Am I Wrong? - Walnut,CA

You are not wrong. I feel you did the right thing if the school was not taking it serious. Take the high road....say hi to her with a big smile when you see her. You can't make her talk to you but that doesn't mean you have to be like her and act rude or upset.

You did right that mom is not being a good mom she doesent know how to raise her son you hellped dont worr her reaction A. no hills

Hi No you did not do any thing wrong but may be you should tell her first that she soud do some thing for her kid and then if she didint do you can talk to the teacher .

Hi E.!

My motto is: "There's 3 sides to every story. Your side, their side and the truth". I feel in situations like this, it's best to try to be compassionate. You may feel like the other mother wasn't doing anything because she wasn't reacting the way you felt would have been appropriate. But that doesn't mean she didn't do something or hasn't dealt with her aggressive child in some way. My son was aggressive when he was a toddler because he was a late talker and was very frustrated that he had no words, so he'd bite or something else. I didn't allow it to happen but I also got a lot of disapproving looks and comments from other mothers while we were going through this process. I soon learned who my true friends were. At the same time, you had every right to speak to both the teacher, the mother and who ever else you need to, to keep your child safe and make you feel comfortable leaving him there everyday. If the other mother is being bitter with you right now, let her. She'll get over it or she won't, but hopefully she's learning something in the process. Being a parent is very difficult. There are no set rules or instruction manuals. I believe that for the most part, people try to do the right thing. The best thing you can do, is try to be understanding because someday, whether you want to or not, you may be on the other side :)

I would find out if the teacher mentioned your name when talking to the mother. If she did that would be very unprofessional. She needs to only address the behavior of the child not who may have witnessed it.

I think you did the right thing! It's not like you went up to the mother and started yelling at her - you simply approached a problem in a very mature and dignified way!

The mother may feel a bit 'angry' right now, but maybe she's also kind of 'embarrassed'. Hopefully, this is a "wake up call" for her that she needs to do something about her son's violence problem before it gets worse!

Just continue to be 'nice' with her and hopefully she will soon get over it (assuming she even does know you were the one who brought it up). If she continues to act the way she has been, then too bad for her, she is the one who is immature and can't take constructive criticism (which is, really, for her son's own good!). Good luck!

The hitting... ok... lots of kids do it, but she is certainly taking the wrong approach and he NEEDS to be corrected. The biting... ILLEGAL. Kids are to be suspended and if that doesn't work then expelled... then again I'm coming from a private school background. i don't know what kind of school your son goes to. Sometimes in the public schools they are too lenient. Anyways... we're dealing with a potential of breaking skin and transferring bodily fluids which is why it's so significant. You can take legal recourse on both the school and the mother should nothing come about.
And forgetting to call.... BS!!! The only reason you received a call the second day was because someone mentioned that you had been informed... otherwise you wouldn't have been told.

No E., you are not wrong. Sounds like she is the one with problems. Who cares what she thinks! She is the one who has to deal with her out of control kid. Can you imagine what she goes through at home? Sounds like she needs a few lessons in parenting. Honestly, you can't worry about her, you absolutly did the right thing. Now, whether anything changes in another story. just go about your business, and try not to hold any grudges. If you happen to get a glance, then smile. She'll get over it......or not.
Good luck!

E.,

Of course you have to protect your child, but the other mother is probably embaressed and perhaps hurt that you didn't talk to her directly. It doesn't sound like she was handling it well, but we also don't know how she handled it at the time of the incident or how she counselled him afterwards either. She might be upset because she came to you directly, but you went to the administration. If she hadn't mentioned it to you, you wouldn't have known anything and she might feel her second child might have a harder time getting accepted, since you reported him. I'm not defending her, but just trying to understand her response. Good luck.

LR

I don't think you did anything wrong in asking someone to talk to her about it. However, just because you weren't WRONG doesn't mean that you can't approach the mom and say something like, "I hope I didn't hurt your feelings or offend you in any way. I don't think you have a horrible child, I just don't want people being hurt more." What is the harm in trying to smooth things over a bit? If you feel bad and want to make sure she knows it wasn't personal - then TELL her.

You weren't wrong, but I think the best approach would have been to tell her first that if she can't correct her son's behavior, that you would tell the teacher.

If you have a way to document each time the bad behavior happens (I know teacher's are busy, but in any part of the world you can't ever make your case without proof), then the teacher and parent might see that it's a constant thing and would be able to take action.

But by "tattling" on her son to the teacher, she's upset and embarrassed and uses the silent treatment as a way to defend herself and her son. Approach her in a friendly manner to spend a moment or two to talk with you. If she won't do that, wait a little while, then try again. When she does give you the time of day, explain to her that you didn't mean to hurt her, but that you took her son's biting and hitting very seriously and you hope that other parents would do the same thing for your child.

Children's safety comes before parent's feelings. End of story.

You did the right thing. He doesn't even go to the school so even more reason why he should not be around the kids that do. THis is one reason why several schools have a no sibling rule for field trips and such.

You were not wrong. In fact, i think the party that was most at fault was the school. You can't tell parents or control how parents discipline/raise their children, but schools should have strict guidleines and policies related to how they handle biting. Especially with all of the viruses that are of great concern these days.
Many schools have formal policies, i.e. sending letters to parent of child who bit, and allowing the incident to occur a limited number (3) at which time teh child is not allowed to return. Schools that enforce these policies leave parents no choice but to deal with their children's behavior.

E.,
You did the right thing. You need to document what happened to your child and yourself and submit a copy to the principal and teacher. Include that if the child breaks skin you are going to take your child to the doctor, this is going to scare the cheeeese out of them because of liability. If this would happen again, you have it documented with all three parties. This is why I don't allow parent volunteers to bring their little ones to class.
Good luck, documented, protect your child!

Someone has to tell the parent, if the child continues to bite, that can be really more of a health issue since it is a fine way to pass germs too. I would do the same thing, and would not feel bad for protecting my child.
You are the voice for your kids, so speaking up is part of the deal :)
Really at the end of the day if she wants to ignore you that is her problem, she is the one that needs to figure out why he is biting and stop it .

Hi. I think you did the right thing. The Mom probably loves her son so much that she's blind to his faults. I've done this before-my son was a big whiner and I didin't realize it until my SIL complained about it when she watched him. I was enforcing this behavior blindly by giving in when he whined. I didn't like hearing her complain, but at least it was brought to my attention and I worked on it. I have friends who have kids that do similar things that the kid you're talkin about does. When I've brought it up, they say "he doesn't know better" or "what provoked him?" Sure, one should give him the benefit of the doubt but he still needs to know this behavior is unacceptable. I would've done the same thing. I'm sure many other people at the school are grateful that somebody finally said something.

There was absolutely NOTHING wrong with what you did. You're an understandably concerned mother. And you wanted to inform another mother about her son's behavior that seriously needed to be addressed.

I am apalled that this mother has completely abdicated her role as a parent. By not establishing boundaries, teaching her son that hitting is not acceptable, offering healthy ways for her son to let out this combative energy, she is doing nothing to correct his behavior. In fact, she is doing the exact opposite. She is only fueling the biting and hitting by her son. Sadly, she is enabling him and his destructive behavior, which is a terrible shame. In his eyes, he is doing nothing wrong. "Mom never says I can't/shouldn't do this/that--must be okay".

From the outside, I see the mother being reserved (instead of the usual friendliness) and creating distance from you as sign of embarassment and guilt. But instead of doing something about the issue, she's merely internalizing it, placing blame on others, minimizing the seriousness of the matter, thus choosing to remain in her denial of any problems caused by her son. These types of parents let their kids "run the show" so to speak. They are more afraid of what their
child will do or think about them, than ensuring they do what is necessary for their kid to be a respectable person. They don't want to be "mom" or "dad", they want to be liked and be their child's "friend".

Don't get me wrong, I love my children to pieces, but I'm fully aware that they aren't going to like me all the time, and vice versa! But as a parent, I want to be treated with respect and I want my child to treat others in the way they want to be treated. And I don't think there are many kids aspiring to being a chew toy or punching bag.

You did the right thing. The well-being of you and your child are not to be taken lightly. We can
get into trouble when we compromise things in order
to be accepted by others. But I applaud you for choosing
to be you and your child's advocate. You are worth it. :)

I would have done the same thing. It is normally a school policy to "keep your hands (and teeth) to yourself". It's difficult to draw the line sometimes when kids are playing, but I think children that bite and otherwise hurt other children deliberately should be dealt with on the spot. (Children have short memories.)

E.,
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Isn't it interesting that we, as women, will always ask ourselves first if WE were in the wrong, when the other party was clearly not handling the situation? I do the same thing.

It seems that the parent needs some skills in parenting AND in socializing. Sure, being compassionate would be fine, but you need to take care of your child AND your well-being first.

Perhaps the woman is ignoring you because she no longer can behave the way she wants around you/your child. If she comes around great. If not, it's probably for the best.
C.

At my Daughter's preschool, when she was younger... they DID NOT tolerate that kind of thing...

Keep in mind that you did the right thing. As a school... they can be liable for any inflicted injuries/harm that happens on their campus... ie: it can be negligence. AND, well, what if that Pregnant woman got pissed/hurt and she SUED them? The school/kid is at fault.
And they were very sloppy in their handling of it... very unprofessional. I mean, the Teacher "forgetting' to call you about your son getting bitten? C'mon... yah right.
AND, typically, they would write it down in an 'incident report.' What if that kid broke skin and your son had a bleeding bite? What then?

You did the right thing. DO NOT WORRY if that woman is giving you the cold shoulder... she is not exactly a shining 'role model' anyway.... being that she LETS her son run wild and hit/bite/harm other people and kids.

My vote is: you were NOT wrong.

Hello, Apparently, this mom doesn't have any empathy for anyone else her son hurts. I would not worry about how she feels. If she asks, I would just say that since I had mentioned it to her and she had chosen not to try and stop his abusive behavior, that I had no other choice but to talk to the teacher. I would also mention that I would not allow my child to hurt others and therefore I would also not allow others to hurt my child. Too bad if she doesn't understand. If it continues, I would talk to the teacher again.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

Of course you were right to say what you did. I the the other mom's child wasn't involved she would say your where right too.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. As a mom, it is your job to protect your child. As a teacher it is your job to protect pther children. What are the teachers doing to prevent this (as much as they can, anyway)? Does someone shadow him? Have they figured out the time of day or triggers for biting. The child could be biting due to some stress he is experiences or a loack of ability to communicate effectively. I work at a preschol and these are things we try to do as well. Biting can happen in the blink of an eye but there are steps that can curb it. At our school after several incidences kids are asked to leave.
If you need to, don't be afraid to contact the licensing agency responsible for your preschool. biting is a violation of health and saftey practices as well as personnel rights (something licensing is very big on). do whatever you need to do to protect your child and others.

I agree with what you did. Something has to be done to stop the behavior. I'm sure that the other mother would be livid if it was her son that was being bitten/hit/kicked and would want something to be done as well. I wouldn't feel bad about your decision. Unfortunatly you can't decide her reation to that decision.

She'll come around...as soon as her son is old enough to attend preschool and someone bites him!

E.,
You are absolutely right to protect your child!!!!! It may feel as if you are being mean, but that Mom sounds like she may need ALOT more help than she is willing to admit. If the Teacher is on her toes and understands child development, then she should be keeping a running record of ALL the mean and cruel behavior that this child is doing to others (CHILDREN AND ADULTS ALIKE!!!). This problem should be brought to the attention of the ADMINISTRATOR in charge.
The Teacher needs to get more help for BOTH the child and the PARENT! Are there some parenting classes available at your school??
Is it a public school? Are there other parents and children that have experienced the same behaviors and NOTHING was done to stop them??!!! (hitting, biting kicking pushing...ALL aggressive behaviors are NOT acceptable, no matter what the original reasons may be.
She is probably VERY embarassed that her child is OUT OF CONTROL, but she needs some help...see if there are resources at your school to get her the help she needs.
W. M.

E.:
I am surprised the school allows the mom to volunteer when she has a younger child. My school only allows volunteers when they leave the younger child at home. Today with all the news and concerns about the flu it is dangerous to have a biter at school. The school needs to have a policy where all children are supervised by the parent during the pick ups and drop offs. This little boy is running the household and is a danger to others as well as himself. MOm needs to step up and who cares if she doesn't like you. If every parent is diligent about this the mom will get the message.

A biting kid must be stopped at all costs. A parent must be notified in writing and should not be relied on to pass the information on through parents. I'm sorry your son was bitten. It is your job to stop the biting kid. Good Luck.

I had a friend. She told me that her good friend told her one day that she could no longer hang around her because her kids were bad. My friend was mad for two years. She would not speak to her dear friend. She then realized that it was true and started disciplining her children. She called her friend and apologized.

This lady may never realize it or apologize to you. Regardless, her son is inappropriate and you saying something is not inappropriate. Biting and hitting a pregnant woman-GIVE ME A BREAK! He needs to be kicked out and and the mom needs to wake up.

When he is a teenager, she will regret it, if she doesn't get on top of it.

God Bless!

J.

You were so right for doing this. People are afraid of hurting others' feelings, or creating discomfort, and no one wins in a situation like that! I am willing to bet there are quite a few people who are so grateful that you took the bull by the horns.

#1, you are not wrong. #2, she needs to take more responsibility with her child's biting behavior. So she got called out on it. Too bad. If she wants to be offended and think nothing is wrong that is her problem. She can continue to ignore it till a parent really throws a fit and tries to sue her. People don't realize that certain things are just not acceptable. You are young and may still care if someone is mad at you, but I find that if I know that I did the right thing, then it should be like water off a ducks back. Don't worry, you are protecting the interests of your child and those around.
~~D.

You absolutely were NOT wrong in saying something. The child should not be allowed to come when his mother is volunteering/helping out. The preschool director needs to talk to the mother and perhaps the child should have to stay in the office during pick-up. No child or adult should be subjected to that and it is irresponsible parenting to laugh when your child is becoming a bully. Let that mother be mad. It is your responsibility to make sure your child is safe at school. If the attacks continue, I would talk to the director of the preschool about considering pulling your child out of the school (whether or not you are considering it) if something is not done about that sibling's violence. Good luck.

Hi E., You know your job is to protect your son from danger. Even young, frustrated children can be worked through the biting and hitting stage. His mom must not know what to do about it, perhaps the school can give her some guidance, a book with information on raising safe kids, or suggest a parent training class. Or restrict time unsupervised. She may be battered herself and need some help. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself or your family from this type of danger. My son was hit on the ear and it ruptured his eardrum and caused alot of pain. The child that hit him has autism and he hits his family too. Our son has autism too. We were upset as you are and talked about it with them, it was already being worked on daily in behavioral therapy. Your issue needs to be addressed by the school staff. Just do your thing and forget about her behavior for now. Good luck, Deb

I think you were 100% right. I would not like it if a child that should not be in that school came in and was a distraction and hurting kids and the mother did nothing to correct or prevent it. She is angry because the truth hurts.She should focus more on her child'd behavior then anything else. Kudos to you for stepping up and doing the right thing even though others may not agree.