Any Ideas for Getting My Mother Out of the House!!!

Find a volunteer activity for her. Think of something she is good at -- like sewing, crafts, children, gardening... and then find a volunteer activity where she can put it to use. There are all kinds of websites devoted to finding ways you can volunteer. Then, after you do all the research, tell your mom... "Hey, I heard about this charity that is really in need of volunteers and it sounds like something you could really help with." Volunteering is great for people in a slump. It makes them feel so good about themselves.

I'm not sure if she works during the day, but I know our local MOPS group always needs volunteers to watch the kids for 2 hrs. She could check with her local MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group to see if they need volenteers.

meetup.com, evergreentravelclub.com, etc.

Hi N.,

It sounds as if your mom might be going through depression. I'd strongly suggest she see her family doctor and explain how she's feeling emotionally, as well as physically. Also, sunshine, and exercise have been shown to be extremely helpful in reducing depression.

Best of luck, S.

I agree with Sue, sounds like she is depressed, the fact you said she didn't have the energy or the will to help herself are sure signs. I would get her professional help. Trying to push her into do anything is just going to start resentment. I suffer from depression myself and I know that when people try to push me into doing anything, I bulk and get resentful, I just want to be left alone. Try getting her to talk to her doctor, sometimes short term medical help can do wonders.

Our church has a great JOY (just older youth) group that her generation is involved in. Do you have a church that offers the same fellowship? Good times!

S.

Please go to Landmarkeducation.com and check out the introduction to the Landmark Forum,register for it,and atttend the forum. This is an education in growth and development that allows you to have anything you want out of life. Although mother is 60 yrs old, it's possible to learn something new in her life. The forum has transformed many people's lives all over the country,including mine! There is also a 100% money back guarentee if she does not get it. I was at the end of my rope back in January of this year and was ready to give up on everything and continue to be miserable. This education allowed me to make some major changes in my life and inside of my head. I KNOW this will help. My mother is 66 years old and lost her husband to bone cancer 3 years ago and she became a vegetable. She took the Forum in March 0f 09, and now I can't keep up with her.Just check it out, Thank You and best wishes!! C.

One thing you may consider is to hire a companion who can visit with her and take her out to do things. Comfortkeepers or Visiting Angels offers companions who are background checked. Sometimes churches also offer companions. The cost is anywhere from $16 per hour to higher. My mom was lonely and bored until this year when I finally realized I could not get her motivated to do anything and with a family of my own, it was becoming burdensome. At first, I hired a companion for her and the companion was able to get my mom to go to bingo, senior activities, etc. My mother, however, needed more care, so I moved her this past May into American House. My mother loves it at American House. It's something down the road you may want to keep in mind since your mom lives alone. It's hard for you to keep her busy daily because you have a family of your own. My mom was not very social either, but since she has been at American House, she is much happier because she is busy and has companionship in the AH community. She socializes daily (I call her daily, but 9 times out of 10, I can't reach her because she's busy doing things). I never thought my mom would ever have enjoyed having a companion or American House, but I was wrong. I've learned from my experiences, that sometimes parents are more motivated by those who are not related to them.

M.

I second the senior/community center idea. My MIL plays bridge with other seniors at our community center twice a week and she really enjoys it. She "primps" before she goes making sure her hair looks good on those days, puts make-up on, etc. It's nice to see her out and about and I know she looks forward to it. Check into what might be available in her community and maybe go with her a time or two. Your local library may have activities also.

Regards, L.

Is there any local colleges or schools that have free classes for seniors? Sometimes renewing a hobby or even starting a new one helps. My mom took a computer class and knows more than I do. She took 3. In her 70's and now at 81 emails me all the time or plays games on the computer. She has gotten into genealogy too. Or what about her volunteering at a nursing home or at a hospital to help rock babies? She needs to do something importent and that is giving out
B. C

She might need someone to talk to about all the changes in her life... it's all part of the mourning process. I belong to a group called the "Stephen Ministries", it is a non-denominal christian group that basically confidentially visits 1:1 with a person in need just to lend an ear. You can probably read up on it at StephenMinistries.org but each participating church runs its own chapter based upon the main organization's guidance.

I say it's non-denominational, because it's spread throughout all christian based churches. Mine is Catholic. The founding minister is Lutheran. Make sense? Anyway, you do not need to be religious to seek help. And, it's not designed to recruit members, so don't worry. We had one care recipient who was Jewish, so again, we are just around to help. The only requirement is that your mom wants the visits :).

You can contact Stephen Ministries in St. Louis and ask them for care groups in your area & denomination. If you are around Plymouth, my group is within St. Kenneth on Haggerty. Or, you can write me back if you have more personal questions.

Hi N.,

Does she hava hobby she used to do but maybe gave up for lack of time years ago? My Mom went into a similar slump when she lost her job and moved in with her brother in Florida. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't watch tv, nothing until I asked her to make an afghan for her new grandson that was about to come into this world. That revived her and got her moving again. She loved to crochet. When she started moving a bit more I also got her on the computer everyday so I knew she was at least getting out of bed and chatting with someone. See if you can find a craft or something she would enjoy doing telling her you need it for someone or for a special occassion. One step at a time she will find her nitch. Don't let her go on too long, though. It's been 3 years as you said. That's long enough to sit around and do nothing. If she won't get into doing something she enjoys then you need to get her in to see someone to get on some anti depressants. Does she have any friends around she hasn't talked with in awhile? Maybe a phone call from them and a "let's go out to dinner" amy help, too. She may be craving company from others her own age. Check into seeing if there might be a seniors center around that she could go to and meet people, too, or even a church she might want to ty attending. There's got to be something.

Good luck - S.

N.; yes, give her your boys? ahahah well not give but let them go over there more often, have you involved in your kids, if they are in day care, fine, or in school give them time like once a week or on weekends to stay with grandma, or be with grandma or buy them a toy that grandma has to help them with, or play with them with it, or take them to the park, take advantage of her and let her be more of a grandma, i dont know if you do this, and she may be plum tired out from life, it should pass in time, take her shopping ? go to park with her with the boys? have the boys ask her to come out and play ? just be happpy and enjoy each other , ask her to help you plan a party ? or can the boys have a party at her house ? or can she take them to the movies, just invilve her in their lives should help her, a little bit, also she may also be depressed about the divorce, this can go on a long time, figure out what she likes to do and buy her some craft material, just be a happy loving family is all she may need, and she may just want to be left alone for a time too, talk to her and find out what she is willling to do if anything if not, she is a big girl, and you cant force her, so hang in there, and keep yourself happy, and maybe she too will be happy , D. s

Maybe you two could take a class together. Find something that she's interested in like cooking, art or knitting. When I first moved to Michigan I signed up for a knitting class and met some of the greatest people I still get together with regularly.

What about the Red Hatters Socity? My best friends mom was part of that before she passed away this summer. She loved it!! They would get together and do different things, it was for women only over the age of 55 I think. Even though you can join at any age...your "a lady in waiting". She had so much fun and we did to hanging out with them when we would crash the party's! There are many chapters around, you just have to find a chapter in your area. Also what about taking a class? Many communites do panting, swimming, dance classes... many things like that. Or hospitals are always looking for for help! She could help out a few days a week at a hospital or even a school. You can google things to do in your area. I did that for a friend of mine who has moved and was wanting to meet new moms. I found a great group for her to join! You could start going to a class with her if she doesn't want to start by her self, then maybe she could meet some new people and start a new chapter in her life:)

Well, if she was always a "care giver" type person, try playing that card. I mean, maybe if someone "needs" her, like she could volunteer at the nursing home, or maybe be the cookie giver at the red cross. have you checked into the area's senior center? That's what helped my grandmother. Made some good friends, and played cards.

Hi N.,

My ideals for getting your mom out of the house are to try a seniors group. Perhaps at a church or community center in your area.

Hope this helps,

J. L.

Just be there for her, but she may need to talk with a counselor to assist. If she will not leave the house, see if you can find someone that will visit her (and has good recommendations, of course.).
Don't push it too much as that can force someone to stay in their shell. If you know of her interests - join her with some of them at her home and then branch out with others of the same. I know for myself, I become overly anxious at the thought of being around too many people at one time and I do not like it. A large group may dissuade her so start smaller with you, your kids and her and then more family (if possible). Do it at her home. Bring the joy back in that way by showing her that her home can have the happiness it had.

Joy is possible if the right steps are taken.

Have you tried a local Senior Center? My dad is involved in the Hartland Senior Center and they do alot of fun things.

There are many women in the senior centers too, if that would make her feel more comfortable.

Not sure where you live, but a lot of the community centers have free activities for seniors. So depending on what she likes, I'm sure you could find a whole bunch of free classes, sewing, cooking, volleyball,drawing, card games, and senior trips seem to always be happening at the community centers too. You could probably go pick her up and bring her a couple times. Good luck

Hello N., I've been in your mothers shoes. She just needs time and understanding. She finally is at a place in her life where she no longer has to answer to any one. I relished in the fact that I no longer had to cook, clean, entertain, etc., anyone but myself. I could watch what I wanted on tv, eat what I was in the mood for. It was a first in my life as before everyone came before me. Offer to walk with her once a day, or 3 times a week. Involve her in your son's lives. Don't put any demands on her, or lecture her on how she should be living her life. She is an adult, in her right mind, and can do what ever she wants for the first time in her life. Simply respect that and you will start to see a change in her. Help her get into her own place so that she does not need to stress about yard work, home repairs and such. Are money issues a problem? There are subsidized apartments available for the elderly. Hope this helps. Good luck.