Anxiety and Repeat C-section

I also had an emergency c section with my first (after an extremely long labor & 3 hours of pushing with no results), and you are right it is extremely traumatic, disappointing, and was a very difficult recovery.

Baby #2 was 21 months later, and the difference was night and day. The recovery was sooo much easier, and this time I had a better idea of what to expect. Being prepared helped me feel more relaxed.

I made sure there was someone with me all day at the hospital to help out with my oldest, because she was there all day until bedtime. I had packed her activity & snack bags to keep her entertained, and she napped in the fold out chair for dad. At bedtime my mom took her to my house to sleep, and she brought her back as soon as she woke up in the am. This was great for me and helped her really be involved as a big sister, rather than feeling left out.

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I wish I had more to tell you- I never had a C, but with my 2nd birth I also had a lot of anxiety about leaving my older daughter home. She had never spent a single night away from me (and we co-slept, so she had spent every single night in my bed) and she had never really been watched by anyone else even during the day. That for me was the worst part- thinking about leaving her, especially to go do something that would completely change her world. I think what helped was just talking to other people who had a second one, and just realizing that in the grand scheme of things, this would be just a short time away, just a blip on her radar screen. That and the fact that I was going to have no other choice!!

I prepared my daughter a lot- she came with me to the birth center for all my prenatal appt's so that she would know that's where I would be when the time came. Every time we went I explained to her again that Mommy and Daddy would come by ourselves to have the new baby and that she would be staying at home, probably with Gramma or with our neighbors. On the day of the birth, we ended up leaving right before her bedtime, and she waved to us from the porch with my mother-in-law. I couldn;t believe how easily she said goodbye. My mother-in-law slept with her that night and said she woke up a few times, but her gramma told her, "Mommy is at the birth center having the baby" She was fine with it, and that happened the second night I spent away too.

I guess what i'm saying is that I was amazed at how my daughter coped, even though, like I said, she had been with me every single night of her life. I know that having a C section is much more intense with more recovery time, so that might be difficult. I think the best thing I did was just to prepare my daughter well, and just do my best to get over my anxiety by frankly just realizing that I had no choice but to be away and give birth to the baby!

Sorry if this doesn' help you at all, I just thought I'd pass along my own experience. i wish you the BEST of luck.

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C sections are not necessarily pleasant, - but I think a planned C-section is easier than an emergency C-section. I'm saying that because I have had both. It sounds as though your second is going to be planned. I was in tears when my planned natural delivery fell through, but I had to, or my child would have died.

Yes, it's not pleasant to be numbed from the breasts downward, but it wears off and everything ends up fine. Yea, it's painful, but our bodies heal. Just trust in your body's ability to heal itself and try to center yourself and pray to God.

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Have you considered having a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean)? I've had a C-section & then VBAC with my 2nd, & the recovery was much faster with VBAC, which allowed me to care for my toddler sooner than I would have otherwise. The risk of uterine rupture with VBAC is less than 1% so it is actually safer than C-section. Of course, it depends on the reason you had C-section in the 1st place, but most women are good candidates for a VBAC. If your provider is not suppportive, it is NEVER too late to switch. You need to do what is best for you & your unborn baby. The International Cesarean Awareness Network is a good place to start: http://www.ican-online.org/
It is going to be harder initially having 2 babies, but it gets better. I remember being so torn between a newborn & my son who was used to being an only child. I had my mother-in-law & my husband (he was at home for 2 months) occupy him (taking him to parks, to the mall, giving him a bath, reading him books, etc.) while I was busy taking care of the newborn. First 6 weeks are the hardest & then you develop a workable routine. I was trying to do it all - be with my toddler son, bond with the new baby, & recover from birth. It is impossible to do it all, so I burned out. Just accept that for a few weeks you won't be able to give your son the same amount of attention & that's OK. It doesn't make you a bad parent. You need to take care of yourself 1st. Once you heal, you'll make it up to him.
Freeze a few meals & make sure the pantry is well stocked with various foods/snacks. Write down your son's day routine - wake up, what to eat for breakfast, nap & how to put him to sleep, etc. - all in detail, so the person taking care of him temporarily will know what to do.

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Ok.. I won't tell you that he will be fine.... but he really will IF you have someone that you trust to watch him. Usually most people feel more comfortable with their own mother keeping him at home in his own environment and that is usually more comforting. They will also let your husband bring him to the hospital to visit after the baby is born.
As far as the anxiety; I think that takes more practice to NOT have it. If I were you, I would tell my OBGYN and he/she could probably help whether it is things to try at home naturally or meds to help relieve the anxiety.
I don't know if this will help or not but every mother goes through this. It isn't just you. We all have felt the same tension and anxiety as you do. Sometimes it helps hearing that you are not alone. What I always did is just go with the flow, still worried but when time got here and I was in pain and needed to go to the hospital NOW, then I wasn't as likely to be thinking about anything else. The spinal thing is what most people get now days. It isn't dangerous and the doctors are so advanced that they are not gonna let anything happen to you. Women go through this every day. I don't know if it will help or not but sometimes just knowing that these doctors do this all day long every day and nothing bad ever happens.
When in bed, take deep breaths and when you notice you are thinking scary thoughts start making yourself think about something else that makes you smile. It just takes practive.
Good luck.

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Not being able to feel anything below your diaphram when having a c-section is a good thing. Do any of your family live nearby? Because you're going to need someone to watch your son while you deliver and recuperate in the hospital as well as help once you get home, unless your husband is taking a few weeks off. As you remember, you can't be lifting anything heavier than your newborn baby for the first few weeks. An active toddler is going to want his Mom and the attention he thinks he's giving up to the new baby.

Apprehension is normal. I had an emergency c-section for my 3rd delivery. Yes it was scary, not for me but for my son, as without it he wouldn't be here today. Many vaginal deliveries also include a spinal, depends on your birthing plan and level of pain tolerance. A spinal is an epidural with a different level of medication. Because you didn't know what to expect with your first delivery and because it was a definite change in what you had expected, the fear factor was there, most definitely. But you have an awesome little boy as a result. You are going to have a beautiful baby girl. She's going to have the most beautiful smile when you see her.

Talk with your family and close friends. See who will be able to come and sit with your son, lend a hand while you are recuperating those first few weeks. Start making meals and freezing them, shop for groceries, things that won't spoil. Get all those after delivery personal supplies stocked up and things you'll need for this new arrival so your husband or others won't have to go out for you.

Congratulations on your impending arrival. You're going to have a beautiful baby girl to grow up with her handsome big brother.

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I had the nearly the same experience, I had an emergency c-section with my first but they had to knock me out completely, talk about traumatic...he was also 23 months old when I was ready to have my daughter and had not stay away from us either. I feel like I know exactly what you are going through. But let me see if I can reassure you! At some point you don't have a choice about someone esle watching him, you will be in surgery and in the hospital for a few days and hopefully your husband would be there with you. It is very hard to let go, but I asked my mom (the one taking care of my son) to bring him to the hospital for a little while every single day so that I could see him and touch him and he could meet his sister. Then he was home when I got home. It was still difficult, but easier than I was imagining and I have since let him go stay one night with her but it's not a habit.

Regarding the surgery, our experience was that the anxiety was the worst part. I was scared to death...mostly of being awake for it this time I didn't know what to expect, but the whole process was so much calmer and "easier" because there wasn't an emergent nature to it. We all knew what we were there for, the dr's and the hospital were prepared, I was prepared as I could be and it just went quickly and easy. I think that will happen with you too...especially if you trust your doctor.

I know you won't be able to get rid of your anxiety all together until it's all over, and I totally understand that, but I hope my experience at least helps put it at ease some.

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JS,

My son was an emergency C-section almost 6 1/2 years ago. Almost 3 years ago my daughter was a planned C-Section. I was sad and disappointed that I couldn't give birth naturally, and a little worried about the surgery and side effects.

When I got pregnant with my daughter we went to the doc that did the emergency C with my son. That's when we found out that he was in fact an emergency C, and that it was because of my "bony structure" not being big enough. His head was too big, and my body was too small. When we asked her about the likelihood of me being able to deliver my daughter vaginally she gave me a 50/50 chance of success. That wasn't good enough for us and we scheduled the C-section. Good thing too, her head was the exact same size as her brother.

I understand about feeling like you're the only one that can take care of your baby, and I believe that's part of your nesting instinct that is kicking in with your new arrival. I would ask either your parents or his parents if they were willing to watch your little man while you're in the hospital. In our house it wound up being my husband that took care of my little man while I was still in the hospital with our little girl.

Hope this helps,
M.

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I had a planned C-section for my daughter after an emergency C-section for my son, similar to you. Your experiences will be very different from one to the other. The second is planned, you know what to expect, and you can prepare yourself for it. Just realize none of the urgency and worry for your child will be attached to this experience. When the anxiety starts at night, first breathe, then visualize holding your new baby girl in your arms, cooing to her, and seeing her sweet little face. Any time a negative thought tries to creep in, push it away and replace it with those lovely thoughts of your baby. Don't forget to continue regulating your breathing. Before you know it you'll be asleep. You'll have to push some of those anxious thoughts out of your head more in the beginning, but soon you'll get the hang of it.

As far as leaving your son with someone else, of course no one can take care of him as you do. You're his Mom, but remind yourself whomever is caring for him while you're away, will be taking care of him as best as THEY are able, and doing so with love. I'm also very particular about how my children are cared for and raised. Obviously my way is the BEST way, but your son will do well, and remind yourself this is an opportunity for your son to grow and learn how to interact with others. You'll be home soon.

Good luck with your new little one. Enjoy this wonderful ride while they're so young. It changes SO fast. (I know you've heard this before, but it's true.)

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Hi
I can't address the c-section but my 22-month old son was terrific while I was at the hospital having his sister. My husband and mother did a terrific job with him and honestly it was way harder on me than on my son. He didn't seem the least bit phased by my absence (first time I had ever been away from him and we even co-slept!). Yes, he asked for me a few times but there was no crying or whining or such. My husband and mother explained that I was in the hospital with his baby sister and then he returned to playing. Everyone came for a visit to the hospital and I was home the next day.

We've been home 4 weeks and we take turns with the kids. Whenever possible, I have my husband hold the newborn and I give my attention to my oldest. Yes, my house is a disaster and sometimes it has been hard getting food on the table (especially for the adults) but we've managed and each day seems to get a bit easier as we settle into a routine. I also try to use a sling/baby carrier as often as possible with my newborn so that my hands are free. She loves being close to me and will mostly snuggle-in and sleep.

Good luck and I wish you the best!

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I think some fear is normal. I was talking two friends recently who both ahd their 2nd c-section. they said the second (planned unlike the first emergency) was much easier to recover from
Do your best to prepare but also take time to relax. being more prepared and relaxed will give a better end to your pregnancy.

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I had a repeat C-section with my son 7 months ago and it was a very wonderful experience. Everyone was so relaxed and it was a joyful and happy day. The recovery was SO much easier the second time around, and knowing what to expect helped me stay calm and relaxed. My mom came and stayed to help with my other kids and they got to come to the hospital every day to visit me and bond with their little brother. I wouldn't have changed this experience for anything. Hopefully hearing enough positive experiences will encourage you to just relax and enjoy the wonderful blessing you are about to receive. And you're about to have 2 little kids at home (a big change!), so really enjoy that peace and quiet in the hospital and take full advantage of anyone who offers to help. Best of luck to you. Relax and enjoy.

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Well, I can understand your anxiety, surgery is a very scary thing. I too had an emergency c-section for my first pregnancy, but mine was really a rather pleasant experience (as much as it could have been anyway), I was just really happy to be getting my baby out of me safe and sound. My second c-section was almost a year ago and it was planned. It was a wonderful experience full of laughs, smiles and lots of pictures. The great thing about it was that I knew what to expect, I knew I had a great Dr and was at a great hospital. The whole medical staff was very calm since it was planned and routine for them but their calmness helped me to remain calm as well. All in all it was a fabulous experience that I'll never forget. Plus recovering from the second one was easier than the first... I'm guessing because I didn't labor first. Of course, I felt a lot of anxiety over it but knowing my baby would be out and in our great hands made all the anxiety very worth while.

As for you son, I can't tell you how to feel about that. For me, my mom stayed with him one night and my husband actually went home and helped her get him in bed and stuff like that (mine was 4 at the time so I was able to explain things to him). On the second night, I had my husband go home and be with him since I was feeling ok about being by myself at the hospital. It all worked out great! My son spent a lot of time with us durring the day at the hospital and he loved being a part of it. It helped that we live close to the hospital so if he wanted to come for a quick visit, he could at anytime.

So, I guess, try not to stress about the surgery too much. It will be the first day of your little girls life and that is what you should try and concentrate on. Be happy, get excited and just know that you've done it once, you can do it again! Good luck and take care :)

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If you are not ready to leave him alone, that is fine, but I would at least make sure he is spending time with the person who will be his care giver while you are having your daughter.(with you there if need be). It is important both for him to feel comfortable with the caregiver and for you to be able to not worry and concentrate on what needs to be done while having your seconds little blessing.

I agree with most of the repeat-c advice given here, but I do think there is value in getting your son acquainted with the person who will be caring for him while you're in the hospital. That doesn't mean leaving him alone with them overnight ahead of time, just having them visit and interact with him several times in advance so he doesn't panic about suddenly being left with a stranger who has to help him eat, dress, put on PJs, take a bath, etc. If he feels you're comfortable with that person, then he likely will be too (just as he will sense your anxiety for leaving him with someone he isn't expecting when you go in to have the baby).

I get anxious before falling asleep too. I do a few things to calm my mind.

*rather than think about what is causing the anxiety, I focus on relaxing my face, my arms, my legs, my feet, etc.

*sometimes if I cannot get something out of my mind I count backwards from 100 . . usually this does the trick and I fall asleep.

As for leaving your son when you have to go the hospital, I am the same way. I didn't leave my daughter with just anyone and was pretty worried about it. I just had my 2nd child last year.

The only thing I can say about leaving him with someone else, which you do not see any reason to do is that it is going to be much harder on him to suddenly be with someone different when you are at the hospital. You do not necessarily need to "leave" him with someone, but maybe have whoever will be caring for him while you are in the hospital over a few times. Allow them to care for him while you are present, but somewhat removed (maybe upstairs or outside).

Having a sibling is a HUGE adjustment for a first child and you really do not want to throw in first time away from mom for an extended period of time on top of that.

Is there a medical or structural reason why you NEED to have a repeat C-section? I know it is commonly assumed by most women and medical professionals that once you have a c-section you need to have another one but that is often not the case. I had my first by c-section because she was breech and I assumed I should have my subsequent babies by c-section too because I had heard it was risky (if not dangerous) to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). Someone I knew suggested I look into to pros & cons as well as the ACTUAL risk factors a few months prior to expecting the arrival of my second and I'm so glad I did! As it turns out, statistically speaking, the risks for both are about the same and doing the VBAC is actually a bit safer because of all the risks of major surgery. I had my second and 3rd babies VBAC and I LOVED IT! sure there are some nice benefits to scheduled c-sections like knowing exactly when the baby is coming but I wouldn't trade the VBAC experiences I had for anything. Now obviously, if it is medically necessary for you to have another c-section, by all means, try not to worry about it as it happens every day and the risks are very low but if you have the option of doing a VBAC, you should look into it! I just googled "VBAC vs repeat c-section" and found lots of helpful sites. Also, you'll want to check with your hospital to make sure they would do it..so hospitals are overly concerned with lawsuits and won't allow VBACs even though they are very safe.

I wish you a wonderful, stress-free birth of your second blessing!

S.
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I'd suggest finding and working with a good counselor or therapist to help you release more of the trauma from your previous birth experience, as well as deal with your anxiety about the upcoming birth. It could make a huge difference in how things go for you and your family (your son is most likely picking up on your anxiety as well).

Hi....

I just had my second child (also a girl) a week ago by repeat c-section. While my first born was not done by emergency c-section, I can still relate to what you are going through. I think sometimes knowing what to expect can be worse than not knowing. That being said, what may give you some comfort this time is that your surgery is NOT by emergency, but planned. This gives you bit more control and time to ask questions of your doctor/anesthesiologist of what to expect during the surgery. I had that opportunity the first time and only briefly this time because even though my surgery was scheduled, I went into labor the night before. Start asking questions now and that may alleviate some of your fears.

As for who will watch your child. Do you have family or friends nearby that he is comfortable with to help you? If so, I would work up a schedule now of who will watch him when you go in to deliver and during the time you are in the hospital. Even if things don't go according to your plan, at least you voiced what you'd like to happen.

Good luck!

Well, I also fortunately never needed a C/S but my sister had all four of her children surgically.

I will not tell you that it gets easier, because it doesn't. After your first c/s your emotional recovery was probably harder, because this came unexpected. This time around prepare mentally as well as you can. Go over the plan for the preparation and surgery with your OB and know what to expect. You can request to be given medication that help relax you as surgery approaches, but this may interfere with your ability to breastfeed and bond with your baby.

If I believe my sister, the physical recovery is a little harder with every birth. She especially complained about afterpains and being unable to care for her older children (2.5 between #1 and ##2 and 2 years in age difference between #3 and #4) for the first 4 to 6 weeks. Especially lifting the kids and changing diapers were problematic. I was able to live with her for a few months the first time and the second time her husband took parental leave.

You may not want to hear this, but you will need to find a sitter NOW. Let him get used to the sitter before it's time (you can do this a few hours at a time) or he will indeed probably not be fine, if the first time you leave him is when to take off for the hospital. If you really do not have anyone, you will have to go into surgery by yourself while hubby watches the little one. I am sure that is no option either.

If you can get a trusted relative to stay with you for a bit. The first weeks are tough, especially with a toddler and a newborn...

Good luck and congrats!

My son is almost 3 & I still don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone, so I don't think it's wierd at all. Your motherly instinct is very important & should never be underestimated. Ask around for recommendations & interview a bunch until you find one that you feel comfortable with. have them come over a few times while you're at home before you leave them alone & maybe you'll feel better about it.
There is another option for you if you are terrified of a second c-section. You can have a home birth or birthing center birth after having a c-section the first time. Lots of midwives in the Portland area will do them. And I happen to believe that having a home birth is much safer than a hospital one. Lots of women have vaginal births after a c-section but hospitals don't do them for insurance/finacial/ convnience reason.s A great birthing center in Portland is A. Midwifery & then there's also the Natural Childbrith Center in SE. But i would go to A. first because they can take insurance. ANyway, good luck & if you chose to go ahead with a hospital c-section, maybe thing about hypnosis or rehearsals at the hospital before the birth.

I had the same thing with my 2nd c-section. I was terrified I was going to die in delivery. I was completely stressed about the spinal, nothing else. Not sure why, nor what caused it but as I told a few people, I heard it was fairly common. I don't know if that helps you or not, but it was helpful to me to learn it wasn't just me.

My delivery went fine and recovery was MUCH easier than I had remembered and anticipated, so that was good news! I hope the same for you.

Wish I had more helpful information but again, hopefully it will just help to know you're not alone. Good luck with the whole thing!

WOW ! I feel what you are going through. My last pregnancies were both delivered by emergency c-section.

The first c-section....my water broke at 19 weeks. I(we) lasted until 29 weeks. I knew I was going to be getting a c-section, but no amount of preparing could have made that ok.

The second one.... I was trying for a vbac. I was had the hospital for 24 hours. My labor was stalled. They gave me pitocin.... my son's heart didn't like that at all. The room was rushed with nurses and then I was taken to the OR.
When they tried placing the spinal they hit a nerve which sent a current down my leg TWICE. I was scared. The dr's were telling the ansthesiologist to hurry up. In a why I thought it was my fault.

You need to what feels right to you. If label reading makes you feel more in control then do it. Every delivery is different, like every baby.

We only left our sons with family......... that has worked out well for us. It is hard to unwind and relax when out on a "date night" when I want to be with them.