21 answers

Angry Vindictive 18 Yr Old Girl

I live with my boyfriend who has an 18 yr old girl. lives with her Mother, but visits weekly for dinners. She does not like me, is very disrespectful to both her Father and myself, and is in general an angry unhappy young lady. After a recent family get together a hand towel disappeared, the next day as I looked everywhere for it, I found in her empty room hamper. She had wiped her butt with it instead of toilet paper...I'm appalled.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you for the feedback, both positive and negative, it was quite helpful. There are no easy answers, but I can tell you that I have bent over backwards to try to have this girl like and accept me. I can't help the fact her mother had an affair years ago and Dad has moved on. Mom should have thought about the family before she screwed around!!
She refuses to counsel however, I am...this behavior from an 18 yr old...or anyone visiting in OUR home will not be tolerated. By the way, I raised very successful children by myself...with trust, respect, rules and lots of love.

Featured Answers

The bigger question is what is going on in her life that leaves her unhappy. Perhaps dad can take her to dinner alone and spend time rebuilding the relationship.

6 moms found this helpful

You might want to take a step back and let her have a relationship with her father only. You are 'the girlfriend' so his adult daughter has decided not to have a relationship with you. That's her choice. On the nights she's going to be there just leave the house and find something else to do. It'll give the daughter time to spend with her father which is the most important thing. Maybe you could suggest them going out to dinner once a week which will give you a little alone time.

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

How do you expect your boyfriend to punish an adult daugther who doesn't live with him? She clearly has issues, but this isn't a discipline problem. It's years too late for that, she's not a child. If I were you, I would just not be there for her visits. She clearly wants nothing to do with you, and that's fine. You're not married to her dad so you're not family. I would encourage your bf to spend his weekly visits with his daugther alone, just the two of them. No reason to subject yourself to her immaturity - let him deal with her, he's the parent.

11 moms found this helpful

No, you don't punish her and neither does her father. She's 18. You should have simply taken things from her hamper and dumped it in the washing machine or trash. The type of confrontation you're thinking of shouldn't be occurring.

The problem I'm having with this post is that you're only giving us this very limited snapshot and are asking us to judge this young girl based on this single action. There's no history given about her relationship with her father or with you or anything.

The more important relationship ought to be father and daughter. No matter what else, he needs to maintain that relationship with her because how he behaves and treats her and shows her he loves her is going to be the basis for how she chooses men in the future, and how she treats her children when she has them.

What you did say was key... you live with your boyfriend. That sounds to me like you're in HIS home. The fact that she has her own room there tells me that it's HIS home. If it were your home I have a feeling you wouldn't allow a room for her. Think about that. That girl knows she's not welcome with you. And now you have her father treating her the way YOU want him to treat her. Not very kindly.

10 moms found this helpful

Good Heavens, she's a guest in your house. Why would you "confront" her? Would you react the same to another guest? Like your mother or your sister, for example? Would you punish THEM?

In all likelihood she was too embarassed to tell you about it and had no way to hide it. Geez.

I would think your stance on this would be CONCERN as to why she might have bleeding.

Why even have her over if you're going to treat her like a criminal, or worse still, a 5 year old?

Why doesn't she just spend time with her Dad outside the house, like lunch once a week, movie, bowling ect.?

I'm guessing she will be out of your life soon as no one is MAKING her be in it.

More likely however, they'll both be out of your life soon. Generally speaking if forced to choose sides, a man will choose his daughter over his girlfriend. At least I'd HOPE so. If not, that might explain WHY she's "angry and vindictive".

:(

8 moms found this helpful

The bigger question is what is going on in her life that leaves her unhappy. Perhaps dad can take her to dinner alone and spend time rebuilding the relationship.

6 moms found this helpful

You can't "punish" an adult weekly dinner guest in your home. Clearly, she has issues, but she's 18, not 8. If another dinner guest did this what would you do? My guess is not have that person over to dinner again. What she did is gross and disrespectful. An adult should know better. Your boyfriend should know how upset you are by her actions. I would ask him to consider meeting her somewhere in public once a week for dinner, breakfast, or coffee, instead of having her for dinner in your home. If he does not like that idea, then I would make myself not home when he invites her. He can cook and clean for her if he chooses. I would not. She owes you an apology, not just laughing it off.

6 moms found this helpful

You might want to take a step back and let her have a relationship with her father only. You are 'the girlfriend' so his adult daughter has decided not to have a relationship with you. That's her choice. On the nights she's going to be there just leave the house and find something else to do. It'll give the daughter time to spend with her father which is the most important thing. Maybe you could suggest them going out to dinner once a week which will give you a little alone time.

5 moms found this helpful

Guess what? She's 18 so that makes her an adult. It's unfortunate that she acted like a 5 year old, but she's not 5 so she can't be punished.

Your boyfriend could tell her that she's won't be welcome at your house if she continues to act like that.

Or you could tell your boyfriend that you're not interested in being around his daughter when she acts like that.

You have no obligation to spend time with her. If it were me, I would make dinner plans with friends on the nights she comes over, or go out shopping, or ask the boyfriend to meet his daughter at a restaurant instead of having her over to the house until her attitude improves.

4 moms found this helpful

I don't have much to add after reading the other responses, everyone else pretty much said it...but I will add, just for humor, you should have rubbed the hand towel on her nose like you do a bad dog.

4 moms found this helpful

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