39 answers

Any Other "Co-sleeping" Children?

My children have always been very close. They hardley fight and everyone always told me "just wait, they will". Well, at 5 and 9 they are still like PB&J. Anyhow, my daughter(9) has a king sized bed so when we have guests they can stay in there and she stays on one of the bunks in my son's room. But most nights he sleeps with her in her bed. If I tell him he has to sleep in his room he does without argument, but given the choice they always choose to sleep together. I have gotten a little flack about how appropriate it is to have boy/girl sleeping togehter, blah, blah. I disagree (obviously) but I wonder if I am in the minority. I am just wondering if any other parents allow this. I told my daughter she could decide when she needed privacy and she hasn't decided that yet so I figured I would just let them do it until they decided otherwise. I am curious about opinions out there.

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So What Happened?™

I really appreciate all the positive (and few negative) responses to my children co-sleeping. As their mother I feel it is in no way harmful and there are many benefits to their relationship and security. I was really happy to hear many people agree and give me some constructive responses to people who approach me in a negative way about it. Thank you all.

Featured Answers

I would not worry at all!!! I believe that they will do it on their own once they are a tad older!!! You will see... meanwhile enjoy this because it will be gone in a blink of an eye!!! Love, G.. :0)

1 mom found this helpful

I totally agree with you, and I say let them sleep together if that what they want to do. How lucky you are to have two kids that get along so well! I'm envious!

1 mom found this helpful

My boy is 5 months old and my girl is 2. I hope when they are that age they will bunk together if given the choice. This is not a situation of "a boy and a girl sleeping together" This is brother and sister. Family. I think it's wonderful they are so close. Throughout their lives I think they are lucky because they always got eachother.

1 mom found this helpful

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I would not worry at all!!! I believe that they will do it on their own once they are a tad older!!! You will see... meanwhile enjoy this because it will be gone in a blink of an eye!!! Love, G.. :0)

1 mom found this helpful

Hi K.!
Good for you!
How awesome that your daughter and son are so close. I hope mine will be as well.
My daughter and son share a room, only my daughter is in bed with my husband and I a lot still (2.5 years) and my son (6 months) is in the crib all night, but if/when he starts waking in the night we will bring him in bed with us, and when we have a more spacious home or when we get rid of the crib, we'll buy a bed that they can both fit in and my guess is that they will be in bed together to cuddle and feel safe and secure and before I know it, my daughter will be 9 and I'll be asking the same question you are right now!
:)
I have a masters degree in clinical psych. and would say that developmentally, if your children feel safe and loved, then YEAH!!! They will be just fine!
:)
If your daughter is still okay with her little brother being close, awesome. And she may be okay with it forever.
Privacy shmimacy, right?
She may go thru moodiness and times when she doesn't want him around, but she may go thru moodiness and be lonely sometimes and WANT him around, so as long as you help him understand boundaries, it's all good.
Sometimes he may be sad if she isn't wanting to cuddle, but if you and your husband are always the back-ups, then he won't feel so alone if he gets shunned or sent away from her.
Maybe it's because i have my little boy in my lap right now that I am being sensitive to his feelings and what may happen, but it sounds like you are teaching your daughter to stand her ground and state her needs, and that is perfect.............
so my 2 cents is:
KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!
You are doing AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
S.
El Segundo, CA
____@____.com

1 mom found this helpful

I only have one two-year-old daughter, but I think it's beautiful that your two children like sharing a bed. Leaving it up to your daughter is wise; once she's uncomfortable with it (I give it a year - two tops!), then it will stop. Enjoy their precious innocence while you can!

1 mom found this helpful

HI, Co sleeping is so natural in other country's! America is so segreagated.
My kids are 4 & 7 brother and sister and they LOVE to sleep together in fact I think they sleep better together. My husband I tend to fall asleep when reading to our kids and end up sleeping next to one of them. When my children are out in public , or a group gathering they socialize with the adults as well as the kids, they don't cling to our laps.I believe part of that comes from being well nurtered at home, they feel safe. I mean come on does it really make sense that that we MOm & DAD grown adults sleep together in the other room and we say good night kids sleep ALONE in ur BIG dark room Sweet DreaMS> NO NO NO Tell ur friends to braoden their horizons....with that said they'll grow older and sleep alone, for now let them be comforted kids! K.

1 mom found this helpful

I have 4 kids and the oldest 3, all 2 years apart are very close. My son is the oldest, 8 and he has a queen bed for the same reason your daughter does. My girls 6 & 4 love it when we allow them all to sleep together. We found though, that they ended up playing more than sleeping, so we only allow them to sleep together on the weekends or make it a special "sleep-over."
We did have to go over some rules though, as a few years ago they became curious with one another. We no longer let them bathe together and they change in their own rooms. As long as they can respect one another and know that they can have provacy when they want it, go for it!
I think it is beautiful when kids get along and are close!

1 mom found this helpful

you know your children better than anyone else. If you think they are better off, then they are!!!!!
Never question your parenting. That is when you will make mistakes.

1 mom found this helpful

You go girl!!! That's how I grew up, partially because we didn't have the money and partially because my brother was my protector. Even when I didn't feel good it was always ok -until he got to an age that wasn't "cool" :P - to share a bed.
Anyhoo, I did/do co-sleeping with my sons and I think it helps make them more secure.

If your 9 yr. old daughter is ok with it and you are then thats all that matters. Whats right for one isn't always right for another!!!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY!!!

1 mom found this helpful

My children are three and four and they do everything together. I think you should allow them to continue to sleep together as long as they are behaving. My children sleep together every night. I just make my kids change in another room and they do not take a bath together any more. They are very curious so I thought it best to seperate them already when they are not dressed. I just hope that my children stay as close for as long as your children have. Consider yourself blessed and those who do not agree with you probably just secretly wish their children would be that close.

1 mom found this helpful

My middle two (a daughter who is now 10 and a son who is 8) co-slept with each other from the time they left my bed at about age 3 and 5- until last year when my daughter decided she wanted her own room. If they are both happy with it- I say keep it up- I would just make sure they know they can get privacy when / if they want it!

1 mom found this helpful

I totally agree with you, and I say let them sleep together if that what they want to do. How lucky you are to have two kids that get along so well! I'm envious!

1 mom found this helpful

I think it is great that your children are that close to eachother. I use to all ways want to sleep with my older sister too. As far as the boy girl thing I dont think that is really an issue till puberty kicks in. I bet when your daughter is about 12 or 13 she will start wanting her own space. Your son may have a rough time with it but I am sure he will get over it. Good luck to you and great job on raising two happy kids!

1 mom found this helpful

My boy is 5 months old and my girl is 2. I hope when they are that age they will bunk together if given the choice. This is not a situation of "a boy and a girl sleeping together" This is brother and sister. Family. I think it's wonderful they are so close. Throughout their lives I think they are lucky because they always got eachother.

1 mom found this helpful

I only have one daughter and a step-daughter so far, but I can tell you from my own experience... I grew up with a brother three years younger than me. Whenever we travelled we always had to share a bed, and while I never really wanted to only because he kicks a lot, we continued to share a bed under various circumstances until we were basically grown-ups. To this day he is my best friend, and I think we are both the better for our closeness with our adult relationships. I think our culture sometimes gets a little over zealous about the need to separate boys and girls, why make something wonderful and totally appropriate strangely taboo or sexualized. In my opinion let your kids continue to be close and skip worrying about people's weird issues... noone would question their sharing a bed if they were sisters or brothers, why should it be any different with boy/girl siblings. Good luck.

How wonderful your children are so close! You must have a very nurturing family! Remind yourself that in many countries, entire families sleep in the same room. Attribute it to different culture or economic need but if you look at the world as a whole, having kids sleep in separate rooms is more unique than the norm. We have been co-sleeping with our son. When we tried to get him in a separate room, my parents thought it was cruel (maybe that's too strong of a translation) to put him so far away. Now his crib is in our room. I know I have wonderful memories growing up of sharing a room with my family - my brother and I were not PB&J but we are very close as adults. :)

It seems OK to me. I would guess that they will feel differently at some point, but until then it should be fine.

All human beings have a natural need and desire to sleep close to someone else. We are one of the only cultures that pushes our children away from us starting at birth in the name of "independence", so it makes it feel like something lik ethis is actually unnatural or questionable. We are also one of the only cultures that has felt the need to recognise "sleep experts" (I get a great laugh at that). If your children are able to set their own boundaries and speak up for themselves without fear and they still CHOOSE to sleep close together, why would you wnat to interfere? I am a preschool teacher too, so we both know that this is empowering to them and builds on a secure attachment. I think that it will be easy to tell if it ever becomes awkward or inappropriate! I would also assume that before that ever had a chance to happen, they will choose thier own privacy.
good for you for being a good mom and allowing the kind of closeness that more siblings could have if only our society fostered it.
By the way, we share a family bed. I wouldnt want it any other way. We are all very close to one anohter as well. My kids are very secure, confident and independent as a result.

They're your kids! Tell the others to mind their own business. Your kids are happy, you're happy, you're husband is happy so why change? My little sister and I slept in the same bed until I was a teenager and told her find a new bed! Just be cause they are boy/girl doesn't matter. If you were worried about anything unsavory it would be different. It sounds like you are very fortunate! Good luck and remember, do what works for your family. You're the ones that have to sleep at night with your decisions. Literally!

Looks like you are so not in the minority and more to the middle of the bell curve!

As your children get closer to pre-pubescence (your daughter is getting closer), then that could be problematic and probably best at that point that they sleep in separate beds. Also the fact that her bed is a king sized bed seems more appropriate. If they were squeezing into a twin-sized bed, I'd start to think it's time to separate them now. You know your children better than others, follow your own gut, I say!

S.

You're in the minority...at the far end of the bell curve.

I think this is definately not appropriate. but that is just my opinion. ultimately you have the say on what goes on with your children, you are the mommy!!!!!! I respect your decision, but I definately dont agree.

My son and daughter didn't stop sleeping together every night until my son was 13. Then it was every once in awhile. I didn't encourage or discourage their sleeping together and it took care of itself. They are now 17 and 21 and are very close. I have NEVER seen them get into a fight or arguments. Although my daughter says they do disagree from time to time. They still sleep together once in a blue moon, when they are watching T.V., playing video games or studying together in the same room. Children Co-Sleeping is really No Big Deal.

Only my youngest is at home now, and at 13 is still sleeping in my bed. His autism went from moderate-severe to almost normal & high function. and I think it because he feels very secure sleeping with another warm body and good rest = a better change of brain and body healing. If my grandkids visit, they all want to sleep in my bed with me, sometimes up to 5 kids at a time! They love it, sleep well and no tears, no fears. In summer, I just set up a tent in the backyard and we are all in there and they love it. Attachment parenting & co-sleeping is growing in popularity. don't let anybody tell you what is wrong when in your gut you feel it is right. Join a support group like ____@____.com there might be one or so on googlegroups too. In this day and age of child abductions even from their own beds, children need to feel safe, and sleeping alone doesn't accomplish this. Alone children have more nightmares. (so do parents!)

My children are a bit younger than yours - my son is 7 and my daughter is 4. We practice the family bed and have (just the beginning of this month) been working to transition both our older children out of our bed. We also have a toddler and it's just getting a bit cramped. My daughter has a full size bed. My husband works nights so all three kids begin the night in our bed and when they are asleep, I move the two older ones into the bed in my daughter's room. We have a toddler bed in our room which is what we used to move our son out a couple of years ago (he was being moved to his own bed in his own room) but my daughter never took to the toddler bed so we figured let's just try moving her directly to her room with her brother as a bed buddy. It's worked well. I have no idea how long they will share a bed - eventually I'll want to have them sleeping in their own beds but for now it works well. My logic is this: Mum & Dad sleep together so why should we expect our young ones to sleep alone? My 7 year old has autism and is actually behind his sister developmentally so in my case, that will affect how my son feels about sharing a bed with his younger sister. I hope that in a year or so, they are both sleeping in their own beds but if they aren't it won't bother me one bit. I think you handled it well - your daughter has the right to say "Ok, I know brother wants to continue but I really want my own space" but if they are both happy with the arrangement, unorthodox though it may seem to many families, I think it's fine. Your children have a need to be together and I think it's sweet, probably helps them to bond and may very well lay a good foundation for a loving sibling relationship. Good for you for letting them do what feels right for them!

You might want to check the mattress from the bunk beds. Most of time they are VERY uncomfortable.

When my boys had their bunk beds they wanted to sleep in our bed or the floor...

Needless to say you need to get a new mattress for your sons bed or buy some mattress covers with extra thick padding.

We may be in the minority, but we are not alone. I have two children boy (3) & girl (5), they are also extremely close. I generally don't allow them to sleep together only because they play instead of sleep. Given the choice they would definitely sleep together. I grew up with a pretty large group of children and we often had to share sleeping space. I know quite a bit of people who grew up sharing sleep space and nobody really cared. I know that in these cases we didn't have a choice and you (I) do have that choice, but I honestly believe that the children will know when they are ready not to share. I'm more afraid that pulling my children apart will cause them to believe that there is something wrong with being close to their sibling. Maybe you can tell your critics, the same thing I do, I believe it will foster a stronger family bond that seems to be lacking in today's society.

I think it is totally fine! I had an older brother and we shared a room for many years during our early childhood. We had bunk beds, so didn't actually share one bed, but I think if it works for your kids- great! I am now the mother of two boys, so my situation is a little different, but if they want to sleep together I certainly let them without a moments thought. Why should it be any different for a brother and a sister?

I think it's really h ealthy for children to be together. In our culture we do all kinds of weird things, one of which is to put stuff on our kids that appears to be about sex, which is really our own hang ups.

At 9, your daughter has probably not gone through puberty and is probably not aware of the rammifications of sleeping with a boy. And I say let them do it. I allow my son to stay with his friends - boys and girls - and they sleep in the same bed and have had no issues.

Children need affection, they need peer affection and relationships and it's very healthy for people to be connected.

Trust your daughter to know what's best for her. Allow her to make the decisions that she thinks best - it's hte best gift you can give a kid.

I'd love to hear how it goes.

I think it's great that your kids get along so well. But I think they are a approaching the age where it's probably time to start having them sleep separately. I shared a room with my brother but we had bunk beds so weren't in the same bed. But when we approached about 7 or 8 (we are 18 months apart) my mom split us up. I think once you get to that age it's important to learn a little about privacy, especially between boys and girls.

If it's not an issue for either of them, why not just let them have their own space. Whatever you decide i'm sure will be best.

I don't feel like there's anything to worry about. This time will go by so fast in their lives that I think you should just let things happen as they will naturally. Eventually they won't want to sleep together. There's nothing weird about a 5 and 9 year old sibling pair sleeping together ;)!

I understand what you mean, as the Mom. Some states (I've heard) have age guidelines as to when opposite gender children should/must sleep independently and not "co-sleep" together. As you said, you told your daughter that "she" can "decide" when she needs privacy. HOWEVER, I do disagree with this, and I mean so in a kind way. A 5 year old is simply not old enough or mature enough in judgment to decide on her own, as to when "she" needs privacy in handling a 9 year old boy, even though it's her own brother. A 5 year old is not a "woman" and not a "teen" yet, and they still need guidance and parental intervention if need be. It is up to the Parent and the elder child, to understand and respect the gender maturity of each child. Boundaries have to be explained. Little girls need to understand as well. It is up to the Parent to look out for the stages and ages of appropriateness. Your girl is the younger child....she will just see her brother as just that- a brother....BUT, developmentally, your son is light years ahead... and even though they may be the most amiable and cooperative of siblings... I feel, that a little girl should have her own privacy with an older sibling at his age. It's just me. I"m not judging you, I know everyone is different... but that is what i feel. I think they should sleep separately. If your son or daughter grumbles, well, so be it. Personally, I wouldn't want an overly "dependent" sleeping arrangement to develop. Well, that's just my opinion. I really don't have a 100% solution and I"m sure others will have lots of other opinions...but the fact that you are wondering...perhaps in your gut, you may think it's not appropriate? Good luck though, and all the best.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

I lived in Thailand and Indonesia for many years and know that many local families there don't have the option of sleeping in separate beds or separate rooms. They all sleep together and are very close and secure because of it. Many other cultures do the same thing. I think you are right in giving your daughter the choice of not sleeping with her brother when she feels the need for more privacy. I'm sure this will naturally occur at puberty, if not before. Don't listen to other people's critisism. Listen to your heart and your gut... and your children. Only you are the Mother of your children and only you know what's best.

Dear K.,

I think that this is just making them closer and the bonding will last forever hopefully. Your daughter is close to you and will tell you when enough is enough. Also he might just get to think that he is more independent and say so too.

People just like to talk, and they do not have the deep involvement and committment that you do to your children. So do what you think is right, and never mind what 'they' say.

So there you are, another opinion from another age - I was born in 1931. Yessss !! Hooray !
Happy Thanksgiving weekend.
C. N.

Hi K.!
My son is 13 and my daughter is 5 and they are co-sleepers too! We only have a 2 bedroom apartment so it is out of necessity. Although, when we had 3 bedrooms they ALWAYS slept either together or with me. I don't see ANYTHING wrong with it. They don't sleep with me anymore, but they will be co-sleepers as long as they're comfortable with it. They're very close siblings. I firmly believe that co-sleeping keeps them as bonded as they are.
I hope you receive more positive feedback. I know for some it's a big no no....but for us it works. I'm glad your children have a good relationship. May they continue to flourish!
L.

I, personally, feel that your response is completely reasonable and normal. As long as you don't find that their sleeping arrangement is causing any negative consequences (not sleeping, for instance), I don't see what is wrong with them sharing a bed. I think that it is a smart idea to leave it up to your daughter and her future need for more privacy (the day will come). My kids often sleep next to each other (bed & trundle) and, when I check in on them before I go to bed, they are holding hands (very cute). I think that this bond and the security they feel from it, is something that they are lucky to have.

I only have a 3yr old girl, but I think the your children's relationship with each other is great. I think our culture teen to isolate children to soon. We tend push every body in their own bed and room at an early age and think that is the right way to do it. Yes, sometimes privacy is nice, which your children have avialible to them, but don't force it on them. I think that since they are choosing to co-sleep it is okay. When your daughter gets older she may decide she wants to sleep alone, but you forceing them to sleep alone, would be like telling that their was something wrong with their relationship with each other. Right now as long as they are okay with it, its fine.

Just because you might be in the minority, it doesn't make it wrong. We co-sleep with our son and don't try to lie about it to anyone. It's hard being in the minority with parenting decisions but just keep doing what you know is best for your kids and family and if that works...then fine. I think they'll decide on their own when their ready for their own space.

My name is B. and i'm a mother of a four year old boy named Jovanni.I don't agree that them sharing a bed is wrong.If they were a little older like 9 and 14 then maybe i might understand people's objections.I have a special name for people who have sticks in their bottoms but i am too much of a lady to say it.Go with your instincs, if it feels wrong to you tell him he has to sleep alone.From what i can tell you don't have that feeling.Only you can know what's right for your children.I hope that helps

I have 2 girls, 6 and 3 and they share a room. Obviously, I don't have the gender issue that you have, but I wanted to say that sharing a room I think is totally cool until they don't want to anymore. I love hearing my girls chat and giggle until they fall asleep. I'm sure they will discuss more in depth stuff as they get older, but I know my older one really likes having that companionship at night. Maybe you could just put them in the same room with instructions to remain in their own beds if you feel it is getting to be a problem. It is better to be able to fall asleep on your own (that is what they say, right??)

I think it is fine. I stayed with my sister until I was 14. I know two girls sleeping together is not the same thing. But when she is ready she will let you know. If I had a daughter I would put her in the same room with my son. It only becomes UNappropiriate when parents make it out to be more than what it is. A very close bond between brother and sister. I think it is wonderful.

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