Another Santa Claus Question - Being Honest with a Toddler

Why take that part of childhood away? Honestly, when you found out there was no Santa were you like, OMG! I can't believe my parents lied to me all of these years!! I bet you didn't. It's not a lie. It's make believe. That's what kids love to do. I don't tell my son he can't have a Batman costume b/c Batman's not real. Let him enjoy what we did when we were little. The real Santa is at the North Pole but if he wants to see Santa's helpers, he can see them at the mall and have his picture taken w/ him.

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My kids are 24 and 15 and they would never say they don't believe in Santa. They obviously have it figured out, but why spoil the fun of it? Every year they get something from Santa. They grew up with kids who told them there was no such thing and they were smart enough to realize those were the kids who never got any surprises under the tree either. They never felt I lied to them. I never felt my parents lied to me.
Every family has the right to do their own traditions.
Surely you read to your son. I don't know what the harm is in reading stories like Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer and stories that talk about the elves and Santa's workshop at the North Pole.
To me, it would be like making sure a child knows there's no such thing as Elmo. At 2 years old, why worry about something so abstract for a child?

I hope you get some great responses.

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I wonder how devastated your son will be when he realizes that you kept him from Santa for all those years?? Good intentions or not unless you have serious religious or cultural reasons for not participating I really don't think you should not do it. Depriving your child of the singular joy that is Santa is just wrong. Sorry. I just for the life of me do not understand people like you and some other posters on the board who get hung up on the 'lie' of it all and the 'commercialization' of Christmas....yah, it is a lie and yah we do commercialize xmas but seriously-lighten up a little. What is the big deal????It is suppposed to be FUN! And God knows that we could all use a little of that in our lives once in a while...and our kids esp.

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Then think of it as pretending.

I would be interested in hearing the circumstances under which you discovered the "truth," because I seriously doubt most kids are offended or upset when they find out there's no Santa. I know that was your experience, but I'm pretty sure you're in a very small minority.

Pretend. It's fun.

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I've never seen Santa as a lie either. I think the reason you took it so hard when you were a kid was because you weren't mature enough to handle the truth - that the Spirit of Santa has potential in everyone. Someone ruined the magic for you and you've been bitter ever since. I don't say that to be mean, but it's obvious you haven't gotten over it. Otherwise you wouldn't call Santa a lie. You'd be in on the fun of it - one of Santa's helpers!

I don't know if my kids know the truth or not, they're older (pre-tween, tween and teen). But they talk about Santa, write letters to Santa, will bake cookies for Santa, and are really excited to see if Santa will consider them nice this year and leave them goodies in their stockings. BTW, our Santa NEVER gives them electronic toys. Santa only gives toys that they can share with each other or friends. Santa brought them Twister last year and the year before they got a big sled.

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What? There's no Santa???? Who have I been working for all these years?
I guess next you're going to tell me that I am regular short person & not a really big elf. Dang..

I have never seen it as a lie, but a great thing we come together and "make real" with our actions. Of course, if that is not how your child thinks (and since you didn't see it this way, he may not either), you'll need to do what you wish your parents had done for you - whatever that is. Maybe it would be OK to tell him it's a great game of pretend that adults do for children and that children PRETEND to believe - and that it is all done to make Christmas even more fun?

Good luck & MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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Hi Workinmom :-)

Actually.. I STILL believe in Santa! Santa is fantasy and excitement and joy and the energy of HOPE! Santa is beautiful colors, so bright red, the color of the heart energy, and white, the purity of a child's smile. Santa is laugher and giggles and sneaking around to catch him at the next corner.. he is dreams and wishes and reasons to do NICE things! Santa is peace and blessings and FAMILY energy of togetherness and trust and love.

I still believe in Santa and I don't expect I'll ever stop!

I know you are coming from your own experiences in life, it's the only place you CAN come from, so I offer blessings that you find YOUR way and that you can enjoy this season with your own sense of knowing and truth :-)

love,
A. R.N., Energy Medicine Practitioner

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All I can say is that you need to see "Miracle on 34th Street' if you believe you're sooo certain that there is no Santa. We all should be allowed to believe based on faith - whether it's God or Santa! I'm not a liar any more than someone who tells their child that God exists. Oh, I'm sure that will upset someone - but be careful what you claim to KNOW for certain. Do fairies, angels, ghost, souls, minds, etc. exist. The fact is...we don't know. Clearly the Santa that comes to our houses and leaves presents doesn't seem to be the truth, but that doesn't mean that Santa, and what he really stands for, doesn't exist.

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What ever you feel is right to do , then do it. When mine were small I took it an extra step and we would go out side at night and look for Santa in the sky. The planes that went by in the sky I told them it was him ............. so lets hurry up and get to sleep before he gets to our house. We put out cookies and milk, carrots for all the Reindeer. All our presents were from Santa and the Reindeer except one that would be from us parents. I just loved seeing the children s faces! As they got older and noticed lots of Santas walking around. I told them they were Santas helpers..........then I told them all about the spirit of Santa. That if they did not believe in the Spirit of Santa that they would not get presents. I know that was bad........But till this day I ask my 23 year old , do you believe? I sure do Mom!!! LOL! They never felt I lied.........its our tradition. One more thing I do....my kids always received letters from Santa.....they still have them!

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Are you comfortable saying that "Santa tries to brings a gift to each child that believes in him"?

We do not see the Real Santa. The Santas we see around in stores on TV etc. are his helpers.

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oh, i am sorry, i don't know what i would advice how to explain 'spirit' to a toddler. but my 6 year olds are anxiously awaiting santa. so am i. i don't think i am lying to them. i think they will understand once they learn the truth about santa but by then they will have years and years of fun xmas memories. totally worth it.

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I believe Amy F.'s answer was perfect.
I am just like her.
It's fun to believe in Santa. Santa isn't just the guy in the red suit.
And for me it was fun discovering santa wasn't real b/c I figured it out. it was a puzzle and I was smart enough to put two and two together. I was very proud of myself.
To this day I believe in Santa , its fun, santa is wonder and magic, and mystery. Santa is like Disney World.
Yes I know the guy in the red suit isn't real but that doesn't stop me.

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My daughter is the same age and has very little interest in Santa. She hated the sight of the mall Santa last year so I didn't bother with the photo with Santa bit. I am similar to you in terms of your predicament though. I don't think it is taking part of his childhood away to not play up the Santa thing. For me it is less about feeling like I'm lying to her than not wanting to play up the commercialism of Christmas. I think the telling her this is a make believe story people like to tell and act out every year to celebrate--just like you like to dress up and pretend to do thing would be fitting. Good for you for not falling in line with our commercialistic society. Don't let the other mamas make you feel guilty either for not completely diving into the Santa tradition.

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We do the whole "santa claus" thing with our children, but we have also told them that he lived long ago. We have told them the truth about how he was a real person and how he only lives in us now as givers. My 6 year old understands this, and my 4 year olds will probably get it this year, as we tell them every year, but we still hang the stockings, we still get special wrapping paper, we still hang a key outside for santa to get in, we still make reindeer food, and we still put cookies and milk out.

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It's all pretend. They love to pretend at 2.5. So pretend!

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I was crushed when I found out that there was no Santa as well. I was upset my parents and my older sisters lied. But then after that wore off I was just sad that I didn't get to believe in him anymore. Those were the best Christmases. Me and my adult siblings all still look for our stockings at Mom's house that "Santa" filled for us each year. ;) It's just fun. It's make believe/pretend. My 3 and a half year old is super excited about Santa this year since he sort of is starting to understand. My parents always told me the Santas at the stores were his helpers. They also told me that I didn't have to visit the Santas at the stores because parents are Santas helpers too and if I told them what I really wanted, they would relay that to Santa. So, if you say YOUR his helper, then technically you're not lying to him. You ARE helping Santa--by buying the gifts, wrapping them and leaving them for your son on Christmas morning. ;) Good luck!

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Wow, I'm a little shocked at how harsh some people are being about this. We've never made a big deal about Santa in our family. We've never out and out told our son that Santa isn't a real person, but we don't go out of our way to make him think he is either.

I think our son sees Santa as a character, like Elmo or Mickey Mouse. We've read him "The Night Before Christmas." He sits on Santa's lap at the mall and takes a picture. But on Christmas morning, he knows that his presents come from his family and people who love him. There's plenty of Christmas magic in just that.

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Your son sounds a lot like my first born son. He just knew the truth. He had the logistics thing all worked out and everything at a very young age. By 4, there was no way around it for him. We used to do the Santa thing with our children until we saw what an issue it had become for one of our kids. He refused to believe it wasn't true because Daddy said it was, and Daddy would never lie to him. (He told this emphatically to his friends when he was about 8.) He was devastated when we took him aside and gently told him that it actually wasn't true. We decided them that none of our other children would ever believe that there is a Santa who flies around the world giving presents. Now, we still do gifts as we did before. Nothing has changed in that at all. The only difference is that they know they come from us because we love them. They are delighted by this. Our next younger one giggled and was so thrilled when we told him shortly after we told his brother. He was so happy to know that WE gave them the presents, not some person/spirit/whatever who has some of the same attributes of God, only worse because what you get is supposed to be based on how good you are, not on how good He is. Anyway, for our youngers, we just tell them that a lot of people like to pretend that there is a Santa, and it isn't our place to tell them differently. We want them to have the joy of the traditions their parents want for them. They seem to get it and never say anything to anyone. Of course, they are not in preschool, so they don't have as many opportunities, so I don't know if that makes a difference or not. But, that is how we have handled it.

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Living in Michigan and having the city, Christmas... We send letters to Christmas, MI. The post office has a staff just to respond to the kids. I don't see it as being a huge deal for them to believe.

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Thanks for posting this. I have been dealing with it, too. My parents told me that Santa was the spirit of giving. I am glad about it, actually. We didn't have a fireplace or anything, and I was the sort of child who would have been genuinely frightened by the idea of a strange man entering our house through a door or window! Certain gifts were signed "from Santa," but I always knew they were from my parents. I don't remember ever believing in a real human being named Santa, although I don't know how my parents handled this when I was very little, before I could understand what the spirit of giving means. I never felt a conflict between what I believed and what my friends believed. I hope some of these posts will help me approach Christmas for my son next year, because I too want to be honest without spoiling the magic of Christmas for him (and his Santa-believing friends).

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He isn't going to get the metaphorical reference for many many years. It's up to you... is it really a lie to do the "Santa thing"? I don't know, my little guy is the same age and he's very into Santa right now. He doesn't ask a ton of questions about it (b/c they don't have this topic of conversation at his daycare intentionally), but if he did I think I would go along with the whole North Pole thing.

You have to make a decision regarding whether or not you will tell him that Santa is not a real person, but you are at least 5 years away from having a real discussion about the "spirit" of Christmas.

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We were also honest with our son all along. We told him that Santa Claus is a fun pretend game that everyone plays at Christmas time. We still wrote "from Santa" on some of his presents but he knew it was for pretend. Along with being honest with him, we wanted him to know that Mom and Dad were the ones getting the presents to make Christmas fun for him because we love him, and we didn't want him to trust strangers automatically if they were dressed in a Santa suit. He is five and a half now and still loves pretending that Santa exists at Christmas, but has never believed it was actually real. It has worked out great for us.

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My so is also 2 1/2. You must have a very inquisitive child! My son knows that Santa brings presents and he sees him at the mall and can tell you what he looks like. Are you uncomfortable talking about the North Pole and the elves and all that business? I don't really understand how complicated his questions can be at this age. If you tell him that Santa comes when he is sleeping and will surprise him with presents when he wakes up, how is that harmful? You are only a child once and I think the simpler the answers the better. I don't think its lying. Lying is saying a pet who died is on vacation. It's make believe and that is what childhood is about.

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Although I may have been sad when I found out there was no Santa, I would never deny my kids the joy and magic of all the years they do believe! Christmas was never the same after I found out, and I could not imagine not having those first few special ones when I did believe. That said, you have to do for your kids what you feel is the best, so be honest and tell him it is a pretend game adults play with children to make Christmas more special.

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My husband has been adamant about not telling our kids Santa Claus is real from the very beginning. I loved believing in Santa and didn't feel at all betrayed when I found out the truth, but I understand how he feels about it so I go along with it. For us, (oldest is now 5) we have just carefully and gently reminded him that Santa is pretend and it is fun to pretend. And that we don't crush other people's pretending. (I don't want my kid to be the one telling all the other kids that Santa isn't real). This year I'm finding it easier to just remind him that Santa is mom and dad by saying "Santa Mom and Santa Dad". This is a hard thing to negotiate because no matter what we say to him he still wants to believe, and the input from friends and school only convince him to do so.
Good luck to you.

My parents told me the truth my whole life. I dont' really know wha tthey did year to year. But the way my Mom explained it to me, they never lied ot me but they let me pretend. So they always said santa was a story and I could pretend he came to visit and leave presents. I never felt left out - I always loved Christmas and talked about santa and got a "santa" present and wrote a letter to santa. It was just a big game. It also was a helpful way for them to convey to me it was not cool to tell other kids the truth (that I should go along and not ruin it for everyone else).

I intended to do this with my kids, but somewhere along the way, I think my 6 year old began to REALLY believe and I am feleing trapped because I now I don't want to ruiin it for her nor do I want to say I lied. So when she sort of asked me about it, I said, "Santa was a real man (St. Nicholas) and we continue his tradition every year." That satisfied her last year, and is a truth I was comfortable with, although now I don't know what she believes.

I have a 4 and a 2. This is the first yr either of them have really noticed and talked about "Santa". We have read "Elf on the Shelf" this year and they are going on the Polar Express in a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks ago my oldest asked if Santa was real and I answered w/o thinking about it, "No, Santa isn't a real person, mommy and daddy are the ones who give you gifts on Christmas morning, but we like to pretend there is a Santa b/c it makes Christmas even more fun." She hasn't said anything about it since...she is fully participating and excited about everything Christmas we are doing as a family and she is doing in school.

I remember at age 4-5 really wanting to believe in Santa, but knowing that he wasn't real...I really liked the idea of him...

I think 2.5 is probably too young for your son to not get wowed by Santa/North Pole/Elves and too young for you to successfully explain Christmas any other way...but like I said my 4 is getting the idea...so be patient...