Ambivalent About Breastfeeding

Hi M.,

I am a Lactation Consultant in the Sacramento area and nursed all 3 of my kids as well.

When it is time for mom to wean - we know it. :) Sounds like you are ready. :) That is perfectly fine. 18 month olds are notoriously easily bored. When they get bored they want to nurse. They like it, it's fun and gives them time with mom. :) So, a couple folks advised keeping him busy. Fabulous advice! Also, the best one for weaning: Don't offer - don't refuse - distraction... This means: you NEVER offer to nurse. Ever. But, when he asks, you don't <necessarily> refuse. You can distract him with, "Ok, honey - give me a minute," or "Let's go do 'this' for a minute first,", or even my personal favorite that I used with my youngest, "Ok, do you want two minutes or less?" To which he'd respond, "LESS!" so he'd get less than two minutes on the breast and when I'd say "Ok! Less is up!" he'd happily go off and play. :)

The main idea here is to be gentle and consistent. Older kids will often go down without nursing if mom is not there, but if she is, they want and need that connection with her. I'd suggest dropping that one last.

You can also purposefully drop your supply by drinking sage tea. This will help with that uncomfy feeling. Drink 2-3 cups per day and that will help drop that supply.

I already know he is probably eating solids like crazy anyway - so I suspect he is nursing a lot because he is bored. Get out of the house - go to a park - find a mommy group - sty out a lot...it will perk you up and will keep him occupied.

The tiredness you mentioned bothers me and could be a low thyroid or boredom thing for you too. You mentioned you had tests done and all was fine. Often times tests come back with a range of normal - even if you are on the low end of normal they tell you you are fine - but there you are having symptoms. Talk to you Dr again about the tests and look at your numbers...if your thyroid is a low normal they won't treat you but you can research alternative methods to treat yourself (been there done that myself).

Many people assume that breastfeeding can make you tired and can cause thyroid issues and drain your body, etc...those are MYTHS. They are NOT true - they are not even close to fact. Sadly our society (especially the medical field) has to find something to blame mom's issues on and breastfeeding is an easy target. I have worked with too many moms who weaned due to such myths being touted as fact only to find that they still have the SAME problem when they are no longer breastfeeding. Then the HCP finds another thing to blame it on... I have had moms call me and say they need to wean because breastfeeding is causing their acne, ingrown toenail (seriously!!), rash (from poison oak), etc...

Lastly, let me say that those who believe that breastmilk provides all the best in the first 5 weeks or 6 months or whatever and then loses it's ability to provide important nutrients after whatever arbitrary time truly don't know what breastmilk is all about nor what it does at different ages and stages as the child grows. The simple fact is that breastmilk is always a huge benefit to a child - always - the age of the child does NOT matter. There is NEVER a time when it is not. Period. If one really looks at the funding of studies that 'prove' (supposedly) such nonsense one will find often times they are done by pharmaceuticals and formula companies...

Simple fact: Breastfeeding until the child is 21 months of age gives the baby's brain the optimal nutrition and physical stimulation for optimal brain development. This has been documented and researched. When you nurse this length of time you give your child the gift of the best possible brain growth. This has a myriad of positive effects that encompass not only nutrition and intelligence but also relationship development later in life. For those people who have normal IQ's the normal development that comes along with breastfeeding into toddlerhood is not noticeable. But for those with brain issues (Cerebral Palsy, Down Syndrome, brain injury due to birth trauma) the results can be the difference between functioning on their own in adult life or not. I have personally seen the results...

Yes there are many people who grew up on formula and are 'just fine'. This happens. Humans are sturdy for the most part. However, there are millions of babies each year who die because they do not get breastmilk - yes even here in the USA. I have worked with several babies over the past 13 yrs who were near death because of formula - their bodies couldn't handle it. We got them breastmilk and they survived and thrived.

Off that soapbox now... :)

If you'd like to talk more about this please feel free to give me a call. ###-###-####. You are not alone in what you are trying to deal with here...those of us who nurse our kids into toddlerhood (which is actually biologically normal) go through this. Sometimes we decide we are done - sometimes we get ourselves out of the house, keep the kid busy so that nursings drop down to 2-3 rather than 6+ and decide that we can do this for a while longer. Whatever length of time you choose to continue I congratulate you! You've done an amazing job so far!

Take care, good luck!

Warmly,
J. Simpson, IBCLC, CIIM
www.breastfeedingnetwork.net

2 moms found this helpful

A kid needs a happy, well-rested mommy. Do what works for you. Skip the guilt. Honestly. You've already given your son as much benefit as he can get from breastfeeding (according to the research). I am not anti-breastfeeding at all (I did it). But, I am pro-mommy.

1 mom found this helpful

Are you kidding me? What are you ambivalent about??? Just quit!!! At what point is enough enough? 32 lbs! 60 lbs? 100 lbs? What are you waiting for? He's healthy enough it seems...so what is your problem? I think the benefits of breast feeding for HIM were over at a year....or even earlier.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Mirandamommy,
I feel that if you are so unhappy with yourself and don't enjoy nursing your little boy anymore, it's not worth it. He's a year and a half now and considered to be a toddler. as a mom X3 myself I know how much guilt is associated with weaning, but you have nursed him for a long time now I don't feel there is any reason to feel guilty. Maybe you can give him a special teddy or something like that to comfort him instead. It sounds like you will feel better about yourself if you do stop.
good luck in making your decision.
S.

Hi M.,
You have done a magnificient job nursing your precious son and now it sounds as if you have completed your task. I'm convinced it's safe to wean him and for you to get your body back. Is it possible for you to hire a baby sitter so you and your son won't be together all day? If not, look into yourself, possibly with a hypnosis session or some such, to ascertain where you are in the process and how you'll feel being a non-nursing mom.
contact me if you like.
All my best, S.

Hi M.,

My first thought (and it has to be my only today since I am at work and was late this morning) is that it sounds as though you are dieting? Don't. Nurture your body, your body is holding onto weight because you are not feeding it enough. Also, your feelings of frustration and tiredness could be a result of not enough calories to fuel your needs. Take good care of yourself and the right answers for you regarding weaning your son will come to you. For today, he sounds very attached to his mommy. I don't know if I would consider weaning just yet. I wish you the very best. Eat! =)

when it comes right down to it, you need to follow your mommy instinct. If you aren't happy about what is going on, it's time to quit. if you are interested in reducing your milk production, there are some remedies that are quite simple. Putting bruised refrigerated Cabbage leaves inside your bra is very soothing when you are engorged. If your milk supply is excessive, parsley or sage tea can be used to reduce supply. Steep one tablespoon of the fresh herb in 300mls of boiling water, covered for 15 minutes. Strain and have 1 or 2 cups per day only, as larger amounts can dwindle your milk supply. Once your supply is diminished, stop using these herbs. when you stop producing so much milk, he will lose interest on his own. I hope this helps.

Good for you for nursing your son for so long, what a gift. However, it sounds like you're both ready for a change. I weaned my older daughter at 13 months and am currently weaning my 12 month younger daughter. I agree with a previous poster that dropping one feed a week is really helpful for both of you (much more comfortable that way). At 18 months your son's need for milk are still high, but cows milk is just fine. Will he drink whole milk? When I started weaning each of my girls I gave then bottles of whole milk mixed with pumped breast milk. I gradually increased the amount of cows milk until they were happy with 100% cows milk.
Anyways, it sounds like you just need to feel good about your decision to wean. Your son will adjust and it sounds like you'll all be much happier once you move through the transition. Good luck, I know it can be very emotional!
-M.

Sounds to me like both yourself and your son are ready for him to be weaned. I breastfed my son until the end of the 15th month, and I just felt he was ready. His interest was waning, and he was well with formula/cow's milk and food. I pretty much stopped cold turkey, however, I had only been breastfeeding morning and evening for the 4-6 months prior to this period (I work full time and pumped at noon when he was much younger). First, I would give yourself a big pat on the back for going 18 months, then slow down to just a.m./p.m. feedings for a few days, then just a.m. for a few days, a week at most, and then just stop. Read your son's reaction to this, it may even happen he weans himself even faster. If he's anything like my son, he'll just move on to the next thing and not even be bothered by it. I don't think you will either, as frustration and anger are not good compromises just to keep breastfeeding! You'll both be happier for it if you put it to an end. Just remember to continue cuddling with him. Instead of the breast, after work I would take him on the couch with a good book and a big, warm bottle of milk and read to him and cuddle. Same for the morning. You'll see, the transition will be great! and good for both of you to change to some new routine. Good luck.

Hi M.,
I breastfed both my boys until they were 3, and I can hear you. I sometimes felt like a lioness swating her young away....grrr.....too tired and cranky to care. My youngest walked away from it on his own (sad but great) and the other I had to cut loose when I was pregnant (he was 3 1/2). I had already gone to only nighttime nursing and simply sent dad in to put him to bed. It is an emotional time... I feel more so for the mom! It sounds like you are ready to have your body back and make yourself less open your son, which is NORMAL. He sounds like he nurses sometimes of boredom. You have set boundaries regarding being out and about and nursing (or he has been so interested he's forgotten to ask), that means you can do the same during the day. Perhaps cut to a morning snuggle suckle and explain no more nursing during the day and offer a cup of water instead. That should slow it. (I still offered for time of major upset - profuse bleeding! LOL- It just seemed right...) then again before bed. I cut the nightfeeding with my oldest before the morning and that was great, it gets you a bit more morning rest! Follow your instincts, it'll be fine... Remember, you can't be your best mom if you are allowing your family (including baby) to run you ragged... it's ok to have your own needs and get them met. Take care!

E.

It's wonderful that you have given your son 18 months of breastfeeding. At this point, though, it's more for the bonding than nutrition. He can get all his nutritional needs through regular food. But let's deal with the guilt first. Don't do it. You've done an awesome job with breastfeeding. Guilt only complicates making a clear decision on what you want/need to do.

Don't feel selfish because you want your body back. You are still a whole human being with needs and desires and it is okay to want them. This is not a whim for you. If you are feeling that it is time to wean your son, then do it. Ultimately, your son will benefit from you being happy. He will have to transition to not breastfeeding and he will be okay with it. He has to!

There are some kids that tell you when they are ready to move on. Others may need a little pushing from you. Start by limiting your weaning during the day. And cut down on the time he spends at your breast. Use a timer and when the bell sounds, let him know that it is time to do____________(something fun). Reward him for being a big boy. Offer him the same Mommy attention that he would get at the breast, but in doing something else with you.

Good luck!

Congratulations on breastfeeding this long. While the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends at least one year, the World Health Organization recommends at least two years. There are benefits to both mom and baby for breastfeeding longer. I breastfed my son for 2 years. The last month was just for comforting him as needed and before-bedtime feeding. I was the one who was ready to stop. It was difficult, and heartbreaking at times, but transitions can be hard, naturally! Hang in there, M.! Whatever you decide, at least you can be confident that you have done a great job.

6 times a day is pretty high -- can you figure out what triggers his urge to nurse? Is he bored? hungry? thirsty? anxious? Meeting whatever the need is in another way will make it easier.

My kids were down to one feeding a day when I nursed, which I did until they were 15 months, stopping because I developed very sore cracked nipples both times. At that point, they started taking bottles! (just water) Neither of them would touch a bottle before that :-)

They were obviously not ready to stop sucking on something, which was a source of comfort for them, but it didn't have to be me. When you are not around, does your son use a bottle or does he just use a cup? If he's getting all his nutrients from other sources, do you think he would find comfort in a bottle?

Good luck -- An important part of this parenting thing is learning that it's okay to take care of yourself too.

Sweetie, it is time to reclaim your breasts!
When a kid is old enough to ask/verbalize or get something for him/herself, it is time to quit that duty. (nursing, potty etc) Frankly, he should be on a CUP now. Dont worry about the weight you haven't lost, when you feel more energetic, it'll burn off. The fatigue you are feeling
JUST SAY NO. It is great practice as a parent-trust me teaching your child to accept NO for an answer is very important. This will become crystal clear when they are teens. If you are worried about severing the bond, just hug him when he fusses for it.

Well I am all for breast feeding but it sounds like you want to be done and nursing for 18 months is awesome and admirable!! good job Dr Sears says if you regret it change it- nursing should be fun and bonding and sweet- if it is not it is time to change, probably easier said than done
good luck

He may be taking too much of your nutrients thus making you feel a bit out of whack and tired. He needs to have more meals from solid foods at this point. My feeling was that i would wean at the first sign of teeth.

I would stop if your not enjoying it any more. There is really no nutritional gains at this point if your kid is on solids. I could only breast feed for 6 months and my son is 3 years old, extremely smart, speaks 2 languages and very well behaved and mannered. I contribute that to good parenting than breastfeeding. Give yourself more credit, breastfeeding is so great but at 18 months its just for self soothing. If you weren't there he might have a paci? Start weaning him so you can have a life!! Kids are much tougher than we give them credit for. Good luck!

It's common around with a toddler of that age for mom to go through phases of what's called "nursing aversion" and as far as I can tell, having gone through it several times, it's often very much affected by hormones.

At the same time, your son is old enough to understand some limits. In order to preserve the breastfeeding relationship in a positive way, you can establish boundaries that relieve some of the stress you feel about it. What I did was to make small changes in my favor, a step at a time, until I reached a point of balance where I was more comfortable and my son was not distressed. One thing you might consider is the use of a timer. You can say "When the timer goes off it is time to nurse". I have a friend who successfully nightweaned by telling her daughter that the milk went night night. You might try the same kind of thing to establish nursing times during the day that are within your comfort zone.

Just because your toddler asks to nurse X times, doesn't mean you have to do it every time. My own son would sometimes ask every hour, but the answer was often "we will nurse later" because every hour just was way beyond my ability, both mentally and physically. You can say no without going all the way to weaning. There's a balance there that's right for both of you, small changes a little at a time can help you find it.

There's a great forum about nursing toddlers at the Mothering.com discussion boards, I have used it many times in the last five years! http://mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?s=&amp;...

M.,

What great advice from Jaye Simpson the Lactation Consultant. I just wanted you to know that I am also breastfeeding an 18 month old. People are always saying how smart she is and advanced. We are also very bonded and she has such a good temperament. I think breastfeeding has had a big impact on those things.

Many different times I have not enjoyed breastfeeding due to teething or something else. I felt an urge to wean her, but I'm glad I didn't, because it gets better. I would say "owe! No biting." and take her off the breast if she was hurting me. It is a great idea to set boundaries and reduce feedings if it's wearing you out. And I agree it would also be good to get out of the house and keep busy. Mine is the same way she always wants to nurse as much as she can. I have felt so tired and worn out a lot too. Recently we have been eating really healthy and exercising and I can't believe how much better I feel!

I wanted to tell you a story that will make you feel good about breastfeeding. When we were on vacation recently I met a woman at starbucks and we were talking about breastfeeding. She told me that her mom breastfed her until she was three and that they are very close and she feels like such a well adjusted and happy person. That was so good to hear and made me realize how much of an impact breastfeeding can have. I also have another friend who is doing extended breastfeeding and was breastfed until she was three. Having her influence has helped me a lot too. I am very open about the fact that I am breastfeeding still and hope that it makes other moms feel more confident and comfortable to continue if they want to.

I am so glad that there are other moms out there like me. I feel for you right now, I know how hard it can be. I would love to get together and have a play date or something with you. I sometimes have the same problems with the boredom = more breastfeeding thing. It might give us both a little break and emotional support.

Good luck and best wishes to you,

A.

M.,

18 months! Wow! Good for you!! I'm going to breastfeed as long as possible, too.
It sounds like you are done but you feel guilty about wanting to stop. You are not being selfish in any way. Does it feel like you are going to reject him if you say no to him nursing? Don't feel guilty. He wont feel rejected as long as you give him lots of love in other ways. His security should be rooted in the entire context of your good parenting NOT in nursing him. Show him lots of affection, give him cuddles, kisses, hugs, read with him, lavish him with love in every way. He will be fine and you will feel better once you do it. DON'T FEEL GUILTY!!! You are awesome for doing it this long.

Best Wishes!
E.

Hi M., I think it was yesterday there was a post from another mom with feelings of it maybe time for change. There were some great responces and if you have time look it up. I think you need to listen to your self and do what your motherly intuition is telling you. It's not healthy to keep doing something that is making us unhappy and maybe unhealthy. I think it was "Noelle" who explained this time of transition and need for it so well. Look for it and many other helpful responces in the question of "Nursing and attachment parenting". Best wishes

The only thing that I think I can add is taht you probably do not want to put a bottle into the picture. I think it is perfectly fine and probably time for you to wean. He is a big boy and I bet it is really hard to continue to breast feed him. He probably would be better off with more solids at this point anyways. His main diet can be solids at this point, in fact. It would be fine to go ahead and pump and put it into a sippy cup (at this point if he hasn't been on a bottle there is no reason at all to do the bottle, you would normally be weaning him of the bottle at this point anyway). Then once you can have him drinking from the sippy cup (which may also provide some comfort for his gums if you get the soft sippy cups, like the nubby ones) then you can start mixing your milk with the whole milk and go from there to slowly having more and more whole milk. I'd start by weaning him from the breast feeding onto the sippy cup first then wean him from the breast milk to the whole milk.

Good luck

M.,

Did they check your THYROID?

I breastfed until my daughter turned 2 and weaned herself. I wanted to let her wean herself, and I am glad I did that, but the second half of the second year was very hard for me. I was tired to the point of psychosis it seemed, just very drained. I had little support and felt "starved" on many levels. It was hard to cook and get the healthy food I needed--my husband does not cook. No societal support, of course, either--instead of being considered a good mother by responding to her child, toddler nursers are judged for still nursing (bad mother!) and told to just wean already, with no regard for your motivations or indeed for your relationship with your child.

I disagree that all babies are "ready to wean" at 18 mos, in fact, scientists think that humans would wean at 4 years if we followed the pattern of other animals. It would be nice for us mothers if they were ready at that 18 mos, but I'm afraid it ain't so.

I think the other ladies here have some good advice about moving toward getting some needs met for both you and your son--not all his way, not all your way, but there is "the way" somehow. I don't have advice but I wanted to let you know how it was for me in case that helps. One day he'll wean and you'll sleep all night and then you'll feel like you again.

Congrats on sticking with it this long, that is great. In just reading your email it really sounds like YOU are finished with breastfeeding. Your son might not be but if you are, it might be time to take care of yourself. He has had breastmilk for 18 mos and that is great (I fed my daugther for 16 mos). Since you are so tired and overall don't feel well, I would suggest stopping, ar at least cut back so you can start to feel better.

Best of luck and remember whatever you decide, feel good about your decision. There is no right or wrong here.

I don't know about other folks, but my daugher nursed a lot around this period as well. Then it started to taper off around 2 years, and we have pretty much weaned now by 28 months. Maybe you could keep nursing him for the comfort benefit but start tapering off a bit, by doing other activities at times of particular nursings? Just an idea.

Hello, it is always the mother's choice when to stop breastfeeding and you need to go with your intuition but, here's what I think I would suggest. It seems you are getting angry and frustrated with breastfeeding him and I am sure he can feel it, kids are not as naive as we think. He is at a new stage in his life, 18 months, he needs to move to the next step in his childhood, which he is pretty much a toddler. Sometimes, as mothers, it is hard to realize they need to go to that next "step", we'd like them to stay babies forever. I would slowly, I mean slowly, wean him off of the breast. It is going to be painful to you also if you don't. Trust me, as a mother of four, I went ahead and did it cold turkey---- ouch, not a good idea.... live and learn.... Since you said you already stopped feeding when not at home, figure out how many times you feed while home, take away one feeding for a week, then the next week take away another feeding for a week, so on and so forth. Good luck and remember you being frustrated WILL affect his behavior, also. C. R

Dear M.,
First of all, please let go of the guilt.
I loved nursing my son and he loved it too. Even after he was eating solid foods, he still wanted the booby.
My husband and I agreed to nurse for 18 months, but due to a health issue, I had to stop, cold turkey at 15 months.
I had to have an operation and I had to have shots beforehand that would have made my baby very sick if I nursed him after that. Once I had the first shot, there was no turning back. If I caved, it would hurt my baby. The stakes were too high. And, I was going to be in the hospital for a while so nursing him would have been out of the question anyway.
It's not the way I would have chosen to wean my son. I literally couldn't hold him because he would try to lift my shirt to get to a boob if he got anywhere near me. It was tough at first, but he did just fine switching to a bottle and a sippy cup. I went through the guilt thing too. But knowing that I could hurt him if I gave in made it easier for me emotionally. Regardless of the situation, there comes a time when you have to say no more breast feeding. It is a transition, but it won't psychologically harm your child when it's time to stop. I saw a woman on TV that was still nursing her 8 YEAR OLD child. She had all these reasons for why it's so great, and I'm not judging her, but I think once the kid is potty trained and has all their teeth and they are ready to start school, the booby has got to go. That's just my opinion.
I only nursed my daughter for 4 months which was not my plan. But I wasn't making enough milk and tried to supplement with formula. She had her first bottle of formula and was done with me.
You don't have to wean on a whim. You can just wean. I'll bet you a hundred dollars that if I hadn't had to stop due to medical reasons, my son would have wanted to nurse just about forever. But that's not realistic. We decided ahead of time 18 months. That plan got cut short, but the baby and I both survived it.

Your son is old enough to have milk in a sippie or a bottle. Try those things. He'll be okay. I promise.

You've gotten some GREAT advise! I just wanted to add my words of support. We can tell you what you want to hear, we can tell you things that really aren't true, etc, but in the end, you have to decide for yourself what's right for you and your baby. Trust yourself to know what's best!!!!!

I applaud you for nursing your son this long (especially when he's such a big boy!! My 20mo son is only 25lbs!), and I understand the Mommy-guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about! I can't say whether your feelings of ambivalence will subside or go away, but I want to reinforce the need to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!!!!! Things changed drastically when I realized my son needed so much more physical activity than I orinigally believed! When we started getting out of the house every day, he started sleeping through the night (finally!), I started losing weight & frustration, and we've all be happier in general.

If you'd like to get together with me and my son for a play date, lunch, etc, please feel free to call me ###-###-####. Everyone needs support!!

I agree with a gradual weaning as many other mothers have suggested. I nursed my now three-year old until he was two. He gradually tapered off during the day and I had to initiate the removal of night nursing. One thing I did was talk to my son about the weaning. You may want to talk to your son about his increase in nursing or at the very least about your plan to wean. He may surprise you with his understanding. He may be sensing your resentment and want to feel close to you again. By talking with him you may be able to find a good substitute (walk outside holding hands, read stories in a special place, or whatever). Maybe give him a choice of which feeding to drop first. Let him know it is time and that you'll cuddle or whatever for each feeding you drop. Whatever you do try and involve him in the process of weaning. You set the guidelines but let him make a few choices along the way such as a good substitute. I think you will find that this will take your special bond to a new level. Best of Luck!

Hi M.,

Don't be so hard on yourself, 18 months is a long time to nurse. You seem a little guilty for wanting your body back. I commend you for nursing so long, your little one is lucky! :-) Starting to wean your child is a personal decision and you seem a little frustrated so I think now would be an appropriate time. I understand your need to comfort him and you seem like such a caring mom that you will be able to in other ways. Don't forget to take care of yourself and your needs. Sometimes Mommies forget that. Good luck! S. (mother of 9yr, 4yr and 3.5 month) (Weaned both kids around 12-14 months and had the same concerns)

That's about when I weaned all three of mine. I suggest dropping one feeding a week. The ones near nap and bed time were the last to go. Get a few fabulously attractive sippy cups (with Elmo or whoever he loves on them). Plan some fun outings -- the zoo, the park, the pool, Fairytale Town -- whatever you can do to get him busy and distracted around the feeding you want to drop. Avoid the nursing cues -- sitting in "that" chair, etc. Start snuggling with a storybook more often so he still has that close time.

If it's any consolation, none of my boys went through a personality change as a result of weaning. I, OTOH, had more energy and more of that delight that comes from choosing to be with my son rather than feeling tied down. (On the flip side, start scaling down your serving sizes -- you're going to be eating for one again!)

Remember, at this point a lot of the nursing is about comfort and not about diet. If you can prevent boredom and meet his snuggle needs in a different way, he should be fine as you gradually wean.

You're ready and he will be too. Stop. Follow your instincts, which you clearly stated. You're done. Be done. It's okay.
Ween him and move on.

Good luck,
Stephanie

I think you've done a great job and a long enough time for breastfeeding your little one!! I breastfed mine (I have 3) for a year each, and it was time for me to stop too. As they get older they need more solid food I think, which is why he's probebly feeding for longer periods. It is also a comfort thing for them as well, but he won't stop unless you veer him another direction. Don't feel bad for wanting to stop or needing your body back...:) You've given him what he needs and for a long enough time where he's received the healthy food for a strong body. It will probebly bring peace to you and him, to start weening and he will make the adjustment fine. I'm sure it will be hard for a little bit, but when he understand eating on his own with all the different foods, he'll have a blast with that!

Good luck!
J.

M.,
At the risk of having La Leche League hunt me down, I just want to pass along some info. My cousin, an accomplished child psychiatrist (MD), used to work for the National Institutes of Health investigating and evaluating research. She looked extensively at the data available for breastfeeding. From a purely medical standpoint, the majority of health benefits come from the colostrum (the first few days) with 95%+ of the health benefits coming in the first five weeks. Of course, you and your child can derive other benefits (bonding) from breast feeding. I just want you to know that, in 18 months, you son has already received all the health/brain power benefits he needs. Okay --warning -- mommy is about to brag: For medical reasons, I had to stop breastfeeding at four months. My son is very bright and athletic, and incredibly sweet. His preschool teachers gushed over what a charmer he is. Friends and even strangers comment on how smart, empathetic, and well behaved he is. Also, neither my husband nor I was breastfed. I think we're pretty nice people, and we have three Ivy League degrees and a Cal degree between us. My point is not that we rock (often we can kinda suck!), but rather that we turned out to be smart, reasonably well-adjusted people without being breastfed. I absolutely wanted to breastfeed my son and did. Breastfeeding is a very personal choice. You have already done so for 18 months. Change is always a challenge. Just know that you will not be harming your son by stopping if that is what you want to do. If you do not want to stop, no harm done either. Take care of your needs, because a happy mom is the best mom of all!

My daughter is just 2, and has been nursing 2-3 times a day. I managed to cut her down to 2 (nap and bedtime) and only for about 10 minutes each time, and then my husband and I left her w/ gramma for the weekend. Last night at bedtime I told her that my brests were empty and there was no more milk and I was so sorry about that. We haven't hit naptime today yet, but I am planing on trying the same thing. She only cried for 3-4 minutes last night, and I was still holding her and petting her head a bit while she went to sleep. For your own comfort, I wouldn't suggest just cold turkey cutting him off. I think cutting the duration first might be easiest because if he's not emptying one, production will slow. Good luck! I have wanted my body back for a year, and was very fortunate that my older child weaned himself...

Ok first off you are a rock star for nursing this long (and to think I started complaining about being ready to give it up at 9 mo.) Since your son is older he should be able to understand that sometimes things “go away” you could try telling him that “mommy’s milk is going away and its time to say good-by” (if you watch 2 and a Half Men you should know I have the BY-BY BOOBIE song going through my head right now just thinking about this conversation.)

Any way, you could also try having a “party” for him to celebrate that he’s a big kid that doesn’t need to nurse any more (damn, there’s that song again!)

I would also try scaling down to just morning and night feedings (this is what I’m doing with my 10 month old daughter)

Be strong and be proud you’ve done a great job and you’re ready for the next phase of motherhood. There’s nothing wrong with that.

What ever you decide I give you credit for making it this far. just remember nutritionally he no longer needs it. I also think no matter when you stop its natural to feel a little guilt. good luck!

Hi there,
Good for you for still nursing! My son is 14 months and I am also still nursing him. I was going to stop at 12 months, but since we've decided to postpone getting pregnant again, I decided to continue the nursing. My son seems to still benefit and I enjoy it. I did decrease though- I went from 8 nursings a day at 6 months... eventually to 5 nursings at 12 months...now we're at 3 nursings/day...the goal in the next few months is to "nurse when the sun comes up and when the sun goes down:)" I may wean at 18 months, or if it's going well, wait till 24 months.
Trust yourself,
-W.

I weaned my son at 10 months b/c he chipped a front tooth and it kept cutting me, plus I went back to work at that time and pumping at work was a nightmare.
SO, I had already cut back nursing due to his being in daycare and was mostly pumping. We were only nursing in the morning and at dinnertime. I had hubby give him a pumped bottle in the evening and made sure I was elsewhere and he took it fine. I was actually a little hurt that my son accepted being weaned so calmly. He would stare at my chest sometimes - but that was it!
I pumped & blended the b.milk w/ formula to get his tummy used to it and then reduced the frequency of pumpings to keep from getting a clogged duct or mastitis.
It was harder for me than my son!
It sounds like you are ready and so is your son! It will be fine!!
After reading some of the postings from moms who have toddlers that aren't weaned yet - better now than Kindergarten! ;)

hi M.,

my girlfriend had this issue and ended up with hyper-thyroid disorder because it was too hard for her body to produce that much. i would say that your tiredness is being caused by too much output and that you should either stop or majorly limit his access to nurse, try starting with just twice a day, naptime or bedtime, then once. in the meantime, focus on teaching him other ways to self-soothe: drinking water, being in water, music, singing, dancing, etc.

blessings,

A. m

It sounds like you are tired of bf and your ready to have body/personality back. Go ahead and stop/wean. You have done great job going for this long. Congrats! I hope to do the same.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

He seems a little bit old to be nursing still. you have done a great job so far, I would talk to his pediatrician for suggestions. You didn't mention if he takes a bottle. You could pump while weaning him off...

Sounds like you know it's time to wean...
As I've said before in this forum, nursing is a relationship, there are two of you involved, and it sounds like the relationship has run its course. That's OK! You and your son will still be very close and you will find other ways to bond and remain close.
I am always so happy to hear of moms who keep nursing past the first year...be very proud of that. You have given your son and yourself a wonderful gift, he's had the absolute best start in life and now he's ready to grow and explore even more. The next few years will be amazing!
Practically speaking, try to cut back to one special nursing per day before you stop completely, and keep him out of the house and distracted as much as possible while you're trying to wean. I have a feeling he's more ready than you think. Best of luck!!!

HI, M.;
It does not sound you do anything on a whim, especially when it concerns your son. You have many reasons to take this next step of growing for you (!) and your son. I think now would be a good time to phase out nursing for two reasons, keeping in mind that you have to some time anyway! First, to do it while you still can be nice about it, and haven't gone completely nuts and freak out with him. Second, because he is so smart (and big) to do it before he completely learns the habit of manipulating ALL of your time. Kids need to learn how to spend time constructively alone. Even toddlers can learn to sit and look at books, draw, or something else edifying if for only ten minutes at first. They can learn to walk, talk, and every thing else, so why not to be self-sufficient? I know we all have our limitations and individual personalities, but I think we all learn to be responsible for ourselves in some capacity. Keep up the great work on a wonderful boy. J.

I think you are letting your son take too much control of the situation. If you want to stop, then just do it. If you let this go this far, I would hate to see where you are at in another six months or so.

The best advice I ever got on parenting was to remember I was the adult. At 18 months, your son has already greatly benefitted from your breastfeeding. Prepare some things in advance to distract him when he wants to feed. Stay ahead of his need. Feed him food 10 minutes before he would normally become hungry. And work on decreasing only one feeding at a time. Also, spend some cuddle time with him, to comfort him. This will be difficult when he is hungry, so try it at times you wouldn't normally be feeding him. That way he will continue to feel close to you, but it won't be through your feeding him.

I was bottle fed and have a 166 IQ. All three of my children were bottle fed and all 3 of them are in advanced classes in school.

My bond with my kids is exceptionally strong. My bond with my mother is just fine. We have two DRASTICALLY different persnality types that made it tough to get along for a while but that's got nothing to do with me not nursing.

If you're not enjoying it anymore in any way,shape or form .. then stop. You're not going to be harming your son by doing so. And don't let ANYONE tell you that you are.

Good luck with your decision. And know you've already done very well.

I think you said it: you're done. M., I think you want someone to tell you it's ok to stop. I'm not a mom yet but I know what I'd tell you if I were: listen to your body! You've given him a huge gift that will benefit him his entire life- you can have your body back now! And congratulations on giving him a great shot at a healthy life- it sounds like you're doing a fabulous job.

I hear you and it sounds like you know the right answer for you, M.. This beautiful boy needed breastmilk his first year, and you gave freely to him. Now he is old enough to receive his nutrition in a cup, or on a plate, and he is also old/wise enough to learn to use a lovey, blankey, or favorite toy to soothe himself. You will always be his mommy, and a calmer, happier mom, when you can both have independent, yet interdependent existences without breastfeeding him at this age and size. He has shown you that he can master tasks-he will be able to wean just fine with your help. Keep him busy! Take time for you, and you will both benefit.

You have done your job. If you are not enjoying it, quit and move onto big kid activities with no guilt. Cuddle and read a book or other quiet activities if you both need to cuddle. It sounds as if it is time.

I am a SAHM of 4, ages 14, 10, 7 and 4.

I weaned my son at 17 mos. He was also a big guy. I would first recommend nursing him three times a day (morning, before nap, and before bed) Once my son had that down, I replaced one feeding at a time with a bottle (I used an organic toddler formula, that I think is called "baby's only", you can get it at Whole Foods) At first he wasn't sure about the bottle, but once he got the taste for that stuff, he LOVED it. Soon, he was on three bottles a day, then after about a month, we took away his nap time bottle, then a few weeks later, his morning bottle, then a few weeks later, his bed time bottle (that was the hardest!) Soon, the bottles were all replaced by sippy cups of milk, and eventually he just had a few cups of milk a day (we try not to do too much cow's milk.) I think all together it took two months. That's what worked for me. Take it or leave it. Good luck!

~L. (mother of two boys, 2 1/2, and one month.)

it sounds like you are fairly ready and thats fine. the one thing i would say is that it might just be too much to try to wean him when he is cutting 8 teeth. its not that long to wait for that to be over, and then you will not that the frustration he experiences is mental, not physical. also, it looks like you have already implemented minor weaning -- night time, down for sleep, etc. why not just build on those and let things fall into place. the weaning process can be very smooth and painfree if you dont think it should happen over the weekend. also, you say you are home a lot and thats when he really wants it. why not throw him in the stroller with a snack and take him for a walk when you know he doesnt really need to nurse. could help you with the lack of energy too. sounds like you are on your way to a healthy weaning and you just need to continue along the path you have made. i know you are frustrated, but maybe just knowing you are going in that direction will help you feel like you dont want to do anything rushed. PS. i would start with getting your man to put him down at night when you ARE home. give you a break and get him even more used to the new program. good luck

Congrats on lasting this long - you are a trooper!
I had a whole list of issues one after the other with breastfeeding and ultimately gave it up after 2 months. So I cannot say I know where you have been... but I personally feel like your sanity is more important than breastfeeding.
I know you said your concern is that it might be hard on your little one due to so many changes, but let's face it, that will always be an issue. Children grow up very quickly.
I'm not saying you should quit - that's for you to decide, but don't just keep doing it because you feel guilty. 18 months is more than most people do.
Good luck :)