B.K. asks from Melvindale, MI on March 14, 2010
Anger Management - Melvindale,MI
I have a 6yr old son and at times at an instant he can go from happy to angry at the click of a finger. I am very worried about his anger because he gets violent when he is angry. He will hit , throw things, break things, and call bad names. What should I do?
S.A. answers from Saginaw on March 15, 2010
Hi B....I am a Mom of a 7yr old and 10 yr old daughter. I also work with the schools so I am around kids a lot. What I have observed from my child included is that kids these days are being brought up in a society where it is not shown to them how to direct their feelings, much less speak them. At this age they are put with responsibility of learning more and some times it is very overwhelming for them. One of the best advices my mom gave me when my kids were newborns was that kids don't cry for nothing.. They were either hungry, gassy, poopy, sleepy....the same holds true for this age..something is causing them to have this kind of temper. My child would flicker at a snap of the fingers ...until I told her it hurt my ears to hear her get angry and I needed her to tell me in another way why she was 'acting' the way she was did we make progress. It is not that your child is a behavior problem...he just does not know how to act out his feelings. The best thing you can do is be patient and talk with him....9 times out 10 he won't even know why he is angry because it is the result of a 'feeling'. They don't know about feelings or how they should handle them...adults do a pretty lousy job at it so what makes us think little 5,6,7 yr olds can do just as good a job. Of course throwing things, etc. is unacceptable and you say so, but try and find the underlying cause. My daughter was the same way, it wasn't until I taught her to think about why she was acting and feeling angry that it came out that in the mornings when she goes to school she does not like not knowing what her day will be about. She wanted a plan of her day. With the help of her teacher we did one for a day, week and monthly. OMG what a difference that made. This is one example of many... So I now when I see her acting that way I do know there is a reason. I wish you you the best of luck and I wish you patience my friend. Hugs to you S.
1 mom found this helpful
A.A. answers from Jackson on March 15, 2010
C.B. answers from Detroit on March 15, 2010
Discipline him. Start a regimen of inexcusable, unacceptible behaviors and language put him in the time out place for one minute per how many years of age he is. In this case 6 minutes. If he gets out just take him back there. Fewer words each time. Explain the first time why he's there in a eye to eye, and firm voice. Tell him his stuff has to stop. Next time fewer words, and the more he gets out of the naughty place, you keep quiet and just take him there. When he stays for the alloted time, get an apology and a hug.
This might take time. But cut the habit now. If he gets an allowance, dock his pay for those things he breaks.
M.W. answers from Detroit on March 15, 2010
Discipline him for his behavior and explain why his behavior is unacceptable. If that does not work within a reasonable period of time, maybe consult a professional since it could be a deeper issue than just misbehaving. Good luck.
M. in Camden, MI
C.M. answers from Lansing on March 15, 2010
I agree with the person who said to get him counseling. We are currently going through this with my eight year old. He has been seeing his school social worker (which I would suggest being the first step). After her talking with him several times, she has now suggested getting in touch with his pediatrician and getting a referral to a counselor. She also gave us a list of counselors that she suggests. He hasn't hurt anyone else, but he has threatened to hurt himself. He says he doesn't mean it, but he has told us that too many times for me to be comfortable anymore. His social worker clearly stated that she isn't diagnosing him (that's not her job), but she thinks that he may need some short term meds to slow his thought process down, for him to be able to retrain his brain to make decisions instead of just going off in an instant. We have been dealing with this for over a year. This hasn't been an easy decision (meds). I am not really comfortable (yet) with that part of it, but we have tried everything else. We are right now in the process of finding a counselor, so he hasn't started seeing one yet. This will also involve family therapy, not just individual. He is a very healthy eater, but we tried to still cut some sugars and carbs in the morning, thinking that may be an issue. He has started eating protein instead and I'm not sure that has really changed anything with him. It's hard to tell when he's going to blow because we have determined that it is when something doesn't go his way. Meaning his perception of what is the correct way!! So, we really need to watch him and look for the signs that he's going to blow and we have implemented a couple of tools for him that do seem to help. In school his teacher gives him a little squishy ball that has the word 'choice' written on it. That literally puts the ball in his court and it gives him a visual to stop and think about what he is going to do next. The other thing is he and I have a code word, that if he is being pushed too hard, then he will say his word (he picked the word to give him control of his situation) and we will back off and let him calm himself before continuing. This usually ends up in giggles which is a very nice change of pace!! Good Luck to you and if you have more questions, email me!! C.
H.S. answers from Detroit on March 15, 2010
You need to have him talk to a professional; there may be something going on at school or at a friend's house that is making him angry. Good luck.
A.C. answers from Detroit on March 15, 2010
I have a 6yr old boy and going through the same thing! I'm sorry but I have done the time out thing and no it does not work. My son just snaps out of no where and he is diciplined everytime says he is sorry and is fine and then bam it happens again. His dr says he is fine some kids go through this I use to nanny and the boy I nannied went through the same exact thing and now he is a nice respectful boy. Private message me if you wanna chat since we are going through the same thing.
M.W. answers from Kalamazoo on March 15, 2010
Get him some help immediately! Go see a counselor that works with children, especially if they do play therapy. They can help assess what his issues are and how to work through them. Also give you some tips of what you can do in your home to help him.