Am I Making the Right Decision? How Do I Make This Work?

If anyone's going to go crazy it's probably more likely to be you. :)

Some of the things you worry about might happen - no situation is perfect -- however it's highly unlikely that your kid is going to be LESS happy being with you than at daycare. I discovered this with my oldest when I took him out of daycare when he was 3-1/2 and his sister was born. I thought he'd be all bored and miss his friends -- he had good friends at daycare -- but I quickly discovered he really preferred being with me. (Sibling rivalry issues arose after his sister was born, but that's another story.)

I remember the moment and the day it dawned on me that my son didn't miss daycare AT ALL, and he was happier to be with me. That's when I changed my opinion 180 degrees from one of 'moms should work' to 'moms should be at home with their kids, if at all possible'.

Create a new routine for your son, and he will learn to thrive on that. I can't promise you that your son won't be demanding, because my oldest was always really demanding of attention. However your kids are always happier to have more time with you, until they're about 13 or so.

What you're doing is truly best, financially and otherwise. Will problems arise? Absolutely. However that won't mean you made the wrong decision.

And Senya below has a good idea - why not leave your two year old in daycare 2 days a week, at least while you're adjusting? That will make it a little easier on you and allow you to have that special time with your 7 month old.

1 mom found this helpful

as a military wife .. change is the name of the game for our family so I'm pretty familiar with it.

My best advice would be to EXPECT things to be hectic and strange and everyone to be "out of whack" for the first few weeks (maybe even the first few months) but know that it WILL settle into the new routine. Understand that this is a change for EVERYONE and that some adjustment time is going to be needed. And that DURING that adjustment time everyone is going to have some crankiness at one time or another, sometimes all at once.

The hubby will be fine and will have to come up with his own routine for putting the kids to bed that works for him. The kids will push the limits and test and see just how much they can get away with. And hubby is probably going to be exhausted those nights till everyone settles in and gets used to the new routine.

But trust yourself and your hubby to figure it all out. Kids are amazingly resiliant and adjust to change pretty well most of the time. Just keep consistant as much as possible. But also allow some wiggle room so that no one gets overwhelmed.

Good luck and it'll all be fine. You'll find the balance that works for your family.

1 mom found this helpful

R.: I hope that you will find peace in your heart and mind for your concerns.
Since you work a stressful job ( I have a sister in law that is a supervisor over several locations for CT). I know how working those long shifts will be.
Let your husband do it. IT IS CALLED FATHERHOOD> He may not do it just as you would but he will be given the time and the chances he needs to build strong relationships with the children.
I have 5 children, and they are the most adaptable people I know. As children- we were in the military and often moved on short notice. We had a set way of doing what had to be done and they were fine about the new adventure they were about to take. You, will find simular things with your family. I have several grandchildren that are in day care and their mothers pay top quility for this service-- but as grateful as they are they still wish to be home. One granddaughter, spends 3 days a week playing with little cousins, or playgroups that her mother and father, have joined and one day a week I make the request that I play with her while her mother works from home. I have one grandchild, that loves to spend time with daddy, out in the garage and they build stuff- one never knows what they willl come up with next. That child by 4 could read a tape measure and handle a light weight hammer! So make this an adventure and see all that you can teach your child that no one else can. Love them, and create memories that will last a lifetime- picnics on a blanket in the back yard or front room, I have found is as fun as going to the park, if you do it right. This is a reat chance for your future at work. With so many people being laid off its great that you were chosen. Let me encourage you both that you have made some great success outside of the home. But no success outside the home makes up for failure in the home. That said-- by each parent doing thier part the children will get the best of both you. Nana Glenda

HI R.,

Sometimes you just have to make it work and do what you have to do. I don't mean that in an insensitive way... Childcare is very expensive, especially for 2 children, and if you have to make some adjustments to be able to be home with your kids more do it!!! Your whole family will benefit from it.

My son was born 2 and a half months early, and he and my daughter are 21 months apart, (about the same age gap as your little ones). Since he was so early, we were warned that having him in a situation such as daycare, would not be good for his health. Luckily both my husband's and my employers were very good about letting us arrange our schedules so that we could keep him out of daycare for the first year. However, with both of us working full time it also meant a crazy family schedule. My husband and I were like ships in the night. After that year, we had the kids in a part-time daycare situation, but our schedules were still crazy and my husband and I didn't have much time together. I was with the kids in the morning-early afternoon, then I worked until late. This meant that FIVE days a week he picked them up from daycare after work and did the whole evening routine with them. He's amazing.

Be happy that you will get to be with your kids all day all week and then have family time with them and your husband. What a gift and what a wonderful opportunity!! Of course you will have an adjustment to make and so will they, but it will all be ok. The kids will take a little time to adjust, but because it sounds like you have structure and a routine that will make it so much easier.

Make sure that you and your husband communicate and are on the same page about the routine. He will have his own way of working with the kids and as long as it's not deviating too much from what they are used to they will be fine. Don't be critical about how he does things as long as it works... for instance if it takes him 15 minutes longer to get them down for nap, no big deal. If it is a big deal be sure to explain why so it can be corrected, and don't let little annoyances fester.

Remember that this is a very short span of time in the grand scheme of things. Your little ones will be in preschool and kindergarten before you know it and you will be so glad that you had the chance to be with them during this time.

Good luck and enjoy!!!!

Maybe since your 2 yr. old loves daycare so much you could have him go 1 or 2 days a week and that would allow you to spend some time with the younger one, it sounds like Fridays would work too, since you have to work and most likely your husband does too, It would also give you a chance to get some things done around the house. I think its great you want to be home with them, I get 3 days off and would love more time with my 2yr old as well, but just remember you need to set aside some time for you alone and you and your husband. Sounds like you might be totally maxed out with this schedule.
Best of Luck,
M.

R.,
the hard part will be being away from your kids and husband for those hours, knowing they are home. It will be a transition for all to make, the kids and you both. I work in grocery retail and it makes it hard to have a family life as they don't give us a set schedule. At least you will have that. But here is a quetion, what if you have a family event on a weekend, will they allow you to take the day off if necessary?
W. M

Hi. We used to do this except I worked swing shift and my husband worked day shift, so we only saw eachother on weekends. But we did not have to pay for childcare and the children were raised by us. I don't know where you live but here in Bakersfield there are several part-time pre-schools that are very reasonable, you would still be raising your child but also giving him the interaction with other children. They cost around $150/month for 2 half days a week. Plus there are playgrougs you can join that meet at a park or other fun place. Good luck!

Good for you!! I too, am in the same boat, finally made a decision that will allow me more time with my kids. You're already on the right track to consider playgroups and those types of things for social interaction for your 2-year old. But also consider that many Preschool programs have a part-time option, even just 2 mornings per week, which could give you ALL the sanity you need. Your 2-year old gets to see his friends and have the social interaction, and your 7-month old gets some one on one mommy time. The cost for a program like that is fairly reasonable. If your center doesn't offer that, check out the local park and rec department, they usually have these types of programs.
Congratulations on making a tough choice, and more than anything, follow your instinct, Mama's do know their kids best! :O)

~K.

R. ~

You are so doing the right thing. there is no replacement for you, no matter how many activities your son is involved in. I wished for 3 years after my son's birth to not work an be home with him, and I was granted that wish by being terminated. You have an opportunity to be home every morning with your children. This is critical and it sets the tone for the day. Your family will make the adjustment and so will your husband. You both will grow, and your son will adjust. He will adjust to sharing you with his little brother and it will be ok. Don't over think it. Stay with it and take it one day at a time.

Good luck!

M.

if you can afford to stay at home and want to do it, by all means, fulfill your wishes and treat your babies to the best teacher they will ever have - YOU! every stay at home mom loves a break from time to time and needs it and children crave attention from peers of their age group; so my suggestion is to send them to daycare/preschool one day a week, (ie: every thursday for example). Then your little ones have some structure, (friends and teachers they see regularly), and you have time to relax or run errands easier accomplished without having to take them along.
best wishes and shoot for the stars!!!

If this change gives you more time with your children and husband and you only have to work three days a week with the same pay then I say go for it! You can always try something new and change back if it really isn't working! I find it so sad that mommies now days are soooo worried and sooo hard on themselves! I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom for 7 years now. My children have never gotten sick of spending time with me! They both love to read, paint, make and play with playdough, cook and clean with me to just name a few.

We all need the occasional time out of the house because sometimes it can get stir crazy. So we visit the park or have even joined playgroups so the boys have interaction with other children their age and so I can have time socializing with other women. All mommies need this!

I was worried for my husband when I started my own jewelry business and I started to do shows at night. But, my husband has gotten through the change and the boys LOVE dad time and eventhough the house is a mess sometimes it has been worth it!

Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself!

R. - children adjust to change.
However, if the new schedule will cut into quality 1x/week one-on-one time with your husband, don't do it. Spending time with your husband alone on a consistant basis is important to retain that vital bond with him.

I suggest that you take it slow and easy, if you can maybe just cut daycare time to give all of you time to transition. If you have time to get comfy in this new situation I believe you will likely find inspiration and insight as to making everyone else comfortable as well.
As for your darling husband: loving each other and encouraging each other through this will go a long way . So, maybe you could find ways to show your appreciation for his taking on this new role in order to better the whole family, and just trust him to do the job well. Best of luck ,sister.

You are making the right decision! You will have difficult days that may make you ask why you chose to do this, but you will have many more amazing days enjoying being with your boys and best of all they will LOVE being with you! Your two year old will adjust, probably faster than you expect him to. Looking back on your childhood, which would you prefer - day care or Mommy?

Plus, it sounds like you'll be working a little bit fewer hours - so the net result is more time for your family! Be sure to keep time in your schedule for your amazing husband, and thank him for his help and his willingness to make this better situation work.

I would recommend reading Dr. Laura Schlesinger's "In Praise of Stay At Home Moms" to help you know that you are making the right choice.

Good luck to you and your husband! You can do it!

H.

Hi R.,

You have a wonderful blessing here. You will do great. Just be there and, yes, hook up with fun groups but don't over-playdate your time. Your boys need you more than anyone else. They will love every single day with you. You can always plan for one-on-one play time with the kids from the daycare, and b-days and holidays too. Your hubby will do fine and will get daddy time with them. This is so neat my friend! I am happy for you. If I may say, I think the Lord is blessing you and telling you what many moms need to hear: that you are important and needed to nurture the family. Stay in faith not fear. You can do it.

T.

First of all....DEEP BREATH! Stop being afraid! =) You are making a great choice for your kids! Believe me, your children will love being with mommy far more than a bunch of kids. How much real quality time do you think ANY daycare provider can give? Not as much as mom. So put your baby down for a nap and that is the time that you do one on one things with your son. Color, read to him, sit with him on your lap! Nothing beats mommy time! Yes, join a couple of play groups, find friends that have kids to play with and go to the park, cook with him, paint, get musical instruments and play.

Make time for dad too! When you know that it is almost time for him to come home, zip around and clean up the house, comb your hair and put on something clean. Set the table and have dinner started by the time he walks in the door and greet him with a great big hug and kiss. Make sure the kids have a bedtime and after that let him know that this is YOUR time together! Nothing holds a family together better than parents who have private time to just be "Bob and Judy", not mom and dad.
There is no job in the world more important than being a mom. Congratulations for being able to stay home with your kids! /cheer!

I think this sounds like a wonderful opertunity for you and your family.The only thing I would advise,is make sure you have some quality time with your husband (date nights) and maybe let your older son continue in a reduced day care program, so he has the best of both worlds. Also please take time for yourself to just be you so you don't burn out from working 7 days a week. Motherhood is a full time job, that you just have to take breaks from when you can.

Good LUck and Best Wishes

J.

This change could be good for everyone involved, as long as you and your husband are not resentful of each other. You will get to be the stay at home mom and he will get to be with his kids on a personal level. It takes that sometimes to get men to understand what it takes to be with the kids all day. It really is an eye opener and helps with the marraige and family life. Talk to your husband about it too. The most important thing in a marraige is that each of you take the other person's best intrest to heart and talk.

hi R.,
have you considered a co-op preschool maybe three days a week, you're child will get the structure and companionship of other children he craves, and you can still be the home mommy two days a week you so dreamed of, plus 1 or 2 days you can take part in his education, a sorta' half working mom/sahm, by joining him in the classroom, 2-3 hours a day 2-3 days a week all spent with the eldest in his element for closer to $2-300 a month. plus the added closeness of a co-op community allows you to really get to know the other moms...who by the way many of whom are looking for other moms to swap childcare with. for those several hours they spend at the co-op you would watch their other child and be able to keep your youngest at home, and the several hours you spend a week in the classroom, your youngest would be with a trusted co-op mommy and her other unenrolled child, and no money exchanges hands...you kinda barter your children 1 for 1. should the other mommy have 2, your could wind up with some extra cash in your pocket...or, less time in the classroom (she'll take over some of that responsibility to repay you) i've even seen the overage of children be repaid with a few home cooked delivered meals a month by other mommy all for you and your family...there are way to many other swaps i've seen occur and benefit both parties, it's really quite wonderful. take a look in you neighborhood for any co-ops and go visit a few see what you think. we are thoroughly ecstatic with our decision to enroll our daughter at sunnymont, a wonderful Co-Op Preschool here in our neck of the woods, campbell, ca and look forward to many more years of Co-Operative education because our experience here has been that good; our daughter is thriving, and mom and dad are too!
good luck

R.- I absolutely feel you are doing an awesome thing. You are going to have so much fun and your oldest will adjust very quickly. See if there are some classes or mommy groups to keep him socializing. Get ready for walks to the park, big wheel rides, playing catch, coloring, reading stories, pretend play and the occasional video to keep your sanity! This is such a short time in all of your lives, it goes by in the blink of an eye and you are so lucky to be able to really experience each moment. Yes, you will go crazy at times, you'll feel overwhelmed and they will drive you nuts but you will never be here again and just around the corner is the world waiting for your little boys. Give them yourself for now and trust me that will be more than enough!

I went back to work when my son was 10 months old and weaned from breast feeding. We moved from our tiny "Love Nest" close to San Francisco to a bigger place 8 blocks from my husband's job - he had a 2 hour commute before.
I got a job as a designer for a furniture retailer so I was off 2 weekdays and worked weekends. My husband has a normal 9-5 job with every major & minor holiday off - SO - most weeks our son was in daycare 3 days somestimes 2. On the weekends I got ready for work and fed our son breakfast and then Hubby was in charge until 7pm. He hadn't done much in the way of childcare before - especially since I had been nursing - but he is college educated and figured it out. The house was a mess and I couldn't always find kitchen items if Hubby emptied the dishwasher and he had a different diapering technique - etc. But our son really bonded with him and they started to really have fun together.
My point it - be prepared for Hubby to ignore your instructions and come up with his own. Be prepared for a big blanket fort in the livingroom you spent 45 mintues cleaning the day before - be prepared for the kids to be a little closer to their Daddy and possibly promote him to Favorite parent for a while.
I fought very hard with my employer to give me EXACTLY the same days off and 9:30-6pm hours (unheard of in retail) every week regardless of the Labor Day/Veteran's Day/July 4th/Clearance/JustBecauseWeNeedThe Money Sales. My son adjusted fine and yours will too. The husband took a little longer but he is very proud of himself for taking care of our son and I'm sure brags around the water cooler about it at work. ;)

I think you need to consider that kids don't stay
this age forever. At 2 1/2 years old, they can
attend preschool and it's an expense well worth
it for the child and for stay-at-home-moms because
they learn so much at a well-run preschool, interacting
with other kids of their same age and other adults.
So if you are stopping at 2 kids, and it won't be
easy to get your M-F 6am-3pm job back, I would
think twice about moving to working on the weekends.
When both your kids are in school, with the older one
in Kindergarten and younger one in preschool, all you
have are the evenings and the weekends with them.
Your schedule right now will be a perfect one for
them and for you in two years, in terms of their
development, and your family. It might take a
year of transition for everyone to feel comfortable,
routinely, sane and calm with this change, so if
you won't want to work weekends for at least another
year and if getting back a supervisory job with a
M-F 6am-3pm position is hard. Just tough it out
for two years and your family will be better for the
long run.

I have a friend who did just what you are talking about doing when her second was born. Things have worked out just fine for her. It will be a transition, and you will have to get creative to find time with your husband. But I think that staying home with your children will be very rewarding for you and for the kids.

Sometimes you just have to fly blind, as I'm sure you know. If it doesn't work out, you'll just have to figure out how to change it so it does work.

Regarding your kids, you might want to try leaving your two year old in daycare for half a day, every day, at least for a while, so he will not miss all the activities and company of other kids, and you will have a chance to give the baby all of your attention. Or it might be more convenient for you to have him in daycare two or three days a week, instead of every day, again, so that the baby can have more of your attention. Daycare and/or preschool are good for kids, and I had both my kids in daycare on part-time schedules even though I could have stayed home with them all the time.(Daycare is good for YOU, too, as I'm sure you'll realize if you wind up staying home with the two of them all the time.)

As for "thriving on routine," you can set up your own family routines, in which both your kids will do well. And your husband can surely handle putting the kids to bed a couple nights a week. The butterflies you are having are perfectly normal for anyone contemplating a change (especially in this economy). Don't let the butterflies discourage you from trying a change that you may really enjoy. Best of luck!

You will never know until you try. But I will ask, do you really want to work weekends? Weekends are another time when things happen and family outings happen. I would truly give it more thought.

Dear R.:

It is wonderful that you have been able to find a work schedule that will allow you to be with your children for this larger amount of time. Children under the age of 5 crave time with mommy more than anybody else and they will thrive whether they get some alone time (while the other child is asleep or otherwise involved in play dates or with daddy etc) or time for the three of you to do things together.

Your two year old has enjoyed time with his peers as a substitute for being with you and his family but do not worry that he would prefer that. Going to the park or local playground or inviting other children over to play for a couple of hours when he is full of energy will more than fill that need, and as his little brother gets older he will have a built in playmate!!

Have fun and enjoy your time with both of your boys!! And time as a whole family as well!! Make use of all the times for one on one as well as entire family time. All your "boys" need to have some time alone with you, but it need not be a drain on your energy. Just being together in quiet activities is good too as long as you are paying attention to the one you are with.

Blessing on your family !!N.

Hi R.,

I know this is a big change for all of you. First of all take a deep breathe. Look at the positive side and go with the flow. If you feel it is effecting your family down the road you can make changes then but for now do not stress and keep an open mind for other opportunities down the road.

Have you ever considered working from home? If that interests you let me know and I will show you how many individuals are working part time out of home until they replace their income. Then you decide what you want to do.

Good luck.

N. Marie

Change is hard but it sounds like this is a change for the better. Accept the fact that there will be a transition period as the entire family adjusts to a new routine. Don't overschedule, try to take it slow. Going to the park, zoo, pool, etc. is just as stimulating and fun for your kids as an organized play group, and you can do it on your own time and at your own pace.
Also, do everything you can to keep communicating and spending some quality time with your husband. I know it's hard with two little ones (I had three within six years of each other) but a healthy marraige is crucial to the happiness and stability of your family. Good luck :)

It sounds like you are doing what your feel is right for you and your family at this time. I also have a 2 yr. old and a 7 month old. They are both girls. I also work in the health field. I extended my maternity leave to stay home longer with the girls. I just returned back to work 2 months ago full time. It is a challenge! I work in management too. I try to leave work at work once I leave work so I can spend quality time with the girls when I get home. I only have the weekends to spend good quality time with them and my husband. It is working out for us right now. This way my husband and I can help eachother out. As long as your husband doesn't get burned out by working full time and then taking care of the kids on the weekends too, then go for it. Let me know how it is working out. Good luck to you and the family!