Any Experience with Adopting a Child?

We were a couple who married a bit after most people, as I was a missionary plus my husband and I had never met the right "other half" sooner. Anyway, when we found that a child was not forthcoming (and we never have been permitted to have biological children), I was devastated and we became foster parents (and were for 7 years). During that time we searched adoption, though we knew little about it. Now we have adopted 4 different times and in as many different ways and our children are 12,8,5, and 15 months. That topic lies close to our hearts, as there are soooo many dear little ones out there needing a home and family. My heart aches for them and wish I could take in a lot more to add to our family!

However, comparing them to biological children can be wise or unwise at the same time. A biological child would no doubt have been conceived drinking, drug, and smoke free, wheras these can all add up to problems as the child grows up. Many of the children who come free for adoption (and we are thinking of going through the process once again) have been born into a very dysfunctional family with physical, mental, and emotional baggage, also depending on what age they arrive at the adoptive home.

Our oldest son came as a 15 mo. old foster baby--cute as could be. We now realize that he could have RAD, FAE, and perhaps autism. You should educate yourself on the many different types of problems that could stem from adopting before you decide that it is for you. We love our children dearly, but adopted children may come with also a set of baggage that a biological child doesn't have, due to lifestyle differences.

Let me tell you that the international children many times develop social problems as they get older because of RAD (reactive attachment disorder). Having been in an orphanage and not had the nurturing and care necessary, as I had mentioned earlier, the precious ones need a whole heap of care that most people aren't prepared and educated to give and many times as the child grows, the parents have to relinquish them for another family to adopt. Even domestic children can have RAD, which I feel contributes to some of the baggage that our son has, who came to us as a foster child.

If you would like to write me offline my e-mail address is ____@____.com I would love to talk more to you.
Martha

1 mom found this helpful

As I sit here with my two beautiful daughters, 6 months apart.....

My youngest was adopted. We brought her home when she was 4 months old, my oldest was just 10 months old. There is no doubt in my mind, heart, soul that she was intended to be anywhere but in this family. She is bi-racial, her features are a bit different but she belongs here, as we belong to her.

Adoption is scary, the classes and process are heartbreaking and joyful at the same time. You will hear stories of abused, abandoned children, famlies torn apart, death, and sadness. Some children never get adopted and live "in the system" until they are on their own at 18.

If you are interested, start the process. It took 2 years for that wonderful call about my youngest. You can always stop, take a breath and move forward or stop. They are just innocent children looking and waiting for love.

My experience has been wonderful. I was blessed with two perfect little girls. They both came to me in different ways, one naturally and the other naturally meant to be.

Good luck and follow your heart.

1 mom found this helpful

Next Wednesday I am adopting a child for the first time. We did it through fostering him first. We had him since December. My questions is financially can you afford an internationa adoption. It can be quite a penny. When our adoption is all said and done it will cost no money out of our pocket. We dont have to worry about the finacial part of is we just get to enjoy our new little guy. Fostering can be scarey because you have the chance of them getting reunited with the birth family. We were very fortunate, but I just look at it as helping out a child. There are so many children in the united states that need a family. Why go over seas when you can help out a child in your area. If you have any questions about foster care or anything else just please write and if I dont have the answer I can get it from our case worker.

I'm adopted (nationationally), and my sister has adopted four children from Russia and Lithuania. I would be glad to chat with you about her experiences, or I'm sure she would be glad to give you insight into her journey.

I am the proud mother of a 13 year old adopted Korean daughter and a 17 year old biological son. Both of my children are miracles. I went through 6 years of fertility treatments before I got pregnant with my son (while we were in the middle of adopting a sibling group). Then my hormones changed and I was unable to get pregnant so I had the wonderful experience of "giving birth" to my daughter. International adoption is full of pitfalls from paperwork stalling in court and immigration. We were fortunate that our wait from saying yes to adopting a child from Korea to her arrival was about 9 1/2 months- thus the giving birth part. Any adoption should trigger you examining thoroughly whether you can commit yourself wholeheartedly to the child you adopt. As one of the other mothers noted - most if not all children have some attachment disorders due to the separation from their birth parent. Their reactions can vary. Many times my other adoptive moms and I have noticed that it is always the moms who are the "bad guys" and nothing is ever said about the dad by the children. I had turbulent times with my daughter but I refused to give up on her and she is now an affectionate loving girl.

We adopted a six-month old little boy just over six years ago from Russia. I'd be happy to talk to you about our experience. You can also read my blog at www.mommyneedstherapy.com I can also put you in touch with a great listserv that deals with international adoption.

Feel free to email me with any questions at mommyneedstherapy @ gmail (dot) com

I am the cousin of 4 adopted children, 3 who come from the international sector. we are a very close family and I can say that transition for the kidos have/had been very easy. Much of this is due to the fact that they were adopted under the age of 1. 2 of the boys were adopted at the same time in a single trip to Ukraine, one was almost a year old at the time. The only thing that caused a minor blip is that they only understood Russian at that point. They were both non-verbal due to the group enviroment that they lived in and transitioned very easily. My Aunt and Uncle also saught the services of a local Ped who spoke Russian so the children would be put at ease during medical exams while they were young and still understood the language.

My female cousin is adopted from China. She joined us at around 6 months of age. The longest thing about international adoption is the get ready....and wait part. due to countries opening and closing adoptions to foreign countries is that you might have a date set, but you might have to totally change your plans based on that countries rules.

I have 4 wonderful family members who joined us from near, and far. They are unique persons who I can't imagine life without. My children are the same age as my first cousins. They love each other to distraction and have a great time playing together. I would encourage you to follow your heart and seek the council of a adoption agency to get more of the particulars that you requested here :) I just couldn't help not replying to you to let you know how positive it is to have my family in my life, no matter how they got here. Good luck in your journey!!!!

My friend recently adopted from Russia. Read her blog and story and see pix of the newcomer here:
http://www.webchrissy.com/

Good luck!!
K.

Adoption is a major part of our family/social circle. My little sister is adopted (33yrs ago), one of my neices placed a child for adoption (18yrs ago), we know seven other families that have adopted (all domestically) and we are approved for domestic adoption (which we will activate next year).

Ask tons of questions!!! Even though we knew alot from other families, we still learned the truth to many myths out there. I used to have a list of recommended books (Adoption Nation is one of them), but recently tossed the list. If you get rec's from others, and have time to read, please absorb as much as you can.

Our homestudy was the most involved piece, but we chipped away at it and it went fairly easily. Getting our fingerprints checked by the FBI was the longest (it took them 8wks to return them, saying they were smudged and illegible, so we had to do them again and wait another 8wks).

I'll be happy to share the name/info of the agency we're using, if you contact me privately. They're in CA, but have helped so many families in Western PA, that they have an annual reunion here and are opening another location here. I can't say enough good things about them, and neither could all 48 of their references that I called :)

Good luck!!!!!

WHAT BEAUTIFUL STORIES FROM ALL OF YOU!

Just wanted to wish you many blessings in your endeavor to love a child.

We adopted two years ago from Guatemala. Our daughter was eight months old when we brought her home and has adjusted very well (things were a little rocky right at first with a lot of crying, etc., but this improved before long as she got used to her new environment). She is now almost three and has had no significant physical or emotional problems so far, except for needing ear tubes because of fluid in her ears that impaired her hearing and speech development. But since getting the tubes put in and getting a year of speech therapy (free of charge through early intervention), she has completely caught up with and even surpassed the expected level of language development for her age. I'm glad to say that she seems to be a happy, healthy and well-adjusted little girl.

I should mention, though, that we were fortunate to be able to adopt from Guatemala under their former foster care system, which provided excellent family-based care for most children awaiting adoption and prevented many of the development problems that are sometimes encountered with children adopted from orphanages. Sadly, Guatemala's international adoption system has now been shut down due to incidents of corruption among adoption lawyers and facilitators under the old system, and no one knows if or when it may reopen, or what the new system may look like if it does. This example illustrates the important point that if you are considering international adoption, you need to carefully research the political climate surrounding adoptions in the country(ies) you are looking at, because a country may abruptly shut down or make major changes to its adoption system, and prospective adoptive parents can have their ongoing adoption processes disrupted and suffer a lot of heartbreak and financial loss as a result. Not to scare you, but this is definitely a risk associated with international adoption. Also, it is important to research your prospective agency, since there are wide variations in ethical standards, client interaction standards, and financial stability between agencies.

Feel free to write to me if you have other questions I might be able to help with.

I don't have any experience adopting a child, but a good friend does. She just adopted a little girl from Ethiopia in August. You can try reading her blog, which talks about Noemi's transition to living with her new family... http://robertswitmer.blogspot.com/

I'm sure if you contact her through her blog, she might be able to provide some suggestions for good books and websites to read about the adjustment...

Good luck to you!!