & I know being a parent is MUCH more different than being a teacher...but I hope I was able to offer a little insight!

oh Leila this is a tough time! I've heard that it sometimes works better to reward good behavior instead of just punishing bad-- so if they come home on time one night, maybe they get the cell phone back? I know it seems crazy to reward them for the things they /should/ be doing anyway, but I've heard that this will change your relationship from an adversarial one to a partnership. Also, remember that it is your JOB to keep them safe through these crazy years-- they may be mad at you now, but they'll be glad later that you set and held firm boundaries.
Good luck!
S. W.

I feel your pain on the teen issues. My biggest is the grades she doesnt seem to care at all. i can take everthing away and it doesnt seem to help. I guess all we can do is hope what they have learned from us some how is stuck in there subconsince and will keep them on track enough to keep or worrys small.

Regarding teen issues. I have a 17 year old boy (senior in HS-yikes), so I am familar with the attitude issues and trying to keep them on a productive path. I learned an approach at a parent workshop a few years back that has worked for us and that we continue to remind our teen about. It requires the teen to meet three primary responsibilities - 1) do your best at school (A's and B's for us), 2) have a good atitude (for us that means participating in family activities without being sullen and withdrawn, being polite, etc.), and 3) obey the rules (which is no drinking, drugs, following curfew, etc.). We have been clear with him that if he follows through on these three primary responsibilites, he gets our trust and full privileges of going out with his friends, driving the car, getting money for the movies, etc. When he starts to slack on these three core responsibilites, we discuss it, and take away privledges until he is back on track. I think it helps that he knows what his responsibilites are and there are consequenses if he doesn't meet them.
Hope this is helpful.

Hi I have 4 children 2 of them are all moved out but the 2 that are still at home are 16 year old twins one boy and one girl.I think with teens one of the most important things to do is to let them know that you are there and always will be there for them and be their friend and not just mom. Also try to understand where they are comming from because we were all teens at one time.I think when both parents work our children somehow get put on the back burner, spend more time with them.

The best of luck A..R

Hi, I don't have teens but I feel like I remember what it feels like to be one of them. It's tough being a teen and trying "figure out who you are" and all that. I don't know your religious background but I often wonder how different my life would have been had I known God as a child and teen. Something to fall back on for moral guidance and such. Just a thought.Good luck and God Bless

just take it 1 day at a time just maybe u could sit them down and have a good talk with them let them tell u what might b bothering them they will grow up

Raising teens is a 'battle of the minds'. They want you to think they don't care what you take from them because they know that if they show no reaction, you'll think it doesn't work. Also I've learned that what works with one may not work with the other... I could take video games from my son but my daughter couldn't care less about that so she had to lose her cell phone. My son spent a good part of his childhood writing sentences -- he HATED that and it always improved his behavior -- not to mention he now has beautiful handwriting! LOL

Not sure if this helps, but remember that every teenager loses their mind around 12 and doesn't get it back again until around 18 or so (sometimes even later). Teach them what you can and hopefully the important stuff will still be with them when their mind returns.