Another Potty Training Issue! :(

Have you tried punishing her for not going in the potty? A time out may do the trick. If it doesn't, I would go back to a diaper for a couple of months and then try again.

Hi M.,

I would definitely count on your own intuition as to whether you believe she is ready or not. From your e-mail, it sounds like you are a little bit upset that this isn't working. Your child can probably sense this. It is my experience (and mine are 14 and 11 now), that as soon as she realizes that you really don't care if she potties in her pants, she won't want to do it anymore. I got to the point with my son that I was going to give up, and a good friend (male) encouraged me to stick with it for another day, and it was all worth it. Don't worry about 4 pairs of pants, no big deal. Most of their accidents are mostly water at this age anyway. Don't show any upsettedness, just tell her it's time for her to change her pants. Let her do the work, and don't make much of a deal about it. You really have to remove any emotion from it, so that doesn't interfere with the lesson. If you and she are both ready for this, just stay committed and continue forth. She'll get it. Now, if this goes on for 3 or more days, then she's probably not ready. You'll have a feeling about whether she really is ready or not. Overall, just be patient, this is just such a new thing for her. ;)

Hi there. I would just put her back in diapers and wait until she is ready again. It is way to frustrating to try to potty train them when they are not ready. Just keep telling yourself, she will not be in diapers forever...enjoy her age and her. Trying to push the issue is only frustrating you and probably her. I understand how you are feeling but trust me, she will be okay.
Sometimes, they want to stay in diapers so they get more attention from you. THis is what happened to my daughter, who is now 15, she was almost potty trained and then regressed. The little boy I was watching at the time, was still in diapers and I think she thought...no way, I want my mommy's attention. lol. I waited a while then started again. It will be okay.
(sahm of 4 18, 15, 8, 2)

M., I'm a mother of 5 and I've experienced the same issue along with many different potty training trials. The best advice I can give you or any other mom is to simply take the pressure off her and you. It will happen.My daughter went through a simular situation I put her back in the pull ups, and continued to ask if she had to go to the potty, if she said no that was it I would'nt pressure her, there would be times when she would respond with a yes and go, and then we would celebrate together. After going through this for about a month, started seeing that she would go on her own more frequently, took her to the store just her and I and made it a girls only shopping moment. I let her pick out her own underpants. We had a few accidents here and there but after about a 2 weeks the accidents stopped. Patience is the best advice.
A. N.

She is still young, so I wouldn't be too concerned at this point. It sounds like she wasn't actually fully potty trained before, and then the illness threw her off course. She probably senses your urgency, and that's making her feel anxious about it. You are adding stress to yourself with all the extra laundry, too. They do it when they are ready. Take a break for a week or two, and then try again with putting her on the potty at various intervals, and just give encouragement to her that she'll be able to go in the potty like Mommy and Daddy some day. Candy isn't good for her, and since it isn't working, skip the rewards. I feel that punishments are an even worse idea. It will only prolong the agony. It will happen more quickly when she decides she is ready. Good luck!

She is ready, you are ready, she is just not co-operating. I would talk to her about the fact if there is one more accident today you are putting her back in diapers since she wants to behave like a baby. Go out and get diapers and put her back in them. Pull-ups are for big girls and so are panties. Then unfortunately you have to start taking away the big girl toys, games, etc., every time there is an accident she loses one. To get it back she has to go on the potty the next two times in a row.
It is now a battle of wills.
I will pray for you.

Girlfriend you and I both!! However, within the past week good ol Mom has broken through the barrier of stubbornness. My 3 year old went well with very few accidents from August to the end of November. Something struck and he just up and decided he wasn't going #2. I had mess after mess. I tried being sympathetic in case he had developed a fear. I tried talking to my pediatrician, who recommended say NOTHING about it and let him come around. Yeah... that worked like a .... wait...nothing!! So I started reading this book called HAVE A NEW KID BY FRIDAY by Dr. Kevin Leman. His suggestion is that kids learn by consequences rather than by punishment. So.. I started putting it to him. I said OK poop in your pants, but just know that your choices are going to result in things being taken away because you are not big enough to handle them. That didn't sink in until I had taken everything out of his room except his mattress and a pillow and a blanket. Even after that, he had worked himself up to 45 minutes of alone time in his room. No playing with brother. THAT made him see the light of day. The key is be cool and collected, but matter of fact. We are having success this week and are ... one by one earning back all the items in our room. When we put our room back together all the way we have plans on buying him a toy guitar he has been after us to get for awhile. Worked for us, hope it helps you. God knows this is SO frustrating. Just know you are NOT alone. ;)

M.,
I would say she is not ready. My son did really well with the peeing for a long while before he was ready to poop. He refused to poop on the potty and I didn't force the issue because he would just get upset. I tried underwear but he would have accidents and/or hold it in! He showed readiness signs, but wasn't ready. My ped. said don't force the issue, it won't work. My son was 3 1/2 before he was fully potty trained, one day he just said out of the blue "Daddy I want to poop on the potty". Ever since that day he has been fine. I know they say boys are later than girls, but it sounds like she may need a little time yet.
Good luck.

Something like this happenned with a friend of mine and her daughter ended up having a uti/bladder infection. Being girls, the way we are made it is really easy for bacteria to be transferred from one area to another, so if diahrrea (sp?) was at all involved, that could have happenned.

Bladder infections can cause spasming of the bladder which would make her pee with almost no warning. You might have her checked out there.

As frustrating as this is, I would encourage you to relax. We start potty training right about the time our kids start flexing their muscles for control, so if you get agitated by the accidents, sometimes a child will use that as a method of flexing muscles and asserting control (also happenned in the instance with the same friend). Be calm and matter of fact. Involve her in cleaning up herself and her mess and make it more of an inconvenience for her instead of yourself. In relation to that, give her areas of her training that she does control, for instance she gets to pick the panties she wears when she stays clean or at the beginning of every day(cute designs or her favorite character on them), if she messes them up you pick her panties next time (plain white). I would dispense with pullups altogether unless she is sleeping or you are out for a long period of time.

Lastly, my daughter had to train completely naked. If she had on pullups or panties she would pee in them, but somehow the shock of having it hit the floor appalled her. Plus she wasn't having to fight clothes to go to the bathroom. She would just tell me and we would run to the potty and hop on. For about two weeks we were set up like a nudist colony for toddlers, but it worked.

Good luck!

L.

Maybe this is just too stressful for both of you.

My daughter is the same age. She started watching Elmo's Potty Time when she was 6 months old. We talked about it a little but not much. It was her favorite Dvd for months and Once upon a potty was her favorite book.

She used the potty for the first time a week or some before her first birthday. That was a big coincidence. I knew she would have to go after dinner and put her on right at the right time. She even pooped!

Daycare did not want to help yet so we waited until she was 18 months. They put her on at 9,11,before lunch, after lunch and around 3 or 4. That schedule seems to work for her and she can anticipate her potty times.

She is now trained during nap too. We do not use pull ups, except at night. I woke up this morning to her telling me that she did not tinkle on the girls last night. This is her second time and I think the other days she does it when she wakes up so I think we are about done with pull ups. With us, it seems like they are more of a crutch than helpful. She thinks they are diapers even though you put them on like panties.

Maybe just put your daughter on a schedule and in regular underpants. I know that is a huge chore at this point, but if she can hold it and she does not have a bladder infection, she is just either trying to upset you or lazy. I would also let her be a little uncomfortable for a while before you change her. She might be grossed out enough to cooperate!

Good luck.

L.

Mom of 2 and a half year old daughter

Don't worry--you're doing everything right! She just needs a lot of practice. Some kids get it right away, and I think a LOT of kids need a lot of practice, but our parenting culture doesn't allow for that (and diaper companies have an investment in keeping our kids in diapers, so their "education" for parents doesn't help either). Most people hate the messes (well, who doesn't), but like anything in life, it's going to take a lot of practice for your daughter. How much "practice" did it take for her to crawl, walk, talk, feed herself. . . she's probably still practicing the last two! The same thing goes for potty training. I know it's a pain, but just keep changing her pants, rewarding and praising her.

My third (2 1/2 yrs. old) just "potty-trained herself" last week. She has been practicing since last fall (there was a move and long vacation in that time, so that set us back a bit). Even at that, she had a slip-up the other day and went 1 and 2 in her pants, but that's to be expected as she hasn't perfected this art yet. I started out in the fall wanting to give her 2 weeks, then one month. Even my closest friend who was potty training her 2 1/2 daughter who seemed to be getting it more than my daughter made a sarcastic comment about how "well" she had heard it was going for my daughter with changing underwear at least 5 times a day. Well, needless to say she ended up putting her daughter back in undies when it became a "power struggle" (and only got her trained to the point she did after I recommend she go ahead and reward her daughter for working so hard). I haven't heard if she is back in undies or not. So, I readjusted my expectations of my daughter and let her lead the way. I wasn’t even planning on really working at it until spring when it was warm and accidents while out and about wouldn’t involve lots of layers of changing clothes. I was pleasantly surprised when she got it sooner than I’d hoped for.

Take it easy, don't stress, and let your daughter have lots of practice. Make a goal of say, 4 months from now. . .it sounds like forever, but it will come, and if it's sooner, all the better. If it's more (like mine), don't worry--she won't be in high school in diapers (ok, not reassuring now, I know, but it's true! In the meantime, use thick training underwear that potty leaks less in you won't have as many messes. I hope this is helpful and I wish someone had told me all of this with my first. I didn't want any messes and thought I could do the "potty training in one day" that is so popular, but terribly unfair to our kids who are learning so much. With my first it was a very stressful thing and caused more problems than it solved (that said, he does have ADHD and all, and I think would have taken longer anyway, but it could have been less painful for us all).

Good luck!

J.

We had constant issues with "2 steps forward, 1 step back"...sometimes it seemed like "2 steps forward, 10 steps backward". A big part of it is her age, some of it is not wanting to take the time to do it or put in the effort. Our youngest is 2 years, and 3 months, and while she's showing signs of interest, the communication/comprehension skills aren't there enough for us to warrant giving it the full-fledged effort. We waited with our oldest until she was closer to 3....something happens when they get to 3 where things are just a bit better with that.

I'd probably cut her some slack, but keep a sharp eye for other signs of readiness.

Good luck.

You might want to google the phrase "potty pause" which might be of some help to you. My son (2.5 yo) has had these set backs a few times. He started using his urinal nearly a year ago, and has actually even pooped on his own. He did especially well in the summer when he was wearing less clothes. Now that he is in layers, it hardly ever happens. But, in the past, when he was doing it well, and he got sick or one of his grandmas came to visit he would just stop, like he never learned in the first place. I am looking forward to warmer weather. I am hoping that by the end of the summer with several motnhs of few clothes that he will master this. I don't know if this will be of any help, but at least you know you are not alone. (BTW my pediatrician says they'll do it when they're ready...so maybe try some cloth training pants instead of the big girl undies so that the wet will let her know, but hopefully not as big a mess on the floor/furniture. That has been the good thing about the layers. The cotton jammies have been getting a little wet, but not through the fleece, and enough for him to say he needs to use his "bucket," our word for urinal.)

stick with it ! I had all my kids potty trained before they were 3 my youngrst was 2 and a month. stick with it as much as you can if you can completely get rid of the diapers do it!!! my daughter was the hardest i took a long tim for her. She was doing very good she wouldnt do #2 in her pants but she did p in them. I put a pullup on her 1 time and she pooped in it after not going in her pants for a month. so i dont really like the pullups but all kids are different.