Angry Partner Won't Stop Singeling Out Our Son, His Step-child....

you sound like a very intelligent articulate person so I won't sugarcoat this. I think it's time to let go of this relationship. You have a very long history with this person and children so I know it complicates things tremendously, and I by no means want to say it will be easy, but to me it sounds like a very unhealthy union.

I came from a home where my father was verbally abusive, not even to me directly, but to my mother and I can tell you from experience it has had a really big impact on my life. Luckily my mom finally left when I was 10, she was 32 with 4 kids (one special needs) unemployed, no money, no car, etc. and with the support of friends, family (and sometimes strangers) we were able to move on. So even though it may seem difficult, know it can be done. . .if you are willing to do what is right by you and your children.

Even though you both had kids fairly young, that is no excuse for him to not manage his anger. He is an adult and a parent and reacting like that is unacceptable. I don't mean the normal lose your temper every once in awhile when things get stressful or your kids aren't listening, but it sounds like his anger is very explosive on a regular basis. You can't make excuses for him because there are none.

I know this sounds harsh and there are people who will respond that you should try to make it work for the kids, go to counseling (which I support), but usually those people have no experience in an abusive situation (and yes it is abusive) and feel a moral and religious obligation to make the marriage work (I didn't catch if you were married to him or not). You have known this man for years and you are obviously conflicted. It sounds like you are scared to do what you know you have to, but I think deep down in your heart you know you have to eventually end this relationship.

Verbal abusive is just as damaging as physical and your children are being exposed to this. Kids learn from example and right now they are learning it is ok to be abusive (and at the very least, disrespectful) and your daughter is learning it is ok to be in an abusive relationship and have someone treat her this way.

You have some difficult decisions to make and I wish you the best. Just remember to put yourself and your kids first!

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First of all your son is your son! put your foot down! stop being so passive. can you imagine how your son feels? if your partner really loves you, he would treat your son the right way, he should have thought about the fact that you had a child w/ someone else before getting back with you and having another child. your child is being molded into the adult he will become, be smart and protect him, love him and do not let any one, no matter who they are, destroy or hurt him. believe me, it will be YOUR fault for not protecting him.

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Hi K.

You have my sympathy. Sometimes you know its the dynamics between two people that make it so. You love each other but maybe its not enough to get over the dynamics between you that just simmers over ....

In case you want to get counselling, you might be think about two things one session for you as parents, and anotehr for you as a couple. In the case of getting guidance for being parents, I can surely recommend a psycologist who can come to your house and see the dynamics of your family. I suggest you call and ask her whether she can help. She would be less than $1000 for a 3-visit session.

B. Annye Rothenberg
3943 Jefferson Avenue
Redwood City, CA 94062
###-###-####

Bsst of luck

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Get out while you can. A dear friend of mine years ago waited too long and her significant other moved from verbally abusing all of them to physically abusing them.

He needs anger management and you and your children need to be safe until he gets this under control, if he ever does.

God bless you and your children -

Your job as a mother is to keep them safe. Do what you need to do.

I will pray for you -

B.

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K., please get proffesional help for you and your children! I lived with a man who had anger issues and have two children with him...Long story, but you and your kids are most important. Your middle son is going to start doing even more dreadful things as he gets older if he isn't able to vent his frustration and feel like he is being heard!

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I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I don't really have any experecne with this situtaion but a simple place to start my be just sending him an email with exactly what you said here. It is simple and right to the point. Tell him that you have both come a very long way but now you think you are to a point where you need to get professional help. maybe at first you just go then you go as a couple and finally as a family. Maybe you ask him when he feels like he is going to yell to stop and count to 10 before he speaks.That could help him clam down just a little bit so he can think about the words he is going to use. YOu could make it a family rule. When anyone is mad and is going to yell they have to stop and count to ten.
Just an idea. Hope it helps
A.

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