Another Question Has Me Wondering...

My kids are 6 & 9. My son is 6, daughter is 9.
They pick out their own clothes and what to wear and get themselves dressed, all within the time we need to.
They know the routine.
Then I verbally tell them "20 more minutes, then in the van...." "10 more minutes.... get things IN the van...." "2 more minutes, Mommy is going IN the van... lets go..." and they are ready.

If they are mismatched so what.
They wear what they wear. They go to school. Fine.
They have their own "fashion sense."
Fine.
They are not me.
But they do dress just fine for the day and per the given weather.

5 moms found this helpful

I let my kids (girls, 14, 11, 9) pick out their own daily outfits. I only ask that their choices be appropriate for school and the weather. I couldn't care less if their socks don't match or the outfit looks strange to me. They've actually started some fashion trends at their school.

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Because I buy everything for her, it's all appropriate. It doesn't all match, but it's all appropriate. I also ask her if she likes things when I buy them, so I know she likes everything before I buy it, so I feel comfortable grabbing her clothes the night before or that morning of and having her just get ready. My daughter is 6. When she does pick an outfit, matching or not, I let her wear it. I will tell her that she doesn't match and why. I will tell her kids might make fun of her for not matching. If she still chooses to wear it, so be it.

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My kids are 7 and 10 (boys) and 20 months. I let the boys pick out what they are going to wear. They do it in the mornings. Sometimes they look good and sometimes they look a hot mess. I don't care.
I just tell them to grab a sweatshirt if it's cold out!
(obviously I dress the 20 months old still)
Laura

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My son is five. If he's interested and shows initiative, he's welcome to pick out his clothes. The only time I will ever ask him to change is if it's just not going to work for the weather. Coordinating colors or patterns-- I could care less. He's the person wearing them, not me.

I usually lay out his clothes because he's not interested. But when he expresses a preference *before* they're laid out--- fine by me!

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If it works for your family, it's fine. I don't think they will be traumatized.

I like to let mine pick out their clothes. My younger daughter (7) almost always looks polished, but my elder daughter (age 10) is often sloppy looking in oversized t-shirts and sweats. It's one way for me to let them make decisions and express themselves. On the other hand, it drives me mad when their bangs are in their eyes... so I draw the line of self expression there. :P

I'm sure you have plenty of other ways that you are allowing them to let them make decisions and express themselves. Do what works for you and don't worry if not all parents are doing it the same way :D

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My daughter is 11 and we pick out her clothes together every night. Usually she has some idea of what she wants to wear, but I still help her with the details.

I will stop helping her when she asks me to--or when she moves out LOL!

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I am sure if it works for you it's fine. But it wouldnt work for me. Fashion means little to me. Independence means much more. I took the easy way out. They wore jeans everyday and whatever we bought went with them. Only exception was picture day. If I owned everyday that would be stressful for me and them. They knew what time they had to do certain things, brush teeth, ect. I watched what time they had to get up in order to leave put together and happy and that's what time I got them up. It's more important to me that they were not stressed on the way out than what they wore.

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Nope. They are 8 & 10 and I haven't picked out their clothes for years, unless it's a special occasion. I don't even correct the 10 year old for weather anymore, although I will remind him if it's cold out and he's in shorts. If he chooses not to change or take a jacket he'll be cold - and probably will be more careful in the future. I do have to 'ok' my daughter's choices, but only because her taste runs to hoochie. I don't comment on color or matching, just whether or not it fits dress code.

Agree with all the others who have stated that you have to start letting them make decisions somewhere, this is an easy one.

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Not since they were about 3yo. I only correct for appropriate clothing or shoes. Like, they can't wear open-toed sandals hiking, but they can bring them in case we go in the water. Or, if it's 3 degrees outside, the girl has to wear pants. I also rotate clothes seasonally to cut down on sweaters in the summer, for instance.

My second oldest wore his clothes inside out and backwards his entire kindergarten year. At home, he often wore a paper bag over his head because he thought the view that way was more interesting. If I had been more controlling, I wouldn't have fun stories like that to tell now! :)

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If kids are not allowed to make even simple decisions for themselves like what to put on when they get up in the morning there should be no expectations that any decisions they make will be good ones. They need to practice making decisions. Even if their decisions are not the ones we'd make they need to be able to make them.

Clothes are a great one for them to do. The consequences of these decisions is not much. Either the kids in the classroom think they are uber cool with what they wear or they make fun of them and the child learns a quick natural consequence.

If they dress in summer clothes and it's winter outside they quickly learn that putting on pants and a coat along with shoes that are enclosed might be a better choice.

I have only had a couple of times where my granddaughter made poor choices in her clothing when it mattered. I let her experience the consequences in a somewhat safe way and she has NEVER made those choices again.

When she was little she would take off her shoes and socks every time we got in the van. I would have to get in the back and have a seek and find mission to dig them out of the back, under her seat, under the passenger seat, where ever she tossed them.

I had repeatedly told her she needed to leave them on since her feet would get burned on the hot concrete if she didn't have shoes on or that her feet would get cold if she had to walk without her shoes when it was cold.

One day I had enough. I got out of the van and once again she was barefoot. It was snowy outside. I park the van about 12-15 feet from the front door, the sidewalk was shoveled. I plopped her down on the snow in the side of the driveway and walked off towards the door.

She started screaming to be carried. I said OOPS! Looks like you forgot to keep your shoes on! Better hurry up, your feet are going to get cold since you forgot to keep your shoes on. She ran to the door and to this day has never taken her shoes off in the van again.

She learned that when she doesn't keep her shoes on that her feet might get cold.

A different time I reminded her again and again to wear a heavy coat outside for activities because it was very cold. She had a BMX race one day and I reminded her to wear her heavy coat. She wore a lightweight denim jacket that actually goes over a sun dress.

It was very very cold out that day. She was shivering on the top of the gate. One of the parents had a propane heater set up inside a tent so she could get warm during the time she was not actually racing so I felt there was no "real" danger. I let her wear that jacket all that day. She was not outside of this tent where it was warm enough to go in shirt sleeves for more than 5 minutes at a time. She didn't even get a runny nose from this event.

She has never gone outside when it's cold or even cool without her coat. If she gets too hot she will take her coat off but all in all, she wears her coat.

Do I feel mean about these actions? I feel really bad about the cold day because I know she was deeply uncomfortable. BUT she learned one of the most important lessons she might ever learn. If she doesn't dress for the weather she will suffer.

So, let your kids pick out what they are going to wear. Go to their rooms with them at bedtime and let them pick out their clothes for the next day without you telling them this is what they are wearing. Let them go mismatched and goofy if that's what they want. They'll only do it once if the kids make fun of them, if they like it and feel original they'll do it every day.

What they wear to school really doesn't matter as long as it is clean, not worn out and in need of repair, and it doesn't distract the other students from being able to do their work.

Learning to make simple decisions about this will help them learn to make harder decisions when those times come.

1 mom found this helpful

I have never laid out my kids clothes ahead of time.
The only time I cared about "outfits" was if we were going to a nice function or taking photos.
And I have never told them to go change, unless what they were wearing was somehow inappropriate for the activity (flip flops to preschool, for example.)
Since I'm the one who buys the clothes I know they all pretty much "match" I mean doesn't every top go with your basic blue jean or other neutral colored bottom, like khaki shorts or black leggings?
We keep it pretty basic here, and luckily my kids never cared much about what they were wearing until around 5th grade or so. Though my oldest daughter HATED jeans, she was a "leggings only" girl for years :)

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My oldest is only 3, so this may change in the future, but she's been picking out her own clothes (including underwear, socks, and hair ties) since she was 2. She's VERY opinionated about what she wears. As long as everything is covered and it's fairly weather appropriate, I usually just let her wear what she wants. She knows we have "play clothes" and "church clothes" and that she has uniforms for dance and cheerleading. Even if we pick out clothes the night before, she'll most likely change her mind in the morning. :)

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For school, my daughter picks her shirt and then I find a coordinating bottom. She picks her shoes, socks, undies, hair bobs. She also picks her own play clothes. Yesterday it was red and white striped pants and a black shirt with a pink guitar on it (that she wore backwards). She is 5.

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I have two boys, 8 and 14, and I stopped picking out their clothes when they were about 3, but if your system works for you, go with it. :)

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I assume your kids have other opportunities to practice decision making? Kids dont really have a lot of control over their lives so make sure there are some choices they get to make. Do they choose their own breakfast OR snack? Make sure they have some decisions to make or it will be hard for them when they are older.
If your kids are OK with it and you're ok with it, than keep at it.
If your kids are really not Ok with it and you're forcing it, then you're being controlling and not letting them learn to make choices.

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I haven't laid out my kids' clothes since they learned to dress themselves as toddlers. I put everything that was weather appropriate within reach.

When she got older, this made my oldest CRAZY. She was positive that SHE had impeccable fashion sense, but she could not imagine why I let the others dress themselves. She often tried to dress them, and they resisted, forcibly.

Of course, I don't mind if they look like a train wreck. :) It has to conform to health standards (be clean and weather appropriate) and morality standards (no revealing clothes or those with offensive slogans or logos; this is mostly accomplished by simply refusing to purchase those items). If my girls wanted to wear a summer dress in January, I just made them put a turtleneck and tights underneath.

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If your kids don't fight it, then do what works. I stopped dressing my kids when they were somewhere between 3 and 4. Once they could dress and undress themselves, it wasn't my job anymore to pick out their clothes. They now range in age from 6-14. My youngest started dressing himself at 2 and was adamant about privacy and choice. I think part of it is that as boys, their clothes are all in the same color family so they rarely pick things that don't match. The only thing I'll suggest changing is when they wear navy blue and black together, and if they have to dress up, I pick what they wear. But for every day wear, I don't care if they're mis-matched and a little sloppy.

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My daughter is 14 and my babies arent even a week old yet, but I let my daughter pick out her own clothes.

You're not robbing them of fashion independence, but you should encourage and teach fashion independence. I know it's easier to just do it for them, especially with 3, but you should let them start doing it for themselves, with your supervision. Especially for the 7 & 8 year old. Why don't you change your routine a bit and help them pick out their clothing the night before, instead of you just doing it. You can start by saying, I need you to pick out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt yo your son and daughter. Have them do it and aprove it. That way, they get a sense for doing it and you still keep them matched and have a say. After a few nights of it, they will get a better understanding for what matches and what doesn't. Good luck.

my kids are 7 and 9. the idea was that on Sunday afternoon we would look at the weather forecast and their specials for each day and then pick out a weeks worth of outfits and clip a cute little clothes pin on each outfit with the day of the week on it. then in the am they coudl just get down that days outfit and get dressed.

realilty is bed time on sunday i'm doing laundry and they are whining or goofing .I stil try and ffer them 2 choiced for monday and they agree on one etc for the week at this point in life I totally feel they SHOULD be capable of handling this aspect of their lives, but alas they just do not care a whit. so we do it togetehr.

if your girl was the oldest things might be different by now :)

easy to say, but look for ways for them to be more independant, buy coordinating colors so it all matches, my dd's signature colors are chocolate and pink, she has alot that looks cute together. Or take photos of them in each outfit and print them out and they have to find those clothes to wear, or maybe even helping to put their clothes in the hamper and not leave them all over the bathroom floor like my kids did tonight.

My daughters have been choosing their own clothes since they were old enough to have opinions. :-) When we go clothes shopping we try to choose items that mix and match easily no matter the combination the girls try out. Sometimes the girls come up with some doozies anyway, and that's all right. My middle daughter in particular has had some amazingly shocking non-matching outfits. So awesome. She does it on purpose.

The only caveat is that they must be weather-appropriate. That's non-negotiable.

I have only picked clothes for pictures or special occasions for a long time. I remember an aunt that I spent a lot of time with being very insistent on choosing my clothes when I was 8, and it was very annoying.

I think that your son should be learning how to dress for the weather by this age. I would start just asking him if he thinks he will be comfortable in what he is wearing and give him the chance to change for a while. If he continues to dress inappropriately for the weather then he must not mind. As far as mismatched clothes go, I can't really see that it's of any importance.

I have a five year old boy and a 2 year old girl. I pretty much lay out my sons clothes the night before, sometimes giving him a choice between a couple shirts, and then he can get dressed in the morning when he wakes up. There have been a random few times where we did not lay out clothes and he picked stuff, but otherwise he pretty much would just stay in pj's. For my daughter I just grab stuff the morning of and then dress her. So, you are not the only one :)

I do pick out my daughters (7 y/o) clothes for the day, because I dress her for the weather, but she picked them out when we bought them. So, how could she really complain?
There have been times when she was like "Ugh, I dont feel like wearing that today." Ok, so we pick something else out together.
My 4 year old son could care less what he wears, so I again, I just dress in weather appropriate, and cute of course. :)

If I didn't help my son when he was younger, he would have worn the same thing every day. Yuck! It was hard enough with the showers and underwear!!!! I always had final say in their choices. I don't think I held them back int he "fashion" world.

I still get my 4 year old's school clothes out but my 11 year old is on her own and she is WAY more fashionable than I am so that's a good thing. :)

Every kid is different. If it works for you, if it works for your kids, I see no problem. Funny how getting to see all the differences of opinion here makes you second guess what feels right to you.

My 5 yr old picks her clothes for the day and has had a say in her clothing choices since she was about 2 1/2 and started being way picky about clothing. Back then, I'd lay out two outfits and allow her to choose. I learned to choose mix & match basics, as she'd often select the shirt from one outfit with the pants from another. Now, I still try to give her 2 options, but she has one pair of shorts that she's addicted to and searches out. As long as she's seasonally appropriate, clean and not mixing pattern with pattern, I can usually go with her choices. I figure that in the scheme of picking my battles that it's silly to fight over clothing unless it's really inappropriate. Generally, she looks really cute.

Unless we are going somewhere where I would like them to wear a special outfit I let them pick. Have from an early age with all of them. But I do offer "advice" and if something they were wearing just doesn't look right then I say something and stear them in the right direction. My kids are 11, 8 & 3 and they all get say in what they are going to wear, up to a point. Must be weather appropriate and the 3 year old gets to pick out of a couple shirts or gets to pick pants or skirt but not a lot more, otherwise she'd never get dressed because she would spend all day picking out a shirt.
My boys are really good dressers for the most part. Occasionally they will pick something that just isn't working. Even my 3 year old has a pretty good grasp of what goes or not.
They all know our general "rules" about dress. What clothes are appropriate for what activities. They always ask when in doubt.

I normally pick out my son's clothes during the school week but on the weekends I let him do it on his own. He doesn't complain but if he tries to wear a shirt that I know he just wore a few days before I do tell him to find another one.

I think you're doing fine. :) You sound more or less like how my mom did things. On a daily basis, though, we never had to worry about it. I went to Catholic schools, so we had uniforms. Same basic thing every day, no worries. :)

my daughter picks out hers. shes been very serious about clothes since one, as in at one she;d wake up and say "tap shoes, bow, dress" and repeat until dressed. i'm a tom boy so i really have no fashion sense. she can pick out outfits for M. better than i can...

Our son has always had his own sense of style and has enjoyed clothes, costumes, etc. On the weekend, it's not unusual for him to change his clothes 3-4 times during the day. He's 4 years old and started attending daycare at 18 months. When he was about 2 and suddenly had an interest in all things superhero, he wanted to be the one to pick out his clothes and we let him do as he chose, so long as it was weather appropriate. Even then, if he chose to not wear a jacket at our prompting, we let him learn by consequence. At 3 he started attending a private pre-school. At that age, he was still allowed to wear non-uniform clothing, but there were rules that the school had and we made him follow as well, but he still was the one to pick out his own clothes. He is now 4 and in pre-kindergarten, so uniforms are required. Even then, he is an independent soul who likes his choice in clothing. So, when ordering his shoes, I found several online that followed the rules and he picked the ones he liked. He has a choice of several colors of shirts and whether they are long or short sleeved as well as colors and types of pants within the uniform guidelines. He chooses for himself every morning. He now asks us if it's a cold day or a warm day before choosing long or short sleeve. Our morning routine was established early on in this manner. Wake up, stay in pjs (or sometimes even throw on a costume) while eating breakfast, watch a short show, as soon as said show is over, time to pick out clothes for the day. We all 'race' to see who can get dressed the quickest (head to toe - shoes, socks, etc.) and be ready to walk out the door.

It doesn't always work, but it works way better than if we try to push our style suggestions on him. We have learned with our son that it's about gentle suggestions and ideas. I may not like shirts tucked into jeans, and I may tell him I think the shirt looks cooler and more like Daddy if it's untucked, but if he likes the style and is comfortable, then by all means, he should wear it how he likes best. I want him to learn style, but I also want him to learn to make good choices on his own without worrying about what others think.

In the end though, it's what works best for your schedule and your kids' personalities.

My son is 6 and if he feels like picking his clothes I let him. Usually though, picking clothes and getting dressed is not on his list of priorities. Sometimes he seems downright overwhelmed by having to choose. So I just do it for him. There are exceptions to the choice thing - for instance, today was school picture day.
If he does choose something that doesn't match I let him know it doesn't but I don't make him change.

My son is 6-1/2. I pick out his clothes. If somehow I forgot and he gets dressed, his fashion sense is very strange. He does try but not so successfully. I do not view this as limiting my son, he really could not care less.

No not at all! I do the same thing! They have plenty of time when they get older to have their fashion independence. My daughter started having a strong opinion on what she would wear and what was 'cool' when she was about 10. So I'd enjoy it while it lasts. It bothers me to see little kids wearing mismatched or non-weather appropriate clothing.

Honestly it is up to them say past the age of 4.

Look like Punky Brewster...eh, there are worse things out there.

I do offer suggestions, but they can either change or not change it's up to them.

i actually do...but mine is only 6 and like you, mornings are busy enough without waiting on him to decide what he wants to wear. being a boy, he's never acted like he cared. sometimes i will let him choose, but he generally couldn't care less other than a few simple things (not too many loud prints, and he's not a fan of snaps and buttons, but that i hold out on because it's just because he isn't good at them, and he needs to learn it)

My boys are 8 and 4 and I still get their clothes ready on school nights. My 8 y/o couldn't care less what he wears but my 4 y/o will often tell me while I am getting clothes together what shirt he wants to wear. I also get their clothes together for church and dinners and get-togethers (when I need them to match and be clean :)
Weekends, jammies and non-school days they get dressed on their own.

I purchased Monday-Friday cubbies that hang in my daughters closet. Every Sunday I have her fill the cubbies with clothes for the week. This makes the morning routine faster for us. There are times when she (7 years old) chooses something that I wouldn't have chosen and I'll make a suggestion for her (i.e. these shoes might be more appropriate with this outfit) but ultimately I allow her to make the choices. The only time I truly step in is when something is too small or doesn't meet school dress code.

My daughter (6) picks out her own clothes, within reason. The stuff on the top closet rod are dressy clothes, and they are off-limits unless otherwise discussed. She knows what her school dress code is, and is pretty good about following it.

As for matching, that's easy: We hit the sales and bought 3 pairs of colored pants, she also has one denim skirt, and one pair of jeans. We also bought 6 shirts that ALL coordinate with ALL of the colored pants, and you can wear anything with denim. She has other t-shirts that she only likes to wear with denim, anyway. Voila! All of the individual pieces she owns, match.

Socks are another matter. She actually prefers for her socks not to match her clothes. Apparently, that's a thing now. Okay, whatever. I remember when we wore two pairs of different colored socks at the same time (remember the 80's?), so I can't say a whole lot about that.

No, I'm the same as you, exactly. Although if my daughter wants to wear something specific and it's terrible or not weather appropriate, I don't care as long as we're staying home.

I have always picked out the boys clothes, until about a year ago when my nine year old started just getting himself dressed. I guess I dressed him long enough he had a good idea of what did and didn't go together. I still pick out clothes for my seven year old. He doesn't care. On days when daddy gets them ready it is obvious he dresses himself though.