Am I Spoiling My Baby??

Hi J.- Congratulations on your little miracle!
You are not spoiling you baby nor can you especially at this age! Babies are not spoiled they do get used to being held. Crying for attention doesn't happen until maybe 6 months of age if not at an older age.
I totally agree with you and feel the same that when a baby cries it is for a reason and sometimes that reason is to be held and that's fine. My daughter who is now 19 months old did the same as your daughter. She would fall asleep in my arms and once I laid her down would only sleep for 20 minutes.
A sling worked great she would sleep and I could wash the dishes or fold laundry. Also I would lay her on her stomach. I know this is not recommended but she would sleep longer. My daughter was a healthy 8 lbs baby at birth with pretty good control of her head so I felt comfortable putting her on her tummy but I checked on her every 10 minutes.
Remember for 9 months she was constantly feed, in constant movement, warm and close to you. For a while that is what she'll want until she gets used to her new surroundings.
I would highly suggest that somewhere around 4-8 months you start laying her down to sleep before she is completely asleep so that she learns to fall asleep on her own. I never did this. I say this but at the same time I don't regret every night her falling asleep in my arms. I breastfeed my daughter and I always let her fall asleep while nursing and just now within the last month she falls asleep all on her own. It's harder when they are older because they are more willful and scream but they do learn faster. I say all of this but at the same time I don't regret every night her falling asleep in my arms.
Hold your baby for as long as you want, take naps with her. This time only last a short amount of time and she will never be this small again.
Remember you are her mother and mom knows what is best for her baby, follow your gut feeling!
I hope the very best for you and you family!
C.

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I don't think you could ever spoil your baby by tending to their needs when they cry!

The only problem comes in when your baby does not learn how to do things for themselves (age appropriate) because you do it for them. CIO is only to help the baby figure out how to solve their own problem. For example, when your baby is older she should learn how to put herself to sleep. If every time she cries you rush in and put her to sleep she will never figure out how to do it herself. CIO is sometimes used to give the baby a nudge to figure it out herself. And many times they do! But definitely not until she is much older. She is too young to figure anything out for herself.

Just enjoy your sweet babe!

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oH MY GOSH I AM STILL SPITTING MAD AT MY SISTER TWENTY FOUR YEARS LATER FOR TELLING ME THE SAME THING. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD YOUR BABY IS ONLY FIVE WEEKS OLD. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE, DOCTORS, MY SISTER AND WHOEVER SAYS WE CAN SPOIL THEM BY TENDING TO THEM. ok, so here's my story and I tell you please do pay attention to your child. My brand new son was also crying and crying and crying and I was fighting the urge because of course my older sister knew everything. Well, I finally gave in and went up to get him and he was shivering cold he had wet all over himself. I will never forgive myself either for not listening to me, instead of her. And believe me no one can over spoil their brand new baby in my opinion. And if they do you can all get counseling later...

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you can not spoil an infant. trust your gut. my son, no joke, barely cried. I nursed him whenever he seemed to fuss, changed his diaper immediately if possible, and wore him as much as possible in a wrap or carrier. I believe doing this for him even when people complained he would be a "tit" baby was best. He self weaned before he was 2, is rarely sick, and now really independant. Some babies are more fussier than others, but if she is crying you should always attend. Are you happy with your pediatrition? It took three tries before we found one that matched our parenting style. Our first 2 doctors wanted me to bottle feed formula so I could "have a break" and they thought my son was small and not at a good weight, put my son in his crib and let him cry so he would learn to settle himself, and they thought my son would be clingy if I wore him all the time. When I got to the 3rd doc and he picked up my 16lb 4 month boy and said he was perfect and I was doing a great job, I learned to really trust my gut. Just wished I could of learned sooner then 4 months.

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Please look for a new pediatrician. This one doesn't know what they are talking about. You can't spoil a newborn. Think they had you 24 hours a day in a warm womb, food on demand through the umbilical cord and the wooshing noise to sleep by.
Please read the best book ever written. Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr.Harvey Karp. It is a short quick read that really helped us understand why babies do the things they do. Everything in this book we tried, worked. We have a wonderfully adjusted happy 14 month old.
Also, gas drops can really help with any gas build up. It helps to pop the bubbles before they form in the tummy.

Good luck and enjoy this time it goes so fast!

J.,
My advice for any new mom is to follow your instincts, because if you do something that does not feel right, you will find yourself suffering from a great deal of guilt. If I can offer any lesson to new mothers, that would be it.

Additionally, I might suggest your throw "attachment parenting" into a Google search or do some research on Dr. Sears, who is a staunch proponent of attachment parenting.

There are two schools of thought out there: one to allow an infant to cry so that they learn to self-soothe and do not end up feeling "spoiled"; the other is the attachment method, which entails comforting your child through close interaction and touch. Pick what makes you feel comfortable as a new mom, and do some research on both so that you can make an informed decision. My husband and I primarily followed the attachment parenting, and we have a beautiful two-year-old daughter whom we love dearly. It just was not in my heart to allow an infant to "cry it out" as I wasn't going to get sleep either way, so why not comfort her to the best of my ability?

Another piece of advice that I recommend is the "No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. I found this book very helpful and it goes along with the attachment parenting method if that is what you elect to follow.

Best of luck to you, but most of all, congratulations on your new bundle of love and joy!

You are not spoiling your baby! Go with your gut! And for what it's worth, my pediatrician- who has been in practice for 40 years- always told me that you cannot spoil a baby. You're doing just fine!

You're going to get lots of replies on this...but a) you're right in following your instincts, b) do NOT let your baby CIO, c) get a new pediatrician, because yours is following very outdated beliefs.

You'll be seeking input from your pediatrician on other things down the road, and you don't want all the advice you receive to be outdated and wrong! I don't believe in letting a baby CIO even as they get older...but even people who do don't advocate it as early as 5 weeks. Geez!

Slinging and responding to your baby's needs are the RIGHT choices. That's what we do (mine is 5 months old). If you're a reader, a book called "The Vital Touch" helped me in understanding my baby's need for touch, being held, etc. You may also look into some books on attachment parenting.

You're doing a great job!

I am very surprised by your pediatrician's comment. Everything I have read and have been told by my doctors and the hospital we gave birth at is that you CANNOT spoil a newborn baby. Listen to what your heart tells you is right for your baby and keep wearing that sling. Studies show babywearing is extremely beneficial to your child and great for soothing them. I am so dismayed by your pediatrician that I would find a new one - that kind of thinking is soooo old school.

I don't believe you can spoil a baby. It is important to let them learn to sleep on their own, but it is also important to make sure they feel secure in their new environment. We definitely did it different with our second - he was moved to his crib at 2 months and we let him "cry it out" when we put him to sleep at night with a lengthening time of checking on him and giving him comfort while he tried to fall asleep on his own...it has paid off as he goes to sleep so well on him own. But don't ever feel like you are spoiling your baby by holding them too much, I think that is crazy! I also think there are huge benefits to keeping the baby close by during the day. Both of my kids spent a lot of time in the baby bjorn during erands - experiencing many new environments while still being close to mom - and they are both so confident even in new situations. I say go with your instinct and not anyone elses.

Find a new pediatrician. You need one who is more in tune with new borns. You might want to try keeping the baby wrapped in a receiving blanket when you rock her at night and then lay her in the crib/bassinet still swaddled up. that helps with the sleeping for longer bits of time.
sherry
ps: from the stand point of having my babies now be 26 1/2, 22, 20, 19 and 13 1/2 I can give you some advice. rock and hold them for as long as you can. they grow up fast.

J., I agree with a lot of the sentiment expressed: get a new pediatrician! Babies get more of a sleep routine when they are 3-5 months old, and they begin to sleep sounder as well. If you decide you eventually want to let her learn to fall asleep by crying, at least wait until she is older. And then only if you need/want to. Don't be concerned with what messages our culture gives about sleeping babies. You know your baby and her needs.

Your doctor sounds “Old School”. My dad warned my not to spoil my newborn when he was still in the ICU with an infection. But times have changed and if your doctor is of this school of thought and it does not mesh with your style then FIND A NEW DOCTOR! My big concern is what other needs is your baby going to have that your doctor will neglect?

Also, there is a great book that address this very issue. It’s titled Secrets Of A Baby Whisperer. Sounds hokey I know but I have learned a lot from this book. The book talks about and I saw it in other posts that your baby uses crying as a way to communicate needs. The only way to find out what she needs is by tending to her. Ignoring her just doesn’t sound humane to me. The book also address a way to help teach your baby to self sooth when the time comes so she doesn’t become dependant on you for sleep. The method does not involve CIO. Believe it or not it is possible to learn to sleep without letting her cry, so you do have OPTIONS. If you decide CIO is the method you want to use and/or will work best for you & baby that is fine, but at least it is your choice.

J.,

You are absolutely right -- your mother's instinct, that is. You CANNOT spoil a newborn. I don't know what your doctor is talking about. At 5 mos., maybe you should let a baby cry, but 5 weeks!

The best parenting advice I got was that you should do whatever you can to make sure everyone in the family gets the most sleep possible, whether it means sleeping with your baby, having her sleep in her infant seat, a swing, whatever. And go with your gut -- you know your baby best!

It sounds like you're doing a great job so far. Keep up the good work (and maybe think about switching to a different doc).

Best,
R.

My opinion is that you can NEVER spoil a young baby!! In fact, I recently just read that babies who are held more end up sleeping better because they are very aware of how loved they are! I have five precious little ones and I've always been one to let them make the schedule (as much as possible anyway!) for the first year and hold them as much as possible - fussy or not! People always remark about how happy, relaxed and easy going my babies have all been. And I've held each and every one of them as much as possible! Don't worry about spoiling your baby...before you know it, they'll be so big and you'll wish that you had held them more. No regrets this way!!

God Bless,
T.

YOU CAN NOT SPOIL A NEWBORN!!!! Crying is their only form of communication. Comfort them, hold them it will only last a short time. I always thought about 3 months is when to start getting them on a sleep schedule...then that's when i would do the crying it out a little bit at a time. There's no way you can spoil her now. Go w/ your gut.

Yuck. Get a new pediatrician!

You cannot spoil a newborn! When your baby cries you should pick her up. By picking her up you are teaching her to trust you and creating a bond between the two of you. When she gets a little older and you start to sleep train and create a schedule, you can try the cry it out method, but it is WAY TOO early for that. You should read Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Baby by Dr Marc Weissbluth. It is the best baby sleep book out there by far. I promise you cannot spoil that preciuos little angel.

I would be more concerned about your pediatrician than the possibility that you might be spoiling your newborn. Really, I have never heard that from a pediatrician. I have two - a 4 yr girl and 21/2 yr boy. At that age, we never worried about spoiling them if they were crying. We always held them and comforted them and they are happy, secure children. Yes, I worry about the issue of spoiling and I am a pretty strict mom. But the first year - I tried to make sure that I didn't fall into the trap of always second guessing myself and wondering "are they crying because they just want to be picked up or do they really need comfort".

At about 2-3 months of age, I started letting them get used to playing by themselves (in the little cloth play gyms). I didn't pick them up until they were really crying and would just ignore them when they made some noise (not really distressed, but more annoyed). Most days, I used the swing as well (i'm sure a recipe for spoiling for some). To this day, they are happy, playful and very social. They don't cling and are not insecure. I really think the more love you show them, the more secure they are. Only you will know as a Mom what feels right for your child and pretty soon you'll learn to recognize her cries (angry, upset, annoyed, hungry, sleepy) and know how to respond. I think you're dong fine! At the most, consider getting another pediatrician.

No You are not spoiling her she needs you and your comfort. I would change pediatricians before her next appointment because for he/she to tell you to let her cry is irresponsible. She already has problems with her GI and letting her cry makes it worse because she is taking in more air into her diaphragm that causes a tightness that babies just don't understand and makes them cry even more. She is also going into the dreaded colic phase and she will need all the love and patience you have. Try using a warm towel tied tightly around her tummy while cradling her back and forth during this phase. You can also give her some warm chamomile tea sweetened with Caro syrup. Don't use the commercial already made tea bags you need to actually get the chamomile leaves to do this. But any way I don't think you are spoiling her especially since you will be a stay at home mom. If you do plan on going back to work try to wait until her colic phase wears off it usually ends around the end on the third month end then try using the swing and bouncer to wean her off the constant holding. If you need any other help just e-mail me. Good Luck and God Bless

Hi GREAT Mom!!!
I did not have a chance to read many responses, but the majority wins - You cannot spoil a teeny little 5-week old baby. Plus, this time is going to go by so fast, you hold that baby as much as possible!!!! My friends would laugh at me, because I pretty had my daughter attached to me all day long!!! She took her naps on me, fed from me, plus I loved holding her! hahaha!!!

At 6, she is spoiled, but it had nothing to do with that! ha!

Enjoy her, and God Bless!

Hi J.,

I hate to contradict a pediatrician, because clearly I am not one! But babies are not able to self-soothe until they are around 4 months old. My doctor, as well as many sleep books that I have read, advise you to respond immediately if your newborn cries. It's the only way they know to communicate, and at this early of an age, they need to feel secure in knowing that you are always there for them.

My best advice - follow your mom instincts. They will never steer you wrong!

I don't think theres sucha thing as spoiling a baby!! Savor every moment...and just have fun loving her. You'll know when the time is to adjust your ways. So I say spoil the heck outta that baby while you can and enjoy every second of it. They grow up way to quick as it is.

Wow, first of all I can't believe your ped is telling you this with a baby only 5 weeks old. SWITCH doctors. She/he is obviously in the wrong profession.

Hold your baby close, comfort when needed, have her sleep in your chest if that's the only place she will sleep. Believe me it won't be that way forever. I've got three sons - 6,4 and 1 and I get teary that my 1 year old is too big now to sleep on my chest.

Follow your instincts....you will know what is best for her and your family.

I've got a great ped in Naperville if you're in the area.

The problem is mis-definition of SPOILED. A spoiled child is the one who gets everything the want. Not every thing the need. There is a difference. If your child needs comforting, protection, food, cleaned.... then you are not spoiling. At 5 weeks old, every thing is a need. Once she is 5 months old checking on her right away to be sure she has her needs met, then letting her cry a few minutes from time to time to help her learn to self soothe is one thing, find the balance. As she gets older and older you will both have to work on learning need v.s. want...

I read your response. Good for you!

I would suggest switching pediatricians. To say that you could spoil a 5 week old baby by holding her is ridiculous and shows a potentially major difference between what you believe and what your doctor believes. You obviously don't feel right about this. Go with your gut.

You are in NO WAY spoiling your baby!!! Babies that young need to be held as much as you can. The sling is a good idea also, do you have a swing or vibrating bouncer seat? They all seemed to help me. My doctor told me that you can't spoil a new born! All the sleep training books even say that until 3 to 4 months of age you are not suppose to start.

My daughter is 6mo. old now and what we did was starting at 3 mo. really paid attention to her wakeful times. She was up for about 1 hour and a half to two hours before she got fussy and needed a nap. Get one of the sleep books and skim them, you don't have to follow them totally. Good luck and don't worry about spoiling her, enjoy her!!! They grow up so fast!

I don't think so! your bay only knows you as her sense of love and comfort and security! you can't hold or love, or cuddle your infant to much, i held my son as much as i wanted which was often and he is six month now. he plays independently for 30 minutes or an hour at times, he slept with me and my husband until he was about 8-9 weeks then i put him in his own crib her sleeps there just fine! your doctor sounds old school. do what feels right. you wouldn't feel this way if it was right

Wow - I'm surprised your ped would say that. You're right - at that age they just want and need to be held to feel secure at the least - it sounds like your baby definitely has a reason though with those on again off again bouts of poop. Are you nursing? I know nursing mothers can take a high quality garlic supplement and that is supposed to ease colic. I am with Shaklee and they're the best so let me know if you'd like more info. Aside from that, it sounds like you're listening to your instinct by holding her and turning to the sling so you can hold her and get things done. I think your instinct will ALWAYS be right and its sometimes hard to believe in yourself when this is all so new and overwhelming, but trust me, listen to it. You know your baby better than anyone. Good luck!

Love your "little about me" by the way. It is SO much harder at home but so worth it :)

You aren't spoiling her but I do believe you are creating a habit. She is smart and she knows how to get what she wants. If she cries, she comes to you. That simple. I am a Wesibluff sleep mom, you may not be. However, crying is natural, it is the way she communicates, there are different cries and you will learn to know them. Best of luck.

Find a new baby doctor. It sounds like your baby for some reason is constipated. Get her checked out by someone else. My children's Dr. is Dr. Roy Betti - Carol Stream ###-###-####. I can call him day or night and is always available. He has been in practice for over 30 years.

Take care
J.

Hi J.,
I was in your shoes, just 7 seven short years ago. Former exec and new SAHM. Now I have two wonderful daughters, ages 7 and 5.
Read some of your responses, here's my two cents:
1. Yes, a new pediatrician.
2. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Once your daughter reaches four months, this book can be used as a reference to sleep train. He also has an office at Northwestern if you're in the city. It really helped me with my daughters who I also held/hold as much as possible.
3. The poop explosion question. I realized from the advice a friend gave me at the time, that both my daughters were lactose-intolerant through me when I was breast-feeding them. In other words if I ate/drank milk, ice cream, uncooked cheese, they would be bound up and then have explosive poops. So, I gave it up (went soy for the time) and the explosions stopped. They both are allergy-free, they just couldn't tolerate it through me when they were infants.
Good luck!

J.
I agree with you that whena newborn cries it is for a reason. i have 5 children and always tended them when they fussed or cried until they were about 9 months old. A human baby can not survive without constant care until they are at least 12 weeks old. Then to let a baby cry for a few minutes while you shower go to the bathroom or fix their next meal won't hurt them. Trust your gut. Good Luck!!
J. O

You cannot spoil a baby. They cry because they need something. Right now their needs and wants are the same thing. It sounds to me like you are following your instincts and doing the right thing. Its wonderful that you bought that sling. Use it as much as possible, it will become your best friend in these early weeks/months. If the moby does not work out for you keep trying different ones till you find a comfortable one.
If I can so bold, you might want to consider a different pediatrition. It sounds like you two might be on different planes when it comes to parenting approaches. You might want to also look at some of the parenting books by Dr.Bill Sears. He is the father of Attachment Parenting. I don't advocate following all the practices to the letter(they can be very overwhelming), however he talks about following your instincts and the importance of bonding through contact. I picked and chose which practices worked for our family along with which ones matched my instincts. I feel very confident with our decision to throw out the theory that you can spoil an infant.
The one piece of advice I would give you is to get your baby used to falling asleep in the crib. Put your baby down as soon as she starts to drift off to sleep. Your world will be much more sane later on. Good Luck!

I would look for a new doctor. Is this a really old person? This is bad advice. I also wear my baby in a Moby wrap because she is high needs and it makes both of us happy. I have two older, well-adjusted and not spoiled kids to prove I am right:) Do what you think, the doctor is not in your home, does not know you and your baby, and quite frankly is not qualified to be giving parenting advice- he/she is a medical expert.

You can't spoil a 5 week old! They need attention and to feel safe b/c they know you are there when they need you. Follow your mommy instincts...they are much stronger than what a doctor (do they even have kids????)can tell you about things like this. If she was 5 years old...a completely different story.

I didn't have time to read everything, but I would definitely get a new ped.
I remember at my 2 month old check up, I asked about sleep training, and my ped said, It's too young to start that. That would be cruel to let her cry herself to sleep.

I would get a new pediatrician!!!!!!! You can't spoil a baby they cry to communicate not to manipulate, they can't talk yet. When my daughter was born I had a specialist put it this way: Where do you find spoiled food? In the back of the fridge where no one tended to it. Wear your baby and hold her and cuddle her and eat up this precious time you will never get it back. I am rarely without my daughter in my arms and I love it. I get everything I need done and it encourages me to get the rest I need. Do what comes natural and find a pediatrician who matches your views!

Hold your baby all you want! You only get to for a little while. I have heard from several sources that you cannot spoil an infant (six months??? I don't remember the specifics). I did read in some books, though, that babies sleep more restfully (get better quality sleep) if you put them down. If you have not already tried it, maybe you can swaddle her (get The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD from your library...AWESOME). I think there is a difference between spoiling a baby and helping a baby learn how to sleep independently (an important skill for the rest of her life), but, for you, that will come much later than 5 weeks. It can also give you a break from time to time. But if you want to hold her, HOLD HER. Enjoy every minute!!

No, I don't think it's too early to spoil a baby. In fact, I don't think you can spoil a baby. Your baby will cry because they need you for something...diaper, food, or even just a cuddle. All of this will help you learn your babies different cries too. As for sleeping well during naps, I had finally resorted to turning a fan on in my daughters room for some white noise. It seemed to help and she naps for an average of an hour. Just remember, you're both (you & your husband with your baby) all still trying to learn how to respond to each other. It takes time, but you'll get there. Good luck!

I'm of the opinion that it is WAY to early for you to be considered spoiling your child. I held my son constantly in our Moby wrap, especially when he was teething. He is now almost a year old. He does not cry for attention, and is a very well-adjusted child that is independent and curious. I think you are very right - at this age crying is the only way they know how to communicate, so ignoring it is, in effect, ignoring their communication. I think that could make for more problems later, not less.

My opinion is there is no such thing as "spoiling" a baby. Some babies need to be held more than others. This is the time for you and your child to bond, that babie needs to know without a doubt that you are going to be there for her no matter what. Lots of people said i was spoiling my babies too (now 10 and 11 and a half) but i must say, if i did i would do it 100 times over again because they are the most cuddly children i have ever met.
Even as my oldest is approaching teen hood he still likes to sit with me on the couch and give me snuggly hugs. I don't think there is anything wrong with holding the babies, when they become 3-4 and still need you to hold them , then its time to worry... The pediatricia also said it was not healthy to sleep with the baby in our bed , but i did it any way... my thought on that too is the parents bed should be the community bed, children should not be kept from it. Obviously mom and dad need some time togehter too, dont get me wrong, but if you start out with the child in their own room, and the middle of the night they feel a need to be with you then there should be an open door policy. Our children are only with us for a very short time before they become independent and i feel that if we let them choose when they dont need to be held or need to visit our beds any more, then that is healthier than forcing them to adjust when they obviously are not ready for it.
Just my 2 cents hope it helps.
R.

Yikes! Your pediatrician is extremely outdated! Run do not walk to the next better baby doctor!

No, I fully believe that (especially when they are that little) we should do our best to keep them happy. I've done everything you could imagine in the last almost four years with a baby on my hip or pulling at my legs. I do everything with them there and my kids are very social and play wonderfully alone and together. You will not spoil her - at least not until she's older. You can't give in to everything when they are asking for things, but that part doesn't start until 9-12 months. And you'll know it cause the tantrums will start then too! This isn't to say that there won't be times that she won't cry (you just can't take showers or pull items out of a hot oven while holding her), but personally I don't follow the let them cry it out standards. I will warn you that is hard to choose the "attachment parenting" route, but if it feels right then you are doing okay. Good Luck!

No way!! IMO, you can NOT spoil a newborn. You want them to feel safe and secure, so i say hold them and cuddle them as much as you want. You do want to give them tummy time or some independent time to play a little each day, but when she cries she must need something, even if it just your attention!

common she is 5 weeks old. Before you now it other guys will spoil her anyway. My son was like that I picked him up everytime, he is now 2.5 and not spoiled at all.

I would find a new pediatrician. From everything I've read, been told by doctors, been told by friends and experienced myself, you can't spoil a newborn. At the very least until they are four months old. Your baby is crying for a reason and it is your job to figure out why and sooth him/her. Go with your instincts and sooth your baby.

There is a lot of psychological research that has been to show the long-term benefits of attachment parenting. Google it and see what you can learn. Responding to your baby's cries is the most important thing you can do right now. good job buying the Moby Sling.

A friend who is a psychologist commented on how I keep my baby close and respond to cries. She said, it's a lot easier to help someone who is overly attached to their parent than someone who wasn't attached to their parent. The second group goes around seeking attachment all their lives, perhaps in unhealthy ways.

You need a new pediatrician. There are many out there without such uninformed opinions.

J. (I think you are my friend Katie Carey's J.? No??),

I have always heard you can NEVER spoil a baby under a year old. This comes down to personal opinion. And it differs among generations. I think its much too early to worry about spoiling. But that is MY opinion. Do what YOU think is right because YOU are right about your child.

Much love,
S. (Mom to Faelyn, 2.5)

If your ped. is telling you you are 'spoiling' a 5 week old, get a new pediatrician!! Everything I have read and heard from others is that until a baby is 6 months old, nothing you are doing is spoiling them. React how you as a mother feel. Comfort your baby... "crying it out" can be used as a tool later... for now enjoy holding your little one.. let everything else get done when it gets done.. or by someone else!!
I have a 7, 6, and 2 year olds... all well behaved.. all slept thru the night very early on.. .and all feel loved!!

My pediatrician told me the exact opposite! He told me that at that age you CAN'T spoil your newborn. And when newborns cry it is for a reason. That your baby's needs come first. I respect my pediatrician a lot and agree with most of the things he says (not all). This was one of those times. Hopefully, you have that kind of relationship with your ped.

I think your pediatrician may be stuck in the dark ages! 5 weeks old is too early to let her just cry. Most sleep experts don't even advocate cio until at 4 months minimum.

Find another pediatrician. That's horrible...a 5 week old baby?!? Pick that baby up and hold her as much as she needs to be. I wouldn't even think about letting her cry it out until she is well into 4 months.

NO! You are not spoiling your baby! denying love, attention and touch to a 5 week old is not good. I carried my son around pretty much constantly for the first 3 months, cuddled, loved and soothed him. He is now a year old, extremely independent, and I so miss the days when he wanted to be held by mommy. He started walking at 8 months, whcih was basically the end of him wanting to be contained in any way. He sleeps through the night, naps, and plays by himself (and with others) very well. He is cheerful, secure and outgoing. Don't deny your infant when she is crying for you. You can't spoil a child that young. You might want to review your compatibility with your doctor.
--C.

get a new pediatrician--bad sign! you can NOT spoil your baby!!! They are designed to ne held. She sounds good to me!
oh and you can find good support at BeByBaby on Roscoe and Lincoln--I love them and their programs! Or an Attachment Parenting group for some ideas. Take what works for you.

You CANNOT spoil a newborn! They need all the attention they can get and you should not feel bad for wanting to do this. It's as they get older that you want to start teaching them self-soothing, which is an important thing for infants to learn (NOT newborns). Using the sling is an awesome way to give her the closeness she craves, but allows you some freedom to get things done during the day.

Go with your gut. There are so many parenting styles out there. Read as much of you can, and do what you feel is right for your baby.

Good luck!

Follow your heart! You are NOT spoiling your baby! Meet her needs!!! And definitely change doctors - quickly. What a horrible thing for him to tell you!

It is not possible to spoil a 5-week-old infant. She has not developed self-soothing skills yet and needs you to provide all soothing for now. Doctors have their own philosophies, make sure you are comfortable with doing what the doctor recommends. Our ped. asked us to start sleep training at 8 weeks, but there are many who recommend waiting until 16 weeks. Do what you feel is the best for your baby. Your instincts are likely to be right :)

J.:

you need to trust your instincts/ she is your baby and you know what is best for her.....

read any of the books on attachment parenting for support in your decision.

P., RLC, IBCLC
Breastfeeding and Parenting Solutions

You are definitely not spoiling your baby. "They" say it is impossible to spoil a baby under 6 months old. You are correct to immediately respond to her needs, even if that need is simply to be held. It will help her develop a sense of trust and comfort. A sling is a great idea, especially if your child likes to be held a lot. I would seriously consider looking for a new ped. If my ped told me that I would start to wonder if I could trust anything he/she says. And always questioning the advice of your doc is not a very comfortable position to be in. Hold that baby all you/she wants!! Good luck.

you aren't spoiling her, but you also aren't helping yourself or her any. She does need to learn to sleep by herself and to have some time with you not right there in order to foster independence. Not hours at a time, but a few minutes here and there building up to a half hour or so.

You really should work on the daytime naps though. Infants need regular sleep breaks, and cat naps are not doing it for their brains. When they are sleepy they do cry, some cry just to calm down and need that to sleep. I had one boy here who cried every day for 30 seconds for 2 yrs straight every single nap. It was just his way of falling asleep. He did it for his mom at night too. If they are only sleeping in your arms they are not relaxing and you aren't able to either. So that part of her life has to be worked on.

Try the following method ...
try using the Baby Whisperer's EASY method for a schedule, and the Happiest Baby on the Block 5 s's method. Those two combined will make cio not be a needed thing (at that age)
EASY - when the baby wakes up it Eats. After you feed it, then it has Activity - bouncy seat, tummy time, sitting up and playing with toys, swing, exersaucer, etc. When the baby gets fussy check the B's - boredom, butt or burp. If it's none of those then off to Sleep. Don't wait for the baby to do more than get the tiniest bit fussy, then see what is causing the fusses - if it's just that they needed their diaper change do that, but if it's not the activity is boring, the butt is dirty or they have to burp, then put them down. This may happen after as short as 45 minutes, don't freak, it really means they are tired.
Now, to get them to sleep use the 5 s's. Swaddle the baby, hold the baby on their side and sway as they suck on something (paci, your knuckle or their finger/thumb) and make a shush noise. This will calm your baby. When the baby is calm, but not asleep yet, keeping them swaddled lay them in the bed. I like to pat them instead of sway after a minute or two cause you can still pat after they are put down but you can't sway, so pat the baby and continue patting gradually decreasing it as you put them in the bed. Also continue the shushing as you put them down, again gradually getting quieter.
If you do these two you will find a well rested, easily managed baby in no time.

hi,
your ped is an idiot. you cant spoil an infant. im a sahm of 2 boys and i always had them in my arms if they cried when they were infants. as the baby gets older they need to learn to comfort themselves but an infant has to have mom or dad there to soothe them. find another ped.
M. silver
im a 41yo mom to david 3 and stephen 8

Spoil a 5 week old?!?!?! There is no such thing. Pick that baby up. From birth to 18 months is when a child learns trust vs mistrust (Erickson stages). You will be teaching her that you will meet her needs and that she will have a stable force in this world. You can't spoil this baby, this young.

I personally do not believe that you really can spoil any child under 1. With sleep training and self soothing I wouldn't even attempt it until the baby is over 3 months (at the earliest).

We started putting out son down awake when he was over 6 months but stayed in his room til he was asleep until 19 months. Then we had to do the tough love thing and it was hard to have him cry it out but it worked.

I would seriously consider switching pediatricians, because it sounds like yours is living in the 1950s. It is not possible to spoil a baby at that age, despite what anyone tells you. They just do not have the brain development to manipulate you. If your baby is crying, she needs something. And crying for attention is a perfectly good reason. Think about it--doesn't it make you feel good to know she wants to be with you? What on earth is wrong with that?

Please listen to your mommy instincts. If the "cry it out" philosophy does not work for you, please do not use it.

May I ask who your Pediatrician is? I KNOW that you are not spoiling your baby. I cannot believe an M.D would say that to you. Babies need TLC completely. You can never spoil a baby. The only way for them to communicate every need is to cry. I'm curious if you allowed her to get a Hep B shot at birth? Please look at my posts about NOT vaccinating your baby. Some are suspeptibe, genetically to all the toxins, etc.. The virus can cross the Blood/Brain barrier and when your baby is having bowel issues at such a young age, I am suspicious about what she's trying to tell you. Please do a lot more research. I can help you if you'd like. Get a new pediatrician immidiately. m

Hi J.-Like any new Mom you want to do what is right. From my experience with my 2 kids (daughter 10 & son 6) I have always felt that when my kids cried for whatever reason, I picked them up to sooth, comfort, feed or whatever. They are in your body for the 9 months and then come out and wonder whats going on. I held my kids not constantly but when they needed me. I don't think anyone should tell you how to take care of your children. You do what you feel is right for you and your baby. Sometimes they like to be held alot and sometimes not so much. I always enjoyed holding my babies for however long they needed to be. Once they get older they don't need to be held so much. Once they become bigger kids they won't want you to hold them, so hold them as long as you can, cause someday they'll too big to carry!!

Oh, wow, hold your newborn ALL you want and ignore that doctor while you find a new one. 5 weeks old is barely out of the womb and you are not spoiling her. My youngest son was the same way when he was an infant, and it did not last forever, and he certainly is not spoiled (he's 13 years old now though, lol). The holding lasts for such a short time in the big picture of life anyway. I look back on all the times I held my son for hours and it gives me such happiness and good feelings. Before you know it she will be crawling and walking away. Yes, hold your baby, that is my vote!!!

5 weeks? No way you can spoil her yet! Give her all the love and attention she wants and you can give her. :) You'll know when/if she starts crying for no reason - probably not until she's about a year or so.

I'm with everyone else - you can't spoil a newborn. Babies that age cry only when they have needs to be met. Whether it be pain, discomfort, thirst, hunger, or they just don't want to be alone, it's a need. You should tend to her because it's how she learns that you are there to take care of her; it's the only way she can learn trust. If you let her cry, she has no way to know when you'll be coming to get her, and may think you are not coming at all.

I think babies are around 5-6 months when they start crying for attention. You can let them "cry it out" and they'll eventually realize it's not working and give up the effort. (Trust your instincts.) Infants as young as 5 weeks only stop crying when they've given up hope. Not to sound dramatic, but it's true. Once she understands fully that you really are there for her, she should eventually get more comfortable. (Though she will probably always want to be held when she's not feeling well - even toddlers do this!)

So again, tend to her, and then get a new pediatrician.

(By the way, our pedi told us that babies, especially breastfed babies, can often go up to 5-7 days without pooping. I know that info doesn't make it any easier, but it may give you some peace of mind.)

hi,
spoiling usually is referred to an item not touched or used....milk left unpurchased, spoiled. tending to your baby is the opposite! follow your gut-this is your child and your time as a parent. do what you feel is right, not what others tell you. it is hard when people around you feel and tell you that your spoiling your child. find at least one like minded mom so you dont feel alone in your choices. your doing all the right things becuase it is what works for you and your family!
best regards,
L.

Personally, I don't think that you can spoil a baby. She's only 5 weeks old!

You are so NOT spoiling your baby! I am not sure you need a new pediatrician. If you like your doc for other reasons, don't worry about it. It's not like he/she is in your home with you. Mine had a thing about pacifiers and all three of my kids had them. So I have to pay for braces, big deal. I would suggest swaddling your little one, if you don't already. The other thing is although sometimes they don't technically call it "colic," your baby may be having some digestion issues and she is just around the right age. One thing I learned as a mother is that babies are never textbook, so do what you feel is right to keep her happy and healthy. : )

Our doctors told us you can not spoil a baby - meaning give them all the love and attention they want/need. I've learned that no matter what anyone else says, you know by your gut instinct what is best - don't worry about what others think is best for you to do for you and your baby :)

Put me firmly in the school of thought that says you can't spoil a 5 week old. I'm the mother of two now young adults, plus a family childcare provider. I have been in business for 13 years now and have walked numerous new parents though these first few weeks and months. Your daughter is making the adjustment to all together turf from what she has known, and it's going to take time. She finds comfort in being close to you. Recently I've come across an author who does a great job explaining the importance of sleep, and how to get there. Here's her website: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/ I recently bought her No Cry Sleep Solutions book for one set of parents here who recently added twin girls to their family. You might want to take a look at it.

K.

J.,
Trust your mommy instincts! Newborns need the love, warmth and attention of their mothers to grow and feel secure. Skin to skin contact is the best! You will find that pediatricians love to give parental advice, but take all of it with a grain of salt and always do what feels right for you. It's impossible to spoil your daughter with too much love at this early age, and in fact a lack of attention can be harmful to her. You are doing the right thing for your baby. If you ped says something you don't agree with, either say that to them and ask them for research that says it is good/ bad, or just nod your head, leave, and do what you need to do in your heart. I'm actually really alarmed that your doctor was suggesting this at such a young age. You might want to look around for another ped that is more in line with how you want to raise your daughter...

Good job in questioning your doctor!
T.
www.ReadandGrow.com

You are RIGHT ON MOMMY!! Listen to YOUR instinct and you CAN'T spoil a baby so new to the world!!! THAT PED is old school/crazy!!! When your baby cries they are telling you something is not right and they NEED you! Responding to your baby is teaching them that you will always be there for them; they can trust you.
Slings are a great way to help babies adjust to the world and let you get things done. They are a great way to teach baby all kinds of thing by experiencing what you do and watching, smelling, hearing the world. Giving them all kinds of information about you and the world they live in now. There are some great books about attachment parenting, following your child, and what using a sling or wearing your baby can give your baby and you. Giving this love and constant attention NOW with eventually help your child become very independent and secure. They know you will always be there to respond to them so they can explore and be independent with that inner sense of peace. It was the best thing I could have done for my son and myself the wear him around the house when he needed me and respond to his cries. My daughter was a totally different child and didn't need the same things or like to be in the sling, but I responded her to needs when she called too.
You are the mommy and you follow what you feel your baby and your family need. I would suggest finding another DR!! If you are being given that kind of out dated advice, what more could be old fashion and hurtful for your baby and you?

Hi there. Congrats on your baby!
I am a little surprised your ped said to let her cry already! 5 weeks is very little and if a newborn is crying - they are communicating to you in the only way they know how that they need something. Food, new diaper, burping, tummy trouble or just need contact. I would not neglect your little one at this tiny age. If she is crying, tend to her. Those first few months are hazy and you really won't get a lot done - just enjoy her. Once she gets older, you can teach her to self soothe but it is way too soon now! It goes so fast - didn't the first 5 weeks fly by?
Anyway - good luck with her.

There is NO such thing as spoiling your baby!! That is just something old people say. Hold her as much as you can b/c they grow up FAST!

Well, I can see you have a lot of responses, but here's my two cents. You simply can't spoil a baby. That's ridiculous. Frankly, I think I'd look for a new pediatrician. Go with your gut. You're the mommy and you know what your baby needs.

J.:

You are only spoiling your baby if you think you are. I had a very high maintenance baby in my son. I ended up wearing him in a sling for most of his first year. People kept telling me to let him cry it out more however whenever I attempted to I felt like I was torturing him and I became a mess. So I ignored all the advice and coddled my son for almost two years - - Yes, it was exhausting but you know my son is fantastic now. He is five years old and he plays soccer, does Karate, is in preschool and mind you I have been told he is one of the smartest kids in the class and I have such a great relationship with him. People are amazed at the conversations he and I have and the amount of trust my son has in me. So my advice is do what you think is right. For me taking the time and coddling him in his first two years proved to be such a huge benefit. At the end of the day you are her Mother....So only you can now what truly works for you and her. I wish you all the best and I hope whatever you decide you have a great relationship with your daughter.

N.

No, J., you are absolutely not. It sounds like you are following your instincts, which are remarkably strong, even if you don't know it. The sling is a great idea. I am a veteran postpartum doula and I believe that babies NEED to be held. Think of it this way, "A baby's wants are a baby's needs." Another doula told me this and I think it says it all. You cannot spoil a baby at this age. The more you hold her, the stronger the foundation becomes for her to know that you will always be there for her. You are building trust. And I can tell you from experience, when she is 13 you will be glad you did! And, you are right about "a much harder job." If you need help, or just need to talk, please feel free to call me. My number is 847/639-4604. E. Richter CPD, CD, LE

Ah, NO and get a new pediatrician now. All the literature, including the writings from the American Academy of Pediatrics say to attend to a baby's needs as much as possible for the first 8 weeks or so because that is how your child expresses his or her needs. In fact, our doctors said that until the neurological system was fully developed at six months that we should continue to do that (although around four months we let her cry for about ten minutes to work on napping). The theory is that is you meet your child's needs now, he or she will not grow into a two year old (or older) that has to throw tantrums to get your attention. If you need a good doctor, let me know and trust your instinct no matter what people tell you (including me)- if it doesn't feel right, it isn't.

Hi J..
No offense, but your ped sounds like a jerk! Get a new one. I haven't even delivered my baby yet, and even I know that. At 5 weeks, if they are crying, they need something. Everything I have read and that veteran moms have told me, is that you shouldn't even begin to let them cry it out (or any other variation) until at least 4-5 months.

Congrats on your little girl!! I love the name Francesca....that was on my list of girl names, but we're having a boy!

You have gotten some great advice. I completely agree that you cannot spoil a child with too much love! You follow your motherly instinct and all will be just fine! We are attachment parents, and our 4 year old is very healthy mentally and emotionally! We are doing the same things with our 8 month old son, and he is just fine! Hang in there! It can be really tough at times, but your baby needs to feel your love. And I know it also helps me emotionally when I just sit in the rocking chair and hold my baby close.

You cannot spoil a 5 week old! Sounds like you are doing everything just right. Your baby is still so tiny. She's still learning about the world around her, not to mention getting used to her body doing things she can't control. You're a good mommy and whatever you think is right for you is right for your baby. Good Luck!

P.S. Just a question... Have you tried swaddling? If your baby likes the comfort of being held while sleeping, she may enjoy being all bundled up nice and tight. Just a thought that may help you get some stuff done! Hope it works!

I cant believe your doctor told you to let a 5 week old cry! That is NOT true!!! You cant spoil a baby and what you would be doing unhappy unattached child. The research has shown that children whos needs are met quickly cry less than those left to cry it out. Please read some of the great info at Dr.Sears.com and honestly any doctor who would recommend that you let a 5 week old cry is not properly informed. The one thing I have learned being a mommy is that you need to do what feels right to you, and you posting this here shows you that you know this isnt right. I also want to point out doctors are meant to keep our children healthy they are not and have never been taught how to parent unless they are parents themselves. Please do not do this to your little baby!

I agree with all the ladies here, and was in the same boat as Sarah S. I say YES find a new pediatrician. There is no way to "spoil" a newborn. Hold your baby! Letting a child this young cry it out is actually harming to them. I can't believe a doctor told you that!

I know you have a ton of responses and I haven't read them all so I could be repeating, but...definitely look into a new pediatrician. A 5 week old baby just needs to be held and attended to. She needs touch and affection as much as milk and changing. She's too little to worry about schedules and spoiling her isn't even a possibility. The more you attend to her, the more she'll learn that the world is a safe place where her needs are met and she'll be LESS apt to have any sort of behavioral issues. Really, a pediatrician who gives you that advice has a philosophy that is old fashioned and just plain wrong. Enjoy your beautiful baby and continue to follow your excellent instincts.

You are not spoiling her. Babies need the attention and comfort when they are that young, and I'm really kind of surprised your doctor told you to let her cry when she is so little. She will actually learn to be more independent and confident if you console her when she needs it. Once she gets around 6 months is when she will begin to associate the crying and "mommy to the rescue". But by then she will be a LITTLE more independent and able to occupy herself more, so she won't need you AS often.
I thought I was spoiling my daughter too, I did everything you are doing, and she is now 1 and very independent. Everything you are doing is right, as long as it feels right to you.

No-you are not spoiling your baby!! Until they are at least 6 months old, you should attend to her when she cries, as that is her only form of communication. I wonder how your pediatrician can believe in letting her "cry it out" at such a young age..Listen to your mommy gut, and hold that precious little girl whenever she needs you. I believe that will actually make her a more well adjusted child in the long run, since she will know her parents are there for her when she needs it!

Find a new pediatrician! You CANNOT spoil a newborn. Why would your doctor even say something like that? Pick the little one up when they are crying. My one week old will squeak for a second or two, I don't pick her up then, only if it continues. This worked for my 2 year old also. They need the security of knowing their needs will be answered.

I think it's too early. Newborns are crying for a reason. I did not let my boys cry it out until somewhere between 10 months and a year. They are healthy, well adjusted boys--4 and 6 years old. Also, trust your gut as a mom. If you don't agree with your pediatrician, there a plenty of great ones out there! (Not that yours is bad, I'm just surprised that he/she told you that.) Good luck!

I.

YOU CANNOT SPOIL A NEWBORN BABY. Can I repeat that? It's impossible to spoil a newborn baby. Think about it... this innocent baby has only been in the world for 5 weeks. All she knew before was inside her mom. SHe wants to be warm, comforted, held close, fed. So please... follow your instinct. Pick her up. Cuddle her, comfort her. Sleep snuggled up with her when you nap, nurse her, wear her. You are not spoiling her - you're being a mom and following your instinct. At some point - maybe around 3 months or so - your girl will start to self-soothe and you'll be able to let her fuss (not cry hysterically) for short periods of time, which can help her learn to figure it out. But at this age? Do what you need to do. And have no guilt. Honestly, I can't believe your doctor told you to let a little baby this young cry it out. Shame on him!

At 5 weeks I think not. The doctor has to be careful because I think that babies and children no matter how young, are always learning. With that said, what are you teaching your baby if you don't respond when they need you? When I was young I heard the same thing, "you're just spoiling him." I'd like to think of it as letting my child know that I am always there. Right now I am with you, there is a reason for the cries and it is your job to find out what they are.
I'd like to address the sleeping for only 10-20 minutes after being put down to nap. My youngest son didn't sleep through the night until he was 14 months old. I was ragged and worn down.It took a 20/20 episode to help me with my problem. Wow! Was I lucky. When your baby falls asleep in your arms that is the last thing that the child remembers. Now they fuss and wake up in a foreign place and they are afraid because they cannot process where they are. You are nowhere to be found. Do you see it from her point of view? That is why several pediatricians say you should put your child to bed and let them fall asleep. Therefore they become familiar with there crib and it's purpose.
I hope this has helped. Congratulations on your newborn.
My oldest will be 27 next month and my youngest 25 in April. The youngest is making me a Grandma in July.

Dear J., enjoy your baby, you are doing everything right. You cannot spoil a child by giving them too much attention. Baby cryes because it is helpless and needs you for EVERYTHING not because it is fussy. And get rid of that dumb pediatritian! Good luck!