Another Divorce question/Need Guidance

I have in my papers that we pay half of the daycare costs each. I also have that we each pay half of the medical costs but it is his responsibility to carry insurance. I do not know how alimony goes in your state but I received alimony for the amount of time that I was married as long as I never remarried or cohabitated. When the children get older and in school then it will cost a lot to get them ready for school so I get clothing allowance in August. The lawyer has the standard form for divorce but this is not always fair. Be careful to read through it.

alimony until you remarry.

I would also ask for him to pay 1/2 of all medical costs in the furture until they are 18. Ask him to carry their health insurance for sure.....
Ask him to pay 1/2 of their college and start the fund now....
ask him to pay 1/2 of their school expenses and sports expenses, etc
Ask him to carry their dental insurance and pay 1/2 of all future dental/orthodontic costs.

If he has a lot of money, you can always ask that he pay 100% and then they may say 1/2. Any costs that you see may come up over the next several years that you may not be able to afford...ie college, car, medical expenses, braces, etc

hope all is well for you.

I worked for a family law (divorce) attorney years ago, and most of these wonderful ladies have covered every aspect I can think of in regards to your kids. As for yourself, I concur that a good lawyer is the best way to figure out what you need. They will know the right questions to find out what you are entitled to, what you MIGHT be entitled to PART of, and how to ascertain the total amount of assets that need to be divided.

Be aware, that if you do not have your own insurance coverage (for YOU, not the girls only) then he may be required to cover you under a COBRA policy, or at least make it available to you at your expense. Do you have assets that were yours alone that you brought into the marriage? Received any inheritance? Any winning lotto tickets? Does/did he? These are the sort of details that make it best to have an attorney to walk you through it. Most family law attorneys offer a free initial consultation.

I glanced over the other posts & didn't see this...

My ex has to have a life insurance policy. The beneficiaries are myself & our children.

custody, parenting time/visitation and child support are 3 different things. Make sure on your parenting time you are VERY specific. Like put something along the lines of "Father will have children from 3pm on Friday until 6pm on sunday. Receiving parent to pick up children". Also, if you are going to do "every other weekend", don't say that, say 1st, 3rd and 5th or 2nd and 4th. That way if there is ever a dispute and he refuses to let you have the kids on "your" weekend, its spelled out so you can call the cops and PROVE its your weekend. You really need to have all of it in black and white so there is no grey area and room for "interpretation". My hubby and I have been thru 2 court hearings in the last 2 years and its VERY hard to have these things changed after they are in place. Message me if you want to chat, I have TONS of advice I can give you and won't charge you! I'll send you my cell if you like. Good luck, I know its hard. =)

In addition to what the poster below said (all great ideas!):

1. Your children should be the beneficiaries of any life insurance policies.
2. Someone needs to provide health insurance - if that's your husband now, you can ask that he always covers them.
3. Who will make legal decisions for the kids? Ie - what school they go to, whether they need braces, etc.
4. Who will pay for out of the ordinary expenses like braces, college.
5. Plan out custody and/or visitation so that they make sense for your kids, not just you and the ex. So, when they're 11, they're not going to want to spend all weekends at their dad's house if he lives in a different town. They'll miss their friends. Perhaps ask that the custody arrangements be renegotiated every few years.

I'm not sure if this has been said yet, but you need to work out visitation for him and the girls and how that will work. Most folks have dad take the 1st, third and fifth weekend and one night during each week. I would suggest you have something written up about holiday visitation schedules as well. Lastly, you may want to request restrictions about moving (depending on what the situation is). It is not easy, but it really does get better.

We're in the legal (love this phrase) "I flipped burgers to get you through med school" position. My husband is NOT a doctor, but we entered into the marriage in equal financial positions. My husband went through school in our marriage, and has since been working and climbing the ladder while I stayed home. He now makes ELEVEN times what I can make in a year, and he's only midway up the payscale for his position.

Because of the burgers>medschool position he is required to pay for MY college education, all childcare costs, and a rather hefty stipend as part of the divorce. It changes the percentages of our assets (instead of a 50/50 split. The courts recognize that the past 10 years have left me on the same footing as when we started, but he is astronomically further ahead in his financial and professional life.

Another thing to keep in mind (in addition to his pension), is that he will probably start a new family, as you may. Making sure that your children together are guaranteed at least 50% of your estates (50% of each) in the event of your deaths will avoid a lot of future acrimony.

The rest of everything my lawyer has me going through (childcare, health insurance, right of first refusal, alternating who claims the girls as dependents on taxes if your time is split equally, etc.) I think is already below

I am not sure about the laws in TX, but in Washington your children are entitled to support. Keep in mind that most of the states assume that both parents are responsible for financially supporting children. He will most likely pay child support and then also have to help by paying a percentage of their medical and daycare if they are not covered by the state.
Make sure that all assets are equally divided. That means the family home, furniture, electronics, jewelry, cars, collections, pets, ect. Anything that is a point of contention will need to be spelled out in a divorce decree.
Material things aside, make sure that your parenting plan is clear and in the best interest of your children. Do not use your children as a weapon to hurt him, because even though it may...it will hurt your children more.

Your girls are still young so be sure to take your time and make a parenting plan that will be appropriate to all levels of their development. If you can not settle on a parenting plan with you ex, give him the basic of every other weekend and alternating holidays.

There are lots of things you should ask for.

House - who gets the house? Is it in your joint names? If so, whoever gets needs to refi to remove the other's name.

Credit Cards - Joint??? If so, close them so neither party can charge to them. Who is going to get what card?

Bank Accts - how are they going to be divided? Need to close joint accts

Retirement - are you entitled to rec any of his retirement? If so, how much and how will it be divided and who does the paperwork to divide the acct.

Maintenance/Alimony - are you entitled to rec any? If so, how much and for how long.

Child Support - how much do you get? how are you going to split unreimbursed medical expenses? who gets the dependency exemptions? who is paying for child care (even though this can be factored into child support).

Cars - who gets what vehicle? joint debt? needs to be refi'd if in joint names.

So much to think about and consider. Try and find an atty that will give you a free consultation to discuss all this. Every state is different.

Hang in there. It does get better.

There is so much not to miss, are you using an attorney or a mediator? I would start with a list of my normal monthly as well as annual expenses to figure it out. Child support covers housing and utilities. Beyond that it varies by state to some extent. Consider child care while the caregiver is at work. College cannot typically be dictated by the court but you can get it included in a voluntary agreement. Look at potential future expenses, too: health insurance including vision/dental/prescriptions, medical care or items (glasses) that may not be not covered by insurance, optional items like braces, vehicles, life insurance, school supplies, clothing, shoes, etc.. If you want to go to soloparenting.com and do a forum post or go the FB page for the site and post there, all the readers are solo parents and will have more ideas.

Updated

There is so much not to miss, are you using an attorney or a mediator? I would start with a list of my normal monthly as well as annual expenses to figure it out. Child support covers housing and utilities. Beyond that it varies by state to some extent. Consider child care while the caregiver is at work. College cannot typically be dictated by the court but you can get it included in a voluntary agreement. Look at potential future expenses, too: health insurance including vision/dental/prescriptions, medical care or items (glasses) that may not be not covered by insurance, optional items like braces, vehicles, life insurance, school supplies, clothing, shoes, etc.. If you want to go to soloparenting.com and do a forum post or go the FB page for the site and post there, all the readers are solo parents and will have more ideas.

momintheboro lists most of the stuff you need - include clothing, medicine, winter coats, shoes, boots, babysitter/summer camp/daycare since you will eventually need to go to school/work. also thinka about part of your car expenses - since you'll probably be doing most of the transportation to sports, activities, etc.

As it relates to you - you also need to request 1/2 of the pension that's accrued during the years you were married.

Good luck mama - this stuff is tough!

Our judgment included a list of household furnishings and who got what. It might seem petty but I was glad to have it in writing so when my ex asked for that extra desk, chairs, pillows, table... I could just say, nope, sorry, not on your list.

It is spelled out clearly that he pays me child support til each child graduates from college. This in addition to splitting tuition for 4 years. I plan to send the support payments to my kids to help with room and board while they are away at school.

One thing that got overlooked was my ex's business bank account. All his business stuff went to him, fine. But I forgot that my name was on the bank account so at the end of the year, he closed the account and I had to pay half the taxes on money I didn't actually receive. (yeah I checked with my accountant who said it was legal although not moral so my ex got away with that one.)

The best thing I did was completely separate our finances in the divorce. My ex wanted to share everything 50/50, ownership of our house and the businesses. He likes to control everything, so it would have been a nightmare. I fought to do a clean split, and had to give up some assets, but it's worth the peace of mind to know that what I own is mine, he has no say over what I can do with it.

It cost me a small fortune to pay for my excellent attorney but it was worth it. My friends who settled privately with their ex-husbands got taken advantage of and ended up in difficult financial positions as a result. Divorce is awful but you will get through it. Take one step at a time and hang in there, things will be better soon. Blessings...

I've never been divorced, so I speak as the child of (multiple) divorces and the sister of a step-mom.

Outside of child support (daily cost of living and activities money), I would spell out how health care expenses will be handled (medical/dental/vision, etc.). I would spell out how day care/pre-school/after-school will be handled. I would spell out how visitation will be handled AND how it will be altered should that become necessary. I would also include a stipulation for due dates for the child support money and any penalties for tardiness. Last, I would spell out who gets to take the children and their expenses as deductions on tax returns.

If you can at all afford legal counsel, it will be money well spent. My sister is very good at her "due diligence" but swears nothing is better than a savvy lawyer in court.

Last but not least, remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself and keep breathing deeply.

Good luck

do not make the mistake that you will automatically receive what you think you're entitled to...ask for everything you want or think you may need.

I have a friend who had to stop exclusively breastfeeding & begin supplementing with the bottle, because the judge decreed equal visitation.

My own sister ended up with equal visitation, because the judge decreed it.

Be adamant about what you want.....it's the only way to ensure addressing the issues that are important to you. A very good lawyer will be well-versed in this.