Angry Downstairs Neighbor? ... Ignorant?

I know it's hard, but I think you need to put yourself in their shoes. They lived there first and probably enjoyed their time there. Then you moved in and started disrupting their homelife. If they don't have kids, they are not used to the noise, and should not have to adjust to the noise. If I were them I would be complaining to the office about you. Just because you have kids, doesn't mean everyone should change their life for you and your kids.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean or bitchy, but if they had a dog that constantly barked and woke your kids up from a nap you would not be adjusting to them. Maybe you should look for a first floor apt.

10 moms found this helpful

If you have a video recorder I would set it to record during the day to see if you can show the manager exactly what they are banging about. If your daughter is simply playing and not making excessive noise then I don't get it. If they want total peace and quiet they need to live in an adult only building. Or maybe be caretakers of a cemetary.

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My thing is, you live in an apartment.
You are going to hear noise.
If it is during the day, there is nothing to complain about.
I hate when it's EARLY in the morning and the gardener is right outside my bedroom window with a gas powered weed-wacker and gunning the engine.
Can I complain? Nope.
Quiet hours are usually 10pm to 8am.
If your kids are running around, so be it.
If the office refuses to do anything, like moving you or them or issuing them a warning, I would contact a lawyer for harassment.

I would bug the office EVERY day for a couple of weeks, seriously, not joking.

People that can't handle noise have no business living in apartments.
My upstairs neighbors have kids, I hear them thump around up there and out on the steps running up and down screaming.
It's day time, WHO CARES!

If they were doing it at 11 at night I would be annoyed, but during the day my kid runs and screams and plays too.

It's an apartment it is going to be noisy. I would put a note on their door saying that too.
Good luck!

ETA: I like the idea of telling your 3 year old that the neighbors are playing with her and have her jump more :)

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I bet they could write this same response but flip it. "they let their daughter stomp around all day, I just get off of work and I am tired the last thing I wAnt to hear is a kid stomping around. Sorry but it goes both ways. one if you need to move, obviously they are nit gong to stop.

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I would just let your kids walk and romp like usual. If your buildings ceilings are that thin then it is not your problem and you shouldn't have to tip toe in your own house. If they bang, ignore it. If your 9 month old gets scared because they bang after her trail have her jump up and down until they stop. IF you have tried to talk to them and they aren't responding then ignore them. I used to live in an apartment where the lady above me would vacuum at 2 am I learned to tune it out and if the people below you work graves there are earplugs and white noise machines to help keep noise out. Go on living life in your place and dont let anyone make you feel like you have to be quiet.

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I am so sorry....Maybe this will make you laugh....Your post made me think of that Tony Orlando and Dawn Song "Knock Three Times". Maybe you could play that really loud and they would stop? Seriously, I agree with others that you should consider asking to be moved. Maybe you'll either be above another family with kids or where they floor is sturdier/more sound proof. Can't get the song out of my head now (OOOOOH!) :-)

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If you were doing something unusual like practicing basketball in the house, it is one thing, but just general life is another. They sound like jerks. You have a right to live a normal life. Your going ot have to get the management office involved. Call them every single time the neighbors bang.... let it annoy the office as much as it annoys you... that will prompt quick action. Keep a list of dates and times too as proof.
And you are a better person than I am... I would totally bang back like every single time! Probably would not improve the situation though, LOL!

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My advice to you is to stop apologizing. Your daughter is NOT too loud. If they lived in a 2 story house, they would hear their own child upstairs. They live in an apartment and they hear YOUR child instead. Too bad. If they don't like having apartment neighbors, they should go rent a house!

I agree with acting like the noises are a game with your daughter. Perhaps you two should jump up and down on top of the noises for extra measure that they are fun, to help your child to not be afraid of them.

You should really stop caring about these people's feelings at this point, because they have crossed the line to being abusive. They are getting married, and at the point that they have THEIR first baby who cries half the night, they'll get theirs back from angry neighbors, and then some.

D.

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Maybe you could just STOP tiptoeing around. I mean, if you are doing everything you can to be respectful, an they are, in fact, being much more disruptive with their banging, maybe you should just stop trying SO hard. Start listening to music. Start dancing. Start cooking, and singing, and laughing.

I see two benefits: 1. You would not feel like you had to walk on egg shells in your own home and would feel happy and safe again.
2. You wouldn't be as likely to hear their banging and your daughter wouldn't feel scared. In fact, it might be kind of funny.

I'm definitely not suggesting you go out of your way to disturb them. Don't purposefully be LOUD, and be respectful during sleeping hours. But apart from that, you just go about your day. No more fear. They do not have *more* of a right to live and enjoy their space. They have equal right. You are, right now, miserable. In the meantime, try to find a different unit.

Good luck!

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I was so glad to get out of apartment living all those years ago. Maybe my opinion is not the popular one, but if you live in apartment, I think you sacrifice some of the rights to be noisy, and that includes a baby going boing boing boing for 15 minutes non stop in a bouncer. Heck, I get mad at my own family if they are walking to loudly upstairs if they are home while I am working (I do home daycare).

Do you ever hear any other noises from them, other than the banging? If not, than consider that they are considerate of you and all the other neighbors....not playing their tv or music loud, etc. We were always considerate when we lived in apartments. When not on the first floor, we took our shoes off, we never had parties or more than a few people over and just for dinner times, never late, etc. Maybe some cities where the majority of people do apartment living the expectation is different, but not here.

I think saying that cuz you have kids it makes it OK for you to be noisier is very wrong. Just my opinion..and glad I live in a house (and a VERY quiet neighborhood to boot).

Hope things get better for all of you!

5 moms found this helpful

I grew up in a garden apartment condo. We owned, but there was a management company for outside maintenance etc. We were the downstairs apartment. 3 kids. The upstairs people were a very quiet elderly couple, but every sound they made came right through. Them just walking around the apartment, it sounded like a herd of elephants. I remember as a kid saying to my parents, "what the heck are they doing up there?" My dad said noise just carried, and he said THANK GOD we are downstairs with you three kids and the noise you make, they would probably set our apartment on fire, they'd be so mad, if we lived upstairs!!! LOL. See if you can move into a different apartment would be my suggestion...you are right, it is not fair to your kids. I don't know how you are supposed to control those people, what can you do. get away from them.

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Well, this is a tough situation.
I have to say that after a divorce and financial complications, I found myself living in an apartment for the first time since I was 18 and fresh out of high school.
I have people who live above me and my son and I have been fricking miserable. Believe me, I am constantly looking for somewhere else to live.
I live below a single mom and a son. I've been pretty patient as I'm in the same boat. However, she doesn't work, has a dog, two cats and keeps all hours of the night. If the dog isn't barking, it's running the entire length of the apartment above us. I don't know what she does up there, but there is constant banging and what sounds like heavy things being dropped on the floor all the time. I work so during the day, it's not a problem, except on weekends. All night long my son and I are awakened. We live where there are lots of earthquakes and the shaking and rattling feels like the ceiling is going to cave in on us.
I hate to admit it, but there are times we have banged on the ceiling. Out of sheer frustration. I've tried talking to her nicely, but the fact is, she doesn't have anyone over her banging and stomping and shaking her knick knacks off the shelves. Not to mention she doesn't get along with one of the other neighbors so I'm constantly listening to her yelling over that all the time.
I'm not cut out for apartment life and I am hoping to do something about that as soon as humanly possible.
That said, you might not be able to help your noise. But, your neighbors don't have to like it either. They listen to your noise and you listen to them bang on the ceiling.
I'm thinking that you may have no idea how much what seems quiet to you can be super loud to them.
There's only so much you can do, but maybe you could offer to go into their apartment while your husband is upstairs doing normal stuff with your child and see for yourself how loud it is. It may give you a different perspective. It may let them know that you really do care about the noise that is obviously bothering them.
I don't have anything against my neighbor and I really like her son. But the fact is I get upset over us having to drag our butts to work and school tired because we've listened to other people and animals up all night.
Everyone has the right to an expectation of peace and tranquility in their home. That's not easy in apartments.
I thought I was blessed to find a downstairs unit because of my piano and all my large furniture.
I won't live under someone again.

Like I said, just a different perspective.
You might be surprised how loud things are to them. Ask to listen and acknowledge. Just be up front. They don't want to be confrontational, but let's face it....you hear the banging. You know they're mad. No sense in sugar coating it. What can you do to try to make things better if they will agree to stop banging? Say you understand they have to listen to your noise so they want you to listen to theirs, but twice the noise isn't going to solve the problem. For anybody.

It's worth a try.
No offense intended.

4 moms found this helpful

Wow, they sounds like such jerks! I really hate when people are intolerant of normal behavior from children, they are just kids being kids! Get used to it! If it were me I'd probably be banging back at them too, LOL! Really though, it sounds like you have made every effort to be polite and apologetic and they have just been passive-aggressive jerks! If possible, I think you should move. If not, just allow your daughter to be a NORMAL 3 year old and try to make the banging seem silly and not menacing, like "Oh listen, the neighbors are playing with you! They are so funny when they try to play with us through the floor!" And continue to try to complain to the managment.

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You nailed it. Sounds like a bunch of angry people, and you aren't going to change it. Keep talking to the office, because you won't get anywhere on your own. Sorry you have crappy neighbors...trust me, I know the feeling. I have a crappy neighbor. :)

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Sorry your going though this, Can you ask the office to put you in a down stairs unit?

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I think they sound a little coocoo to be banging on their ceiling. It sounds like they are just trying to get a rise out of you and it is working.
I would definitely ask if you can move to a different apt. If not, I would just ignore them. You have every right to go about your daily life. It isnt like you are blasting music or playing the drums. You are being a family with children.

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I've had this same problem. They actually called the cops on us. The police showed up, laughed and left. I later found out the mom had cancer and was going through chemo and was extra nauseas/ sensitive to sound. I went down and talked to them, asked what the worst part of the day was. She said it was around 11-1 or something, so I knew during those times to be extra careful, or I just left with the kids. It is hard, b/c I was constantly yelling at my boys to tiptoe, not to jump, play....

You can continue to talk to the office, the management should talk to them, what they are doing is harassing you, and that is against the contract. If mangmnt was serious they could threaten to kick them out, or offer to move you or them to a different building. You can call the police on the times they do it excessively, like when she did it for 20 mins straight.

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To tell your daughter they are playing with her . . . LOL . . .LOL
I love it.

I also like the song idea. Just don't make any marks on the floor. They will have some repairs to make from making holes or dents in the ceiling. LOL

I know I'm finding something funny that others would not find funny, but two grown adults knocking on the ceiling is funny. I might even buy a gavel, to knock back for them. LOL

Ya gotta luv it. Good luck to you and yours.

BTW, I wouldn't apologize any more. They both lie in their responses. Each one blaming the other.

3 moms found this helpful

IMHO... this is 6 of 1 and half a dozen of another.

Your kids are making the SAME noises they are by banging. The banging ticks you off, the banging ticks them off. You're BOTH ticked about the same noise disrupting your lives. Although, the upside for YOU is that you're never banged out of your sleep.

The only solution, in my experience (of being a kid in apts & houses, and raising a kid in apts and houses), is for both of you to move.

If you want your kids to run around in the apartment... you need a BOTTOM floor apt (or move buildings to a cement floor apt so the noise doesn't carry down). Allowing toddlers and kids to run around, much less jump around, in an apartment that isn't sound proofed is just plain rude. It shakes EVERYTHING. Wakes people up out of their sleep. Is as obnoxious as the broom handle "following" your daughter's footsteps.

If they don't want the noise from noisy upstairs neighbors, they need to move to an upstairs apt.

Both of you are in the wrong place for your family's needs

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I definitely would stop apologizing, you and your husband. In the middle of the day?! PLEASE. If a child is bouncing in a bouncer or running around, chances are they aren't making a ridiculous amount of noise. Even if they are, who really cares? Unless it is like after 9 or something, I don't see the problem. I wouldn't tell your poor daughter to stop dancing around. Tell her the floor is just trying to play with her. Definitely keep contacting the landlord.

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Would it help to deaden the sound any at all if you got a nice area rug and put in the area where your children play the most? I am thinking especially of the bouncy chair....can you imagine how that SOUNDS through the floor into the apt. below? It probably sounds like you are hammering on the floor and trying to annoy them!! I know there is no way that you are going to ever be quiet enough to make these people happy...and you shouldnt have to stop living your lives the way you want to but try to come up with a way to minimize the noise as much as you can. I agree with the idea of asking the manager to let you move to a ground floor apt...if it would make life easier on everyone...including your manager...I can't imagine why he wouldnt go along with the idea!!
THIS is why I am glad that I have never lived in an apt....I wouldn't want to be on either end of this issue!!

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I would also see about moving.
How come that guy is home all the time? That's odd.

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Apartment/condo living isnt the most ideal when you have young ones, I know, Ive been there. Ive lived in the 1st floor and lived on the 3rd floor so Ive dealt with both scenerios. I would write a letter to the office(to have something on record) about what is happening and the steps that you have taken to rectify the situation with your neighbors. There really isnt anything you can do to fix this if your neighbors want to keep up being jerks short of moving to another apartment. Would that be an option that the office would be willing to consider if this keeps up? Moving is never fun, but you might get more peace of mind..

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I agree ask to be moved to a different unit cause thats wrong what they are doing

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That's awful, how will they deal with people up at night with a newborn? People who can't handle neighbor noise shouldn't live in apartments. I'd tell the landlord again that you are being harrassed by your downstairs neighbors, and they need to contact them as you will be involving law enforcement, then call the police when they do it again, but I'm hot-headed. You could also check landlord-tenant law in your area (should be online) to see if the landlord has any responsibility in this matter that they could be held accountable for. You might be able to break the lease if you are so inclined.

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I wouldn't apologize for a dang do thing. You have babies and guess what, they walk! We lived on the 3rd floor one time and my son and husband would rough house and I thought they would fall through the floor! No one ever rudely banged. Im a jerk so id probably go complain to the office all day but I wouldn't put my life on hold for those idiots!
** I agree with all the other mamas too :)

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we had the same issue with my downstairs neighbor at our old condo. The only thing that solved the problem was moving to a rancher house with a big backyard (the rent here is actually cheaper than our condo was). I know moving isn't always possible or easy, but apartment living with small children is just a bad idea :( I'm sorry you're going through this, they sound extremely rude and inconsiderate.

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They're unable to be pleased, and enjoy being angry. I doubt they would be happy with anyone above them. Sounds like they should live on the 2nd floor, not the first.

Any chance you could switch apartments? Yes it would be a hassle, but to get them to leave you alone would be worth it. So sorry! You're just living a normal life, not dropping dumbbells from weightlifting, although that would be a nice retaliation. ha ha

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Are you SURE they are banging on the ceiling ? could it be banging pipes?? Next time you complain to the office (and you should keep complaining) ask if those tenants have ever complained about you, but DO NOT apologize for your children not being silent!! Do NOT act like this is your fault!
I once had a neighbor who woke me up banging on my wall! How noisy was my husband that SHE woke me up not him? I think he was walking up the stairs.

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If the landlord isn't doing anything, there isn't much you can do.
If you can ignore it, do it. It'll spite them more than anything else you can do.

If there is a mgmt association attached to your condo, you could try that route and ask to move, if you'd like.

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I would be pissed too, I would bang right back at them every time they do it, heck I would probably jump up and down! They can't expect you to wrap things on all of your feet to not make noise. Heck I might write them a letter and slip it into their mailbox or under their door saying "Get use to cause the other one will be joining in very soon!" But really when they do it jump up and down on the spot they are doing it at or bang back =)

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OK I have been on the opposite end ( I lived downstairs) I had to have the landlord come and sit in my apartment to hear how loud it was, I cannot imagine getting angry about normal noise, the family that lived above me did have 3 children, but this was excessive, jumping from a top furniture ( and incessant running up and down the hallway at like 9:30, 10:00 PM....when little ones should be sleeping (??)
In your case, I would ask someone from the office staff to come sit in your apartment and see what causes them to bang at you and then they can go deal with it, because it sounds like the people who live below you are psychotic.
I am so sorry, some of the unfun things about apartment dwelling.
If you want to try and cut down on the Normal amount of noise you are making you might look into those foam mats that go on the floor for little kids, they make them in all sorts of cute patterns, I have even seen some at BigLots...just a suggestion, as I really do not see that you are the problem.
Good luck!!!

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What do they want you to do?? They want you to take your kids to the park to burn off their energy. I think when neighbors live in such close quarters you all need to be considerate of each other. Somebody has to take the lead and it seems like they respond to your noise.

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Is this an apartment or military housing? If it's an apartment, explain to the manager what has happened and see if you can be moved to a different unit or maybe your neighbors can be moved elsewhere. If it's military housing, I don't have any advice as I've never lived in military housing. I know you probably don't want to do this, but if it were me, I'd be inclined to make so much noise that they would want to move. Your other option if all else fails, is to call the police when the pounding starts. I feel bad for you. I'm a landlord who owns an apartment that I rent out to a lady who has two little kids. She's an awesome tenant and I'm losing her because the neighbors keep complaining about the noise her kids make, so she decided to move out and buy a place:(

I hope your situation works out for you and your kids.

1 mom found this helpful

I would do what you did, and be a little kid right back to them!! We went to a hotel a few weeks ago and we got up early to get home at a decent time, and the 3 kids just walking upset our downstairs neighbors. Early as in 7, not 4. So we got a call from the manager and we made them sit on the bed and we got them everything they needed. Then as we were leaving, I had each one of them stomp to the door. VERY childish of me and I felt bad after, but come on!! When you are in a place where you have floors above and below you, everyone needs to be couteous. There are times of the day when noise is in approrpaite, maybe 7am is too early....but still. I'd call the landlord to come sit in your place and let her see the amount of noise the kids make and the response you get. But really, one of you will have to move, unfortunately, for it to stop.

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Unfortunately, that is part of living in an apartment that these people OBVIOUSLY don't understand... you hear your neighbors. If you have the opportunity to move to another unit, or another community entirely (since I wouldn't be too pleased if an apartment manager didn't care about something like that) I'd do it. If the situation with following your daughter happens again, I'd call the non-emergency police line and ask their advice at least, and see if a police officer may be able to cool down the situation.

I had a neighbor who lived below me who used to BLAST his TV every night. This was before I had my daughter, but it was still incredibly rude - seeing as most of the time it was late at night. Just walking around while he had his TV felt like a bomb was going off because it shook the floors and even made things fall off of the tables and desks at times! AND he had FOUR kids. When did they sleep!!!!!????

Good luck!

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This reminds me of a Sienfeld episode of the elderly man downstairs banging on the apartment above when they were noisy. Its not funny when its you Im sure.
Apartments arent usually built with terrific sound deadening qualities and you will hear neighbors. its a fact.
But, your kids are making noise, and its normal for kids, but its still disruptive and disturbing and other tennants have the right to some peace and quiet in their homes too. Banging on the ceiling to let you know its a bit loud, is more polite than complaining to the office.(enough complaints and you could be evicted) Its certainly nicer than pounding on the door and screaming and calling eachother names, and starting a fight. People have been shot for less. Its nice that you tell them how sorry you are, but it isnt going to help unless your kids stop making noise. And we all know that wont happen. You need to move to another apartment and request only ground floor. first of all its much safer for the kids and you might even end up with some sort of yard which you dont usually get on a 2nd floor unit. I think it would be the right thing to do so it helps stop bothering your neighbors. I think pounding back at them is rude. If you were noisy and I hit the ceiling to warn you to keep it down, and you pounded back, Id be calling the management on you. And to the poster who wanted to know why someone is home all day, gosh, have you never heard of retired people? or night workers? or physically challenged people who dont work, or people who actually work from home? Or even another stay at home mom/dad who are trying to get their newborn to sleep but the neighbors kids are making too much noise upstairs. Yep we lived in several apartments over the first few years of marriage, both upstairs and down, and believe me, I heard noise. So I know its no fun, but really, your kids are the noisy ones, and the neighbors are trying to live their lives without having to listen to it every day. Im not saying you have to keep your kids quiet, its impossible and they shouldnt have to be silent all the time, but you need to move so it stops bothering the others around you.

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your landlord will probally allow you to switch apartments if you provide evidence. videotape your daughter and make sure you are close enough to record the banging.

Can you move to another apartment? Sometimes people are just a-wholes!I mean you really have to understand if you live in an apartment, there's going to be noise from other units.. Seriously.

If they bang on your floor, and you go down there and knock and they don't answer, I'd keep KNOCKING until they do. If they come to the door, I'd firmly tell them you have CHILDREN and while you try to keep them somewhat quiet, you cannot prevent them from walking in their own home! I would then nicely say if that doesn't work for them, maybe you should involve the police!