Am I the Only One This annoys?/Is Life Not Complete Without a Male Child?

Well, I am the opposite. We have 2 boys and everyone kept asking us "Are you going to try for that girl". Turns out that I am pregnant now, and almost everyone has asked us if we are hoping for a girl. I could care less. Honestly, I don't feel unfulfilled by not having a girl. I would be happy with either.

It is funny that you say does this make women feel pressured. It is the man who determines the sex of the baby. Mom just incubates! haha!

Try not to let it bother you.

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You'd get the same thing if you had two boys too. It's just the idea that everyone in the world should experience having at least a child of each gender.

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As a mom to two boys, we get the same annoying question are you going to try for a girl??? We are so happy with our boys and wouldn't change them for the world. I think it just comes with the territory of parenting. Others just assume you are possibly not happy with what you already have. I don't know why, but they ask. I get annoyed but try to just ignore it and move on.

M

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It is annoying isn't it? I never felt too much pressure, but yes, there is a desire for many people to have sons. I have a daughter and two sons. It never mattered to me what gender my kids were as long as they were healthy, that to me was the most important thing. My daughter is from my first marriage and my boys are from my current hubby. My hubby, on the other hand, was a little disappointed that we did not have a girl because he would have liked one of each, but oh well. I can only speak from my personal experience and from those in my inner circle. Generally speaking, sons are easier to raise than daughters. I think that what you are experiencing comes from the ideology that in many cultures throughout the world, sons are the preferred gender because they will take care of the family (the warrior/the moneymaker) while a daughter does not produce the means to support her parents, instead, they end up supporting her until she marries. Sons therefore, are more preffered than daughters in many cultures.

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Well, lol. This has never really been an issue with me. I have two little boys and a little girl, by two fathers. Both fathers wanted little girls (and both got little boys first) and I wanted a little girl desperately. I had my first and decided that he was perfect as is, and that I didn't need any more children, and if I had more children I would love a little boy. (I already knew how to take care of them. Boys are easy.)

When people asked they usually said "What are you hoping for?" and I said "A healthy baby." because gender is small in the face of that. With my second, my mother-in-law said "Oh, I hope it's a little girl! Maybe this time you'll get a girl!" I know that it wasn't that she wanted the opposite gender more, but that she thought a boy and a girl, little brother and sister, would be so cute! I let her know "I'm sorry, but I'm just not feeling that. I'm pretty sure it's a boy." and it's not my first rodeo, so I know my body and how it reacts with each.

The truth of the matter is they likely don't mean it offensively, and you can take it with a grain of salt, smile that secret smile, and say "We'll see, but we'll love them no matter what."

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My sister and I are 8 years apart. People thought my mom was going for the boy, too. (She's always said she wouldn't know what to do with a boy and that's why we are both girls! LOL!!)
People are going to think whatever they are going to think. People asked me when I was pregnant with my daughter if I was going for a girl... Sure, but, really, as long as the baby was healthy, that was good enough for me. I'd have been happy with a boy, too.
Besides, when it comes right down to it -- you don't have much of a choice.
Just ignore them... You don't need that kind of drama!

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I have a very good friend with 5 boys. People are always asking if she and her new hubby are going to try for a girl next time. They way things like "Oh 5 boys, dont' you wish you had a girl? " She always says No, just fine with my boys. But it does annoy her.
So in your case the tables are turned and people think you should have had a boy since you already have a girl. pooey on them It's not their business. And it's A OK to want to try for a third. THe little ones will be close in age and have someone to grow up with. Enjoy your children and next time say we're hoping for triplets or quads, or puppies.

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Ah, we have three girls. They run in packs!

When people asked me if we were "going for the boy?" after our third girl was born, I would say, no, it would be another girl, so if he wants a boy, he is going to have to do it with somebody else..," Kind of lets them know that the stepped over a weird line.

M.

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People have their idea of what a perfect family should be...most think you need a boy and a girl or you need to have 2 babies at least. I have one child who is the light of my life but yet people think it's awful for me not to give her a brother or a sister. I ignore them, you have to to keep your sanity at times. I have only ever wanted one child and that's all I'm having. If you are happy having two girls and no boys than that's what you've chosen. Don't let other people make you feel guilty about it. It's none of their business.
Oh and no, my husband has never once said that he wishes we had a boy or we should try for a boy...he's perfectly happy with our 1 little girl.

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I don't get annoyed...but, I often wonder, why people are so hung up on a certain gender. It seems like people are asking all the time, for methods in getting a certain gender. (Obviously, it's not actually possible. No matter what people like to believe.) I mean, if you only want one gender...why even try for kids? There is no guarantee and I really (in my opinion) thinks it's unhealthy, to pine after one specific gender. Why don't people adopt, if they're are so convinced, they need a certain gender?

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Because some people are crazy. I have a neighber that has 7 year old twins, a 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 6 month old. All of this was to try for a girl. The twins are boy/girl twins, and the rest are boys until the baby. They had SIX kids to try for that second girl. It's disgusting to me. If someone is not happy with what God blessed them with, they do not need to keep having more in hopes of getting one of the other. I have one girl and two boys. I do feel bad that my daughter will not have a sister, but I would never have another child just to hope that we get a girl. How awful for the child to know they were created in hopes that they were one or the other! Ugh. This topic definitely gets to me, if you can't tell. And as far as my husband, he said if the first was a girl, we would not have anymore because he wanted some bathroom time! HA! I am one of 5 and told him I would never be a single child parent, but it was just funny. Total opposite!!

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We have two girls and have faced people insisting that we "need" to have a boy or "of course" we wanted a boy when we got our second girl. And yes, it is annoying sometimes. I don't feel the least bit pressured by it. In fact, I have had a tubal ligation. My husband is the one who finds this behavior bothersome. People insist that he must want a son, every man does (mainly my brother-in-law who has 3 girls and has always wanted a son to play football, because, you know, his son would automatically be athletically gifted). My husband doesn't understand why people can't comprehend that not all men are the same. Some really want a son, some really want a daughter and some just want healthy, happy children.

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Our first was a girl. We both wanted another girl. We got a boy. It was weird when I would tell people what we were having, they'd say,"oh a boy and a girl, the perfect family." I was always a little offended by it. And when they would inevitably add, "your hubby must be happy," I'd say, "No actually, he wants another girl." That would usually end the conversation. So, if you find yourself in that situation again, just say "we wanted two girls, thank you."

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Oh yes-people always think that you should have one of both. Many people do decide to "stop" after that. Here is my theory now that I have 2 boys and I will tell it to anyone that mentions this: A boy/girl mix is only *great* for the parents. ( I actually came into parenthood with this ideal as well.) The kids do MUCH better as the same sex. My boys play together SO SO much more than I notice mixed sex kids do and that I remember ever playing with my brothers. They have so many common interests to bond them.

I do sometimes wish that we could experience a little girl. I always dreamed of having one and am "girly" myself. However, after seeing the reality of them in my neighborhood and the school I know now that God knows what he is doing. I would have been a terrible mother to little girls. They are way too high-maintenace for me.

Also-people should just mind their own business....sick to death of people asking if I want to try for a girl. I am much older than I look so will put them in their place and embaress them when they ask-feels kind of good :-)

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I guess people are just nosy fools! Seriously -I've responded so many times to the posts on here about people being SO disappointed that they're having boys or that they really want to "try" for a girl, but they're AFRAID of having a boy -it's interesting to finally see the flip side! I really don't think most people understand how nosy/silly/ridiculous/infuriating it is for parents of multiple kids of all one gender to be asked this and receive comments constantly. I WISH I had a dollar for every comment made to me about "WHY aren't you going to try for a girl? Don't you want a girl?" Well, no, actually I don't! And that's certainly no slam against you OR girls, who I know I would love every bit as much as I love my boys -but I have the two CHILDREN I wanted, so I'm very happy. Regardless of what sex I would have had -I would be happy. It just amazes me how incredibly pushy and filled with disbelief so many people -often complete STRANGERS are about me not trying for a girl. I liken it to all the crappy comments people always made to my parents about having an only child. Too many people don't think before they open their mouths! Have fun with those girls, and hopefully as they age (this is what I'm hoping in my situation) -the comments will die down when it's apparent you're NOT having more kids.

***My "fave" (not) -are people who actually have told me while I was pregnant and after that they were "sorry" I was having a boy or another boy because I wouldn't be able to buy cute clothes. I happen to love little boy clothes, but was flabbergasted people would actually say that to me! So, you see -these same idiots would be commenting no matter what you had produced!

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I don't think its that people are hoping to have a son. My friends who have only boys and got pregnant again people were just assuming they must be trying for a girl. You get the questions about the boy and I am sure others get the questions about the girl. I have a boy and a girl and am pregnant with number three and people ask me why i would have another one if I already have both. So everybody gets stupid questions pretty much. :)

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I think people assume that if you have a child of one gender, you are hoping for the opposite - the whole idea that the "complete family" is a boy and a girl. I don't buy into that. I wanted all girls! When I was pregnant with my second, I wanted my daughter to have a sister - I grew up with sisters. My life would certainly have been complete if I never had a boy (I would not have felt the same if I never had a girl, sorry, being honest).
If you had a boy first, people would likely assume you were hoping for a girl to have that "complete family." When my sister was pregnant with her third, many people assumed she was only having another baby to "try for a girl" but that was not true. She and her husband wanted 3 kids, and even if they'd already had a boy and a girl, they'd have had another child.
Good luck

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I can understand why this is annoying to you. My mom used to do something annyoing like this, only it was with my weight. I was substancially larger when my husband and I first got together, and she would always insist that he must REALLY like me a lot better now, and she would keep talking about it and mentioning it until I honestly wanted to gouge my own eardrums with a screwdriver! I think that sometimes, though, in your case, people sometimes talk out of their arses, just making conversation (or trying to), without really thinking about their implications.

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I think my husband was hoping for a girl first, mostly because I used to babysit some wonderful young girls and he has never been a "kid" person to begin with. I always connected more with little boys when I watched kids, but didn't care that much. We had a boy for our first and then when we were expecting our second, people of course thought we would want a girl. We didn't care. We did not want another baby because we wanted one gender or another, but I didn't mind the questions so much at the time. Now that we're having our third, I do find people assuming or asking if we're hoping for a girl kind of annoying. I ADORE my two boys, will be thrilled if we have a girl, but there is a part of me that LOVES the idea of raising only sons, too. I know this is the opposite of your question, but I think it comes up anytime there is a family with one gender. I think, for variety, we have family hoping we have a girl, and for the time being we are producing the only grandchildren for my husband's parents (they are very close to us but he has only one sister), so I can understand as grandparents hoping for both grandsons and granddaughters. However, the other day at the grocery store one of the clerks we have gotten to know saw us checking out with the boys and said, "You should have another boy and then you can call them 'My Three Sons.'" She actually didn't know we were expecting, but I told her she was the first person to actually say anything specifically in favor of us having another boy.

So, I actually think we're having another boy (should find out in about a week), but people seem to sit back when you say you did not "try for a gender" but you wanted another child regardless of gender. I usually cut them off before they process that and just say that I think it would have been wrong for us to have another baby hoping for something we can't control, because to me that means that the two of one gender you have can't satisfy you, and if you have another of the same gender, what does that tell them all? People seem to think that makes sense when they stop to think about it. After my second, people would ask me if we were going to try for a girl next. I just told them that we would probably have male twins.

Good luck thinking about another--you might just have another girl if you go for it. My dad had one boy out of 7 children, 3 girls and one boy with his first wife and just us three girls with my mom. My brother-in-law and one of my best friends' husbands are both one of 4 boys (no girls). I like seeing families, no matter that gender distribution. People get used to it. :)

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I didn't read the other replies so sorry if I repeat. I think that if your oldest child would have been a boy people would have been hoping for a girl.

Parenting boys and girls is so very different (I know because I have both) and equally as fun and exciting. Having children of all one sex is like going to Disney and riding half the rides - you wouldn't know what you are missing unless you actually got on the others, but if you never did get on the others you would feel like the ones you rode were the best.

I don't think that your life will be lacking without boy children, but maybe people are hoping you have a boy so that you can have those wonderful experiences too...

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We did "go for the third" after having two girls. Honestly, if we had 1 boy and 1 girl we wouldn't have probably wanted to try for a 3rd. We did feel "incomplete". Although we hoped and prayed madly that our third would be a boy, we agreed before trying that if it was a 3rd girl, then we would be happy and feel complete with our wonderful, healthy family.

Now that said, I don't think it's anyone else's business if you're ever going to "try for a boy", or to subject you to their opinions about "getting a boy" (like girls are inferior or that you're "disappointed" or something),

I have learned that we all have our thoughts and opinions, and that we all feel very passionate about certain issues/topics, and can get very fired up about some of those issues. I have learned that I need to shut my mouth - particularly about certain subjects and/or with certain people.

I don't know what it has become ANYONE's business if your "trying" to get pregnant, what the gender of your baby is, or if you delivered vaginally or via c-section. My mother is one of the worst "old hens" who CONSTANTLY shares personal information like this, people's financial and medical issues, etc. as if this is coffee talk conversation.

I am sorry that people are making you feel badly/angry/annoyed. I do think many men would like a "mini me" just as I think many women would like a wonderful little girl to dress up, and do girly things with. That's not EVERYONE, but generally speaking, yes, I do think that we all have thought of having a little person of the same gender to continue on a part of us. Now I also think that many people change their minds/opinions over time, but when we start "trying" and fantasizing about what our kid will look like, smile like, etc.

I am happy to hear that you are happy with your wonderful girls. And it's great that your husband is too! I hope that you find a fabulous way to shut up those people that question you about your future plans...something like, "We're very happy. Wouldn't you be with two healthy, smart and beautiful kids?" Put THEM in the hot seat, watch them squirm a bit and see how they react. Enjoy your little piece of paybacks - LOL.

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We have one daughter, and my husband is so happy that she turned out to be a girl. He has NEVER expressed a desire for a boy. I really don't want a boy either, I love my girl!

Other people will always have an opinion or an annoying remark about something. I have learned to ignore these things, its hard to do but it is possible. Good luck and I hope you get a third girl. I come from a family of three girls, and I love my sisters. I could not imagine life without my two sisters!

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That's interesting. I have a friend who has two girls and is pregnant with her third. People said the same thing to her.

On the other hand, my husband and I have a little boy and have always said that if #2 is a boy, we'll try for a girl with #3. I kinda feel the opposite. I adore my son, but I really want a little girl as well.

When I was pregnant with my first child, a lot of people told me they hoped she would come out white like my husband instead of brown like me or had his blue eyes instead of my brown ones, so it's not like I don't feel what you're saying. I flat out told them their assumptions and values were absurd. To be fair, at the time I was living in a country where the majority native population had been oppressed by European invadors for hundreds of years and they saw the color of skin as an indication of the status in life that you were able to acheive. White meant you would have different opportunities in life. But even buying into that and perpetuation it that enraged me and I told them so.

But in the case of boy/ girl comments, I wonder if what they are saying doesn't have so much to do with thinking boys are better or that you need one, rather just having experienced how different it is to raise a boy than a girl and being grateful for having the opportunity to do both. My first was a girl, and I would have been very happy if my second had been, too. But he isn't. And it's been such a joy knowing a boy and a girl because the experiences are so different and enriching to my life in ways I hadn't thought of. Maybe that's what they're talking about -- just having a different experience and how fun that can be, not that one is better than the other.

When we told people we'd had a boy someone told us, "Oh, you have the million dollar family." We didn't get what they meant, but we kind of do now. NOt that it wouldn't have been perfect with two girls, of course it would be, it's just fun in a different way.

Congratulations!

I have 2 wonderful boys, and we are not planning to have more kids. Relatives, friends and even acquaintances have asked many, many times why we do not try for a girl. That has been keeping on and on. We decided not to because we are not young parents and because of my health; however, does not bother me at all.
Don't be annoyed by it. It is just people's comments. It is not even worth to sweat on it.
Be happy with whatever makes you happy.

All we had was boys for a long time. My hubby has 2 older boys from a previous marriage, then we had 2 boys...with every pregnancy EVERYONE ASSUMED we were trying for a girl! This was so NOT the case...I always wanted a big family and to me 3 kids was a big family...when I was pregnant with our 3rd and final child, I secretly hoped for a 3rd boy ( I just love the idea of 3 brothers...too cute) but everyone on both sides of our family was dying for a girl!

Isn't it frustrating when even strangers come up to you and assume you are trying for the other gender? I don't get it...it's just the way it goes, I guess?! People are weird!

I have four girls :) There is always a small part of me that wonders what life would have been like with a son. I would not trade my daughters for the world. I was excited to have every one of them. I think it is normal to feel the what ifs.

We had a boy first and when we were pregnant the 2nd time around lots of people said, oh, you must be hoping for a girl! We did not care if we had a girl or boy (we had a girl and I have to say it has been fun having one of the opposite gender!). When my friend who has 2 boys got pregnant with her third (also a boy) everyone said I bet she's hoping for a girl! It's just what people say. I don't know anyone who actually values one gender over the next. My husband certainly did not care either way. I guess in the past it was important to families to have the family name carried on, so they wanted a boy but I do not personally know anyone who cares about that anymore.

Are you sure you're not misinterpreting the comments? Most people, if having two children, want a boy and a girl. My first was a boy and when I was pregnant with my second everyone said they hoped for a girl for us, I know that was what I wanted. I didn't find it offensive. I think its just a common way of thinking that the ideal scenario was one of each. I don't think it indicates in any way that people think your girls are inferior...I ended up with another boy....Same thing happened with baby number three everyone speculated how great it would be if we finally got a girl....We did get our girl and having both is wonderful!